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RE: "Under Consideration" Are most a farce? - 11/28/2007 5:22:48 PM

SimplyMichael

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Kali,

Don't feel bad, I did all sorts of that crap myself when I first started too...

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RE: "Under Consideration" Are most a farce? - 11/28/2007 5:24:47 PM

RumpusParable

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quote:

ORIGINAL: kittensmailbox

Ok, this is something I don’t understand; when a Dom says that he/she is putting a collar of consideration on you... I mean really, what does that mean?? You can’t talk to another Doms while the first one decides whether or not they want you or are they waiting to see if someone else better comes along..

As with any collar, or other relationship label (dating, married, poly, mono, owned, whatever), it's significance and guidelines of behavior are unique to that relationship. The people involved decide and agree on the meaning.

Me, I do use collars of consideration. I won't go into all of it, but the general gist is that thta person and I are considering one another for a more serious and long-term arrangement but are in the beginning stages. We've agreed to being a D/s "couple" of the sort we've discussed and are now feeling out how well we really suit one another that way. I do not limit whom they may speak to, but I do make it clear I expect them to not be seeking out other dominants to serve during that time (unless otherwise worked out). It is a step forward in committment before taking absolute ownership.

Just as with any promise or statement of intent (or heck, lack there of... plenty string others along without such things ... or even with a firm commitment made, how many have caught their spouses or owners or slaves trolling for the next best thing?) it can be just a line or otherwise balogna to manipulate another with.

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RE: "Under Consideration" Are most a farce? - 11/28/2007 5:28:15 PM

Machts

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RP.

how soon do you verify your reality and honesty before asking a sub to take a collar of consideration?

And should this not come as the first step?

Showing honor-and acountability?

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RE: "Under Consideration" Are most a farce? - 11/28/2007 5:33:09 PM

RumpusParable

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Machts

RP.

how soon do you verify your reality and honesty before asking a sub to take a collar of consideration?

And should this not come as the first step?

Showing honor-and acountability?

I'm not sure what you mean by "verify your reality and honesty".

I just talk to them, get to know them, etc and they do the same with me. Same as with any relationship. If things naturally lead towards a committment, then we speak about enterring a formal D/s dynamic and collaring and then do so if it is the right direction for us.

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RE: "Under Consideration" Are most a farce? - 11/28/2007 5:40:03 PM

Machts

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But they do know for sure that you are real, and serious?

And that if they were to check up on you-your words would match your deeds?

This is the test-fail to do it at your peril. Too much trust can be a bad thing.

Especially with bad people.

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RE: "Under Consideration" Are most a farce? - 11/28/2007 5:42:09 PM

RumpusParable

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And dominants run the exact same risk.

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RE: "Under Consideration" Are most a farce? - 11/28/2007 5:45:03 PM

Machts

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quote:

ORIGINAL: RumpusParable

And dominants run the exact same risk.

Precisely-roles are no bellweather of vulnerability.

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RE: "Under Consideration" Are most a farce? - 11/29/2007 5:47:47 AM

MaamJay

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Any sub that I place under consideration has met Me, and stayed with Master and Myself for some time, so they definitely know who I am, where I live, and that I am real and serious. They must have "passed" the first test of being someone that rubs along well with Master and Myself, someone We can laugh with, feel at ease with, someone We feel We could potentially live with (since I am looking for a 24/7 sub). What "under consideration" means to Us is that now the serious process of working together in D/s begins ... a time when the sub learns what I like, how to serve Me appropriately, and I learn more about them at a deep level. It is as much a time for them to consider whether We are what they want as it is for Us to consider if they are what We want. It is a time where they come and visit and serve for increasing periods of time and if they will have to ultimately relocate, it is also a time to consider that and make appropriate arrangements on all sides. There is no way I am about to move someone in to live here without undergoing a period of "engagement" ... that would be totally foolish and I'd doubtless (and rightly) be castigated here if I posted "Hi I met a sub yesterday and they're relocating here next week to begin 24/7 training!"

I realise that not everyone uses the consideration concept responsibly ... but don't blow it out of the water because of the irresponsible ones ... that's equivalent to saying "No one should ever bind a slave" simply because some people are totally irresponsible and accidentally hang someone!

Maam Jay aka violet[A]

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RE: "Under Consideration" Are most a farce? - 11/29/2007 6:17:37 AM

Machts

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MaamJay

Any sub that I place under consideration has met Me, and stayed with Master and Myself for some time, so they definitely know who I am, where I live, and that I am real and serious. They must have "passed" the first test of being someone that rubs along well with Master and Myself, someone We can laugh with, feel at ease with, someone We feel We could potentially live with (since I am looking for a 24/7 sub). What "under consideration" means to Us is that now the serious process of working together in D/s begins ... a time when the sub learns what I like, how to serve Me appropriately, and I learn more about them at a deep level. It is as much a time for them to consider whether We are what they want as it is for Us to consider if they are what We want. It is a time where they come and visit and serve for increasing periods of time and if they will have to ultimately relocate, it is also a time to consider that and make appropriate arrangements on all sides. There is no way I am about to move someone in to live here without undergoing a period of "engagement" ... that would be totally foolish and I'd doubtless (and rightly) be castigated here if I posted "Hi I met a sub yesterday and they're relocating here next week to begin 24/7 training!"

I realise that not everyone uses the consideration concept responsibly ... but don't blow it out of the water because of the irresponsible ones ... that's equivalent to saying "No one should ever bind a slave" simply because some people are totally irresponsible and accidentally hang someone!

Maam Jay aka violet[A]

But people like you seem to be the exceptions, rather than the rule. That's the sad part.

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RE: "Under Consideration" Are most a farce? - 11/29/2007 6:20:00 AM

Willowmoon

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I am under consideration.

I know that he is not leading me on, I live with him and his family and we are getting to know each other and I am learning how to serve him. We are planning on moving out together in the new year.

Why consideration and not just his collar? The way we see it is that you would not just go and marry someone without getting to know them and then the engagement would you. Under consideration is akin to exclusive dating for us.

Willow

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RE: "Under Consideration" Are most a farce? - 11/29/2007 6:30:05 AM

missturbation

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In my humble opinion being under consideration is just like early nilla dating. Neither of you are committed but you are seeing someone. Basically just seeing how things work out.
Like the op said there are those doms who put someone under consideration and are just jerking them around but no diff to dating someone who is jerking you around.
I think sometimes in this lifestyle we act outraged by caddish behaviour disguised as other things such as under consideration etc but in reality its every day stuff that happens the world over.
Why are we so astounded it happens? Baffles me.

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RE: "Under Consideration" Are most a farce? - 11/29/2007 6:36:33 AM

Machts

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quote:

ORIGINAL: missturbation

In my humble opinion being under consideration is just like early nilla dating. Neither of you are committed but you are seeing someone. Basically just seeing how things work out.
Like the op said there are those doms who put someone under consideration and are just jerking them around but no diff to dating someone who is jerking you around.
I think sometimes in this lifestyle we act outraged by caddish behaviour disguised as other things such as under consideration etc but in reality its every day stuff that happens the world over.
Why are we so astounded it happens? Baffles me.

Caddish behavior never bothers me.

The nievety that fosters it does.

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RE: "Under Consideration" Are most a farce? - 11/29/2007 6:38:47 AM

ItalianSMistress

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I use a consideration period also. I can not just collar someone without knowing them some time. Mine is quite long compaired to others I have talked to about this. I would say on average, 6-10 months. During this time, I dont expect that they would be taking orders from anyone else, the point of this period is to see if they can handle the kind of Domme I am, and if they can prove devotion and loyality. I am not sure if things are a little different from some, as I am poly, so I am not leading them on to think they are the only one, I am upfront that I dont want a live in, I already live with people, and that I have others. If things go wrong in this time, I will end the screening process, or if they know they can not handle what I demand, then they always know its better to admit that and end it sooner, rather than later.

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RE: "Under Consideration" Are most a farce? - 11/29/2007 6:44:06 AM

sambamanslilgirl

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before meeting Daddy, i was held in "under consideration" limbo with a dom. and just as you described, he was married however had many others on the side that were "under consideration".

i met another dom from here who wanted to put me "under consideration" as a way to know me better yet he wanted to play while making up his mind about me. i told him that the idea was a total joke and dumped him in a heartbeat.

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RE: "Under Consideration" Are most a farce? - 11/29/2007 6:53:13 AM

Vanatru

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What I'd like to see is suggestions for an alternative if people aren't going to use Consideration to explain their current level of involvement. I'm not willing to offer ANYTHING to someone until we've actually met in person (maybe several times) and decide we'll work to the next step of them joining us. But if we're really serious about continuing and want to show that somehow, what then? I'm certainly NOT going to offer a collar at that point as such things have very deep meaning to me. Training collar seems rather frivolous (training wheels on a collar?). Having someone being considered seems pretty appropriate here, it's just that the term has been abused so some don't like the term.

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RE: "Under Consideration" Are most a farce? - 11/29/2007 6:54:49 AM

IrishMist

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Vanatru

What I'd like to see is suggestions for an alternative if people aren't going to use Consideration to explain their current level of involvement. I'm not willing to offer ANYTHING to someone until we've actually met in person (maybe several times) and decide we'll work to the next step of them joining us. But if we're really serious about continuing and want to show that somehow, what then? I'm certainly NOT going to offer a collar at that point as such things have very deep meaning to me. Training collar seems rather frivolous (training wheels on a collar?). Having someone being considered seems pretty appropriate here, it's just that the term has been abused so some don't like the term.

geeze

who gives a flying fuck what others like and don't like

If you like the word...use it...if you don't..don't

It's really very simple when you stop trying to make it about everyone else and instead make it about you and your partner.

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RE: "Under Consideration" Are most a farce? - 11/29/2007 7:08:00 AM

Jeffff

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I always thought of it as...dating........call me old fashioned

Jeff

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RE: "Under Consideration" Are most a farce? - 11/29/2007 7:09:49 AM

LadyPact

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Has anyone else happened to notice that the Dommes who have posted here have tended to use putting someone 'under consideration' a legitimate phase?

Count Me among them. I still use 'under consideration' for serious potentials before a collar. For Me, it's not a hang out and keep My options open proposition. It is about getting to know each other, seeing if W/we fit, finding out things such as is that person willing to serve, and am I a good match as his Dominant. There are things that I want to know before the collar comes into the picture, but I want that commitment level so I have a clear picture of what the dynamic will encompas when it does. It's a beginning point to see how things will move forward, not stay in limbo. Perhaps it would be a good idea to find out what the term means when someone would like to use it.

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RE: "Under Consideration" Are most a farce? - 11/29/2007 7:11:31 AM

IrishMist

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

Has anyone else happened to notice that the Dommes who have posted here have tended to use putting someone 'under consideration' a legitimate phase?

Count Me among them. I still use 'under consideration' for serious potentials before a collar. For Me, it's not a hang out and keep My options open proposition. It is about getting to know each other, seeing if W/we fit, finding out things such as is that person willing to serve, and am I a good match as his Dominant. There are things that I want to know before the collar comes into the picture, but I want that commitment level so I have a clear picture of what the dynamic will encompas when it does. It's a beginning point to see how things will move forward, not stay in limbo. Perhaps it would be a good idea to find out what the term means when someone would like to use it.

Ma'am,

I actually like the phrase myself. I just can't understand why everyone makes such a huge deal over it when they see it on profiles.

Like Jeff said, I kind of look at it as well...early stages of dating...where you are still getting a feel for each other.

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RE: "Under Consideration" Are most a farce? - 11/29/2007 7:16:35 AM

LadyPact

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quote:

ORIGINAL: IrishMist

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

Has anyone else happened to notice that the Dommes who have posted here have tended to use putting someone 'under consideration' a legitimate phase?

Count Me among them. I still use 'under consideration' for serious potentials before a collar. For Me, it's not a hang out and keep My options open proposition. It is about getting to know each other, seeing if W/we fit, finding out things such as is that person willing to serve, and am I a good match as his Dominant. There are things that I want to know before the collar comes into the picture, but I want that commitment level so I have a clear picture of what the dynamic will encompas when it does. It's a beginning point to see how things will move forward, not stay in limbo. Perhaps it would be a good idea to find out what the term means when someone would like to use it.

Ma'am,

I actually like the phrase myself. I just can't understand why everyone makes such a huge deal over it when they see it on profiles.

Like Jeff said, I kind of look at it as well...early stages of dating...where you are still getting a feel for each other.

I happen to like it too. I mostly just wanted to say thank you for being so polite. I appreciate it.

Edited to add an "o".

< Message edited by LadyPact -- 11/29/2007 7:17:11 AM >

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