RE: Do you keep your kink a secret? (Full Version)

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Tantriqu -> RE: Do you keep your kink a secret? (4/10/2008 10:46:36 PM)

I'm assertive before and behind closed doors, but only my lovers and a couple of friends who live vicariously through me know I fuck straight men in the ass, if they're good.
I'm pleasantly amazed by the number of men who approach me, knowing/guessing I'm Domme and into Queening and Strapons. 
But I still want a handkerchief code.



LadyAyla7053 -> RE: Do you keep your kink a secret? (4/10/2008 10:57:40 PM)

For myself I don't think I could keep my kink a secret. It's not only my kink it's part of who I am and growing up I was always told that if someone can't accept you for you then you don't need them in your life. If I was in contact with my blood family yes they would know. Shoot they know about me being Wiccan and everything else so I don't think it would shock them too badly. As for my friends they are in the lifestyle or friendly towards it. I am in the same mind as many others that posted here. I don't flaunt it but I don't hide it either. In fact I'm in college and in my sociology class I had to do a presentation on deviants. Well my subject was sexual deviants and guess what I brought to show and tell? My instructor wasn't surprized simply because I warned her ahead of time and she understood, but many of my classmates are pretty young. Yearly 20's and I could tell is shocked a few of them but not in a bad way. In any case I'm rambling, no I don't hide that part of my life. I have no reason to do so.



SovereignSlave -> RE: Do you keep your kink a secret? (4/11/2008 4:18:10 AM)

In general, I follow the "it's no-one's business" rule. In my daily life, I'm not comfortable with others knowing what I like in bed. (Yeah, I do have a modest side.) However, I actually did tell a few people close to me when I started exploring this stuff. The first one I told it was so I could have a safety contact when I went to meet someone in the scene. The others I kinda had to tell when I visited the guy regularly, and they started asking me "where did you meet him?" For people who I didn't feel needed to know, I just said "Long story that you really, really don't want to hear." and they left it at that. Two people who ended up being included in the "just can't lie about it" category were my sister and my mom, of all people. My sister I felt comfortable telling, because her two ex-roomies were very open about their BDSM lifestyles, and she had a better understanding - through them - than most vanilla folk. My mom, well... she's not in the scene officially, but her response to my abashed 'outing' was "Yeah, I'm pretty sure you got that gene from me."
Thanks, Mom.



StormsSlave -> RE: Do you keep your kink a secret? (4/11/2008 4:48:44 AM)

I don't go to great pains to hide it, but I don't normally have conversations with the general public (boss, family, co-workers included) about my sexual preferences or my sexual activities. 

Would that go like this?
Me: "So, hey, the weather's been nice."
Them: "Yeah, at least not freezing.  So, tell me...do you like it when your man ties you up and beats you with a cane?"

Somehow, it just hasn't come up.  If asked, I'll be honest.  My adult daughter is aware we have some interesting toys, but has avoided asking too many questions.  Since I suspect she's also got some interesting toys, I'm not asking too many questions either.  My mom and dad don't care to hear it, as I'm sure my siblings don't either.  My friends might ask, but they might be afraid that I would tell them.  [:D]

I wouldn't share details of my vanilla sex, either.  As for Jean Luc Picard...one word...yummy!!!



aBondageTop -> RE: Do you keep your kink a secret? (4/11/2008 7:03:11 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: cyberdude611

In other words do you fear a backlash if people found out about your interest in bdsm? Does your family know? Your boss? Neighbors? If you are single, how soon do your declare your interests to potential partners?

There seems to always be different answers to this... Some people are wide open about it. Others don't even tell their bf/gf of their interest.


I don't discuss my sexual preferences with anyone except my partners.

I try to determine general sexual compatibility before becoming intimate with someone.  I try to do this in a manner that is respectful of my safety and their sensibilities.  I give a little information, then get a little, until I have some idea whether we will be compatible.
It's subtle, just like the rest of a courtship.  After a couple of relationships where formerly vanilla women turned out to quite enjoy my kinks, I got complacent and mistakenly assumed that most intelligent women would enjoy it given a chance.  Then I had a couple of brief relationships with women who couldn't get into it, and simultaneously discovered that I would never be satisfied with someone who wouldn't play at all.  So now I make sure that potential partners are aware of my interests before we become intimate.



OnlyMels -> RE: Do you keep your kink a secret? (4/11/2008 7:33:42 AM)

Only a few people in my life know about my interest.. Only Daddy would know if it wasn't for his big mouth. I don't think anyone needs to know about what i do in the bedroom its none of their business. For some reason Daddy thimks we need a huge sign on the window so everyone knows what we're into. He does it to piss me off for some reason. Stupid sense of humor.



MusicalBoredom -> RE: Do you keep your kink a secret? (4/11/2008 9:09:28 AM)

I am out about who I am and what I do in the world.  Everyone I know has an idea about what that is.  I do not go into graphic detail or overt, graphic descriptions of what that is, but it is known at least in a general way what I'm about.  As far as dating or flirting or even hanging out goes, I am who I am and it seems the submissive type always hangs around my table when I'm at a club somewhere.  I have told many during casual conversation when they tell me some secret "I should stand you in the corner for that."  It's a safe way to judge a reaction -- usually its a giggle and a blush followed by more flirting.

This week for instance, one the girls I do have that dynamic with told me she was having trouble getting ready for her comps.  I told her to come study here.  She brought a vanilla friend from school and they sat quietly at a desk in my office while I worked.  At one point they were giggling about something and I walked over with a ruler and tapped it on the desk and said "you two be quiet and get back to studying."  I said it with a smile and they both laughed but they also went back to studying.



Mercnbeth -> RE: Do you keep your kink a secret? (4/11/2008 9:19:16 AM)

quote:

Do you keep your kink a secret?


Only from people who don't know us.



justblue -> RE: Do you keep your kink a secret? (4/12/2008 4:16:46 PM)

    like many others i dont discuss it with family or my neighbors , however some of my close colleges at work have said" there is something about you "



Luciferica -> RE: Do you keep your kink a secret? (4/12/2008 4:18:51 PM)

not really



kittinSol -> RE: Do you keep your kink a secret? (4/12/2008 4:20:47 PM)

I took out a full-page advertisement in the local newspaper.

"I LIKE TO BE T**D-UP and S*****D."



mnottertail -> RE: Do you keep your kink a secret? (4/12/2008 4:23:03 PM)

Ja, I saw that add, and really dont know that much about * so, I didn't answer, figuring we were not a close enough fit.



kittinSol -> RE: Do you keep your kink a secret? (4/12/2008 4:30:00 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: mnottertail

Ja, I saw that add, and really dont know that much about * so, I didn't answer, figuring we were not a close enough fit.


[sm=whisper.gif]



petpete -> RE: Do you keep your kink a secret? (4/12/2008 4:56:15 PM)

Well, this is a very sensitive question that the OP has put forward.. As a single male and a character that people love to pick on for some reason of my humorist personality my work mates have questioned me a number of times of why i remain single.. my background has that i was married and in long term relationship with my ex wife for over 12 years. However through my marriage i wasn't happy even though i cared and loved my ex wife. i also felt myself as not what she was really looking for so i was not satisfying to her as later on indications showed... i really don't want to fall in the same pitfall again so i don't engage in vanilla relationships unless it is purely of friendship alone. So my answer to friends and work mates is that my sexual preferences are a little different to how the average bloke perceives sexual orientation as... You can imagine the faces of the tradesmen after saying something like that last time during the lunch hour!! There jaws almost dropped and one of them who kind a got a hint and is a smart ass started to mentioning BDSM terms so i waved him off by making the remark that he seems to be pretty well informed about sexual matters and he didn't need my input. i also added that perhaps if he has wasted so much of his time to know of the BDSM terminologies he would be more likely to have some interest in the lifestyle but i never make it clear of wether i am submissive or Dom. (this is for the sticky noses)



atursvcMaam -> RE: Do you keep your kink a secret? (4/12/2008 5:19:14 PM)

i do not work at hiding my lifestyle, but the only people that have displayed a great deal of interest have been potential partners, and my "safe" call.



RainbowBalloon -> RE: Do you keep your kink a secret? (4/23/2008 5:18:24 PM)

I am bi, and very open about it to all my friends (who are mostly gay/ bi anyway) and if it comes up with other college students or teachers, I do not hide that I'm bi.

But when it comes to BDSM and all that encompasses, only my boyfriend and a few friends on here know. I think if even my closest friends knew, they would be confused and maybe a little weirded out, but I think they would get over it and forget it unless it came up again. But even saying that, even if it came up in conversation, I highly doubt I would speak up. I would be too embarassed, and being new to the scene, would not know exactly what to say.



ponyboyachilles -> RE: Do you keep your kink a secret? (4/24/2008 5:35:16 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: OTKkindaGirl

...now that all the skeletons are out of the closet.... i think i should do that show  "Moment of Truth"  what a blast that would be! ...



What a fabulous sentiment!  If only we all had that happen to us at the same time, and then nobody would have any reason to hide who they are for the sole benefit of not offending (or being forced to fear losing their relationships with) the ones they love. 

Represent us well in the vanilla world.  Best of luck in all things.

/a



ponyboyachilles -> RE: Do you keep your kink a secret? (4/24/2008 5:40:21 PM)

Posted twice by mistake - sorry.



BrigandDoom -> RE: Do you keep your kink a secret? (4/24/2008 5:44:31 PM)

I was "outed" at my last job by some idiot who thought it would be fun trying to use the subject for piss taking. It backfired seriously on the guy, he got a lot of stick from various people in the office, especially some of the ladies in our "typing pool" who it seems he was trying to seduce. Still, I became a bit of an office icon, talking point, got invited to a lot of parties and even found a few like minded people at work. Used to be fun getting invited to "chaperone" at hen parties, especially when armed with a couple floggers lol. As for the nice guy who outed me, his wife found out about his "office activities" directly from the girls concerned so he was the only one to suffer.
Obviously my parents were less than impressed when word got to them, especially my father but as I pointed out I'm a big boy now and my choices are my choices and only effect those directly around me.



LoveSickPuppy -> RE: Do you keep your kink a secret? (4/24/2008 5:47:56 PM)

I had recently debated making kink t-shirts and bumper stickers and going out to the bar. I think it would be liberating since I do generally keep it a secret unless I know that person is kinky too.





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