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RE: sex "too soon" and devaluation - 11/18/2007 3:10:54 PM

Sirsinini

Posts: 172
Joined: 11/13/2007
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This kinda answers my perpetual question ~~
do you give your
body
mind
heart
or service first?

Sir's devoted property

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Post #: 41

RE: sex "too soon" and devaluation - 11/18/2007 3:11:49 PM

Kaiynasha

Posts: 172
Joined: 10/9/2007
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The only person can think themselves devalued is the person doing it and unsure. I mean, of course women are always subject to double standards, but it is important for a woman to know herself and what it is she wants. And then to be a woman to be okay with the good and the bad or backlash. Hard to do sometimes? Yes. But you do what you have to do.

So yes society does devalue women who have sex too soon or maybe I should say some men. But it doesn't mean it is true.

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Post #: 42

RE: sex "too soon" and devaluation - 11/18/2007 3:14:45 PM

MasterFireMaam

Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
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If they devalue me for pursuing what I want, they're not a match for me. Some men have been a one-night-stand for this reason (or for others).

And interesting bumpersticker I saw that's kinda related:
Prostitution: the radical notion that female sexuality has value.

(of course, that can apply to men, too)

Master Fire

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Post #: 43

RE: sex "too soon" and devaluation - 11/18/2007 3:17:24 PM

Prinsexx

Posts: 4584
Joined: 8/27/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: CalifChick

quote:

ORIGINAL: Prinsexx

edt to ask: what is the plural of penis?

Happiness. Sometimes spelled and pronounced Hap-PE-nis.

Cali

Indeed:
The penis mighter than the word!

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Post #: 44

RE: sex "too soon" and devaluation - 11/18/2007 3:20:26 PM

Prinsexx

Posts: 4584
Joined: 8/27/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: lateralist1

However when you have been used as often as I have then it does take time to trust that a man wants more than that or more than a one night play session which includes his sexual pleasure but not mine.

When you have been used as often as I have it doesn't take any time at all to realise a man wants his pleasure...smiles....winks.......curtsy....takes a bow....assumes the dog-facing-forward asana and the bala asana............

< Message edited by Prinsexx -- 11/18/2007 3:31:32 PM >

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Post #: 45

RE: sex "too soon" and devaluation - 11/18/2007 3:22:41 PM

Prinsexx

Posts: 4584
Joined: 8/27/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterFireMaam

If they devalue me for pursuing what I want, they're not a match for me. Some men have been a one-night-stand for this reason (or for others).

And interesting bumpersticker I saw that's kinda related:
Prostitution: the radical notion that female sexuality has value.

(of course, that can apply to men, too)

Master Fire

~ Prostitution: the radical notion that female sexuality has value~
I must have that inscribed on my rear end .......

(in reply to MasterFireMaam)

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Post #: 46

RE: sex "too soon" and devaluation - 11/18/2007 3:25:38 PM

mya75

Posts: 300
Joined: 10/14/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: bbwdommelilith

It seems that in the vanilla world, men often devalue a female if she has sex "too soon". Is this dynamic also present among those into BDSM?

Lilith

Nope it isnt although it should be its not like we wear a protective coating from the same things the vanilla world gets in regards to sexual activity...

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Post #: 47

RE: sex "too soon" and devaluation - 11/18/2007 3:33:52 PM

Tigrita

Posts: 484
Joined: 8/16/2007
From: California
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quote:

ORIGINAL: bipolarber
Hummm... which girl would I "devalue" more? The one who was giving me sex, or the one who was using the promise of sex to make me jump through hoops?

Weeelllll, some men like being made to jump through hoops, don't they? So, I'd say that's an open question ;)

And as far as the double standard of a man devaluing a 'fast woman' but not looking down on himself, or other fast-working, smooth-talking men... aren't we in this lifestyle for a double standard? I see nothing wrong with dominants having different expectations of behavior and what they value in that respect. I'm not saying this particular perspective of 'fast women' is justified, I think that depends entirely on the poeple involved, just a thought regarding double standards in general, and because I like playing devil's advocate.

Anyway, I've never met a man who seemed to value me less for sleeping with him quickly. I tend to be very picky, exept perhaps for a couple of weak moments. But I usually know very quickyly whether I'd want to sleep with someone or not, they just don't come along often, so once I do get that desire I'm not going to hold back, far from it! I've slept with both of the men I've had serious D/s relationships with on the first date, and no regrets whatsoever. There are only two instances where I've dated someone extensively before sleeping with them, everyone else I've just followed the passion, sometimes for just a night, sometimes a few weeks, and sometimes longer, but I've never felt looked down on for moving quickly physically.

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Success is making life happen, versus just letting life happen to you.

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Post #: 48

RE: sex "too soon" and devaluation - 11/18/2007 3:39:28 PM

chellekitty

Posts: 3923
Joined: 3/27/2005
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i lost my virginity to a one night stand when i was 18...i've taken the same approach to sex for the past 6 years...and i don't anticipate any change any tme soon....i've never had a man say anything about my sexual habits....i've had a few women call me a slut (meaning it deragatorily) and i've had quite a few women ask me how i do it (as in asking for advice)...

oh and the plural of penis is penii...hehe...like cactus is cactii...its an auditory thing...

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Post #: 49

RE: sex "too soon" and devaluation - 11/18/2007 3:42:00 PM

MzMia

Posts: 5333
Joined: 7/30/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Kaiynasha

The only person can think themselves devalued is the person doing it and unsure. I mean, of course women are always subject to double standards, but it is important for a woman to know herself and what it is she wants. And then to be a woman to be okay with the good and the bad or backlash. Hard to do sometimes? Yes. But you do what you have to do.

So yes society does devalue women who have sex too soon or maybe I should say some men. But it doesn't mean it is true.

As a Dominant woman, I would feel devalued if I allowed a submissive male to have
sex with me too soon.
It is certainly a privilege that has to be "earned", of course it could be totally different
for submissive women.
I also want to say every situation is different, with the right man it should not matter,
with the wrong man?
With the wrong man you will certainly get your answer very soon!
The more I think about it though, IF someone devalues you for giving of yourself so soon, he
would eventually devalue you anyway!

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Post #: 50

RE: sex "too soon" and devaluation - 11/18/2007 3:44:36 PM

Tigrita

Posts: 484
Joined: 8/16/2007
From: California
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Sirsinini

This kinda answers my perpetual question ~~
do you give your
body
mind
heart
or service first?

Sir's devoted property

Great question! That would make a fun and interesting thread in its self.

_____________________________

~ Tigrita

There is no right path, only the path you take.

Success is making life happen, versus just letting life happen to you.

"Many of the things I enjoy, I enjoy because I don't enjoy them." - Charlotte

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Post #: 51

RE: sex "too soon" and devaluation - 11/18/2007 4:47:25 PM

Prinsexx

Posts: 4584
Joined: 8/27/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: chellekitt

oh and the plural of penis is penii...hehe...like cactus is cactii...its an auditory thing...

well even I have to agree with you there hon....any dp with cactii would have even me screaming......

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Post #: 52

RE: sex "too soon" and devaluation - 11/18/2007 5:29:46 PM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Sirsinini
This kinda answers my perpetual question ~~
do you give your
body
mind
heart
or service first?

Sir's devoted property

IMO the only thing given is authority. The rest is shared. How you choose to give that authority depends on what you value and where you want to go together.

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Post #: 53

RE: sex "too soon" and devaluation - 11/18/2007 5:47:44 PM

LotusSong

Posts: 6334
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Domme Emeritus
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Prinsexx

oh......so do the penis...cum and go.......or did I miss something?

edt to ask: what is the plural of penis?

Heaven

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I'm not your type.
I'm not inflatable.

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Post #: 54

RE: sex "too soon" and devaluation - 11/18/2007 6:14:43 PM

allcatsaregrey

Posts: 77
Joined: 11/2/2007
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: bipolarber

Hummm... which girl would I "devalue" more? The one who was giving me sex, or the one who was using the promise of sex to make me jump through hoops?

Nicely put!

Unfortunately, my experiences in the vanilla world, I have been devalued because I slept with a guy to early - after that, he treated me like a piece of meat - and NOT in the good way! In my limited experience, I've actually found vanilla men to be more chauvanistic and judgemental.

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"Domination's the name of the game, in bed or in life, they're both just the same - Except in one you're fulfilled
at the end of the day."

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Post #: 55

RE: sex "too soon" and devaluation - 11/18/2007 6:19:55 PM

allcatsaregrey

Posts: 77
Joined: 11/2/2007
From: Pennsylvania
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Prinsexx

quote:

ORIGINAL: Sexynmentalinkc

It would be like saying that in the vanilla world, women often devalue a male if he doesn't have a large enough pocketbook for them (or insert your apropos generalization as needed).

tackle, packet, weekly wage, bollox, balls, courage? gonads, male genitalia, male sex organ, nuts, rocks, testes, testicles, family jewels, prick, dick, stick of liquorice, piece of meat, six inches, eight inches, brown bag, sack, pack……don’t start me off……..

Nice list! I prefer bolgona beast.

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Warm Regards,
c.,
The "Service with a Smile" Slut

"Domination's the name of the game, in bed or in life, they're both just the same - Except in one you're fulfilled
at the end of the day."

- Depeche Mode, "Master & servant"

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Post #: 56

RE: sex "too soon" and devaluation - 11/18/2007 6:33:37 PM

Sirsinini

Posts: 172
Joined: 11/13/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Tigrita

quote:

ORIGINAL: Sirsinini

This kinda answers my perpetual question ~~
do you give your
body
mind
heart
or service first?

Sir's devoted property

Great question! That would make a fun and interesting thread in its self.

I was going to .... decided against it. Possibly you might? I do have my own remarks. It actually parrallels (spell check where the hell are you?) a question I asked looooooooooooooong ago and boy was I rammed from all sides. Possibly the way I asked it ... after all I did ask from the male perspective as it was a Dom who infatically told me it was true. I now believe !

Sir's devoted property, who gave body and service first.

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Post #: 57

RE: sex "too soon" and devaluation - 11/18/2007 6:37:11 PM

Sirsinini

Posts: 172
Joined: 11/13/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LotusSong

quote:

ORIGINAL: Prinsexx

oh......so do the penis...cum and go.......or did I miss something?

edt to ask: what is the plural of penis?

Heaven

LOLOLOL The word P**** grates on me like nails on chalkboard. I prefer cock!! For which the plural is easy ~~ cocks !!
I do need to remind myself in which company I am in before I use cock or p****

Sir's devoted cocksucking property

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Post #: 58

RE: sex "too soon" and devaluation - 11/18/2007 6:44:50 PM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
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fast reply

I wanted to comment one more time...

It has never ceased to amuse me that there are some men out there that would disrespect a woman for being "easy" and yet they are usually easier than the women they disrespect... that is the epitome of hypocrisy...laughing here.

There have been a couple of men I slept with right away... interesting thing is that these men were the ones I have had the longest relationships with, one of which I married. Then there are the rest that I was not hot enough for, and they couldn't get into my pants, or it took them a long time, and the sex sucked because they did not turn me on enough to want to climb them like a tree...

I am easy, if someone makes me hot. It takes a lot of chemistry for me to pant like that, and folks.. sometimes it has taken years between men for me to get that hot over a guy. Once I went 5 years without sex because no one rang my bell, another time I went three years without sex.. and a couple of times I have went months or a year inbetween partners... so I ain't that easy, just easy for the right ones.

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Post #: 59

RE: sex "too soon" and devaluation - 11/18/2007 7:06:09 PM

angelslave77

Posts: 478
Joined: 5/14/2007
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I quite often have had sex on first date /first meeting or whatever. I am very sexually driven I enjoy sex and have never felt the need to applogize or feel ashamed of myself, nor have I ever been disrepected for my choices by either males or females. But having said that I have seen others called names and so forth but those people also seem to feel shame within themselves for what they do,they seem to be the people who try to deny what happened the night before .

My theory is that I am who I am and if people don't like it then they are not worth my time anyway

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Post #: 60