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RE: sex "too soon" and devaluation - 11/18/2007 1:35:10 PM   
domiguy


Posts: 12952
Joined: 5/2/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: slaveofKaos

I dated a guy who told me two years in to our relationship that had I had sex with him the first night we would not be together, that he would have put me in the category of just someone he could fuck. He said he wouldnt have the respect for me that he did had I not waited. We waited until our 4th or 5 th date, and I must say it was the best relationship i've ever been in and the best sex i've ever had.


I have had some fairly cool relationships with women that I have fucked on the first meeting....The chemistry was there and it was easily identifiable. It's funny that there are people like Kaos that think that the woman is giving up something when they choose to have sex....Like it is the ultimate "gift."  It's cool to wait, but I don't see two people who are really enjoying each other's company as losing something by engaging in sex.  If you are a good judge of character and really dig the person's company sometimes it just seems natural that you might be sharing breakfast the next morning....No ill thoughts...No guilt. Just two people enjoying each others company. Sometimes it just feels right....."Diggin the scene... Diggin on you... Diggin on me... Baby baby ooo baby baby... Its on like that.... Its on like that ...I gotta be in love or somethin like that."

I was like peace in a groove
On a sunday afternoon
You were there so was i
In the park 4th of july
I was chillin with my kool aid
When miss chile came to rely
That you had a thang for me
Finest thang youd ever seen
I must admit to you
Ive heard those lines a time or two
Although for some apparent reason
Monkey lines are now in season
Lights off lights on
I guess the groove is on so I am

Chorus
Diggin the scene
Diggin on you
Diggin on me
Baby baby ooo baby baby
Its on like that
Its on like that
I gotta be in love or somethin like that

I was like deep in a cool
Whatnt gone be nobodys fool
Could not care less who was there
Couldve been like anywhere
I was chillin with my kool aid
Did not want to par ti ci pate
In no silly conversations
Had no time for new relation ships
I must admit to you
When I heard the lines you threw
Although it usually turns me off
But this time you have turned me on
Lights off lights on
I guess the groove is on and I am

Chorus

Oh why do I feel the way I do
When all I can think about is you
What was it in a line
That made me fall for you
Do you know
Why Im diggin diggin diggin diggin on you

Chorus

Diggin on you
Its on like that
Diggin diggin diggin diggin on you










< Message edited by domiguy -- 11/18/2007 1:36:43 PM >

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(in reply to slaveofKaos)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: sex "too soon" and devaluation - 11/18/2007 1:49:57 PM   
Rushemery


Posts: 310
Joined: 9/10/2007
Status: offline 		I think it depends on the people involved and the situation. I personally feel that a date without sex is like weak coffee but also understand meeting for coffee isnt a date either.
I have found most of my male friends nilla or not that if they left the bar for a quicky and came back to drink the female was devalued but if they didnt come back she wasnt or not at the time, I wasnt there to hear it ect. that doesnt mean it wasnt his falt it was a quicky thats just what I have seen.
I think people who devalue someone because of sex either hasnt grown up or have narrow minds,
to each their own 

(in reply to slaveofKaos)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: sex "too soon" and devaluation - 11/18/2007 1:53:58 PM   
IrishMist


Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: bbwdommelilith

    It seems that in the vanilla world, men often devalue a female if she has sex "too soon". Is this dynamic also present among those into BDSM?
 
Lilith

Sorry; but......it's NEVER too soon for sex

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Profile   Post #: 23
RE: sex "too soon" and devaluation - 11/18/2007 1:59:07 PM   
SteelofUtah


Posts: 5307
Joined: 10/2/2007
From: St George Utah
Status: offline 		So Irishmist..... What's a girl like you doing in a place like this? Wanna let me buy you a drink, and maybe a little slap and tickle later.

You know the more I hear about this girl the more I like.

Seriously though, I question Irishmist do you think some women use sex as a tool to get something else though? And is speed in using that sex a sign of desire for the individual or possible a gender type display of power?

I often wonder if my slave feels satisfaction when she makes me cum, and wheter it is because she MADE me cum LIKE that or rather because she gave me pleasure. Think I'll go ask her...... Be gone for an hour at least.

As Always

Steel

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(in reply to IrishMist)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: sex "too soon" and devaluation - 11/18/2007 2:05:26 PM   
Dragynsfury


Posts: 79
Joined: 10/14/2007
Status: offline 		Interesting...I waited until the 4th date and the guy told me sex was not suited for our relationship.  Go figure.

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(in reply to SteelofUtah)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: sex "too soon" and devaluation - 11/18/2007 2:06:49 PM   
PsyVamp


Posts: 1026
Joined: 10/30/2006
Status: offline 		For me it was always about the chemistry and not about a specific time period.  -

Some men I meet I never sleep with, others it can be "20 minutes" (WEG) or 20 years.

Lady Jag.. (Psy) 

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(in reply to bbwdommelilith)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: sex "too soon" and devaluation - 11/18/2007 2:07:20 PM   
IrishMist


Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Dragynsfury

Interesting...I waited until the 4th date and the guy told me sex was not suited for our relationship.  Go figure.

LOL

Now that is... well... interesting

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Profile   Post #: 27
RE: sex "too soon" and devaluation - 11/18/2007 2:09:41 PM   
Decimus


Posts: 174
Joined: 9/17/2007
Status: offline 		I fully agree with you snowboard. I'm going to be 26 and I am a virgin and proud of it!

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Profile   Post #: 28
RE: sex "too soon" and devaluation - 11/18/2007 2:11:00 PM   
IrishMist


Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SteelofUtah

So Irishmist..... What's a girl like you doing in a place like this? Wanna let me buy you a drink, and maybe a little slap and tickle later.

You know the more I hear about this girl the more I like.

Seriously though, I question Irishmist do you think some women use sex as a tool to get something else though? And is speed in using that sex a sign of desire for the individual or possible a gender type display of power?

I often wonder if my slave feels satisfaction when she makes me cum, and wheter it is because she MADE me cum LIKE that or rather because she gave me pleasure. Think I'll go ask her...... Be gone for an hour at least.

As Always

Steel

LMAO

You tickle me, you get punched  Fair warning handed out ahead of time

as for the rest
/shrug
Don't know about anyone else but...well...sex is wonderful...one night stands are wonderful...in a committed relationship, sex is even better...no matter what the motivation is

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Profile   Post #: 29
RE: sex "too soon" and devaluation - 11/18/2007 2:18:12 PM   
Missokyst


Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline 		In my observation it is never too soon when you are involved with them.  It is only considered too soon when your relationship ends and they point out how quickly you had sex with them.
Kyst
quote:

ORIGINAL: bbwdommelilith

    It seems that in the vanilla world, men often devalue a female if she has sex "too soon". Is this dynamic also present among those into BDSM?
 
Lilith


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pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding ~Gibran, Kahlil

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(in reply to bbwdommelilith)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: sex "too soon" and devaluation - 11/18/2007 2:23:57 PM   
grlneedstolearn


Posts: 728
Joined: 1/29/2007
Status: offline 		My Dom and i actually waited till about 3 months after we met

(in reply to bbwdommelilith)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: sex "too soon" and devaluation - 11/18/2007 2:40:52 PM   
LotusSong


Posts: 6334
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Domme Emeritus
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Sexynmentalinkc

This sort of broad generalization is probably unfair. Not that it doesn't happen but....."often"?  It's entirely subjective.

It would be like saying that in the vanilla world, women often devalue a male if he doesn't have a large enough pocketbook for them (or insert your apropos generalization as needed).

- Mr. S


Noooooooooooo!  That's if he doesn'thave a large enough PENIS!!!  Money comes and goes


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I'm not your type.
I'm not inflatable.


(in reply to Sexynmentalinkc)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: sex "too soon" and devaluation - 11/18/2007 2:43:03 PM   
breatheasone


Posts: 4004
Joined: 7/14/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: bbwdommelilith

    It seems that in the vanilla world, men often devalue a female if she has sex "too soon". Is this dynamic also present among those into BDSM?
 
Lilith

I worried about this....my Master and I had sex on our 2nd date....


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(in reply to bbwdommelilith)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: sex "too soon" and devaluation - 11/18/2007 2:47:31 PM   
Prinsexx


Posts: 4584
Joined: 8/27/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: krikket

Well, i haven't yet figured out when it's too soon, or too late.  Call me oldfashioned, however, but i like my "new" partner to be interested enough in me to want to know my last name and be willing to exchange a few basic pieces of information..lol. 



Any hole's a goal.....one cannot fuck a last name or restrain a few pieces of information.
I don't distinguish my bdsm up from sex and so not only are my kink activities a continuum of sex but their timing is a continuum also......it's sexuality rather than sex. Again: since when did sex become a 'thing' rather than a process.......prosex??
Sometimes it happens to be sex for first course and kink for sweet....sometimes it's kink as foreplay.......sometimes the 'sexuality' is a public glance, or a kiss or a holding of hands...and sometimes the 'sexuality' is denial and making me wait....for hours and hours.......omg help me if it ever goes back to that Saturday night/Sunday morning
sex-yawn-turn-over-ritual-one-flavour-only-wham-bam-not-even-a-thankyou-ma-am-kinda-thing.
Starfish and coffee maple syrup and jam butterscotch clouds, a tangerine and a side order of ham if u set your mind free, baby maybe you’d understand as the song says...yes on the radio blasting riding along the M40 to the nearestoutdoorplay kind of experience



< Message edited by Prinsexx -- 11/18/2007 3:03:21 PM >

(in reply to krikket)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: sex "too soon" and devaluation - 11/18/2007 3:05:28 PM   
Prinsexx


Posts: 4584
Joined: 8/27/2007
Status: offline
I worried about this....my Master and I had sex on our 2nd date....

[/quote]

oh I must put my glasses on...I read my sister and I had sex on our second date.....oh well not to worry then either......

(in reply to breatheasone)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: sex "too soon" and devaluation - 11/18/2007 3:05:55 PM   
MadRabbit


Posts: 3460
Joined: 8/9/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: bbwdommelilith

    It seems that in the vanilla world, men often devalue a female if she has sex "too soon". Is this dynamic also present among those into BDSM?
 
Lilith


Not with me. It's mostly the opposite with them devalueing themselves for having casual sex "too soon".

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(in reply to bbwdommelilith)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: sex "too soon" and devaluation - 11/18/2007 3:06:07 PM   
lateralist1


Posts: 886
Joined: 11/22/2006
Status: offline 		I think quite a few male subs want to be denied penetrative sex.
Or have it used as a means of control.
That is their kink.
Some see it as stereotypical Domme behaviour.
I am not interested in a relationship where that is the kink.
And yes of course some men think like that still.
Probably always will.
And yes some women will encorage that way of thinking.
Because that's what they have been taught to think.
If it's right for both parties then do it is my answer.
However when you have been used as often as I have then it does take time to trust that a man wants more than that or more than a one night play session which includes his sexual pleasure but not mine.

(in reply to grlneedstolearn)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: sex "too soon" and devaluation - 11/18/2007 3:06:22 PM   
CalifChick


Posts: 10717
Joined: 10/28/2007
From: California
Status: offline 		If anyone I am with thinks less of me for waiting or not waiting to have sex with them, then they are obviously NOT the person for me.  What's it going to be next?  Not respecting me because my kink is too kinky or not kinky enough?  Sex is too important to me to have a partner judging me for it.

Cali

(in reply to Prinsexx)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: sex "too soon" and devaluation - 11/18/2007 3:06:59 PM   
Prinsexx


Posts: 4584
Joined: 8/27/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LotusSong

Noooooooooooo!  That's if he doesn'thave a large enough PENIS!!!  Money comes and goes


oh......so do the penis...cum and go.......or did I miss something?

edt to ask: what is the plural of penis?


< Message edited by Prinsexx -- 11/18/2007 3:07:58 PM >

(in reply to LotusSong)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: sex "too soon" and devaluation - 11/18/2007 3:10:30 PM   
CalifChick


Posts: 10717
Joined: 10/28/2007
From: California
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Prinsexx

edt to ask: what is the plural of penis?



Happiness.  Sometimes spelled and pronounced Hap-PE-nis.

Cali

(in reply to Prinsexx)
Profile   Post #: 40
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