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Number of previous partners - 11/21/2007 4:17:36 PM   
CalifChick


Posts: 10717
Joined: 10/28/2007
From: California
Status: offline 		If you were becoming acquainted with someone, you both liked each other, things were moving along, you had been speaking for some time, yada, yada, yada... would their number of previous partners make a difference to you (if you suddenly became aware of that info because somehow it just never came up before)? 

Would you just chalk it up to "that's part of their past and that's what makes them who they are"? Or if you had known specifically in the beginning and it was outside your normal comfort zone, all things considered, would you have just moved on?

Cali
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RE: Number of previous partners - 11/21/2007 4:25:42 PM   
mistoferin


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Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline 		It really would depend on what you mean by "number of partners". If I found out that they had been sexual with 100 women before me it wouldn't matter as much to me as if they told me they had been married 7 times.

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RE: Number of previous partners - 11/21/2007 4:27:21 PM   
laurell3


Posts: 6577
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Status: offline 		I don't go there and I don't respond to the question.  Honestly I stopped asking after about 10th grade. (and stopped counting then too ).

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RE: Number of previous partners - 11/21/2007 4:28:34 PM   
MissMagnolia


Posts: 3636
Status: offline 		Partners in general, or BDSM partners?

General, maybe. But I could chalk that up to trying to be vanilla and not give in to the "dark secret" side of themselves.

BDSM partners, maybe. I would wonder why they had so many, why they didn't commit to anyone deeply enough to stay with them long term.

It would depend on the age of the person too. I mean older people would maybe have had more partners in their life, simply because they have had more time on the earth than younger people.

Then again, if I had really clicked with the person, it wouldn't really matter. But that's just me.

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RE: Number of previous partners - 11/21/2007 4:31:06 PM   
gorgeous1


Posts: 367
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Status: offline 		What's in the past is in the past. When I was single, the only thing that mattered was whether they had a clean bill of health, and no horrible emotional baggage from past relationships.

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RE: Number of previous partners - 11/21/2007 4:31:39 PM   
CalifChick


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Joined: 10/28/2007
From: California
Status: offline 		Sorry, I should have been more clear.  Although I see more good questions.  I specifically meant "people you've had sexual intercourse with".

Cali

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RE: Number of previous partners - 11/21/2007 4:33:49 PM   
RRafe


Posts: 2060
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Status: offline 		It's not about how many you have had-it's about the negative crap they left behind-and you didn't bother to get rid of.

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RE: Number of previous partners - 11/21/2007 4:34:39 PM   
mistoferin


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quote:

ORIGINAL: CalifChick

Sorry, I should have been more clear.  Although I see more good questions.  I specifically meant "people you've had sexual intercourse with".

Cali



Well then, provided that they had a clean bill of health I don't think that it would matter to me very much. The only thing that might cause me a moment's pause is if the number was astronomically high I might wonder if there were some issues with not being able to make commitments.

< Message edited by mistoferin -- 11/21/2007 4:35:16 PM >

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RE: Number of previous partners - 11/21/2007 4:38:08 PM   
CalifChick


Posts: 10717
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From: California
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quote:

ORIGINAL: mistoferin

The only thing that might cause me a moment's pause is if the number was astronomically high I might wonder if there were some issues with not being able to make commitments.


Okay, just for curiosity, what would you consider astronomically high for a 20 year old? A 30 yr old? A 40 yr old? and a 50 yr old?

Cali

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RE: Number of previous partners - 11/21/2007 4:41:19 PM   
laurell3


Posts: 6577
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Status: offline 		In the past 6 years I've had sex with four men.  However, I'm sure some (if I even knew what it was) would consider my overall number "astronomical".  I am 41, however and have never been married and I did lose my viriginity to a sexual assault at 15, and it did take me awhile to grow up and realize I had self-worth without sex.  The number really doesn't mean as much as where the person is today.  I say this not to invoke sympathy (which I really don't desire or need), but to show that asking that question really implies to me that someone is missing that point and asking the wrong questions.

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RE: Number of previous partners - 11/21/2007 4:43:11 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


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Status: offline 		Thw why/who/how is far more important than the actual number, but the number has some relevance.

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RE: Number of previous partners - 11/21/2007 4:47:50 PM   
mistoferin


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quote:

ORIGINAL: CalifChick

quote:

ORIGINAL: mistoferin

The only thing that might cause me a moment's pause is if the number was astronomically high I might wonder if there were some issues with not being able to make commitments.


Okay, just for curiosity, what would you consider astronomically high for a 20 year old? A 30 yr old? A 40 yr old? and a 50 yr old?

Cali



What I mean is if a man told me he had slept with oh say....3,000 women....I'd be asking the questions that LA mentioned were more important. The whole picture is far more important to me than numbers.

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

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RE: Number of previous partners - 11/21/2007 4:48:36 PM   
laurell3


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quote:

ORIGINAL: mistoferin

quote:

ORIGINAL: CalifChick

quote:

ORIGINAL: mistoferin

The only thing that might cause me a moment's pause is if the number was astronomically high I might wonder if there were some issues with not being able to make commitments.


Okay, just for curiosity, what would you consider astronomically high for a 20 year old? A 30 yr old? A 40 yr old? and a 50 yr old?

Cali



What I mean is if a man told me he had slept with oh say....3,000 women....I'd be asking the questions that LA mentioned were more important. The whole picture is far more important to me than numbers.


Yep, I agree.

_____________________________

I cannot be defined by moments in my life, but must be considered for by the entirety of my existence.

When you fail to consider that I am the best judge for what is right for me, all of your opinions become suspect to me.

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RE: Number of previous partners - 11/21/2007 4:55:03 PM   
slaveluci


Posts: 4294
Joined: 3/2/2007
From: Little Rock, AR
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: mistoferin
Well then, provided that they had a clean bill of health I don't think that it would matter to me very much

It wouldn't matter much to me at all either.
quote:

The only thing that might cause me a moment's pause is if the number was astronomically high I might wonder if there were some issues with not being able to make commitments

Unless he was honest about just having been out there having sex for the fun of it and commitment was never discussed.  Having large numbers of sex partners doesn't necessarily, of course, equate to inability to commit.  I think it would bother me more if my partner had had too few partners (in my view) than that he's had too many.  Go figure...........luci

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RE: Number of previous partners - 11/21/2007 5:16:15 PM   
topcat


Posts: 1675
Joined: 1/31/2004
From: Tidewater, VA
Status: offline 		let's try this.
 
I am 44, never married, my longest relationships have run about 4 years (there are only four). I am prone to be monogamous, though most of my relationships are at least, in theory, 'open'.
 
I come up with fifty lovers over 28 years of being sexually active.
 
Is that an issue?

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RE: Number of previous partners - 11/21/2007 5:35:59 PM   
marieToo


Posts: 3595
Joined: 5/21/2006
From: Jersey
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CalifChick

If you were becoming acquainted with someone, you both liked each other, things were moving along, you had been speaking for some time, yada, yada, yada... would their number of previous partners make a difference to you (if you suddenly became aware of that info because somehow it just never came up before)? 

Would you just chalk it up to "that's part of their past and that's what makes them who they are"? Or if you had known specifically in the beginning and it was outside your normal comfort zone, all things considered, would you have just moved on?

Cali



I've had sex with a whole 3 men in my entire life.  That said,  I don't really care how many partners someone else has had, at least not from a moral standpoint, but my concern would be catching an std.  Current blood tests or condoms are neccesary. Other than that, I take no issue with someone who has had numerous partners.

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RE: Number of previous partners - 11/21/2007 5:50:16 PM   
slaveluci


Posts: 4294
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From: Little Rock, AR
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quote:

ORIGINAL: topcat

let's try this.
 
I am 44, never married, my longest relationships have run about 4 years (there are only four). I am prone to be monogamous, though most of my relationships are at least, in theory, 'open'.
 
I come up with fifty lovers over 28 years of being sexually active.
 
Is that an issue?

Uh, not for me.......luci

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RE: Number of previous partners - 11/21/2007 6:37:36 PM   
topcat


Posts: 1675
Joined: 1/31/2004
From: Tidewater, VA
Status: offline 		Dear Luci-
 
It kinda is an issue for me- it's a bit higher than I am really comfortable with. Really, low numbers would likely worry me as much, if not more...
 
Stay warm,
lawrence

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RE: Number of previous partners - 11/21/2007 6:57:41 PM   
slaveluci


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From: Little Rock, AR
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quote:

ORIGINAL: topcat

Dear Luci-
 
It kinda is an issue for me- it's a bit higher than I am really comfortable with. Really, low numbers would likely worry me as much, if not more...
 
Stay warm,
lawrence

If I may ask, why would low numbers worry you?  I said if a partner of mine had a low number of former partners, I would have more of an issue with that than if he/she had a lot of them.  To me, I guess I would rather they had too much experience than not enough.  I feel like I would want them to have had enough other experiences to know what all is out there.  Variety is the spice of life, you know.  Just curious why you would feel worried with a lower number...........luci

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RE: Number of previous partners - 11/21/2007 7:18:46 PM   
topcat


Posts: 1675
Joined: 1/31/2004
From: Tidewater, VA
Status: offline 		Dear Luci-
 
It would concern me for much the same reasons you cite, as well as a concern that the might be overreaching issues as well (asumming that the low number was  due to being married for most of their life). As you said, I don't think one could be too experianced, but inexperianced could be an issue for me....
 
Stay warm,
Lawrence

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