RE: I seem to care more about your SO than you......

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RE: I seem to care more about your SO than you...... - 8/22/2005 2:07:00 PM

caitlyn

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Yeah ... I would hate to think what the maximum was.

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RE: I seem to care more about your SO than you...... - 8/22/2005 2:33:40 PM

luvdragonx

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quote:

ORIGINAL: caitlyn

Yeah ... I would hate to think what the maximum was.

When I used the phrase 'at a minimum......' I was doing so to reference the post where I originally asked the question. So I'll ask you straight up: how did you come to the decision to go out with a married man, as long as he told you he was married?

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RE: I seem to care more about your SO than you...... - 8/22/2005 3:22:59 PM

pinkpleasures

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quote:

In other situations where it's not so cut and dried, at least as far as an outsider can tell, it's more complicated and time consuming to come to a decent conclusion. So the best thing is, don't come to one at all, unless it directly involves you.

luvdragonx

You may be right. i think maybe there's just not enough life-experience for some people to know what happens when a married/lying husband cheats on his wife. On the other hand, maybe there are some such men and women around, and they cannot face the destructiveness of these acts.

pinkpleasures

< Message edited by pinkpleasures -- 8/22/2005 3:23:19 PM >

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RE: I seem to care more about your SO than you...... - 8/22/2005 3:25:48 PM

pinkpleasures

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quote:

the more i think about it, the sillier this whole thread seems.

morality is entirely subjective, and, like any other subjective matter, it is not really an appropriate topic for argument. suppose you think red is prettier than black and i think black is prettier than red, there's no point in arguing it, because there is no way either of us could ever be right. but that's what we're doing here.

thelight

My morals are not subjective. i rather doubt many here do not have a fixed "North Pole" for ethical decisions.

pinkpleasures

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RE: I seem to care more about your SO than you...... - 8/22/2005 3:33:30 PM

caitlyn

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Well ... due to life events that are really not important to this thread, I feel the most comfortable in relationships where everyone knows exactly what they want, and exactly what they are getting.

I like to date men a little older than me, like around 30'ish. I like men with good jobs and nice cars and a bit of money to enjoy a nice date. That's not to say I'm a gold digger. I have a nice car, nice clothes, really anything someone my age would want ... I just don't enjoy the "milkshake and a movie" date, and never have. I genuinely like to hear about a man's jobs and all the difficulties at work ... and his fishing trips and golf game and stuff like that. I like to be wined and dined and taken to nice places.

Now, why does an older man date someone like me? It might be sex, but I have to feel that if a 30-something man is looking for good sex, he would be best off with a 30 or 40-something woman. I know I suck at sex. Chances are that the thrill of the chase/catch is part of it ... and being seen by his friends dating a young girl is very strong motivation. The top motivation, from what I've seen.

Going back to my side ... I really don't want to sleep with these guys if I can avoid it. I'm not a virgin, but for reasons that are not important to this post, sex is a little bit intimidating to me. Also, I'm interested in having fun, but I don't think I'm mature enough to have a real relationship. I wouldn't wish being my "boyfriend" on my worst enemy, much less a guy I actually liked.

So, that leaves the ultimate symbiotic relationship ... some married guy going out with me. I'm cute enough to be a trophy girl to his friends and he can get that ego boost ... and all the pressure for sex is off, because I tell him up front that no matter how drunk he gets me, I'm not going to sleep with him. There is no chance that the relationship will move to the next level ... and who can stand a clingy guy anyway?

So, with all those conditions, if the guy still wants to take me out, I have to feel that everyone is getting what they want ... nobody is getting pregnant ... and if the guy is out with me, he isn't out with some homewrecker out to make him her husband.

You might even say I'm performing a public service.

I'm sure this is screwed up logic and a bad answer ... but it's also an honest one.

< Message edited by caitlyn -- 8/22/2005 3:35:03 PM >

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RE: I seem to care more about your SO than you...... - 8/22/2005 3:39:15 PM

pinkpleasures

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quote:

Now, why does an older man date someone like me? It might be sex, but I have to feel that if a 30-something man is looking for good sex, he would be best off with a 30 or 40-something woman. I know I suck at sex. Chances are that the thrill of the chase/catch is part of it ... and being seen by his friends dating a young girl is very strong motivation. The top motivation, from what I've seen.

caitlyn

In my experience, caityn, men who date women young enough to be their kids are groping through a miasma and cannot tell which way to turn. They have such phobias about aging, and think they can suck her youth like a vampire. Kinda sad to watch, but people are flawed. Not every man looses his way at 35 or 40.

pinkpleasures

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RE: I seem to care more about your SO than you...... - 8/22/2005 4:07:23 PM

luvdragonx

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Honesty is key.

Believe me, I see what you're saying. If I said I'd always done the Moral, Upstanding and Ethical thing in every situation, I'd be lying. At one point in my life, I didn't care if the guy was married, as long as he treated me well, and didn't expect anymore from me than he was willing to give. My motto was "If her man is out with me, that's her problem, not mine." It took experience and a taste of the other side to change my thinking.

Maybe it's easier to find married men willing to treat you the way you want to be treated. What I find interesting is that since I stopped seeing married men, there is no shortage of single guys with the same means looking for a woman like me - uninterested in commitment. Maybe that's the catch - men who don't want to be tied down by a steady girl seek one who doesn't want to be his girlfriend. Similarly, you don't want a guy who's interested in that kind of committment.

From what I understand you to say, you are interested in getting what you want out of it, and he's getting what he wants, with no apparent long term issues. And you're okay with that. Fair enough. It's a lot easier to say that if he's out with you, he's not with a real homewrecker. It's also easier to believe that, because your intentions aren't malicious, that it somehow makes it better. Other people don't see it that way, but you are by no means obligated to adopt their views. All I say is consider the whole picture, not just a part of it. As long as you are honest with yourself, as you say, that's all you're ultimately responsible for.

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