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need advice please? - 11/17/2007 7:38:40 AM

wildnbeautiful

Posts: 26
Joined: 1/2/2007
Status: offline

i moved like 3000 miles to be with my rl Master and well He isnt very dominate so we dont practice the M/s thing we more or less work and sleep more well i just found out he seems to be telling other slaves here in collerme what he wants and needs and that he seems to be looking... when i was told i am all he needs and wants i do not understand why would he not tell me...i feel lied to and angry i love him so much yet i dont know what to do or say to him.. thanks

Post #: 1

RE: need advice please? - 11/17/2007 7:42:30 AM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline

Only you can decide whether or not you can continue to be with someone that has lied to you in such a significant way. I am not from the camp that lies can never be forgiven, but lies about other people are the ones that are the hardest to. Good luck, but only you can decide what you need to do about this, none of us can decide this for you.

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to wildnbeautiful)

Post #: 2

RE: need advice please? - 11/17/2007 7:48:10 AM

EvilKitty

Posts: 148
Joined: 7/13/2006
From: Tampa Florida
Status: offline

Holy s**t, child! I may not have much good advice other than; start saving money to get yourself the h**l out of there....I do send hugs & hopes that through this horrid, trial & error process, you will find a GOOD Master soon. The Dom you have may have too many emotional problems to currently be of any use to himself or others. My thoughts & prayers are with you. Lady Cat....an evil kitty

(in reply to wildnbeautiful)

Post #: 3

RE: need advice please? - 11/17/2007 7:53:11 AM

HouseBetwnWorlds

Posts: 29
Joined: 9/9/2007
Status: offline

Uhhhh can you say run, he is not a Master and will never give you what you want............reason is simple he does not know what he wants, if he does not know what he wants how can he care for you?

(in reply to EvilKitty)

Post #: 4

RE: need advice please? - 11/17/2007 7:55:58 AM

LadyHugs

Posts: 2299
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

Dear wildnbeautiful, Ladies and Gentlemen;

I am so sad for you lass. Unfortunately, it is so easy to be lured into a false sense of security by words alone and often the bubble bursts violently, when the 'talk the talk' doesn't match the walk, per se. The ability to really understand what a person might be, is physically investing time with that potential Master/Mistress/Dominant.

You will find, you are not the first and won't be the last. If this chap is already looking at others--I would take the behavior as a red flag and that you might find yourself on your backside, kicked to the curb when your money isn't good enough to support the chap and like an old car--find yourself traded in or left rusting in the field and or garage. Unless this chap is seeking others as to create a poly and or multiple slave household--that you knew this ahead of time; then I wouldn't be so sad for you. If this is a unplanned direction and you wished a one on one relationship with this chap--I would hold a good pity party for myself, when the party is over--I would leave and be on my own and find someone who knows what it means to commit, to communicate and to be honest in all ways--to include the skills, the ability to maintain a M/s dynamic.

It is up to you how you wish to deal with the situation. I wouldn't stay and had left long ago when he did not practice what he had preached. He might be great online, as it is a controlled time when online but, life and relationships as Master and slave are without an X button and or turning it off and on like a light switch. I also know real life gets in the way but, there is a difference in domineering and kinky sex and living a healthy relationship.

Just some thoughts.

Respectfully submitted for consideration,
Lady Hugs

(in reply to wildnbeautiful)

Post #: 5

RE: need advice please? - 11/17/2007 8:27:14 AM

MrSpectacular

Posts: 1153
Joined: 8/27/2007
Status: offline

Run - dont walk
Question though - did you have any form of relationship before you moved out there? Get to know him etc.

_____________________________

Yes I am Spectacular and they are real!

(in reply to LadyHugs)

Post #: 6

RE: need advice please? - 11/17/2007 11:48:36 AM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

I think you can guess what a good relationship is made up and how to get there. You're either in it together, or you'll separate alone.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to wildnbeautiful)

Post #: 7

RE: need advice please? - 11/17/2007 12:49:44 PM

SteelofUtah

Posts: 5307
Joined: 10/2/2007
From: St George Utah
Status: offline

I am sad to see so many answers of RUN!.

Does the Bond of a COLLARED slave to her Master (Regardless of the situation) mean so little that the easy answer is, screw it just leave.

The Bond of a Master and a slave shoud be cultivated and understood before it is christened with a collar.

wildnbeautiful I do not know how long you knew your Master before moving 3000 miles but I have to ask, did you discuss how he likes things to be in his home before hand, and what did he say?

I am wondering if this may be a case of buyers remorse which I have seen on the other side of the fence too many times with a Master who simply wants a slave and doesn't really listen to the fears they talk about and expects them to be Slave of the Year from day one.

I think you need to discuss your need with you Master and if he is not willing to do anything about it then he is breaking his bond and the collar he placed around your neck means nothing to him and thus should mean nothing to you.

In My house the Play is rare, the Dominance is Implied not expressed, and my slaves know that. I do not give collars easily and when I do it is a process that takes time.

If you moved 3000 miles then you should have had a good reason to, I would ask this Man why he is so different then what he said he was, and I would give him the opportunity to decide exactly what he is going to do, but agian the comment must be made, how well did you know him before you made this truely HUGE step.

I don't know the Man so I don't want to comment on him, I don't know you either but you are the one posting to the thread so I can at least ask you questions. If you are serious about being with him you have to make a choice.

The quick and easy answer is to Run, but what does that say about you and the meaning you place in the bond you enter into? Has he been abusive if so that is a different story all together.

As Always

Steel

_____________________________

Just Steel
Resident Therapeutic Metallurgist
The Steel Warm-Up © ™
For the Uber Posters
Thanks for the Grammatical support : ) ~ Term

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 8

RE: need advice please? - 11/17/2007 1:18:42 PM

CelticPrince

Posts: 3613
Joined: 4/15/2005
Status: offline

Steel,

very well put advice!

CP

(in reply to SteelofUtah)

Post #: 9

RE: need advice please? - 11/17/2007 1:22:39 PM

CelticPrince

Posts: 3613
Joined: 4/15/2005
Status: offline

wild,

before a cogent answer can be made, I question or two / how long were you in a relationship prior to your moving 3000 miles? / had you had some r/t interactions prior to moving out there?

CP

(in reply to wildnbeautiful)

Post #: 10

RE: need advice please? - 11/17/2007 1:25:30 PM

Celeste43

Posts: 3066
Joined: 2/4/2006
From: NYS
Status: offline

The trolling for others would be a deal breaker for me.

However, he moved here after two years LDR and for the first six months there was about zero play, dominance etc. It really took that long for him to get used to everything being new. Where to get new windshield wiper blades, finding lunch places near where he was working, making friends, figuring out how best to stay in touch with his family once he was that far away, etc.

Next time, don't pick up and move if you haven't known him for a long time, talked everything out beforehand, haven't spent a lot of time with him etc. Your screening process has a lot to be desired.

(in reply to CelticPrince)

Post #: 11

RE: need advice please? - 11/17/2007 2:07:25 PM

laurell3

Posts: 6577
Joined: 5/5/2005
Status: offline

The fact that this is not going well does not make him not a Master or a bad one per se (responding to other posts here). It does mean you have an issue. Like any relationship issues regardless of kink, the best thing for you to do is communicate. Sit down, and be honest with yourself about what it is you need, if you're not, it won't work. Write out what you are not getting from the relationship, what you think he may not be getting from the relationship, what you would like to have him work on, what you know you have to work on and go talk to him. Put aside your hurt feelings, and approach him openly and ask can we work this out? What do you need from me? Here is what I need from you, can you help me work towards this?

If he doesn't communicate, then you know the rest, it takes two to tango.

good luck to you

_____________________________

I cannot be defined by moments in my life, but must be considered for by the entirety of my existence.

When you fail to consider that I am the best judge for what is right for me, all of your opinions become suspect to me.

(in reply to wildnbeautiful)

Post #: 12

RE: need advice please? - 11/17/2007 2:11:18 PM

SteelofUtah

Posts: 5307
Joined: 10/2/2007
From: St George Utah
Status: offline

I like what laurell3 said.

And I just found a smiley that I think is cute.

As Always

Steel

_____________________________

Just Steel
Resident Therapeutic Metallurgist
The Steel Warm-Up © ™
For the Uber Posters
Thanks for the Grammatical support : ) ~ Term

(in reply to laurell3)

Post #: 13

RE: need advice please? - 11/17/2007 2:12:03 PM

breatheasone

Posts: 4004
Joined: 7/14/2007
Status: offline

The master (and i use the term loosely) she moved to be with DIDN'T take the "bond of collaring a slave" very serious now did he?....not if he is lying...and cheating...so yes....RUN away from the lying jerk.

_____________________________

Romans 10:13,For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved.
Mike posts in black font
candy posts in pink font

(in reply to laurell3)

Post #: 14

RE: need advice please? - 11/17/2007 2:17:44 PM

SteelofUtah

Posts: 5307
Joined: 10/2/2007
From: St George Utah
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: breatheasone

The master (and i use the term loosely) she moved to be with DIDN'T take the "bond of collaring a slave" very serious now did he?....not if he is lying...and cheating...so yes....RUN away from the lying jerk.

breatheasone,

Where I can understand you distaste for the idea, you only know one side of the story and even then you only know a small part of that side of the story she has yet to come back and tell you the situation that makes her feel she is being lied too.

I would like to call him a Jerk Too, but we don't have enough information to make an informed decision at this point it is just Hate him because she says so.

I am not willing to jump that particular butt till I have all the details.

As Always

Steel

_____________________________

Just Steel
Resident Therapeutic Metallurgist
The Steel Warm-Up © ™
For the Uber Posters
Thanks for the Grammatical support : ) ~ Term

(in reply to breatheasone)

Post #: 15

RE: need advice please? - 11/17/2007 2:36:52 PM

MasterFireMaam

Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline

As I usually share, this is my mother's advice. Ask yourself two questions: Would you miss him if he were gone? Is being in the relationship healthy for you? If the answer to either is no, it's time to take a long, serious look at whether or not the relationship should continue.

It's very hard to find ourself in a situation where we feel betrayed, especially when we made a heartfelt commitment. I hope it works out.

Master Fire

_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
-----
Ms Relationship Books
-----
BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to wildnbeautiful)

Post #: 16

RE: need advice please? - 11/17/2007 2:40:38 PM

SteelofUtah

Posts: 5307
Joined: 10/2/2007
From: St George Utah
Status: offline

Gets a Notebook to start writing down MasterFireMaam's words of advice.

Can I get your Mom's phone number too, I have a few other things I would like to get advice on.

Seriously I was just talking with another person how I don't always agree with you Master Fire but I respect what you have to say.

As Always

Steel.

_____________________________

Just Steel
Resident Therapeutic Metallurgist
The Steel Warm-Up © ™
For the Uber Posters
Thanks for the Grammatical support : ) ~ Term

(in reply to MasterFireMaam)

Post #: 17

RE: need advice please? - 11/17/2007 2:54:38 PM

laurell3

Posts: 6577
Joined: 5/5/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: breatheasone

The master (and i use the term loosely) she moved to be with DIDN'T take the "bond of collaring a slave" very serious now did he?....not if he is lying...and cheating...so yes....RUN away from the lying jerk.

Well while that may be what you would do, the OP is most likely not at the point yet or they wouldn't be posting here. Making an attempt to truly define what it is that's lacking and trying to communicate with him serves several purposes. If it doesn't work, she knows when she does walk away that she's done everything she can to make it work and the failure is not hers to bear. If it does work, then great, the relationship she comitted to and changed her whole life for that SHE says means alot to her is back on track. Obviously the OP is a rational adult, if in the process of writing out what she thinks needs to be changed she discovers it's not something she thinks they can work out, well of course, it goes without saying, she should take care of herself. That's part of the reason for the exercise of writing it out, you find out about you and what you want without the pressure of argument.

_____________________________

I cannot be defined by moments in my life, but must be considered for by the entirety of my existence.

When you fail to consider that I am the best judge for what is right for me, all of your opinions become suspect to me.

(in reply to breatheasone)

Post #: 18

RE: need advice please? - 11/17/2007 3:01:26 PM

MasterFireMaam

Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SteelofUtah

Gets a Notebook to start writing down MasterFireMaam's words of advice.

Can I get your Mom's phone number too, I have a few other things I would like to get advice on.

Seriously I was just talking with another person how I don't always agree with you Master Fire but I respect what you have to say.

As Always

Steel.

I'm shocked! And apalled! This is the Universe According to Fire! Of course you must agree! *cackle*

Thank you for you words. Respect works. Actually, even that isn't required...but is nice.

My mom is pretty cool. We didn't get along when I was a teenager (I was a TEENAGER...plus there was the alcoholic Dad factor) but once I was out of the house, married and in college, we started to build a really good relationship. She knows all about me and has even read my book. Now, if I can just get her to keep her cell phone charged....

We're close enough that one of my most prized possessions is a 3-generation quilt that we did. Her mother cut and partially pieced a quilt before she died. My mom, years later, finally got it out of storage and finished piecing it. She and I then quilted it together. It's one of the two quilts I've designated to be gifted to a quilting museum when I die (the other is a Catherdral Window quilt Grandma did. It's ALL hand done.).

Master Fire

_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
-----
Ms Relationship Books
-----
BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to SteelofUtah)

Post #: 19

RE: need advice please? - 11/17/2007 6:08:06 PM

wildnbeautiful

Posts: 26
Joined: 1/2/2007
Status: offline

ok well i havent said anything to Him and well He hasnt read His messages yet on His profile so...He goes daily as if nothing is wrong calls me His precious wants to marry me and adopt my child ext buys me things... spoiles my kids...true i jumped the gun we met on collerme in january and talked every day for hours on phone he came to fla and got me in april and been here ever since as far as M/s thing goes i could care less really simply because he said i wasnt really a slave type -shrugs- what ever that meant and alot of things he wont talk about because His excuse is He dont wanna make me mad or hurt -shrugs- no He isnt a abuser doesnt make alot of money but i love Him deeply in my heart he is the perfect One for me except i dont know what gives.. but guess all hell will hit the fan when he reads the message i left him wont it..

(in reply to MasterFireMaam)

Post #: 20

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