RE: How to Royally Screw Up a BDSM Relationship

RE: How to Royally Screw Up a BDSM Relationship (Full Version)

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion

Message

Vendaval -> RE: How to Royally Screw Up a BDSM Relationship (11/8/2007 8:47:32 PM)
1. Deception of self and partner(s) 2. Laziness 3. Insecurities 4. Sabotaging the relationship(s) 5. Being lazy and not appreciating the other person(s)

juliaoceania -> RE: How to Royally Screw Up a BDSM Relationship (11/8/2007 9:17:29 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: chickpea We’ve heard of how to have a terrrrrrific, fantaaaaastic BDSM relationship…. Now, I’d like your comments on how to have a horribly dissatisfyingly dull inane BDSM relationship. Note, let’s exclude violence or unsafe stuff here… I’m talking about HOW TO MAKE A BDSM THAT WAS SUPPOSED TO GO RIGHT, GO WRONG. Yes indeed, we are not looking for the needle in the haystack, but rather the hay surrounding that darned needle! I have been watching this thread from Sinergy's place, and all the way home I have been considering it. I suppose the reason why it has been on my mind is that there are countless ways to royally fuck up anything, and having read numerous ways that people can royally screw up something they value has me thinking about the focus of this thread. I value and appreciate this thread because I was sitting with Sinergy when he made his reply, and we talked about it, and rather agreed... why not think of the ways to make a success of things? Over the last few months I thought a BDSM relationship that I deeply cared about was "over" and totally "screwed up", I was wrong about that. The thing is from my view point I do not understand why all of you are focusing on what makes a relationship head south... instead why not focus on what makes it right? Now I know some will say that the primary focus of this forum is how to make a success of D/s, but I have to say that often this is not the case. A lot focus is on distrust, lack of communication, and what is "wrong' in relationships on this forum....Personally I just want to focus on what is right. A few months ago I was focused on some of the very things that are mentioned on this thread, and wrongly I might add. Howabout failure of your relationship is not an option? Howabout treasuring what exists right now? Howabout there are no perfect communicators, no perfect relationships, all relationships have issues... be gentle with each other... love each other anyways? I am focused on what is right about our relationship, lord knows how grateful I am that we get that opportunity to appreciate what is right about each other, because so many things are right between us... I guess I am just trying to say that one should be careful where they put their focus, it is too easy to focus on what can go wrong instead of valuing that which is right. That which you are focused on is that which you will see, often to the exclusion of everything else... so I just want to focus on the good.

ownedgirlie -> RE: How to Royally Screw Up a BDSM Relationship (11/8/2007 9:27:21 PM)
Awesome post, Julia. I love your point of view, and it's a direction I've recently turned to, also. Actually, since the beginning of our relationship, my Master has been trying to teach me to focus on what can go right, rather than focus on what can go wrong. It's how I have overcome most of my fears. It's that whole power of attraction thing, isn't it? :) Thanks for putting this out there. It was refreshing to read.

juliaoceania -> RE: How to Royally Screw Up a BDSM Relationship (11/8/2007 9:43:01 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: ownedgirlie Awesome post, Julia. I love your point of view, and it's a direction I've recently turned to, also. Actually, since the beginning of our relationship, my Master has been trying to teach me to focus on what can go right, rather than focus on what can go wrong. It's how I have overcome most of my fears. It's that whole power of attraction thing, isn't it? :) Thanks for putting this out there. It was refreshing to read. It is the power of creating your life... Just think of it this way.... if you were in a room full of gold bars, and there was one piece of shit on the floor, and all you did was focus on the one piece of shit on the floor, for you the gold would at the very least be diminished if not cease to exist for you altogether... what we pay attention to is that which takes up the movie screen of our lives. It is not going back that I wanted to do, it is going forward. Which direction we take is a daily decision after all. Edited to add: I am glad you got something from my post...smiles

oreogirl -> RE: How to Royally Screw Up a BDSM Relationship (11/8/2007 9:49:01 PM)
The Dom forgetting his sub. Forgetting she exists. Forgetting her emotions, her joys and triumphs, herpain and insecurities. Forgetting that at the end of the day, she is a person.

rmanrr -> RE: How to Royally Screw Up a BDSM Relationship (11/8/2007 11:18:24 PM)
Greetings easy, lie, then lie about the lie, and when caught lie about the motive and make it all the female's fault...then continue to lie. That should do it in about what, a day? Further, blame anything or everything on the other party. Never take responsibility for yourself or your own actions....I mean dammit we are Doms right? ...(tongue firmly in cheek on the last one.)...

happypervert -> RE: How to Royally Screw Up a BDSM Relationship (11/9/2007 4:54:50 AM)
Bringing your disagreements to a message board so you can get everyone to agree with your side of the story, and then going back to your partner to say "See! They say I'm right, so you're wrong!" (P.S. I'm not suggesting that folks stop doing it, because it is amusing as hell)

LATEXBABY64 -> RE: How to Royally Screw Up a BDSM Relationship (11/9/2007 6:56:18 AM)
frist off i have cought people in lies. I know everyone lies. not telling everything that is important to know about your past is deception and a lie about who you are. So just to get to the point of things. In A relationship you should be allowed to make Mistakes. The term kiss and make up is what builds things in the good and bad times. Everyone has flaws. There Are FLawas you do not except cheating, abuse. Constant lieing. If you love someone you will love them flaws and all. to many play the grass is always greener It maybe for a month or a year but. But it really never is. So in a nut shell. Learn and grow who your with. life happens things happen grow up and be an adult

CreativeDominant -> RE: How to Royally Screw Up a BDSM Relationship (11/9/2007 7:37:20 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: missturbation quote: But you really, really aren't [&:] You're right i'm not and to top it all off, i'm leaving you since you havent paid the rent and there is no money left for shoes [:'(] You...you...you are leaving??? Me????? Yeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!! [sm=mrpuffy.gif] I mean...damn!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

missturbation -> RE: How to Royally Screw Up a BDSM Relationship (11/9/2007 7:48:22 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: CreativeDominant quote: ORIGINAL: missturbation quote: But you really, really aren't [&:] You're right i'm not and to top it all off, i'm leaving you since you havent paid the rent and there is no money left for shoes [:'(] You...you...you are leaving??? Me????? Yeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!! [sm=mrpuffy.gif] I mean...damn!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Ok just for that i'm not leaving andddddddddd where is next months rent money?

Mercnbeth -> RE: How to Royally Screw Up a BDSM Relationship (11/9/2007 9:12:18 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: chickpea We’ve heard of how to have a terrrrrrific, fantaaaaastic BDSM relationship…. Now, I’d like your comments on how to have a horribly dissatisfyingly dull inane BDSM relationship. Note, let’s exclude violence or unsafe stuff here… I’m talking about HOW TO MAKE A BDSM THAT WAS SUPPOSED TO GO RIGHT, GO WRONG. Yes indeed, we are not looking for the needle in the haystack, but rather the hay surrounding that darned needle! what this slave would consider to be a terrific, fantastic BDSM relationship for this slave WOULD BE horribly dissatisfying dull and inane to the next person. according to Ben Stein, expounded upon in the book "How To Ruin Your Life", there are at least 35 specific things one can do to ensure that "things go wrong". It is his opinion that it is important to know how to fail. "successful folks have all kinds of different routes to triumph(some as simple as luck or inheritance), failures have a lot in common...if you can avoid the ways and means that losers take to wreck their lives, you may not necessarily be a huge success, but you'll certainly avoid failure. If you can stay out of the heavy, obsessive gravity of self-destruction and its many tentacles, then you are well on your way to succeeding." Here's a sample of some of his 35: Convince Yourself You are the Center of the Universe Criticize Early and Often Never Be Grateful Envy Everything; Appreciate Nothing Don't Enjoy the Simple Things in Life Treat The People Who are Good to You Badly Treat the People Who are Bad to You Well Keep Score Remember That No One Else Counts Know That You Don't Owe Anyone Anything Do It Your Way Be a Smart-Ass Whenever Possible, Say "I Told You So"

HalloweenWhite -> RE: How to Royally Screw Up a BDSM Relationship (11/9/2007 9:17:19 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Aceton Two Words: Long Distance (Okay, not true for everyone, and every situation, but goddamn it can be a life waster.) ....Two more words.......here! here! (to the life waster comment)

AMaster -> RE: How to Royally Screw Up a BDSM Relationship (11/9/2007 9:25:14 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: sylkenkitten ~cracks up~ .. how about ... you're kneeling wearing what he instructed you to wear when he gets home, he forgot to call to say guests were coming, ie his boss, and he walks in with his boss.... you're wearing nothing but his collar That sounds more like humiliation play than a way to screw up a relationship.[:D]

CreativeDominant -> RE: How to Royally Screw Up a BDSM Relationship (11/9/2007 12:10:14 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: missturbation quote: ORIGINAL: CreativeDominant quote: ORIGINAL: missturbation quote: But you really, really aren't [&:] You're right i'm not and to top it all off, i'm leaving you since you havent paid the rent and there is no money left for shoes [:'(] You...you...you are leaving??? Me????? Yeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!! [sm=mrpuffy.gif] I mean...damn!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Ok just for that i'm not leaving andddddddddd where is next months rent money? Ohhhhhhhhhhh...yea!!!!!!!!!!![8\|] Ummmmmmmmm...tis in the mail?

ownedgirlie -> RE: How to Royally Screw Up a BDSM Relationship (11/9/2007 12:31:37 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Mercnbeth according to Ben Stein, expounded upon in the book "How To Ruin Your Life", there are at least 35 specific things one can do to ensure that "things go wrong". Wow, that's two people we share a liking for now :) I looked through the list of 13 and can easily say "yes" to each of them with regard to my ex. The next time he asks me why I left him (he still doesn't understand), I'll just send him Ben's book!

meticulousgirl -> RE: How to Royally Screw Up a BDSM Relationship (11/9/2007 12:42:47 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: AMaster quote: ORIGINAL: sylkenkitten ~cracks up~ .. how about ... you're kneeling wearing what he instructed you to wear when he gets home, he forgot to call to say guests were coming, ie his boss, and he walks in with his boss.... you're wearing nothing but his collar That sounds more like humiliation play than a way to screw up a relationship.[:D] Yeah but it was a good one ~meticulous~

velvetears -> RE: How to Royally Screw Up a BDSM Relationship (11/9/2007 2:13:37 PM)
Convince a sub you are the dom of her dreams and when you get her hooked spring it on her that if she really loved you and was submissive she'd switch and dominate you for your pleasure. [:@]

MsDonnaMia -> RE: How to Royally Screw Up a BDSM Relationship (11/9/2007 2:56:45 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: juliaoceania The thing is from my view point I do not understand why all of you are focusing on what makes a relationship head south... instead why not focus on what makes it right? ummm...because they were asked to focus on this in the OP? [;)]

juliaoceania -> RE: How to Royally Screw Up a BDSM Relationship (11/9/2007 4:28:13 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MsDonnaMia quote: ORIGINAL: juliaoceania The thing is from my view point I do not understand why all of you are focusing on what makes a relationship head south... instead why not focus on what makes it right? ummm...because they were asked to focus on this in the OP? [;)] Yes, I believe I addressed what was in the OP when I posted my entire comment... way to take one snippet out to skew my point... I find it rather amusing when people do this...

MsDonnaMia -> RE: How to Royally Screw Up a BDSM Relationship (11/9/2007 7:20:46 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: juliaoceania quote: ORIGINAL: MsDonnaMia quote: ORIGINAL: juliaoceania The thing is from my view point I do not understand why all of you are focusing on what makes a relationship head south... instead why not focus on what makes it right? ummm...because they were asked to focus on this in the OP? [;)] Yes, I believe I addressed what was in the OP when I posted my entire comment... way to take one snippet out to skew my point... I find it rather amusing when people do this... Oh, come on.. what you said was somewhat wise, even if couched in Juliaoceania: 1 / Everyone else: 0 Thing is, another thread addressing exactly what you brought up would be sweet.

Page: << < prev 1 2 3 [4] 5 next > >>

Collarchat.com © 2025

Terms of Service

0.03125