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RE: I seem to care more about your SO than you...... - 8/18/2005 2:17:50 PM   
TallDarkAndWitty


Posts: 1893
Joined: 6/12/2004
From: Rochester, NY
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: thelight
the concept of anarchy is inherently paradoxical. the freedom to do what one desires includes the freedom to impose one's desires upon others, at the expense of their freedom to do as they desire.


Yes yes yes!!! The core of zen-anarchism...my own philisophical label of choice.

quote:


if i am permitted to impose upon your freedom, then i am permitted to make law.


Might makes right.

quote:


at the same time, however, i cannot be forbidden to impose upon your freedom if there is no law. laws are inevitable, just like everything else.


Though their inevitable makes them no more real...

I very much like the way you think!

Taggard

_____________________________

A most rewarding compliment is an insult from the ill-informed.


My slave: Kat (RainaVerene on the other side) and her website: RainaVerene.com

(in reply to thelight)
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RE: I seem to care more about your SO than you...... - 8/18/2005 7:57:11 PM   
GentleLady


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quote:

The action doing the hurting is the man having sex with the other woman. The other woman having sex with a man hurts no one. She is in no way responsible for the hurt cause by the man having sex.

Taggard, if the woman is not responsible then why is she named in the divorce petition if the wife takes the husband to court for a divorce on the grounds of adultry? Why would the other woman have to appear in court and testify if her actions have caused no hurt to the marriage and have no consequences for which she is responsible?

The easy answer is that she is being used as proof of the adultry but even when the husband admits to adultry the other woman is still named on the papers. She still ends up having some responsibility under the law.

Gentle Lady


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Profile   Post #: 162
RE: I seem to care more about your SO than you...... - 8/18/2005 9:13:45 PM   
caitlyn


Posts: 3473
Joined: 12/22/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: GentleLady

Taggard, if the woman is not responsible then why is she named in the divorce petition if the wife takes the husband to court for a divorce on the grounds of adultry? Why would the other woman have to appear in court and testify if her actions have caused no hurt to the marriage and have no consequences for which she is responsible?

The easy answer is that she is being used as proof of the adultry but even when the husband admits to adultry the other woman is still named on the papers. She still ends up having some responsibility under the law.



I don't know that much about the law, but something seems common sense wrong with this thought.

Just because someone is named in a case and asked, or even compelled to testify, that doesn't make them responsible, does it?

Wouldn't a material witness be names in just about any criminal case, and wouldn't they be asked to testify? Wouldn't the victim be named and be asked to testify? If a person committed a robbery with a gun that was stolen from a gun shop, wouldn't that shop be named, and might somoene from the gun shop be asked to testify? Obviously none of them would be responsible under the law ... right?

Also if being names on those divorce papers indicated some sort of responsibility under the law, wouldn't that person be involved in the settlement in some way? Maybe one of the people on here that knows the law (pinkpleasures maybe) could chime in. Has anyone ever heard about the "other woman (or man)" in a divorce case ending up having to pay child support or alimony to the spouse filing the divorce papers?

Just curious.


< Message edited by caitlyn -- 8/18/2005 9:16:38 PM >


_____________________________

I wish I could buy back ...
the woman you stole.

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RE: I seem to care more about your SO than you...... - 8/18/2005 10:18:19 PM   
GentleLady


Posts: 356
Joined: 2/1/2005
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quote:

Wouldn't a material witness be names in just about any criminal case, and wouldn't they be asked to testify? Wouldn't the victim be named and be asked to testify? If a person committed a robbery with a gun that was stolen from a gun shop, wouldn't that shop be named, and might somoene from the gun shop be asked to testify? Obviously none of them would be responsible under the law ... right?

Also if being names on those divorce papers indicated some sort of responsibility under the law, wouldn't that person be involved in the settlement in some way? Maybe one of the people on here that knows the law (pinkpleasures maybe) could chime in. Has anyone ever heard about the "other woman (or man)" in a divorce case ending up having to pay child support or alimony to the spouse filing the divorce papers?

Being named as a witness or ordered to testify is different from being named in a divorce suit. I should have been more specific. The person named in the legal divorce suit is named as being one of the people responsible for the adultry in exactly the same way as the spouse is. If the adulterer admits in court that they did commit adultry the person they slept with is still named (even if they do not have to testify). It also becomes a matter of record and can be brought up in other divorce cases. For example: the fact that she has been named (using a husband and female other woman to illustrate) in one divorce case as the other woman means that her own husband can sue her for divorce on the grounds of adultry without having to prove it because she has already admitted guilt.

pinkpleasures might know the divorce law for the United States but I should have also been more specific that I am speaking about Canadian divorce law. Nowadays, with no-fault divorces being easier, divorce on the grounds of adultry is not as commonly used. And yes I do know how the Canadian law system works regarding divorce very well. I have not yet run into a case file where the other person had to pay support of any kind though. That would be the legal responsibility of the spouse being divorced.

Gentle Lady


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RE: I seem to care more about your SO than you...... - 8/19/2005 1:29:48 AM   
Lordandmaster


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I don't really understand your point. Support is not determined by whether one party committed adultery. Support is determined by a very precise and mundane formula, and it's all about dollars and cents.

A lawyer might have to step in here, but I'm under the impression that hauling people into court in order to testify about adultery is a thing of the past (well, at least in the U.S.--I don't know anything about Canada). You just go in, count beans, and leave with an agreement sanctioned by a judge or mediator. Divorce is about ending a marriage and changing your legal status; it's not about hunting down adulterers and subjecting them to condign humiliation.

(in reply to GentleLady)
Profile   Post #: 165
RE: I seem to care more about your SO than you...... - 8/19/2005 3:38:22 AM   
IronBear


Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline
quote:

Also if being names on those divorce papers indicated some sort of responsibility under the law, wouldn't that person be involved in the settlement in some way? Maybe one of the people on here that knows the law (pinkpleasures maybe) could chime in. Has anyone ever heard about the "other woman (or man)" in a divorce case ending up having to pay child support or alimony to the spouse filing the divorce papers?


Thank god we have "No Blame" Divorces here. My last two wives still screwed me over financially, but that's ok too.

_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to caitlyn)
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RE: I seem to care more about your SO than you...... - 8/19/2005 3:51:56 AM   
darkinshadows


Posts: 4145
Joined: 6/2/2004
From: UK
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quote:

I don't know that much about the law, but something seems common sense wrong with this thought.

Just because someone is named in a case and asked, or even compelled to testify, that doesn't make them responsible, does it?

Wouldn't a material witness be names in just about any criminal case, and wouldn't they be asked to testify? Wouldn't the victim be named and be asked to testify? If a person committed a robbery with a gun that was stolen from a gun shop, wouldn't that shop be named, and might somoene from the gun shop be asked to testify? Obviously none of them would be responsible under the law ... right?

Also if being names on those divorce papers indicated some sort of responsibility under the law, wouldn't that person be involved in the settlement in some way? Maybe one of the people on here that knows the law (pinkpleasures maybe) could chime in. Has anyone ever heard about the "other woman (or man)" in a divorce case ending up having to pay child support or alimony to the spouse filing the divorce papers?


If you were riding in a car with someone who commited a crime, or knew someone who commited a crime and you did not report it - or knowingly purchased stolen goods(if unknowingly - you are still libal to return the goods because ignorance is not base for innocence) and you ignore that crime because technically 'you didn't do it' - you can still be charged with conspiricy or handling if the person you was with is later convicted.

Your analagy gives anyone the right to commit any offense against another person just because it isnt directly your fault. Your absolving yourself of responsibility. Which is worse than the actual 'offense' (sorry to use that word, it just best fits)
If you are mature enough to commit adultery, at least be mature enough to accept you are partly responsible for any pain your actions cause.

Peace and Love


_____________________________


.dark.




...i surrender to gravity and the unknown...

(in reply to caitlyn)
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RE: I seem to care more about your SO than you...... - 8/19/2005 3:56:33 AM   
lovingmaster45


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Joined: 9/16/2004
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quote:

Lately it's been overrun by boors. I prefer it the old way, and I'm going to try to bring back the good days. So people who call all religions irrational bullshit are going to get some flak. Have fun with it.


Bring your flak this way...

I agree with her.

This after being the youngest President of the Methodist Youth Fellowship; traveling the tent circuit with Bob Bible (yes that is his name and he is a NC car dealer now...not much difference between selling used cars than selling religion.) being a divinity student at Wake Forest University; and finally becoming an atheist in a foxhole in VietNam...where did that shit about no atheist in foxholes come from anyway?

Thank you Satre, and Professor Rosenberg

_____________________________

Master Jerry


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RE: I seem to care more about your SO than you...... - 8/19/2005 4:05:15 AM   
lovingmaster45


Posts: 261
Joined: 9/16/2004
Status: offline
quote:

Two final thoughts:

First, I hope the moderators don't see any of these posts as flames, because I don't feel flamed and really didn't mean to flame anyone. I think we were just communicating openly about a difficult issue.

Second, I have now completely changed my postion!!!!!

From now on, anyone that asks me out is going to have to prove beyond any doubt that they are not married or involved in a relationship where they are not supposed to date other people. Anyone have any ideas on how I can make that happen?

I promise to check every car ignition for screw drivers.

I will never again consider a little kissing as anything short of complete carnal knowledge.


I think I am in love with this little girl. And YES my wife, Head Bitch Barbie likes her too. As soon as she graduates from Rice, we are headed to Texas to visit Barbie's old boyfriend in Dallas and see if we can't buy this smart girl a drink or two. Hell maybe we will get her drunk and have "exploitives sex" with her.

I am sure Pink will approve of that...lol. Hey Emerald...Want to come with us?

_____________________________

Master Jerry


(in reply to caitlyn)
Profile   Post #: 169
RE: I seem to care more about your SO than you...... - 8/19/2005 5:53:30 AM   
TallDarkAndWitty


Posts: 1893
Joined: 6/12/2004
From: Rochester, NY
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: lovingmaster45
I am sure Pink will approve of that...lol. Hey Emerald...Want to come with us?


Can I come too?!?!?

I'm always up for some "exploitives sex"!

Taggard

_____________________________

A most rewarding compliment is an insult from the ill-informed.


My slave: Kat (RainaVerene on the other side) and her website: RainaVerene.com

(in reply to lovingmaster45)
Profile   Post #: 170
RE: I seem to care more about your SO than you...... - 8/19/2005 6:44:10 AM   
pinkpleasures


Posts: 1114
Status: offline
quote:

don't really understand your point. Support is not determined by whether one party committed adultery. Support is determined by a very precise and mundane formula, and it's all about dollars and cents.

A lawyer might have to step in here, but I'm under the impression that hauling people into court in order to testify about adultery is a thing of the past (well, at least in the U.S.--I don't know anything about Canada). You just go in, count beans, and leave with an agreement sanctioned by a judge or mediator. Divorce is about ending a marriage and changing your legal status; it's not about hunting down adulterers and subjecting them to condign humiliation.

Lordandmaster


As far as i know, every state has adopted "no fault" divorce laws. In such proceedings, adultery is irrelevant and testimony on the subject would be prevented by the judge. The relevant issues are described by statute, and generally call for an equitable distribution of assets and liabilities...which is presumed to be 50% to each party.

Alimony (the kind paid monthly until death or remarriage) is virtually a thing of the past. Rehabiliatative alimony, such as 2 years' support while a spouse goes to school to acquire a marketable skill, is sometimes granted but not often.

Adultery would be relevant if a pre- or post-nuptuial agreement made adultery a condition shifting assets between the spouses. However, such provisions in these agreements are rare in part due to the difficulty of proving adultery and the deleterious effect on the spouses' conduct in the event adultery is suspected.

Some judges would take evidence of adultery in considering a contested child custody matter, if it could be shown that the adultery adversely affected the best interests of the child directly in some way.

Man...what the memory retains and loses. Where in the hell are my car keys, LOL?

pinkpleasures


< Message edited by pinkpleasures -- 8/19/2005 6:47:11 AM >


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RE: I seem to care more about your SO than you...... - 8/19/2005 7:04:17 AM   
caitlyn


Posts: 3473
Joined: 12/22/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: dark~angel

If you were riding in a car with someone who commited a crime, or knew someone who commited a crime and you did not report it - or knowingly purchased stolen goods(if unknowingly - you are still libal to return the goods because ignorance is not base for innocence) and you ignore that crime because technically 'you didn't do it' - you can still be charged with conspiricy or handling if the person you was with is later convicted.

Your analagy gives anyone the right to commit any offense against another person just because it isnt directly your fault. Your absolving yourself of responsibility. Which is worse than the actual 'offense' (sorry to use that word, it just best fits)
If you are mature enough to commit adultery, at least be mature enough to accept you are partly responsible for any pain your actions cause.

Peace and Love


Adultery isn't a crime ... this example makes no point.

_____________________________

I wish I could buy back ...
the woman you stole.

(in reply to darkinshadows)
Profile   Post #: 172
RE: I seem to care more about your SO than you...... - 8/19/2005 7:43:11 AM   
pinkpleasures


Posts: 1114
Status: offline
quote:

Also if being names on those divorce papers indicated some sort of responsibility under the law, wouldn't that person be involved in the settlement in some way? Maybe one of the people on here that knows the law (pinkpleasures maybe) could chime in. Has anyone ever heard about the "other woman (or man)" in a divorce case ending up having to pay child support or alimony to the spouse filing the divorce papers?

caitlyn


Most states have laws on the books which are rarely enforced. i'd guess that adultery is a crime in more than half the country, but it is newsworthy when someone gets arrested for it because the law is so seldom enforced.

In order to commit adultery, you must be married -- so the "other" man or woman is not chargeable unless a conspiracy or aiding and abetting statute is used.

Children born during the marriage are presumed by law to be the issue of the husband, but that presumption can be rebutted and the "other" man can be subjected to the duties of parenthood -- including child support -- if evidence demonstrates the child is his biologically.

Most states still have "heartbalm" statutes, which allow a divorced person to sue the "other" man or woman who broke up the marriage by sleeping with the former spouse in civil court for the "damages" suffered. However, just like an arrest for the crime of adultery, when such cases are allowed by the judge to go forward they are newsworthy because they are so rare.

These days, judges would most likely take "judicial notice" that a divorced woman has marketability as an employee and as a marriage partner, and dismiss any such law suit. The stigma of being a "divorced woman" is largely a thing of the distant past.

pinkpleasures


< Message edited by pinkpleasures -- 8/19/2005 7:44:52 AM >


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RE: I seem to care more about your SO than you...... - 8/19/2005 8:05:22 AM   
pinkpleasures


Posts: 1114
Status: offline
quote:

If you were riding in a car with someone who commited a crime, or knew someone who commited a crime and you did not report it - or knowingly purchased stolen goods(if unknowingly - you are still libal to return the goods because ignorance is not base for innocence) and you ignore that crime because technically 'you didn't do it' - you can still be charged with conspiricy or handling if the person you was with is later convicted.

dark-angel


i know we live in different countries, so i cannot speak to what dark-angel posted. In the USA, most crimes are violatioms of state law, and thus, what is legal in Vermont may be illegal in Kentucky.

Here, the purchaser of goods in good faith who has paid a reasonable price is not held liable for the loss to the victim of theft in any way; this is true in virtually every state. If it can be shown that the purchaser knew the goods were stolen, etc., a different result would arise. And such things as one's home are treated differently than say, one's expensive watch.

To my knowledge, there is no state in which failure to report ANY crime is itself a crime. Criminal, administrative and/or civil consequences are enforcable against say, an ER doctor who fails to report a clear cut case of child abuse. Again, this varies state-by-state and not every state uses criminal penalties.

The crimes of conspiracy and aiding and abetting are inferior to a chargeable offense against a separate individual. Mere knowledge -- before or after -- of the underlying crime will not support a chargeable offense of conspiracy or aiding and abetting. Such a charge will lie where the second individual took action -- substantial and with guilty knowledge -- to help the first criminal succeed.

Try this example: if your son comes home with a vintage 1967 camaro and parks it in your garage where it is concealed, you have committed no crime yourself unless you knew the car was stolen -- and then only because you allowed your son to conceal the car in your garage, where police and the owner were very unlikely to locate it.

pinkpleasures


< Message edited by pinkpleasures -- 8/20/2005 6:04:08 AM >


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RE: I seem to care more about your SO than you...... - 8/19/2005 8:11:55 AM   
pinkpleasures


Posts: 1114
Status: offline
quote:

I think I am in love with this little girl. And YES my wife, Head Bitch Barbie likes her too. As soon as she graduates from Rice, we are headed to Texas to visit Barbie's old boyfriend in Dallas and see if we can't buy this smart girl a drink or two. Hell maybe we will get her drunk and have "exploitives sex" with her.

I am sure Pink will approve of that...lol. Hey Emerald...Want to come with us?

_____________________________

Loving Master


LovingMaster, Sir, i don't think we need keep up any personality conflict. If i have offended You in some way, by all means email me and we'll sort it out. i can assure You any disrepect You perceived was unintended; i have never deliberately disrespected You.

pinkpleasures


< Message edited by pinkpleasures -- 8/19/2005 8:12:25 AM >


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RE: I seem to care more about your SO than you...... - 8/19/2005 8:12:52 AM   
caitlyn


Posts: 3473
Joined: 12/22/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: pinkpleasures

quote:

Also if being names on those divorce papers indicated some sort of responsibility under the law, wouldn't that person be involved in the settlement in some way? Maybe one of the people on here that knows the law (pinkpleasures maybe) could chime in. Has anyone ever heard about the "other woman (or man)" in a divorce case ending up having to pay child support or alimony to the spouse filing the divorce papers?

caitlyn


Most states have laws on the books which are rarely enforced. i'd guess that adultery is a crime in more than half the country, but it is newsworthy when someone gets arrested for it because the law is so seldom enforced.

In order to commit adultery, you must be married -- so the "other" man or woman is not chargeable unless a conspiracy or aiding and abetting statute is used.

Children born during the marriage are presumed by law to be the issue of the husband, but that presumption can be rebutted and the "other" man can be subjected to the duties of parenthood -- including child support -- if evidence demonstrates the child is his biologically.

Most states still have "heartbalm" statutes, which allow a divorced person to sue the "other" man or woman who broke up the marriage by sleeping with the former spouse in civil court for the "damages" suffered. However, just like an arrest for the crime of adultery, when such cases are allowed by the judge to go forward they are newsworthy because they are so rare.

These days, judges would most likely take "judicial notice" that a divorced woman has marketability as an employee and as a marriage partner, and dismiss any such law suit. The stigma of being a "divorced woman" is largely a thing of the distant past.

pinkpleasures



Thanks pink ... I stand corrected!!!

Apologies to angel ... apparently her analogy is accurate.


_____________________________

I wish I could buy back ...
the woman you stole.

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Profile   Post #: 176
RE: I seem to care more about your SO than you...... - 8/19/2005 8:27:36 AM   
pinkpleasures


Posts: 1114
Status: offline
quote:

quote:

Lately it's been overrun by boors. I prefer it the old way, and I'm going to try to bring back the good days. So people who call all religions irrational bullshit are going to get some flak. Have fun with it.

Lordandmaster.


i agree that non-believers and to some degree, people of different faiths, have just recently begun showing disrespect towards, e.g., the Catholic Church in a way i myself find boorish. It does not offend me if anyone lists the veniality of the Catholic Church; but it does matter to me when Church doctrine is disrespected or when it is said or implied that only a ding-a-ling would be a practicing Catholic.

If we were having this discussion about the Jewish faith, its adherents and tribes, it would be patently obvious that such speech is offensive, because most people are not anti-sementic and would be replused by a anti-sementic post.

While one might argue that the Jewish faith is a special case due to the Holocaust, etc., frankly i think we all need to respect the beliefs of other posters. If there are questions and such, fine. However there have been out-right insults and i think this should stop.

pinkpleasures


< Message edited by pinkpleasures -- 8/19/2005 11:55:11 AM >


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RE: I seem to care more about your SO than you...... - 8/19/2005 8:28:45 AM   
kyakitten


Posts: 145
Joined: 11/21/2004
Status: offline

Happy Birthday Caitlyn! Sorry I'm late to the party. I agree with you.

quote:


ORIGINAL: mercnbeth
So you don't believe in the "enabler" concept?

Remember that stewardess in the hijacked plane in the 80's who gave the hijackers her credit card to buy fuel in order to prevent murders or crash? She was lauded as a big hero. By the guilty-by-conspiracy/enabler argument, she's a criminal, not a hero. That's why it's all about intent.

Maybe the other party in an adulterous relationship is a public servant, generously enabling frail marriages to totter along without running out of gas completely.

Sure I'm being a little flip, but the point is one can't generalize. You don't know that party's intent..... Some of these "other women or men" may do everything they can to support a family staying together.

In whatever they do, they're working with the information they have which is never and can never be complete. Marriages are complicated, nobody outside can know what goes on inside one. Anyone outside can only base decisions on what they see and are told. This includes both the people who abet a cheater... and the people who don't, but judge.

quote:

.....stolen car....

The whole legality/stolen car comparison has no merit here. A marriage is a promise between two people plus a legal affirmation that a technical bond exists. There's no legal requirement for monogamy in a marriage - and there is no explicit or implicit "ownership" clause.

(Even if there were, who cares? Most of the people on this board break a law every time they indulge in bondage, S&M, "unnatural" sex, or even unmarried sex in some states.)

The other woman (or man) was not party to the couple's original promise. She never made such a promise, nor is she bound to uphold it by law. She has only two considerations valid to the decision: situational ethics and practicality. If given her understanding of the situation, she is doing what she believes to be right, that just leaves practicality.

And herein lies the rub. Leaving pathological stalkers aside, giving body or heart to someone when the majority of their heart is elsewhere is a recipe for heartbreak. Ethically I'm well within my moral code to date a married guy. Practically, I'm not into that kind of pain.

< Message edited by kyakitten -- 10/5/2005 9:15:56 PM >

(in reply to caitlyn)
Profile   Post #: 178
RE: I seem to care more about your SO than you...... - 8/19/2005 8:37:12 AM   
kyakitten


Posts: 145
Joined: 11/21/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: thelight
for example, a friend of mine is married to an argentinian woman. she told him that there would be no reason for her to remain in the states if he divorced her, so she would take their two kids back with her to argentina. he would only be able to see them once a year, at most. he's miserable in his marriage, but he can't bear the though of not having his kids near him. so he cheats, and i don't blame him.


Light,

I'm not a lawyer but I do know men whose wives have made similar threats to move the kids far away. In some situations such a move is against the law.

IMO nobody should be blackmailed into staying in a bad marriage. Your friend should consult a lawyer.

< Message edited by kyakitten -- 10/5/2005 9:15:08 PM >

(in reply to thelight)
Profile   Post #: 179
RE: I seem to care more about your SO than you...... - 8/19/2005 8:40:57 AM   
TallDarkAndWitty


Posts: 1893
Joined: 6/12/2004
From: Rochester, NY
Status: offline
Doin't know how I missed this one...sorry!!!

quote:

ORIGINAL: Mercnbeth
So you don't believe in the "enabler" concept?


Not really...no. An adult is responsible for their actions. Blaming another adult for your bad choices in not acceptable, in my book.

quote:


Continuing to using the car as the parable subject; if you as a host allow a drunk driver to get in his car and he/she ends up killing himself or others on the way home legal case history holds them culpable. A woman or man who, without knowledge and/or acceptance of spouse, has sex with a person who they know is married has the same culpability.


Again...I don't buy either, though I think your analogy is the best one I have seen so far.

Sex = driving a car.
Cheating = getting drunk
Husband = drunk driver
Other woman = bartender

You think the bartender (other woman) has some culpability in the drunk driving (cheating). I don't. I think adults have to take responsibility for their own actions.

Taggard

_____________________________

A most rewarding compliment is an insult from the ill-informed.


My slave: Kat (RainaVerene on the other side) and her website: RainaVerene.com

(in reply to Mercnbeth)
Profile   Post #: 180
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