RE: Are you a control freak?

RE: Are you a control freak? (Full Version)

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juliaoceania -> RE: Are you a control freak? (11/9/2007 1:21:34 PM)
I am not a control freak. I have perfectionist tendencies for myself, but even in that regard I have eased up on even me. I am not saying that I am not a control freak because it makes me seem more "submissive". I do not really care if I am seen as submissive or not (except by the person dominating me). I say I am not controling because everyone in my life would agree with that statement. My son, my mother, my siblings have all noted that I am just not a very controlling person. I live and let live. I do not think it is my place to control others. I am also not a very manipulative person, I am very straightfoward. I have trouble playing control games with people. I do not understand that entire game. I do well in a relationship with a dominant personality because of this. He does not have to play games to get what he wants, and I do not have to attempt to understand those games... because I just don't. I have a sister that tries to control everyone. She even makes comments about my hair because she thinks she knows best how it should be worn. She attempts to control how my mom's myspace should be formatted for example... that entire way of being is so foreign to me, I just do not get it. I have a brother who is the same way.... shrugs... I guess it is not for me to understand.

Focus50 -> RE: Are you a control freak? (11/10/2007 2:39:33 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: phedre81 Thanks, Focus--one of the things I work on is being a tad too hard on myself. I'm not afraid to admit that I have flaws; in fact, I like to admit them to my partner, so they can be corrected, so we can take steps to help me grow to be more pleasing. I DO find this frustrating, around here, though (though, I haven't been here, long, so I could be misunderstanding)--I know it's not right to want to control the situation, or control my relationship, but...I still try to do it sometimes. I'm impressed by the number of subs on here who can say that they don't. I don't know how to let go of that control freak in me sometimes. But hey, that's why I'm here. ;) The term "control freak" is just an adapted term from within a vanilla dynamic and meant as a slur in that environment. A D/s relationship is control based so we borrow from that term - no-one is literally suggesting we're "freaks" or anally obsessive about it etc; it just rolls off the tongue quite well. As a Dom, I do have a need and desire to control my partner and our greater relationship. So I happily own up to being a "control freak" when talking to someone who'd understand it in a positive way - such as fellow lifestylers and/or a submissive partner. Therefore, I also consider my ideal complementing opposite (fem/sub) to be a "control freak", too, but NOT because I think a sub also desires to control the relationship, they don't! As far as I'm concerned, having a need and desire to be controlled by another also qualifies a sub as a "control freak", too - it's just more difficult to rationalise without a bunch of explaining. To some, a bit of attitude, brattiness or boundary pushing from a sub is apparently evidence of her not being a "real" submissive or of (gasp) topping from the bottom and I think that's mostly a total nonsense! I personally enjoy a sub with some mischief about her, playfully or not, because the control freak I am equally enjoys the opportunity to rein it in. Even when it goes a bit too far, it ain't "my arse" when I haul her up on her toes with a firm pinch of pubic hair and get in her face.... There's no consequence without action and this dominant control freak does enjoy a submissive control freak who occasionally forgets her place. And it really is her arse if I ever thought she were deliberately manipulating me.... Of course the key is in your personal dynamic and how your nature melds with your partners.... And around here, I do think there are a lot of seemingly passive, even lazy dominants, who expect the submissive to make all the running by being a nodding functionary bereft of spirit, emotion and attitude. I'd get bored in a day with a submissive without "flaws" because (whispering) I probably have some myself. No-oooooo!! Focus.

sakidorei -> RE: Are you a control freak? (11/10/2007 3:18:12 PM)
Really interesting thread as this is something that i am struggling with right now ... even after years in the lifestyle ... as far as my own reactions and behavior. When not owned at all, i am a control freak to keep myself safe. i barricade myself in a sense and want to retain a high degree of control because it feels safer than being just -out there in the world and unowned, unprotected.- When in the early stages of a new M/s relationship ... i tend to crave clear rules and guidelines -- not ones that i've laid out but that are laid out for me. Again for security ... to KNOW what i need to do to please Him. To learn and understand Him and to keep myself from stepping over into disobedience. For me at this stage i tend to ask a great many questions ... in an attempt to understand my Master as quicky as possible so that i can anticipate His demands and His preferences swiftly. The goal has always been for me to learn Him and how to please Him as quickly as possible. Currently this approach has not worked out so well for me as my current Master is very different from my past Owners and i find myself in very unfamiliar waters. Eventually no rules are necessary for me really because after time one learns her Master and her parameters and the safety then becomes her knowledge of His wants, needs, and expectations. It's not very important at all for me as time passes to have a great many rules or rules for the same reason. Trust has been built and understanding has been established ... i don't stray for testing's sake ... i want to serve out of devotion and my own drive to serve ... ultimately not because of His rules ... but because of Him. i do think the purpose of rules can change within the context of a long term M/s relationship ... especially when internal enslavement or mental bondage are strong elements of the dynamic. ~saki Property of Master D.

velvetears -> RE: Are you a control freak? (11/10/2007 3:50:15 PM)
i like the way you look at the dynamic between dom and sub. Without active dominance a sub might as well be serving a demanding vanilla husband. Blah. i am submissive and love to please and be obedient etc, but i am not perfect and there are many facets to who i am. i enjoy feeling the doms dominance, and that doesn't mean (screw up so he can take notice) it just means i want a dom who is active, involved, not just sitting back and getting his needs served while mine are neglected.

Squeakers -> RE: Are you a control freak? (11/10/2007 4:32:59 PM)
Although I do not consider myself a control freak, I do know even in a TPE, I have control. I am in control of my actions and my willingness to obey, knowing that deep down I do have the right to say no, allows me to particpate in the exchange in a healthy way.

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