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sex "too soon" and devaluation - 11/18/2007 7:21:31 AM   
bbwdommelilith


Posts: 81
Joined: 10/25/2006
Status: offline 		     It seems that in the vanilla world, men often devalue a female if she has sex "too soon". Is this dynamic also present among those into BDSM?
 
Lilith
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RE: sex "too soon" and devaluation - 11/18/2007 7:25:43 AM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline 		Hmmmm, not in my relationship as far as I know...

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RE: sex "too soon" and devaluation - 11/18/2007 7:43:53 AM   
susie


Posts: 1699
Joined: 11/21/2004
Status: offline 		Nor in mine. We had sex on our first meeting. 3 and half years later we are still happy and together. He certainly felt no less of me because we did because he and I knew it was right for us at the time.

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RE: sex "too soon" and devaluation - 11/18/2007 7:45:08 AM   
MrSpectacular


Posts: 1153
Joined: 8/27/2007
Status: offline 		I think that is a bit of a generalization - we are all adults and get to make choices. If one person thinks it is too soon then don't do it. It also depends upon the understanding of whether the relationship is casual or whatever. Again - that takes communication.

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RE: sex "too soon" and devaluation - 11/18/2007 7:47:17 AM   
domiguy


Posts: 12952
Joined: 5/2/2006
Status: offline 		Only if the sex is lousy. 

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RE: sex "too soon" and devaluation - 11/18/2007 7:51:05 AM   
Sexynmentalinkc


Posts: 132
Joined: 4/14/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: bbwdommelilith

It seems that in the vanilla world, men often devalue a female if she has sex "too soon".  




This sort of broad generalization is probably unfair. Not that it doesn't happen but....."often"?  It's entirely subjective.

It would be like saying that in the vanilla world, women often devalue a male if he doesn't have a large enough pocketbook for them (or insert your apropos generalization as needed).


For me, how soon we have sex doesn't equate in any way to the value I place on a pet/partner.


*tips his hat*

- Mr. S

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RE: sex "too soon" and devaluation - 11/18/2007 7:54:02 AM   
Twicehappy2x


Posts: 1096
Joined: 3/27/2007
Status: offline 		Not in this house. Let me see, well it took an hours drive to get to the house, then about 20 minutes after that, well, um....WOW! Is all i have to say about that.

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RE: sex "too soon" and devaluation - 11/18/2007 8:00:29 AM   
xiam


Posts: 148
Joined: 7/1/2007
Status: offline 		It has been my experience that often within this lifestyle, the opposite is actually more accurate... i feel devalued if i say it is my preference to wait.  Pretty interesting stuff.

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RE: sex "too soon" and devaluation - 11/18/2007 8:11:12 AM   
Celeste43


Posts: 3066
Joined: 2/4/2006
From: NYS
Status: offline 		Some men feel that way, whether vanilla or kink, and some don't. Some women feel that way, whether vanilla or kink, and some don't.

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RE: sex "too soon" and devaluation - 11/18/2007 8:18:53 AM   
donnaamarie


Posts: 335
Joined: 9/7/2007
Status: offline 		sounds like my story.  You made it 20 minutes???? ~grins~



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RE: sex "too soon" and devaluation - 11/18/2007 8:50:54 AM   
SteelofUtah


Posts: 5307
Joined: 10/2/2007
From: St George Utah
Status: offline 		See I have found that it is Women who devalue women when they have sex too soon. I rarely hear guys call girls sluts, I hear women call girls sluts all the time.

I offten wonder if it is because some women wich they could be that free with thier sexuality or if it is because women think that all women should be less free with thier sexuality.

I held off having sex with andi until our third date. Even though we ened up naked and heavy petting on the second. We are married now and have a son, most likely because of the third of fouth date (No I am NOT kidding it really is that close)

Sex is a Vehicle, It can take you many places and unless you are the one driving it most likely won't always take you where you want to go.

I think there was a lot to be said about the 60's and free love. But then again I'm a pervert who likes to get my jolly's off as my wife likes to say so who knows.

As Always

Steel 

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RE: sex "too soon" and devaluation - 11/18/2007 8:55:15 AM   
bipolarber


Posts: 2792
Joined: 9/25/2004
Status: offline 		"Women devalued if they have sex too soon..."

What a charming, if backward, notion!

Hummm... which girl would I "devalue" more? The one who was giving me sex, or the one who was using the promise of sex to make me jump through hoops?

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RE: sex "too soon" and devaluation - 11/18/2007 8:59:10 AM   
BOUNTYHUNTER


Posts: 9259
Joined: 2/5/2004
Status: offline 		Sex is something that overrated and under valued,does it matter if the flesh is joined together now or waiting for weeks on end.I personal think the time spent bonded together where ever for a sec or a few minutes by doing so we have fulfilled the drive encoded in the male being..Its just that society has wrapped us all up in rules and code for love ...Don't get me wrong I am a sex manic boarding on the edge of addiction according to Diane..WE are our own sexual person and we can chose to either be naked in a New York second or take the long way around,,,  Any rate happy fornicating

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RE: sex "too soon" and devaluation - 11/18/2007 9:17:33 AM   
Prinsexx


Posts: 4584
Joined: 8/27/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Sexynmentalinkc





It would be like saying that in the vanilla world, women often devalue a male if he doesn't have a large enough pocketbook for them (or insert your apropos generalization as needed).



tackle, packet, weekly wage, bollox, balls, courage? gonads, male genitalia, male sex organ, nuts, rocks, testes, testicles, family jewels, prick, dick, stick of liquorice, piece of meat, six inches, eight inches, brown bag, sack, pack……don’t start me off……..




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RE: sex "too soon" and devaluation - 11/18/2007 10:18:39 AM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: bbwdommelilith

    It seems that in the vanilla world, men often devalue a female if she has sex "too soon". Is this dynamic also present among those into BDSM?
 
Lilith


Haven't encountered the attitude much on either side of the fence to be honest.

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RE: sex "too soon" and devaluation - 11/18/2007 11:48:57 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		I agree- I haven't really encountered that to be true in vanilla or kink groups.  And anyone who would care that a man would devalue sex they BOTH had obviously shouldn't be having sex casually at all.

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RE: sex "too soon" and devaluation - 11/18/2007 11:54:39 AM   
laurell3


Posts: 6577
Joined: 5/5/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: bbwdommelilith

    It seems that in the vanilla world, men often devalue a female if she has sex "too soon". Is this dynamic also present among those into BDSM?
 
Lilith


If someone has that 3rd grade double standard of an attitude, I'd rather know sooner rather than later personally.

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RE: sex "too soon" and devaluation - 11/18/2007 12:08:50 PM   
snowboardinpa


Posts: 16
Joined: 8/20/2007
Status: offline 		I've lost some persptcive(wow I can't spell today) partners because I refuse to have sex until after marrage. Call me a 19 year old that was born in the wrong time peroid?

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RE: sex "too soon" and devaluation - 11/18/2007 1:01:17 PM   
krikket


Posts: 1183
Joined: 11/17/2004
From: Washington, DC Metro Area
Status: offline 		Well, i haven't yet figured out when it's too soon, or too late.  Call me oldfashioned, however, but i like my "new" partner to be interested enough in me to want to know my last name and be willing to exchange a few basic pieces of information..lol.  (It's been an amazing educational experience to find out how many men don't require that..lol).

cheers
jimini

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RE: sex "too soon" and devaluation - 11/18/2007 1:15:13 PM   
slaveofKaos


Posts: 143
Joined: 2/16/2007
From: California
Status: offline 		I dated a guy who told me two years in to our relationship that had I had sex with him the first night we would not be together, that he would have put me in the category of just someone he could fuck. He said he wouldnt have the respect for me that he did had I not waited. We waited until our 4th or 5 th date, and I must say it was the best relationship i've ever been in and the best sex i've ever had.

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