RE: Dumb Question, but an honest one

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

RE: Dumb Question, but an honest one

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Mistress >> RE: Dumb Question, but an honest one

Page: << < prev 1 [2] 3 4 next > >>

Login

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

RE: Dumb Question, but an honest one - 11/10/2007 7:42:53 PM

MisPandora

Posts: 2911
Joined: 4/7/2004
From: Philadelphia, PA
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: FaithfulYoungCuk
I am being careful and i definately realize the danger but i'm so frustrated with myself for my lack of guts to give it all to a woman i'm determined to bang myself against a brick wall if i have to

STOP. Listen to what you're saying.

You're so desperate to 'give it all to a woman' that you're willing to give it to someone who isn't equipped to accept what you're giving away? That doesn't tell me that you are ready for this venture either. So.....why ARE you so desperate to give yourself away to someone who clearly doesn't have your best interests in mind?

_____________________________

Pandora
Ms World Leather 2004
Ms Philadelphia Leather 2004

"Simply put, if you want a real femdom to love you, give her reasons to love you." Gloria Brame

(in reply to FaithfulYoungCuk)

Post #: 21

RE: Dumb Question, but an honest one - 11/10/2007 7:51:49 PM

FaithfulYoungCuk

Posts: 36
Joined: 11/4/2007
Status: offline

i do my very best not to sound one-sided and to say "this is how i perceive things to be" but there's a lot more to our relationship than just the cuckolding. We have a lot of good times, its just this issue and these circumstances that are wearing on me. it would have to be a bright side that the power dynamic has intensified a lot lately. she agreed to move to my town with me for one. My family likes her, her family likes me. We have feelings for each other and i havent wanted to go on about unrelated information but i could say a lot about our relationship. Still I've had these troubles......

(in reply to MisPandora)

Post #: 22

RE: Dumb Question, but an honest one - 11/10/2007 8:00:30 PM

MisPandora

Posts: 2911
Joined: 4/7/2004
From: Philadelphia, PA
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: FaithfulYoungCuk

i do my very best not to sound one-sided and to say "this is how i perceive things to be" but there's a lot more to our relationship than just the cuckolding. We have a lot of good times, its just this issue and these circumstances that are wearing on me. it would have to be a bright side that the power dynamic has intensified a lot lately. she agreed to move to my town with me for one. My family likes her, her family likes me. We have feelings for each other and i havent wanted to go on about unrelated information but i could say a lot about our relationship. Still I've had these troubles......

OK, tough love time here. You've gone through two threads of this where we all give you advice, much of which concerns talking with her and renegotiating your "arrangement". I'm not sure what more we can give you, especially when you're not being entirely forthcoming about the situation.

_____________________________

Pandora
Ms World Leather 2004
Ms Philadelphia Leather 2004

"Simply put, if you want a real femdom to love you, give her reasons to love you." Gloria Brame

(in reply to FaithfulYoungCuk)

Post #: 23

RE: Dumb Question, but an honest one - 11/10/2007 8:30:54 PM

FaithfulYoungCuk

Posts: 36
Joined: 11/4/2007
Status: offline

ah man theyre here thank god and god help me

(in reply to FaithfulYoungCuk)

Post #: 24

RE: Dumb Question, but an honest one - 11/10/2007 8:41:03 PM

FaithfulYoungCuk

Posts: 36
Joined: 11/4/2007
Status: offline

its gonna be a long night. for lack of connection i've just been busted for leaving a video camera running in the living room. loooooong night.

(in reply to FaithfulYoungCuk)

Post #: 25

RE: Dumb Question, but an honest one - 11/10/2007 8:47:05 PM

FaithfulYoungCuk

Posts: 36
Joined: 11/4/2007
Status: offline

on the bright side i'll get a long talk

(in reply to FaithfulYoungCuk)

Post #: 26

RE: Dumb Question, but an honest one - 11/11/2007 12:16:22 AM

AAkasha

Posts: 4429
Joined: 11/27/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: FaithfulYoungCuk

its gonna be a long night. for lack of connection i've just been busted for leaving a video camera running in the living room. loooooong night.

You left a video camera on to record her with a guy and did it without them knowing?
Akasha

_____________________________

Akasha's Web - All original Femdom content since 1995
Don't email me here, email me at [email protected]

(in reply to FaithfulYoungCuk)

Post #: 27

RE: Dumb Question, but an honest one - 11/11/2007 12:25:12 AM

FaithfulYoungCuk

Posts: 36
Joined: 11/4/2007
Status: offline

yes. drastic situations drastic measures i guess. 2 hours later she gave me a wink and a smile in the kitchen so i guess its okay. hope. she deals with shit so funny. i wish i was sleeping no chance in hell tough. it wasnt sex video. maybe it will be the opportunity i needed to get it accross at last.

(in reply to AAkasha)

Post #: 28

RE: Dumb Question, but an honest one - 11/11/2007 12:27:17 AM

FaithfulYoungCuk

Posts: 36
Joined: 11/4/2007
Status: offline

im the boyfriend she could throw me a bone if nothing else.

(in reply to FaithfulYoungCuk)

Post #: 29

RE: Dumb Question, but an honest one - 11/11/2007 1:22:17 AM

Griswold

Posts: 2739
Joined: 2/12/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: FaithfulYoungCuk

im the boyfriend she could throw me a bone if nothing else.

Hahahahahahahhahaha!!!!

Only a cuck could truly understand that :)

(in reply to FaithfulYoungCuk)

Post #: 30

RE: Dumb Question, but an honest one - 11/11/2007 1:34:10 AM

FaithfulYoungCuk

Posts: 36
Joined: 11/4/2007
Status: offline

this turned into an extremely bad night for me.

(in reply to Griswold)

Post #: 31

RE: Dumb Question, but an honest one - 11/11/2007 1:58:13 AM

GentleLee

Posts: 88
Joined: 10/27/2007
Status: offline

Sad to see it turned out to be a bad night, but I agree with Aidan and MisPandora about the emotional aspects.. Of course we can only see one side of the story, and what tidbits you share, but from the looks of it... Good luck anyway..

Lee

(in reply to FaithfulYoungCuk)

Post #: 32

RE: Dumb Question, but an honest one - 11/11/2007 2:56:35 AM

FaithfulYoungCuk

Posts: 36
Joined: 11/4/2007
Status: offline

there are no words right now

(in reply to GentleLee)

Post #: 33

RE: Dumb Question, but an honest one - 11/11/2007 10:21:49 AM

MystressDream

Posts: 345
Joined: 7/11/2004
From: Colorado
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: FaithfulYoungCuk

there are no words right now

This is totally rediculous. All responding to this guy are just feeding his own little fantasy. He has been told repeatedly, on more than just this thread, what he "should" do. He doesn't want to listen. It is his own little soap opera that he gets off sharing with all on here who will engage in it with him.

Fact: She is not a Domme. She is a vanilla girl who likes slutting around. Good for her. It disgusts me that she has decided that by lying, deceiving, and manipulating someone it makes her a "Domme". She has no clue whatsoever what being a Domme entails, or the responsibilities that go with it. It's a sexual game. Period.

Fact: The OP is NOT a cuckold. He is a vanilla boyfriend being used. And, he seems to like it. What a sad, pathetic situation.

This whole drama, as well as his other posted dramas, are the stereotypical BS that can be attached to this lifestyle. Where is the intensity, intimacy, TRUST, COMMUNICATION that are crucial to the D/s or M/s lifestyle?

What I have learned from this is to delete any thread this idiot chooses to post.

For those who wish to feed his fantasy, I hope you all enjoy yourselves.

_____________________________

Knowledge and experience are wonderful things to share. When we stop asking questions, we might as well "hang it up".

check out: www.enclaveproductions.com
www.enclavewest.com

(in reply to FaithfulYoungCuk)

Post #: 34

RE: Dumb Question, but an honest one - 11/11/2007 10:28:40 AM

MsIncontrol

Posts: 261
Joined: 10/3/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MystressDream
Fact: She is not a Domme. She is a vanilla girl who likes slutting around. Good for her. It disgusts me that she has decided that by lying, deceiving, and manipulating someone it makes her a "Domme". She has no clue whatsoever what being a Domme entails, or the responsibilities that go with it. It's a sexual game. Period.

Fact: The OP is NOT a cuckold. He is a vanilla boyfriend being used. And, he seems to like it. What a sad, pathetic situation.

Thank you! Finally someone with some sense! I didn't want to add to this thread because it seemed pointless. He isn't interested in getting help or opinions...he enjoys the pain of the relationship choices he has made...or made up (which I think may be the case).

_____________________________

Happiness is only real when shared. - Christopher McCandless

(in reply to MystressDream)

Post #: 35

RE: Dumb Question, but an honest one - 11/11/2007 12:09:53 PM

lateralist1

Posts: 886
Joined: 11/22/2006
Status: offline

Thankyou Mystress Dream you saved me saying it.
I will add one more thing.
We all know that Dominas are very hard to find but really either your vanilla or your lifestyle.
If your lifestyle find a Domme.
If your not then do go away.

(in reply to MsIncontrol)

Post #: 36

RE: Dumb Question, but an honest one - 11/11/2007 5:00:49 PM

FaithfulYoungCuk

Posts: 36
Joined: 11/4/2007
Status: offline

There's people who like cuckolding and people who don't. Dream, Incontrol, you don't. My goal was to find some people who do like it that I could talk to. I've received a number of responses in my personal email from people who are very much into the cuckolding lifestyle. The people who do like cuckolding said what I was worried about to begin with, be careful talking about it in the forum becuase the people who don't like it won't like it and won't express anything but their dislike for cuckolding. Well some people who don't like cuckolding had constructive responses and some didn't. You don't really know enough about the situation to make such bold statements. I'd gladly share more but then some people tend to complain about too much information and besides that I wanted a focused topic instead of just hit and miss across the board. A woman's dominance is like her personality, her body, her individual self: no two look the same. Some people like me are particularly interested in cuckolding because we're not Christians and have no respect for the sanctity of marriage (i've been married) or fidelity. There's a lot of good reasons to be interested in cuckolding. Things went okay after all last night. I get my way too much to be honest but its always been one of my weaknesses as a sub that I'm so good at the relationship aspect of DS that I get more leverage than I should when it comes to submission.

All of you were not Dommes at one point but at some point the door opens and You walk in and claim your own. My girlfriend has done this.

I've tried to be clear about one thing in particular: all this is just my perspective on a two person situation. I dont want anyone to be on my side or her side, i just want to really see the situation with clarity. I don't want to be biased. But as I'm me and I'm not her I can only share the one side effectively. Give me the chance to and i'll stand up for her no matter what.

You ever read a Domme's ad? They're looking for the one true sub who's not faking or deluded about submission... Every ad starts with "dont write me with a one-liner, don't talk to me about what you want and you desire, don't be a sub who's only a sub until they have an orgasm, don't write me and ask me 'how may i serve you Ma'am'"... I've been working very hard to be that sub since 2003 and I do hope to get there before I'm old and fat and bald and hairy.

Know what girls? I've realized I made a mistake by looking for BDSM first and a relationship second because you end up at this point where you have the moment of total forever abandon staring you right in the face and you cant enter into it because you know in your heart how you really feel about the person. Put SM before the relationship and you're gonig to keep reaching that moment over and over and keep having to stop and realize there's a level of personal respect missing that needs to be there if you're going to spend the rest of your life as a slave to this woman. I've been there more than once and the last time it was very disappointing to realize just how much on the DS level I was giving up but still I had to because I knew we didn't have that foundation as a match.

Instead I look for that vanilla woman who has all the right tendancies and start out as a relationship, which is still hard to find but its a lot easier than starting with SM and having to pull out at the end because you didn't match as a couple. The lifestyle can't be everything, this is the person you have to go to movies with... do they read books or just watch tv? does the kind of music they like drive you absolutely nuts? Can you live together as an effective working unit? Does the way you spend time mesh with the way they spend time? I write a lot so I can't be with someone who's going to have rap music blasting or reality tv blasting all day long, i need someone who can turn that junk off and do something else, just as an example. The other reason I came to the forum is that these final moment issues are the ones that only happen rarely but its what Dommes and Subs both look for. For me i find i have to learn to let go of it a bit and just let her be behind the wheel, like that one fellow said earlier. I'm freaking out a bit because as a sub we get to this point where we feel like we gave up enough already and its hard to realize there's no turf your Domme can't invade and violate. I'm at that letting go point and i've always been the type where once i'm hanging off the ledge by my fingers i can't make myself let go so i need to be pushed and she's pushing me. We're supposed to be a community and i came here to meet people on different sides of the spectrum. People help each other, its good to have someone to talk to. That person doesn't have to solve all your problems, just being there and listening to you and you being there to listen to them helps a whole lot.

Anyway the way i see it you don't like cuckolding so its just a matter of time before you get snippy about it. you aint got to be mean.

k

(in reply to MystressDream)

Post #: 37

RE: Dumb Question, but an honest one - 11/11/2007 7:26:12 PM

MsIncontrol

Posts: 261
Joined: 10/3/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: FaithfulYoungCuk

There's people who like cuckolding and people who don't. Dream, Incontrol, you don't.

Pot, meet kettle. You have no idea of whether or not I like cuckolding. In fact, I do, very much so, but more in the classic sense of it. I like to call it polyamory but if you take the definition of cuckold I am a cuckoldress. And in fact you are not. In order to be cuckold you would have to be married. You, from my understanding, is a person who has a girlfriend who cheats on him, and he likes it.

From the American Heritage Dictionary.
Cuckold: (n) A man married to an unfaithful wife.

From Websters.
Cuckold: (n) A man who's wife is unfaithful.

I am married to my submissive, but yet choose to play/have relationships with others as well. The difference is my mate isn't someone I am ashamed of. The people I choose to relate with know he is my husband...and I do not call him my gay roommate.

I wouldn't have been so limited to think I could be happy with a vanilla person. I waited and dated and kissed a lot of frogs until I found my mate, someone who not only enjoys day to day things with me but someone who also understands and compliments my dominant side.

So while I may have made a snap judgment based on your trials and tribulations. Maybe you are actually in this so call relationship...it is neither, in my opinion, a BDSM one nor that of a cuckold. So you can call it what you want...but as a writer you should get your facts straight and learn to utilize a dictionary before you publish your works for the public to scrutinize.

_____________________________

Happiness is only real when shared. - Christopher McCandless

(in reply to FaithfulYoungCuk)

Post #: 38

RE: Dumb Question, but an honest one - 11/11/2007 8:24:31 PM

MissSCD

Posts: 1185
Joined: 3/10/2007
Status: offline

I never understood this idelogy in the first place. I have seen cockhold slave's in Dungeon scenes. I have one who will do it, but he likes it.

Anytime I think about talking with someone he acts a bit concerned. For example, my friend of four years is a dear to me. It is a mental connection.

It sounds like you both have different expectations. One thing I can tell you that throughout my journey in this life, I have had to reevaluate my ideas and thinking to fit what I really want and belief in.

I thought I could do a lot of different things and wanted to deep down, but my traditional southern values would not allow me to do that, and for me it is a good thing.

My suggestion is for you to reevluate your value system and what you can accept from this lifestyle.

Regarads, MissSCD

(in reply to FaithfulYoungCuk)

Post #: 39

RE: Dumb Question, but an honest one - 11/11/2007 8:29:35 PM

ElanSubdued

Posts: 1511
Status: offline

FaithfulYoungCuk,

quote:

FaithfulYoungCuk to MystressDream:
Anyway the way i see it you don't like cuckolding so its just a matter of time before you get snippy about it. you aint got to be mean.

Actually, I don't think Mistress Dream was nasty at all. Perhaps she was extremely direct and frustrated with your posts, but I don't think she was overtly nasty.

Inadvertently, you've answered your own quandary in a single sentence. I'll repeat your words: "the way I see it you don't like cuckolding so it's just a matter of time before you get snippy about it". How about applying this logic to yourself? You don't seem to like cuckolding and consequently you're getting quite snippy about it. It's absolutely idiotic to complain "oh, but I don't like my girl fucking other people and ignoring me" when this is what you signed up for. The old adage is particularly true here. Be careful what you ask for because you're likely to get it.

Personally, I wouldn't stay with a partner who ignored my concerns and who continued to behave in a way that she knew caused negative effects on my psychology and self esteem. This is where BDSM ends and real-life kicks in. So what if you're a submissive (and a cuckold too)? You don't like the situation. You've communicated to your partner and yet she persists. This seems like a clear message from your partner that she is not going to change. You either accept things as they are or you move on. Don't fall into the mistaken belief that this is a BDSM issue. This has nothing to do with BDSM or cuckolding. Rather, the problem is that you need to decide what you want and can live with, and you need to communicate this to your partner.

If you don't like the current relationship dynamics with your partner, tell her. The next time you discuss this with her, I suggest you leave BDSM protocol bullshit by the roadside and just say what you really mean. How about:

"Mistress, Ma'am, Sweetheart, (whatever you call your partner)... when you make love to other men instead of me, this is causing me to feel lonely and abandoned. I know we agreed you can have other partners, but in reality, now that I'm living with this, it's not the turn-on I thought it would be. Could we spend some time together as a monogamous couple while we work this out? I really miss spending time and sharing intimacy with you."

There. That's direct communication. If your partner wasn't aware of the problem before, she will be now. The two of you can now work together and find a solution. Be honest with yourself and with your partner. If you don't want your partner to fuck other people, say so. If you don't mind her having sex with other men while you're present, but not when you are not, say so. Maybe you just want regular, exclusive nights for the two of you and the rest of the time it floats your boat that she's out with other men? Whatever it is, think this through and communicate clearly. There is no way your partner can solve the problem with you if you don't communicate your needs clearly.

Keep in mind that successful relationships go through small adjustments and sometimes large changes. This is a serious issue that your partner doesn't seem to be aware of (or if she is aware of it, she is ignoring your concerns, perhaps misguidedly thinking they will go away in time). Obviously, the issue isn't going away so it's up to you to take the reins and communicate your feelings. Nobody on Collar Me can solve this problem for you. Only you and your partner can solve this so my advice is that you quit posting and instead go and talk to your partner.

Good luck.

Elan.

(in reply to FaithfulYoungCuk)

Post #: 40

Page: << < prev 1 [2] 3 4 next > >>

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Mistress >> RE: Dumb Question, but an honest one

Page: << < prev 1 [2] 3 4 next > >>

Jump to:

New Messages	No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages	Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages	Locked w/o New Messages

Post New Thread

Reply to Message

Post New Poll

Submit Vote

Delete My Own Post

Delete My Own Thread

Rate Posts

Collarchat.com © 2025

Terms of Service

0.094