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RE: The difference between being a slave versus being a... - 11/9/2007 8:23:12 PM

susie

Posts: 1699
Joined: 11/21/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: lyricaldreams

Can someone please explain the difference between a submissive and a slave? Any possible websites that give definitons and/or descriptions of both roles within the lifestyle would be greatly appreciated also.
With Respect,
lyrical

If you are not sure what the difference is how can you be sure what you are looking for. Your profile actually sounds like an advert for an unpaid domestic. Is that what you are looking for or are you really looking to start a poly relationship?

It would be wise to be clear on what you want before you start involving other people.

(in reply to lyricaldreams)

Post #: 21

RE: The difference between being a slave versus being a... - 11/10/2007 12:06:50 AM

fsub4use

Posts: 94
Joined: 10/9/2007
Status: offline

yeah, girl, you gotta be tough on here.... dont take it personally.

(in reply to lyricaldreams)

Post #: 22

RE: The difference between being a slave versus being a... - 11/10/2007 9:58:36 PM

lyricaldreams

Posts: 7
Joined: 10/3/2005
Status: offline

It isn't so much what i want. It is what is necessary and even though my Sir doesn't need to explain Himself to me, i am grateful that He did. It is funny though, i told Him that i had posted a question on this board and the first thing He said was not to ever do it. i then told Him that most of the feedback i have gotten has been negative and He told me He was not surprised. i won't make the same mistake twice. i thought the message boards were supposed to be a way of seeking information and help. Guess i was mistaken. Thank you to those who genuinely tried to answer my question.......................lyrical

< Message edited by lyricaldreams -- 11/10/2007 9:59:36 PM >

(in reply to susie)

Post #: 23

RE: The difference between being a slave versus being a... - 11/10/2007 11:00:05 PM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

The problem is that you asked a question that has no universal answer. Expect something unrealistic, and you'll get back fluff.

You also asked a question that gets asked just about every week by someone.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to lyricaldreams)

Post #: 24

RE: The difference between being a slave versus being a... - 11/11/2007 8:13:21 AM

SteelofUtah

Posts: 5307
Joined: 10/2/2007
From: St George Utah
Status: offline

lyrical,

I sent you a message on the back side.

It would seem that people here have forgot that there was a time that they asked questions too and sought actual answers not the "well you should know this and that before you do this."

Some of what was said comes from experience, it is good to have an undersatnding of what you want in advance, BUT experince comes from making mistakes and LEARNING from them not from being berated by people who know NOTHING more of you other than your profile and a single post.

I sent along some of the reasons you got the kind of answers you got hopefully you will see why you recieved the responce you got and not take the comments made personally.

KEEP ASKING QUESTIONS!!!!!! It's how you LEARN things and people here should know that.

As Always

Steel

_____________________________

Just Steel
Resident Therapeutic Metallurgist
The Steel Warm-Up © ™
For the Uber Posters
Thanks for the Grammatical support : ) ~ Term

(in reply to lyricaldreams)

Post #: 25

RE: The difference between being a slave versus being a... - 11/11/2007 8:28:32 AM

slavesunshine

Posts: 58
Joined: 5/5/2007
Status: offline

Lyrical,

I too agree with StellofUtah. We were all once "new" to the lifestyle. I think some people tend to forget that. Please never stop asking questions and there are those of us who do want to help. Feel free to email me anytime that you want to.
This is supposed to be a place where you can feel free to ask questions even though they may have been asked a dozen times before. (not everyone knows that they have been asked in the past). Not everyone can spend 24 hours a day here on the boards finding out what is posted and waht is not.
Good luck on your journey and please email me if you would like I would love to talk with you.

sunshine

(in reply to SteelofUtah)

Post #: 26

RE: The difference between being a slave versus being a... - 11/11/2007 8:42:06 AM

HalloweenWhite

Posts: 1028
Joined: 6/20/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: lyricaldreams

Can someone please explain the difference between a submissive and a slave? Any possible websites that give definitons and/or descriptions of both roles within the lifestyle would be greatly appreciated also.
With Respect,
lyrical

I think a submissive expresses their limits and a slave is told what theirs are, and a slave does what they're required to do as and when and a submissive agrees to meet specific wants of her or his Domme/Dom.

(in reply to lyricaldreams)

Post #: 27

RE: The difference between being a slave versus being a... - 11/11/2007 8:58:08 AM

KatyLied

Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline

quote:

Not everyone can spend 24 hours a day here on the boards finding out what is posted and waht is not.

Search can be your friend.

_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to slavesunshine)

Post #: 28

RE: The difference between being a slave versus being a... - 11/11/2007 9:05:54 AM

susie

Posts: 1699
Joined: 11/21/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: slavesunshine

Lyrical,

I too agree with StellofUtah. We were all once "new" to the lifestyle. I think some people tend to forget that. Please never stop asking questions and there are those of us who do want to help. Feel free to email me anytime that you want to.
This is supposed to be a place where you can feel free to ask questions even though they may have been asked a dozen times before. (not everyone knows that they have been asked in the past). Not everyone can spend 24 hours a day here on the boards finding out what is posted and waht is not.
Good luck on your journey and please email me if you would like I would love to talk with you.

sunshine

I think the point that both you and SteelofUtah missed is the fact that lyricaldreams has posted here asking what is the difference between a slave and a submissive whilst she has a profile saying that she and her partner have an opening for a slave. If she does not know what the difference is or is too new to the lifestyle to know, how can she be looking for a slave?

From the tone of the ad it still sounds like they are looking for a cheap domestic and not a lifestyle slave at all.

(in reply to slavesunshine)

Post #: 29

RE: The difference between being a slave versus being a... - 11/11/2007 9:28:52 AM

stef

Posts: 10215
Joined: 1/26/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: KatyLied

quote:

Not everyone can spend 24 hours a day here on the boards finding out what is posted and waht is not.

Search can be your friend.

But it's sooooooooo hard and why should people use it when it takes less work just to ask?

This should be required viewing before people are turned loose upon any forums.

~stef

_____________________________

Welcome to PoliticSpace! If you came here expecting meaningful BDSM discussions, boy are you in the wrong place.

"Hypocrisy has consequences"

(in reply to KatyLied)

Post #: 30

RE: The difference between being a slave versus being a... - 11/11/2007 9:34:47 AM

julietsierra

Posts: 1841
Joined: 9/26/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: susie

quote:

ORIGINAL: slavesunshine

Lyrical,

I too agree with StellofUtah. We were all once "new" to the lifestyle. I think some people tend to forget that. Please never stop asking questions and there are those of us who do want to help. Feel free to email me anytime that you want to.
This is supposed to be a place where you can feel free to ask questions even though they may have been asked a dozen times before. (not everyone knows that they have been asked in the past). Not everyone can spend 24 hours a day here on the boards finding out what is posted and waht is not.
Good luck on your journey and please email me if you would like I would love to talk with you.

sunshine

I think the point that both you and SteelofUtah missed is the fact that lyricaldreams has posted here asking what is the difference between a slave and a submissive whilst she has a profile saying that she and her partner have an opening for a slave. If she does not know what the difference is or is too new to the lifestyle to know, how can she be looking for a slave?

From the tone of the ad it still sounds like they are looking for a cheap domestic and not a lifestyle slave at all.

I read the OP and the rest of the responses and I guess the thing that hit me about the whole thread is that here's a girl who is relatively new. She's been told to post to her profile about look for someone and is doing her best to comply. Then, she comes here to look for answers to some of her concerns - not unlike others have done on these same boards. She doesn't want to defy her Master, but also needs to gain some perspective, so she asks those outside her relationship in order that she can develop and contemplate her own views of the differences between slave and submissive.

What she gets is jokes about the multitude of postings on this subject - as if her concerns are trivial to say the least. What she gets are comments about a profile that she wrote in compliance to someone else. What she gets are comments that put down everything about what she's doing. In short, what she gets is everything except what she really needed.

And now, her Master has told her not to post here again. So, our quips and our jabs and our attempts to be witty, as well as to take her to task instead of helping her, has closed off an avenue of learning for her. And yep, I know. I'm guilty of this as well, so this is definitely not a case of the pot calling the kettle black or anything like that.

Yes, she gets to make up her own mind regarding her continued relationship with her Master. Yes, she can ask him about what the differences are. But it seems that what she was asking for were outside and objective views so that she could come to some understanding about what was coming in his life, and so, in hers. I may be (and probably am) reading way too much into her post, but it seems like what she was asking for was a bit of something she could find comfort in as she prepares to explore this part of her life.

What's sad is that I think we failed her.

juliet

< Message edited by julietsierra -- 11/11/2007 9:36:58 AM >

(in reply to susie)

Post #: 31

RE: The difference between being a slave versus being a... - 11/11/2007 9:58:09 AM

julietsierra

Posts: 1841
Joined: 9/26/2004
Status: offline

Ok, so that all being said...

To the OP:

Some of the answers you got here are right on target. The differences ARE between the people involved in the relationship. It DOES depend on how he's setting this up and if you are in accordance with his ideas.

For some, the differences between submission and slavery lie in obedience.
For some, the differences between submission and slavery lie in the closeness of the submissive/slave and the dominant/Master.
For some, slavery means doing exactly what people are accusing your Master of - doing the service work around the house.
And for some, the differences between submission and slavery are all of that and more.

It largely depends on how your Master wants things and what you're willing to accept/work with/feel at home with.

I was not...I repeat... NOT comfortable with the word "slave" when it came to my relationship with my Master. I fought it long and hard. I wanted no part of it. The reasons were because of some baggage I was carrying, but also because his initial explanations of his perceptions of slavery and submission left me with a bad taste in my mouth regarding slavery. No way in hell did I want to be his slave if his slave meant what he initially told me.

As I came to understand the realities of our relationship however, I recognized that I could fight it all I wanted, but in the end, I was still obedient. I still would do everything he said without question, other than to ask for clarification of specifics. I still would keep my own counsel until I could figure things out for myself and then, only ask him things if I couldn't do it. I could call myself a submissive till the cows came home, but in the end, slave or submissive, I still belonged to him body, soul, mind and eventually, heart. I was his.

Even so, I still needed clarification from him as to how I fit his views and what my status in his life was due to those views. When I asked that and received the information I needed, I no longer had any problems with the word "slave." In his mind, I'm submissive. I'm his slave. I'm his friend. I'm his lover. I'm his confidante. And he loves me.

From that point on, the addition of other people in our lives wasn't so threatening. Not saying I haven't had problems with it, but it wasn't SO threatening. I learn a little more each day and come to see that other people don't impact my relationship with him even if they may have impact on my life in other ways. And in our relationship, I get to choose how they impact on my life.

And what's more, for that other person, I don't impact his relationship with her either, even if I do have an impact on her. Just like me, she gets to choose what that impact will be. We are choosing to discover what we like about each other. We talk online and we talk on the phone. We've met once. It was difficult, but despite our misgivings about the night, we found out that our imaginations about each other were much worse than the reality of each other. We're now planning a trip to go shopping for the day - just the two of us.

Both of us (her and me) have concerns. Both of us have periods of doubt and fear and all sorts of other emotions we don't like. But along with that, in the short time we've known each other, both of us have become supports for the other. God forbid if both of us are feeling our fears at the same time!! We were just talking about how simple it would have been to say the things that would have enabled the other to feed that fear in bad ways and how it crossed both our minds (and how we didn't like that it did), but how, in the end, we chose to be supportive, not destructive, and how those two separate incidents have (we think) set the stage for a friendship neither of us expected, contemplated or wanted. And how glad we are that it has. Today.

I can only give you my experiences with this whole "slave vs submissive" thing. I have no idea if it is something that is done in a way that your Master envisions things in his household. It's how it works here though. And fortunately for us - the three of us - even when we don't want to admit it, his views of slavery and submission work for us all.

juliet

(in reply to julietsierra)

Post #: 32

RE: The difference between being a slave versus being a... - 11/11/2007 10:26:44 AM

SteelofUtah

Posts: 5307
Joined: 10/2/2007
From: St George Utah
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: susie

I think the point that both you and SteelofUtah missed is the fact that lyricaldreams has posted here asking what is the difference between a slave and a submissive whilst she has a profile saying that she and her partner have an opening for a slave. If she does not know what the difference is or is too new to the lifestyle to know, how can she be looking for a slave?

From the tone of the ad it still sounds like they are looking for a cheap domestic and not a lifestyle slave at all.

I saw that, I even reviewed the single Paragraph Profile which you seem to have read an awful lot into. The reason why I don't jump her stuff or give her crap is because only a Master and a subnmissive can define thier relationship and that of the third they are looking for.

A few post later she also states that she did as her Master told her in making the Profile but did not ask before she posted here and he was aware of the way she was going to be treated. The Point is NONE OF US are qualified to judge what she is or isn't looking for. It is a judgement for the Master and slave in question. She posted here looking for answers not trash.

Her Master told her that she was to place an ad looking for a second girl and even if that is as a domestic I know MANY girls who, that is all they do! When she came on and asked the question she asked I realized she wanted clearification for herself on where she could get a cut and dry definition between sub and slave and since none actually exist everyone jumped her for being a newbie. The Point is she is in a relationship with a current Master who is looking for another slave. Even if it is for the sole purpose of a domestic it is not uncommon and not for us to judge.

I realize this is sounding like I am coming off angry, and for clearification I am not, my only purpose was to let the girl know that some people have a different view on the sub slave theroy. I happen to feel the need to answer her question not quiestion her purpose.

As Always

Steel

_____________________________

Just Steel
Resident Therapeutic Metallurgist
The Steel Warm-Up © ™
For the Uber Posters
Thanks for the Grammatical support : ) ~ Term

(in reply to susie)

Post #: 33

RE: The difference between being a slave versus being a... - 11/11/2007 11:01:51 AM

susie

Posts: 1699
Joined: 11/21/2004
Status: offline

I read into her profile exactly what it says. Really, setting up a profile saying you are looking for something and not knowing what it is, is not the brightest thing to do. No matter how new you are to the lifestyle, if you are in a relationship and your Dom tells you to do something and you do not understand what he is telling you, then you ask him. He is the only person that can answer not a bunch of strangers.

(in reply to SteelofUtah)

Post #: 34

RE: The difference between being a slave versus being a... - 11/11/2007 11:21:16 AM

SteelofUtah

Posts: 5307
Joined: 10/2/2007
From: St George Utah
Status: offline

But susie that is the Point of the ASK A MASTER Threads or did you not know you were there? The POINT of this scetion is to and I quote

quote:

Find your answer - Share your experience.

And under the sticky at the top of this forum it says

This section is open to those wishing to ask questions of a Master, in the hope of receiving answers from that particular perspective.

Experienced Masters are also encouraged to share their advice and knowledge regardless of if a question has been asked to prompt response. If you know the topic to be something that is often on the minds of newer people, or a subject you have found in your experience to be beneficial to address, feel free to take the initiative and open the discussion yourself.

You have done neither. You have only tried to make the Op feel small and silly for asking in all reality a VERY COMMON question. There is a reason that it has been asked SO MANY TIMES, Because people Genuinely want to know.

You should really try not to Question the person asking the question and judge for them what is right for thier lifestyle.

I could easily make comments on your lifestyle based on how you answered her question. I could question why you do what you do when your profile says absolutely NOTHING and question why you are here then, is it because you feel so much better than oither people you have to share your snide remarks and question why they do what they do. but in reality you didn't ask me to do that so I have no reason to do so. Why then would you figure it was your job to question her relationhsip when the question she asked asked for an answer or an experience, Did you offer either?

This is what is wrong with being new to this lifestyle everyone is so quick to judge you and not give you the time of day to help you out when you need it.

As Always

Steel

< Message edited by SteelofUtah -- 11/11/2007 11:32:01 AM >

_____________________________

Just Steel
Resident Therapeutic Metallurgist
The Steel Warm-Up © ™
For the Uber Posters
Thanks for the Grammatical support : ) ~ Term

(in reply to susie)

Post #: 35

RE: The difference between being a slave versus being a... - 11/11/2007 11:26:01 AM

SteelofUtah

Posts: 5307
Joined: 10/2/2007
From: St George Utah
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: stef

quote:

ORIGINAL: KatyLied

quote:

Not everyone can spend 24 hours a day here on the boards finding out what is posted and waht is not.

Search can be your friend.

But it's sooooooooo hard and why should people use it when it takes less work just to ask?

This should be required viewing before people are turned loose upon any forums.

~stef

Now where as that was funny it was a condesending piece of crap!

There is NOTHING wrong with asking questions and NO ONE should feel that there is it is how you LEARN. My God why is it so hard for anyone here to actually step out of how great they think it is to be them and actually offer something helpful to someone who asks a question?

Would it kill you to answer the same question 2, 5, 10 or 100 times? No it might be annoying after awhile but it won't kill you. Dont you remember when someonme answered this EXACT SAME question for you? DO you think it was the first time that THEY were asked it? No, but they took the time to answer your question, give something back for where you have been.

As Always

Steel

_____________________________

Just Steel
Resident Therapeutic Metallurgist
The Steel Warm-Up © ™
For the Uber Posters
Thanks for the Grammatical support : ) ~ Term

(in reply to stef)

Post #: 36

RE: The difference between being a slave versus being a... - 11/11/2007 11:41:06 AM

slavesunshine

Posts: 58
Joined: 5/5/2007
Status: offline

Susie and all the rest of you who want to judge and not help,

I am not new to the lifestyle but I am to the message boards. Boy I am glad that I have not asked any questions. I think you all missed the point entirely!!!! Its not the fact of what Lyrical asked in her profile. That should not matter at all! She came here asking for help and asking questions. It is not for us to judge or make rude comments or anything of the sort. You are supposed to be here to help, guide, and support. I don't care if the question has been asked 100 times and if the person did not want to use the seach bar. YOU ALL failed this girl. I am not sure if I want to continue on these message boards if this is what I can expect if I ever have questions.
I think we all should be treated with respect.

_____________________________

slavesunshine

(in reply to SteelofUtah)

Post #: 37

RE: The difference between being a slave versus being a... - 11/11/2007 11:44:42 AM

susie

Posts: 1699
Joined: 11/21/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SteelofUtah

But susie that is the Point of the ASK A MASTER Threads or did you not know you were there? The POINT of this scetion is to and I quote

quote:

Find your answer - Share your experience.

And under the sticky at the top of this forum it says

This section is open to those wishing to ask questions of a Master, in the hope of receiving answers from that particular perspective.

Experienced Masters are also encouraged to share their advice and knowledge regardless of if a question has been asked to prompt response. If you know the topic to be something that is often on the minds of newer people, or a subject you have found in your experience to be beneficial to address, feel free to take the initiative and open the discussion yourself.

You have done neither. You have only tried to make the Op feel small and silly for asking in all reality a VERY COMMON question. There is a reason that it has been asked SO MANY TIMES, Because people Genuinely want to know.

You should really try not to Question the person asking the question and judge for them what is right for thier lifestyle.

I could easily make comments on your lifestyle based on how you answered her question. I could question why you do what you do when your profile says absolutely NOTHING and question why you are here then, is it because you feel so much better than oither people you have to share your snide remarks and question why they do what they do. but in reality you didn't ask me to do that so I have no reason to do so. Why then would you figure it was your job to question her relationhsip when the question she asked asked for an answer or an experience, Did you offer either?

This is what is wrong with being new to this lifestyle everyone is so quick to judge you and not give you the time of day to help you out when you need it.

As Always

Steel

You can question why I am here all you like but it is actually none of your business. My profile is blank because I choose for it to be which is my right as I am not here for any other reason than to read and use the fora. I have as much right to use the site as you or anyone else does.

I agree that the question of what is the difference between a submissive and a slave is a very common one. I would not expect it to be a question from someone that clearly states on their profile that they are looking for one of those things. How can you look for something if you do not know what it is?

(in reply to SteelofUtah)

Post #: 38

RE: The difference between being a slave versus being a... - 11/11/2007 11:45:13 AM

MissOchistic

Posts: 315
Joined: 4/30/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SteelofUtah

quote:

ORIGINAL: stef

quote:

ORIGINAL: KatyLied

quote:

Not everyone can spend 24 hours a day here on the boards finding out what is posted and waht is not.

Search can be your friend.

But it's sooooooooo hard and why should people use it when it takes less work just to ask?

This should be required viewing before people are turned loose upon any forums.

~stef

Now where as that was funny it was a condesending piece of crap!

There is NOTHING wrong with asking questions and NO ONE should feel that there is it is how you LEARN. My God why is it so hard for anyone here to actually step out of how great they think it is to be them and actually offer something helpful to someone who asks a question?

Would it kill you to answer the same question 2, 5, 10 or 100 times? No it might be annoying after awhile but it won't kill you. Dont you remember when someonme answered this EXACT SAME question for you? DO you think it was the first time that THEY were asked it? No, but they took the time to answer your question, give something back for where you have been.

As Always

Steel

Right. We should all do anything helpful to others as long as it doesn't kill us. I mean, sure, the asshole maybe have been chasing me with a steel rod and threatening to kill my dog, but it wouldn't kill me to just make him the damn sandwich, would it?

OP: The difference for me is a submissive can "turn it off" or only in the bedroom, and a slave is 24/7.

_____________________________

"The amount i care for Thee
is more than two, but less than three."

"Submission is a potlatch."

(in reply to SteelofUtah)

Post #: 39

RE: The difference between being a slave versus being a... - 11/11/2007 12:04:05 PM

SteelofUtah

Posts: 5307
Joined: 10/2/2007
From: St George Utah
Status: offline

Susie,

I don't know if you are religious but people look for GOD everyday and don't know exactly what That is. In reality she is asking for something on her Profile and trying to define what that is for HER. She has a Master so she obviously has some idea of this lifestyle. To ignore the question she is asking to attack the Profile which was NOT asked about shows all you are interested in is picking apart the person instead of offering help.

No one said you didn't have a right to be here, what I said is you missed the POINT and PURPOSE of this forum by ignoring the question the girl asked.

As Always

Steel

_____________________________

Just Steel
Resident Therapeutic Metallurgist
The Steel Warm-Up © ™
For the Uber Posters
Thanks for the Grammatical support : ) ~ Term

(in reply to susie)

Post #: 40

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