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simplyserves -> RE: three questions for men into bdsm (11/23/2007 2:55:31 PM)
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I know you asked this of men into BDSM, and while I know it's really a subset of D/s which I'd use to more describe my interests I thought I'd answer anyway.
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ORIGINAL: defiantbadgirl
1. Do you apply the three date rule (lose interest if no sex by the third date)?
No, but for many it's a moot point unless it's a sexual relationship they're seeking. In my case sex and BDSM don't mix that well, while I enjoy sex and prefer the woman I'm with to be assertive and even rough, for me BDSM or D/s is more about power exchange and service then it is about being in an otherwise mutual relationship.
If we expand the realm of sex to include any form of intimate contact with mutual release or heavy play that results in release then I would still answer no. But even in a vanilla situation no sex by the third or even 30th date wouldn't be enough to make me lose interest. It might be disappointing but in theory more is keeping me there then just sex. I also don't enjoy dating because it seems too affected, so it may be entirely moot for me.
quote:
ORIGINAL: defiantbadgirl
2. Would you decide against persuing a long term d/s relationship with a woman if you thought her number of past sexual partners was too high?
No, though it might give me pause to consider her health but too high would be in the "was a prostitute for 30 years" range. The number of her partners would be irrelevant to me as a concern unto itself.
quote:
ORIGINAL: defiantbadgirl
3. Do you think it's hypocritical for men who apply the three date rule to turn women down based on their number of sex partners? Why or why not?
Not necessarily. It's somewhat presumptuous and prudish of them, but not hypocritical per se. They may expect her to have been in more long term relationships, thus limiting the total number of sexual partners or except her to not date very often. More likely it's because they aren't particularly thoughtful and haven't explored their own feelings thoroughly. They want sex but are uncomfortable with a woman who "gets her's", as they say, or are paranoid about STDs and think the number of partners is a larger risk factor then it is. In either case I'd call it more immature then hypocritical, but I can see how it could be part of a larger hypocrisy on their part.
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