RE: Its all changed

RE: Its all changed (Full Version)

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RCdc -> RE: Its all changed (11/1/2007 7:30:54 AM)
Hello Taken You have said you have discussed with your Master and he responded that you were questioning him and put you on punishment of silence. However, everyone is automatically assuming (as I read the responses) that you discussed that he has changed. Now if this is the case and he has refused to acknowledge your concern, this would - if I was in your place - cause me to end the relationship. If however, he feels you have voiced concerns on his relationship with his ex - then it could be argued that his punishment is justified as you have questioned his honesty and trust. Without knowing small details of what you 'discussed' with him, people cannot give you sound advice IMO - only biased ones. For example, if his response is that he feels you are questioning his motives and discipline, then yes the punishment is worthy. However I stress that he should be discussing your error with you at some point in the very near future. But - If he is simply brushing off your concern and not taking you seriously however, or just punishing you without further communication, then I would suggest you do already have your answer, as painful as that may be. Be safe the.dark.

sweetNsmartBBW -> RE: Its all changed (11/1/2007 7:32:38 AM)
I certainly agree that communication is important here...and that there is not enough information here to really make an informed opinion. That said, I have a question for those that decided to err on the side of the Dominant deserving the benefit of the doubt. I don't think this is a hijack, as I think it's pretinent to the OP's question: Is it prudent to punish a submissive for questioning her Dominant in such a situation? Yes, I know it could have everything to do with ~how~ she posed the question, but if it were done in a calm and non-confrontational manner, should not such a thing be encouraged, not punished? Telling her that He is not to going to discuss it at this time would be one thing- punishing her for asking is something completely different, is it not?

RCdc -> RE: Its all changed (11/1/2007 7:40:41 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: toservez Rover, Sixfootmaster and yourself are all coming from wanting the answer to be her fault and ignoring the facts of what was presented. You use assumptions that are just not fair to the OP and you would not want put on yourself if writing something. To be blunt, toservez, there are no 'facts presented'. The post is too vague to assume either are in the wrong or to blame or that the relationship isn't 50/50. Rover, Sixfoot and chelle are urging her to communicate again to make sure. The op simply stated she had 'discussed' issues - but not specifically what issues - just vague 'discuss' with indications. How it was discussed, exactly what was discussed and whether the dominant in question took issue with how it may have been brought up are all factors. The O/P doesn't show anything about the dominant other than a punishment is issued and the submissive is distressed. At least if the OP returns and communicates again, presents where their submission leads them and allows the dominant to understand the internal conflict - they can be comfortable that they did their utmost to salvage a relationship, and will not carry that annoying 'whatif' around on their shoulders, even if it fails. Peace the.dark.

Vanatru -> RE: Its all changed (11/1/2007 8:16:01 AM)
sighs yet another thread asking for advice when none of us really can. We can only see one side from one perspective. It would seem the OP posted details to come to certain conclusions when none of us have any idea of the accuracy of what is presented. What does the OP need our approval for? Why are people willing to jump to conclusions so easily? And if this thread was to get other subs' opinions/support, why wasn't it put in the Ask a Sub/Salve section?

toservez -> RE: Its all changed (11/1/2007 9:38:50 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Darcyandthedark quote: ORIGINAL: toservez Rover, Sixfootmaster and yourself are all coming from wanting the answer to be her fault and ignoring the facts of what was presented. You use assumptions that are just not fair to the OP and you would not want put on yourself if writing something. To be blunt, toservez, there are no 'facts presented'. The post is too vague to assume either are in the wrong or to blame or that the relationship isn't 50/50. Rover, Sixfoot and chelle are urging her to communicate again to make sure. The op simply stated she had 'discussed' issues - but not specifically what issues - just vague 'discuss' with indications. How it was discussed, exactly what was discussed and whether the dominant in question took issue with how it may have been brought up are all factors. The O/P doesn't show anything about the dominant other than a punishment is issued and the submissive is distressed. At least if the OP returns and communicates again, presents where their submission leads them and allows the dominant to understand the internal conflict - they can be comfortable that they did their utmost to salvage a relationship, and will not carry that annoying 'whatif' around on their shoulders, even if it fails. Peace the.dark. There were a lot of facts to write about that most on here referred to. I do agree of course not enough facts to bet money on the situation and of course to flat out say dump the guy, like we ever get enough facts to make those types statements on any thread. But the OP clearly states the relationship has changed. He is communicating a lot less. He is not play with her anymore. Sorry, Darcy these are facts in terms of how we respond to the thread. The people I am calling out have chosen to ignore these statements and instead interject assumptions in order to absolve a dominant they have no other facts on, in my opinion simply because he is the dominant. I just try not to be a hypocrite. If I or anyone else wrote we use to talk every day and now it is twice a week in terms of my relationship is in trouble I would expect people to think I have an actual brain to realize that the communication is less for reasons other then the other person has some noble reason and I am too stupid or emotionally needy to understand. This is what I am calling people out on. They are not taking the message from the OP like she has a brain and is somehow completely irrational and is a complete idiot in order to play it is the subs fault agenda. Personally I always assume the person writing has a brain.

mya75 -> RE: Its all changed (11/1/2007 9:51:41 AM)
Your "master" has put you on indefinate silence because this is his way out of not having to answer to you or lie to you because what cant be asked wont be answered.......think of it like this why bother holding back from speaking and worrying about this when he doesnt even put the time in to communicate with you...this really shouldnt even be a question Run Run Run Run...there are plenty of Masters/Doms in the world I am more than sure you have yet to find your true soulmate....being submissive or slave doesnt automatically make you lose common sense..You always have to remember this lifestyle is no different from vanilla dating in regards to people lying and cheating....we are not immune to being deceitful or being deceived....I wish you well and happiness and hope you choose the right decision that works best for you... *I read plenty of facts in her post the fact he wont communicate and that she has tried is enough for me to post my advice to her, In a forum we can only give advice on what we are given if the OP is dishonest that isnt our problem* Her OP was as follows *Master has over the last while changed a lot. He doesn't want to play with me anymore, at least not since his ex has moved back into town? We used to talk on a daily basis, now I am lucky to speak with him twice a week, and he never wants to play, just enjoy talking. Should I be as worried as I think? I have tried to discuss this with him, and he told me I was questioning him, and put me on indefinite punishment of silence? Any suggestions?* ......Where in that does it suggest he is even trying???? and why should she approach him when she has been put on indefinate silence??? ....Dominants have a responsibility to communicate when they feel they are superior enough to put any human on indefinate silence then that is exactly what he would get ......seeing my backside walking out his door never to return or speak to him again.......indeed indefinate

laurell3 -> RE: Its all changed (11/1/2007 10:01:04 AM)
Like all of these he said, she said posts...there's really not enough information to make any definitive decision as to what I would do in the situation and we are only getting a very limited view of one side of the story. However, the not communicating as punishment would be an issue to me personally. Too often I find in relationships we end up in something that's a huge mess that could have easily been resolved with simple communication and yes, at times even questioning, regardless of roles. Now whether this OP is being a pain in the ear and nagging incessently and this is the reason for the "punishment" or whether the guy's just being evasive, we don't know. I would however, make it very clear in MY relationships that "punishment" of not communicating in an open, polite, and respectful manner on relationship issues is not on the table, ever. To the OP I would say, only you have the answers to your questions. I guess it's safe to assume the lack of contact and "play" are unacceptable to you. If you can find a way to communicate that in a nonthreatening, respectful manner to him, I would do so. If he won't communicate and these things make you unhappy, well, I can't see how you single-handedly can salvage any relationship that way.

RCdc -> RE: Its all changed (11/1/2007 11:18:15 AM)
quote: But the OP clearly states the relationship has changed. He is communicating a lot less. He is not play with her anymore. Yes - and? How did the OP communicate to the man? Maybe the OP didn;t brooch the subject calmly. Who knows? Certainly not you or me. What if the OP only communicated about the worries on the ex in a confrontational way? There are no facts. The OP never clearly stated exactly what was discussed, only that there was a discussion - not how it went, not exactly what was discussed. You have assumed that what she has mentioned has all been discussed and in an appropriate manner. This may not be the case. The OP is a slave, not a submissive. The OP is obviously distressed and has concerns - and we all know how communication can fail when people are placed in difficult situations. If you want the OP to just give up on her relationship and 'run' - that's your advice. To me, that is unhealthy and doesn't solve the problem. Communication is not clearly indicated in the OP - by either her or her Master. If the OP returns to this thread and explains exactly what she and her Master discussed, then you can have a clearer picture. But you are working on the provision that the girl did everything 'right' instead of not to her Masters specifications. She may not of. You have no clear indication on either side. You have painted the dominant as the bad man on one persons vague post. quote: Sorry, Darcy these are facts in terms of how we respond to the thread. This is .dark. posting - not Darcy. I signed my name, I type in a completely different font. Yet you still misunderstood who was posting. Does that mean you may also have the OP misunderstood as well? Something to ponder, maybe things aren;t ALWAYS so black and white. quote: I just try not to be a hypocrite. But on that, you failed. I like your posts usually, but you are being biased to the submissive on this. My advise is that the OP communicate again that she thinks he has changed, inform him this is not where her submission is leading her if this is the case and then at least she knows she did all she could and kept him informed, even if she feels he isn't fulifilling that part of their relationship correctly. quote: They are not taking the message from the OP like she has a brain and is somehow completely irrational and is a complete idiot in order to play it is the subs fault agenda. Personally I always assume the person writing has a brain. I did not see this. I see people advising her to speak to him again and let him know that she cannot submit to the terms as they have now become. That seems pretty straight forward to me - and neither biased nor badly communicated. The person writing the OP obviously has a brain, but sometimes what we write isn;t always as fully informed as it could be. The post is vague, and the OP is obviously upset, but what those you 'called out' are doing is not pandering to the old myth that the 'doms always right' - but giving the OP the ability to regain her dignity and her self worth by advising she communicate again that her submission cannot continue under the current situation - to recommunicate her pain and concerns and to then decide on the most appropriate course of action. the.dark.

mya75 -> RE: Its all changed (11/1/2007 11:23:38 AM)
they cant discuss anything if HE will not let her speak "indefinate silence" "I have tried to discuss this with him, and he told me I was questioning him, and put me on indefinite punishment of silence"......

chellekitty -> RE: Its all changed (11/1/2007 11:42:55 AM)
have you ever tried discussing something with someone while they were crying hysterically and screaming at you? i have, my response was "when we have both calmed down, we can discuss this, until then, i cannot talk to you." its indefinite - undefined, there is no time period on that statement, it is complete silence...that doesn't mean that all communication stops...there is email and letters and i am sure more, if you get creative...and it is punishment...the problem was approached in an inappropriate and disrespectful way...but i've already pointed this out...so either don't want to accept this possibility or you didn't read everything....or does only the original post count? oh and, if i were the slave in that kind of relationship and i did not live with my Master, i would expect a punishment like that...if i did not get that kind of response/punishment, it would give me permission to walk all over my Master... chelle

camille65 -> RE: Its all changed (11/1/2007 11:44:17 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: toservez The people I am calling out have chosen to ignore these statements and instead interject assumptions in order to absolve a dominant they have no other facts on, in my opinion simply because he is the dominant. I have to agree. I too felt the responses were dismissive of what the OP was actually saying. mya & laurell I think both of you gave really good advice that can be carried out. If he is saying 'no communication' when something needs to be talked about then.. communication becomes impossible.I do think she should approach one more time and flat-out say there is something that needs discussed. dark? I have to double check each time one of you posts to make sure I'm reading! I don't have a clue as to why but I have trouble identifying the italics as a separate author [8\|]. It isn't a reading comphrension issue at least for me, maybe it is that when I read the last word of the post I just stop. Dunno. But I think I've made the same mistake. General.People mean well on the threads. Or they don't. It is too easy to misunderstand things and it's frustrating at times. If something feels super wrong in a response it is usually for two reasons. One, it forces them to look at something they'd rather not or two which is because it is utterly wrong and off-base for their situation.

RCdc -> RE: Its all changed (11/1/2007 12:10:53 PM)
Mya For one thing, the OP identifies as a slave which could indicate a somewhat different approach to the relationship than if she was a submissive. The OP does not explain the dynamics fully and therefore it is something to hold in mind. Secondly, the girl has said she has discussed matters with him, but there is no indication as to how the discussion went. It was simply a discussion and who knows what is happening to the dominant at this current time? No one. It is always very simple to just say - 'run away'. But the OP by this post and previous ones, as well as the profile held is clearly commited to serving her Master. If we all fled at the first sign of trouble, there would be no LTR. If we take the OP as indicating that she has communicated that things have altered, and that she is unhappy with the ex being back - fine - but recommending that she go back to the dominant again and requesting that she needs to silence to be lifted because she fears that without communication she may have to be released - to advice that she communicate that her submission to him is compromised because the relationship has altered without negociation is hardly 'bad advice' surely? the.dark.

mya75 -> RE: Its all changed (11/1/2007 12:12:23 PM)
Yes I agree Camille she could of course ask one last time and be very to the point and clear "We need to discuss this I am not comfortable with it" if she hasnt done so already......smiles Am I missing something or did she not state that she did try to discuss it with him and he then told her she was was questioning him, and put her on indefinite punishment of silence? .......the way I read the whole thing was he has changed his actions and whatever else...and when she approached him to ask about this he put her on silence......maybe its just me but if someone changes and I feel things just are not right or like they used to be...I would have to ask or find out why the change....just as she did.....now she is in a corner .......and she is just supposed to stay there?

RCdc -> RE: Its all changed (11/1/2007 12:16:45 PM)
Hello camille If people get confused over who might be posting even when people sign their names, then any OP can be misinterpreted as well - that was my point. I am not taking sides. I would not advise her to run away. I wouldn't blame anyone. But I do advise she communicate again that she cannot submit to the current situation - requesting that the punishment be removed so she can - if he still refuses, then she knows already the outcome - if he allows and listens, she can communicate. Either way, she didn't run, she holds her self respect and was respectful in her request. Hope the smell of the 'invader' has gone btw....[:)] Peace the.dark.

camille65 -> RE: Its all changed (11/1/2007 12:19:12 PM)
Nooo it's not gone. I just spent $25 at the dollar store for scented candles lol. For the first time I'm looking forward to freezing temps. But ohjeez what if it thaws from the fireplace? Then freezes, then thaws ad nauseated nauseam.

RCdc -> RE: Its all changed (11/1/2007 12:47:03 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: camille65 Nooo it's not gone. I just spent $25 at the dollar store for scented candles lol. For the first time I'm looking forward to freezing temps. But ohjeez what if it thaws from the fireplace? Then freezes, then thaws ad nauseated nauseam. I think I will avoid imagining thatshudders - i had a hard enough time once coming down on my sons birthday with him to open presents, to find a mouse wrapped up in the stickytape - my son though he had a mouse for his birthday and I had to explain it had to be put to 'sleep'.[:(] I apologise for the hijack btw, but what scents did you get? (I am into that kinda thang...) Peace the.dark.

Lashra -> RE: Its all changed (11/1/2007 1:05:11 PM)
Yes you are questioning him, you are questioning him because you are concerned about the relationship and if he cannot provide you with answers, but instead hands out punishement to quiet you, that says to me he is unwilling to discuss this with you. If he is unwilling to discuss this problem then the communication has broken down in the relationship and once that is gone, what really is there left? Try one last time and if he refuses to discuss it take off the collar, hand it to him and say your goodbyes. There is no use in being with someone who cannot fulfill your needs and is unwilling to even discuss them. ~Lashra

Squeakers -> RE: Its all changed (11/1/2007 3:17:16 PM)
Fast reply---I think it all comes down to the discussion and that she was questioning him? How did the discussion go? How was she questioning him? Was it a discussion or an arguement? Did she question or accuse? Did he say she could never communicate with him again? Or did he shut her down for a period of time so she could get control of her emotions? Are we ever going to know because these questions have yet to be answered? Where did the OP go?

laurell3 -> RE: Its all changed (11/1/2007 3:22:29 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Squeakers Fast reply---I think it all comes down to the discussion and that she was questioning him? How did the discussion go? How was she questioning him? Was it a discussion or an arguement? Did she question or accuse? Did he say she could never communicate with him again? Or did he shut her down for a period of time so she could get control of her emotions? Are we ever going to know because these questions have yet to be answered? Where did the OP go? The OP black hole...where they all go when they never come back and provide more information or tell us how it went.

Squeakers -> RE: Its all changed (11/1/2007 3:26:18 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: laurell3 quote: ORIGINAL: Squeakers Fast reply---I think it all comes down to the discussion and that she was questioning him? How did the discussion go? How was she questioning him? Was it a discussion or an arguement? Did she question or accuse? Did he say she could never communicate with him again? Or did he shut her down for a period of time so she could get control of her emotions? Are we ever going to know because these questions have yet to be answered? Where did the OP go? The OP black hole...where they all go when they never come back and provide more information or tell us how it went. Sort of like a cliffhanger that never has an ending?

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