quote:

Has anyone ("s" types) seen a pattern of behavior in there "D" type that was truly trouble waiting to happen, but were afraid to broach the subject because you were worried that the afore mentioned "D" type might say..."Thats just how I am, so perhaps I'm not the one for you."

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ORIGINAL: Owner4SexSlave

As human beings, I think we all tend to be creatures of patterned behaviors, routines, likes and dislikes.   Many of these things, we either accept or desire to change in ourselves.

It can become uncomfortable experience for people to confront or to be confronted regarding weaknesses, flaws, self destructive ways or mannerisms.

I tend to have more respect for those people that tell me what "I need to hear" verses telling me what they feel "I want to hear". 

With regards to things people share with me, it's in my hands as to what I do or do not do.  There are things about myself and my life I will not change for anybody.   Such as playing music.  Cold day in hell before I stop playing guitar to applease somebody else.   There are things to which I will not compromise upon.   

Perhaps the hardest thing to achieve is to "Discern" what is a real issue or problem that requires me to change my ways or not.  Just because somebody precieves something as an issue or problem does not mean that it is.   For instance, I don't care what ever person thinks or feels about me.   It's not mission in life to live my life around what everbody else thinks, feels or reacts to me.    Now, this is a little ironic because when I'm playing music or performing in front of people, the whole audience does matter to me.   To entertain and put on a show for a crowd.    But when it comes to personal one on one matters, you either like me, love me, hate me or dislike me... whatever.   

But when somebody (close friend, loved one, family member) speaks thier mind and is bold enough to say things, that most people would piss themselves at finding the words to say.  Then I listen take what they are saying into account.   But I have to also consider thier own Bias, thier own perspective, self interests or whatever else in the matter.   Just because somebody elses perception of a matter is one way, does not mean that it's true.  

Regardless of the issue, perhaps there is something I can do better to make certain I don't feed into somebody's false perception.   Perhaps it's a real issue and I need to change or deal with things better.    It's all part of Growing.  Personal growth. 

We as human being are creatures of a habit(s).  People can be comfortable in thier own skin (including flaws, faults).  It's always easier to pass judgements and find faults in others compared to being open to making changes our own comfortable lives.

Changes don't happen overnight either,  sure people can talk about changes, issues and problems.  But it is a process, a series or steps, adjustments in mental thought processes and actions.  Many people give up on trying to change things about themselves and lives because they don't feel supported nor encouraged.   So they throw their hands up in the air, frustrated at not being able to change things faster and fix the problems over night.  

So, if a "s" type is bold enough to confront to a "D" type regarding an flaw or fault.   The "s" type also needs to be aware that they need to be the Cheering section towards the changes.   Simply Bitching or pointing out a problem to a "D" type is not enough.   Us "D" types also need patience and understanding just like all you "s" types do. 

Guess what I'm saying here, is that change and the support of loved ones is important for both "D" and "s" types together.  Us Dom/Master don't simply spring forth out of the Earth as All Powerful, All Knowing, Fault Free Creatures... we are just as human as all the "s" types.    In many regards the Stereotyping of what a "D" type should be, adds a little extra pressure, that "D" types should never show any signs of human weakness.   We should be somehow perfect and fault free... that if we admit or talk about our own faults we are somehow less Dom or Masterful in life.

There are probally a number of "D" types that are reading this, that know they gain more strength, self control and power through being able to confront themselves, face their own faults, fears and weaknesses.   There are probally a number of "D" types reading this that value and appreciate it when an "s" type is bold enough to point things out.   

Again, I stress the importance for "s" types to be patience, understanding and supportive.  Don't expect "D" types to make changes overnight.   Us "D" types tend to be our own boss, we will be hard on ourselves, it's a bit of a private affair for many "D" types.   Us "D" types might already be bitching to ourselves about ourselves regarding our own short comings.  Does not leave much room for us to hear the same complaint coming from an "s" type at times.  

Guess, what I'm saying to all the submissive types out there is to be supportive of change.   It's nice to have a cheering section, somebody that appreciates the baby steps, efforts towards change.   Many "D" types, don't like "s" types getting in so close because it can open up the doors to being mentally manipulated.   Basically, us "D" types don't like to make our button available for somebody else to push and play with.    All and all this comes down to something called "Trust".

Sure, a submissive needs to Trust thier Dom/Master.  However, the Dom/Master must also be able to trust the submissive as well.   People can and do tend to be manipulative creatures by nature.. yeah and even you subbie types do it, actually some of you subbie types are experts at it.  Then again, you guys have your ways of doing this to keep a D/s relationship in check, keeping us "D" on our toes.

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ORIGINAL: breatheasone
Has anyone ("s" types) seen a pattern of behavior in there "D" type that was truly trouble waiting to happen, but were afraid to broach the subject because you were worried that the afore mentioned "D" type might say..."Thats just how I am, so perhaps I'm not the one for you."

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ORIGINAL: breatheasone

TammyJo, I understand what you are saying.....I think it is wise for me to temper my reactions.... Focus on better ways to communicate to my Master, and to be more open to His leading.

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< Message edited by PonyGroom -- 11/24/2007 11:56:30 PM >

(in reply to slaveofKaos)

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ORIGINAL: slaveofKaos

I have been in the situation where I aproached my Dominant about something and I got the response "well maybe we don't have as much in common as I thought" I then told him it had nothing to do with what we had in common and I got the response "well this is who I am and I can't change who I am, if I could I would. I would rather end up alone and miserable than to have someone in m life who can't deal with the way I am."

I was thrown off guard by everything that he said as i've never come across anyone in my life who talked like this, but then I learned that this particular Dominant wasn't like anyone else i've ever known in my entire life. His thoughts and the way he thinks, I don't know ow to explain it, but he definatly needs to see a therapist.

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ORIGINAL: sexyone4you

I'm glad everything worked out for you!  Congrats!