RE: Do you keep your kink a secret? (Full Version)

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rook42 -> RE: Do you keep your kink a secret? (3/21/2008 10:32:45 PM)

Doesn't really come up that often, with non kinksters. It has no bearing on my career/family, and my personality is such that I don't get on well with the dogmatic sort anyway(kinked or not).



OTKkindaGirl -> RE: Do you keep your kink a secret? (3/21/2008 10:36:11 PM)

i use to keep it a secret..... i use to be a very private person in fact.  you would never to know it by just looking at me.  my parents never suspected though they knew i had a submissive nature.  then, the one and only time i was collared, the one who owned me decided to take the shine of this little girl, out of her fathers eyes.  he actually stayed up all night talking with my father and told him everything that i was into, the whole time denying that he himself would ever hurt me and that he was trying to change my ways.  it was devestating to say the least.  the only thing my father said to me... after he went back to his home six hours away, (he called me as soon as he got home) was this;  "although i don't agree with the lifestyle that you have chosen, i do still love you, please be careful."
the only influence in my life to show me what true unconditional love is (my father), has not let me down, and that is beautiful but still it has it's downside.  

now, as unfair as it really is, it will always be in the back of my father's mind and he  will always be wondering about any man that might choose to come into my life and i choose to be with.  it sucks and what a complete fuck to this "daddy's girl".  my former owner, doesn't believe that he was in the wrong by dimishing me in my fathers eyes.  so, the one person that i cared not to ever know, knows.  so what the hell do i care what anyone else thinks?  screw anybody else who would judge me!  so No, i no longer care who the hell knows and my profile pretty much says as much.  i do have tact.  i am not out there just flaunting the fact but i don't care who knows and if asked directly i will not deny it.   

judge not lest you be judged. 

*smile*  i'm not bitter..... just a little resentful and no longer owned.

now that all the skeletons are out of the closet.... i think i should do that show  "Moment of Truth"  what a blast that would be! 

Happy Easter to those that care and to those that don't, may you have a wonderful weekend anyway! 

sweetness to you all!



Daddysredhead -> RE: Do you keep your kink a secret? (3/21/2008 10:53:46 PM)

People in my life know that I'm a little "out there."  I have always been open and adventurous sexually, except during the 13 years that I was married.  When that ended, Daddy and I were together and were making bdsm a part of our relationship.  Everyone knew that this was different because I was always the boss in my marriage and past relationships.  I was calmer and more loving and deferred to Him. 

When my close friends asked what was different, I told them.  They were shocked, but that's been kind of typical for me - never just a "normal" answer, there's always some added dimension.  I've been up front with lots of my friends and co-workers who I felt I could trust with the information.  They either laughed or said "it figured."  Part of my personality lends itself to me being flirty and kind of suggestive, and leave people wondering what I really mean.  My boss always tells me, while laughing, that I'm "not right" and that there's "just something" about me.  He has no idea how right he is.  *giggles*

Anyone in the know, could probably guess by my keychain, what I'm into.  I have a mini flogger and a Bettie Page metal cut-out on my keys.  Some of my family kind of know, but they don't ask for details, so I don't give them.  If they did, I'd be open.  If I didn't have Things 1 and 2, I'd be much more open.  They are too young to know mommy is a pervert.



marieToo -> RE: Do you keep your kink a secret? (3/21/2008 11:18:46 PM)

I don't wave it like a flag, but yeah a lot of my family knows, my co-workers know, and my friends too.  I really don't have any problem telling people that I'm kinky.  I don't think most of them understand that for some people it goes deeper than getting whipped, tied and fucked, but whatever.  If it comes up and it's appropriate, I'll tell someone in my own way.
They joke about it, they giggle, they blush a little bit, they have their own ds fantasies, i think.  Funny thing is that no one really finds it that odd or remarkable anyway.



MontrealPhoenix -> RE: Do you keep your kink a secret? (3/22/2008 6:00:14 AM)

Noone in my non-kinky life knows about my being a submissive.  My family would just die as they are straighter than straight.  My sister might understand but it wouldn't be fair to make her keep it a secret.
 
Noone at work knows because it would probably compromise my job and in this economy that's no small thing.
 
I sometimes wish i could be more open, i resent the fact that society is still so closed to kink that there is a necessity to hide what we do. But it is what it is so i can't see myself being openly kinky any time soon.
 
Phoenix



littlebitxxx -> RE: Do you keep your kink a secret? (3/22/2008 6:53:00 AM)

I tried to keep it fairly low-key whilst still living in the same area as the ex.  My kids, friends, co-workers knew but I wasn't too obvious about it.  Since I've moved away, I've come completely out...still not obviously overt about it but more open.  In fact, outing myself got me my cool job - manager of an adult store. :)    I've found that having people know who/what I am and WIITID, not only is a great ice-breaker in conversations, but allays the questions and raised eyebrows when I see the massage therapist with welts all over my butt.  [;)]



SinLee -> RE: Do you keep your kink a secret? (3/22/2008 7:57:59 AM)

i'm an open book when it comes to that...i never kept a secret from my family, i don't go screaming it to THEIR friends, but anyone that knows me knows all of me. they know all my dirty little secrets up front because hey, if you can't love all of me, you don't love me at all.... that goes for friends as well as potential partners.



Keenandsharp -> RE: Do you keep your kink a secret? (3/23/2008 5:44:59 AM)

I think your sex life - your erotic interests should be a best kept secret between the sheets and those you love and that love you.  People close to you are impacted by sometimes truly cruel vanalla opinions.  This is a special thing that we share.  Protect it.



ponyboyachilles -> RE: Do you keep your kink a secret? (3/23/2008 6:34:48 AM)

I am forced to keep it a secret from business contacts for obvious reasons, from my family for my own deeply rooted fears that they would not understand (including not understanding the need to keep it a secret), from my vanilla friends (especially my macho Harley buddies, who would not only not understand but would ridicule me and shout it to the world and stop inviting me to go on rides, which would be the worst part), and from my vanilla gf, who I only called back after our first date because she has a pair of handcuffs trinket as the zipper pull on the leather jacket she wore on our first date (a Harley ride, natch) and when I mentioned it and told her I'm into bondage, she said she was OK with that.  But after a year and a half she has turned out to be depressingly vanilla, and although we are comfortable enough for an occasional joke (such as when I picked up the  length of nice soft rope we bought in Homey Depot for a totally different, totally vanilla purpose and wound it around her and suggested we might use it for a different purpose, and she giggled a little), occasional jokes do not a D/s relationship make.  She knows my proclivity toward bondage, but not its extent.  Nor has she even the slightest idea as to the vastness of my toy collection (nor how often I use it).  My Mistress knows about my gf, but my gf doesnt know about my Mistress.  Mistress and I have discussed it though, and I am exploring the possibility of someday breaking it to my gf (would she freak out if her bf of 2 years were suddenly revealed to her in full ponyboy regalia, complete with body harness, armbinder, bridle, mane, and horsehair tail!)  My fondest desire would be for my Mistress and gf to meet and get along and Mistress to teach gf to become Mistress also (or instead).  And at some point I intend to try, but there are major risks, including what if my gf (who by now knows my entire family and most of my friends too - after all she rides her own Harley and we ride our two bikes together with other friends all the time) freaked out a la my worst fears and outed me to the gang?  I would have to move out of state.



tigerlilly34 -> RE: Do you keep your kink a secret? (3/23/2008 6:57:02 AM)

i have one at work who kind of knows we are kinky, and 2 friends out side of work who know. Not one  of them knows how kinky we truly are and what Master and i discuss. i trust them because it would not get leaked  out in a way that would make it impossible to show are faces at work. i dont want  family to know that would not be good at. some things are better  just kept private because the complicatons that could arise from it in our case .



Padriag -> RE: Do you keep your kink a secret? (3/23/2008 8:23:47 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: cyberdude611

In other words do you fear a backlash if people found out about your interest in bdsm? 

What's BDSM... don't know what you're talking about. [:D]

quote:

Does your family know?

Why exactly would my grandmother... or even my mother for that matter... need to know?  Hell, I don't tell them who I'm fucking, why should I tell them who I'm flogging?

quote:

 Your boss?

Well... I am the boss... but that aside... why the hell would anyone need to tell their boss?  I mean, really, do you normally discuss with your boss who you are fucking?

quote:

Neighbors?

Most people barely know their neighbors... much less discuss their intmate lives with them.  I happen to know my neighbors, we get along well.  No, they don't know... if I ain't gonna tell my mom who I'm fucking or flogging, its surely none of their business... besides which I doubt they want to know.  They're far more more interested in the parking area I had paved for them and other practical matters... like the fence between our properties that needs to be replaced.

quote:

If you are single, how soon do your declare your interests to potential partners?

Depends on when it seems appropriate... which sometimes has been in the first five minutes after I first met them and am still just flirting... in other cases it was weeks or months later.  Some relationships move faster than others.  Some never go there at all.  May come as a shock but I don't feel in necessary to tie up, flog, or even fuck every lass I go out with.

quote:

There seems to always be different answers to this... Some people are wide open about it. Others don't even tell their bf/gf of their interest.

Here's a more interesting question... why is this asked so often?  Why do so many seem to feel it would even be appropriate to tell their boss, their neighbors, their entire family, etc.?  Is it that they hate feeling like what they do is a "dirty secret"?  Or do they just have that much of a need for the approval of others... of a community?  What motivates people can be fascinating.



wideeyedgirl -> RE: Do you keep your kink a secret? (3/23/2008 5:35:50 PM)

*fast reply*
I dont outright tell people. I've hinted to my roommate so he wasnt concerned if he heard some odd noises. A few of my coworkers that are also very close friends know. Those people usually find out because Ive made a slip..or a reference and they were like minded. One ex vanilla/coworker knows..because I was honest with him as to why we couldnt be together.But I trusted him not  to *out* me.
I also have one great friend, a former Pro-Domme, now is experimenting with her non-pro switch side. She saw the site history on my computer and said "I knew it!". Apparently Ive had alot of indicators in my day-to-day behavior. Just how I'll sit, not speak usually until spoken to, look for arroval from someone in a position of authority and such...
Its been awesome to have her to talk to actually.

But then in my field..its not that big of a deal. Noone wants the details  but I know alot of dirt..about alot of people. So if I got outed..well..might get some stares and questions, but I wouldnt be affected in my career path. In my future career path (nursing) I dont know. It might not be as lax.



kiwisub12 -> RE: Do you keep your kink a secret? (3/23/2008 6:03:17 PM)

I find it interesting that "we" hide our bdsm, but  if you look at the lifestyle objectively, we follow the teachings of the bible pretty closely - at least from the sub/female dom/male point of view.
The other combination is going straight to hell - lol.

No-one other than my lifestyle friends know about my kink. There are very few people that need to know this.  Of course the neighbours probably have heard some screaming and noticed the plethera of cars bearing women at my Sirs house.   But , you know, neighbours really can't do much to us.  Work is a totally different thing. I so  do not want to know what would happen if  people knew what I was into.   My collar is sterling silver and looks like jewelery, so hasn't occasioned comment.



SunNMoon -> RE: Do you keep your kink a secret? (3/23/2008 6:22:10 PM)

~fast reply~

Do I fear a backlash no not really, I just don’t consider it everyone’s business what I do within my relationship. My family doesn’t really know nor can I think  of a reason they would need to know. As long as I’m happy that’s pretty much what they want. My neighbors nope, nor I do think they should. I don’t want to know what they do in their relationships. When I was single I was somewhat up front, but it’s not a first date thing for me. After all on a first date I’m trying to figure out if I want to get to know them more. My friends do know a little about what I like to have in my relationships but they don’t care.

I’m not wide open about it. I just don’t talk about it with everyone. I just think that there is more to me then my like for a d/s relationship that has kink in it.



Griswold -> RE: Do you keep your kink a secret? (3/23/2008 6:37:23 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: MissMagnolia

I've never felt the need to tell anyone that I'm a Domme. I've never felt the need to tell anyone I fancy Jean Luc Picard in Star Trek either.

Why would I?


Yeah...but if you tell people you fancy Jean Luc...you'll get some fairly odd stares.



LikaLady -> RE: Do you keep your kink a secret? (4/10/2008 11:33:53 AM)

    Do I keep it a secret? No, but I also don't go around advertising to people outside the life about what turns me on. My friends know, my family has a pretty good idea. I'm not ashamed of anything that I do, and I do answer questions that friends and family ask. 



azropedntied -> RE: Do you keep your kink a secret? (4/10/2008 1:49:47 PM)

HELLO .. I am  Kinky , I have fetishes , i love my BDSM Me ... Shhhhh dont tell  anybody  ok ..
The whole keep it a secret thing  only works if your not doing it what so ever in public  behind closed doors in a  almost lock down situation .If not you may just me someone when your out  and about , thinks of the last season of the Sopranos  and the leather bar scene ..



GothishNomad -> RE: Do you keep your kink a secret? (4/10/2008 4:30:32 PM)

I've been lucky enough to randomly meet (& keep) friends who had similar intersts in kink. (Often coming from "hey, how'd you get that scrape on your wrist" with a knowing grin.)

In general I'm very open with my friends - even when it's made them WHOLLY uncomfortable - suck it up you're my friend & I have to listen to "Oh my God you wont believe what a slut I was I totally sucked Dean's dick in the car." so you get to hear "So I finally got to play last night - I swear to God there's a bruise in the shape of his hand completely covering my tit."

At work I tend to keep it separated out but apparently I give off something - either masochistic or maybe it's the gothy thing- on more then one occasion someone's made a comment about either rough sex or beatings and then immediately referenced my social life. (Which is sad because I'm still looking for someone to "social" with. [:D])

My family & I have very simple rules when it comes to our personal lives - my brothers have had sex twice because they have 2 kids each, mum -4 kids = sex 4 times, I am a virgin because I have no kids. It keeps things simple.



xSeductivexPetx -> RE: Do you keep your kink a secret? (4/10/2008 10:13:01 PM)

I am very open about myself, I really dont care what other people think of me, expecually when I dont know them. If they cant accept me for who I am. Then they are not worth my time



DDraigeuraid -> RE: Do you keep your kink a secret? (4/10/2008 10:34:35 PM)

I decided long ago that I would not hide it from my children and family, but that I would not force it on them either.  My youngest (she's 22 now) and I had code words.  "You don't want to know about it" and she kind of knew, but didn't pursue it.

I havn't always been able to figure out how to explain it to prospective dates.  But then havn't had one of those in awhile.

Dragon



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