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RE: "Under Consideration" Are most a farce? - 11/29/2007 12:07:13 PM

DesFIP

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I think of under consideration as analogous to going steady. You aren't ready to commit for more than today but you also aren't open to seeing anyone else.

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RE: "Under Consideration" Are most a farce? - 11/29/2007 6:51:41 PM

CelticPrince

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DDaddy,

Ahmen to that.

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RE: "Under Consideration" Are most a farce? - 11/29/2007 8:16:02 PM

slavegirljoy

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quote:

ORIGINAL: DomInMinn
So for those who are "under consideration", are you sure about those who hold you in limbo? Anyone ever experience what I've described? I'd love to open this dialog and read your comments.

i'm not under consideration any longer. i am owned and have been for 2 years now and very happily so. When i was under consideration by my Master, my Master was also under consideration by me.

That period of Oour relationship lasted about a month, until Wwe met in person and made the mutual decision to enter into a 24/7 TPE M/s relationship. It was about 3 more weeks before i moved from eastern Georgia to Charlotte, NC to live with my Master. That was long enough for Uus to figure out if the other was the person Wwe were each seeking and to move forward with Oour relationship.

i didn't feel as though i was being "held in limbo" and neither did He. Wwe were actively getting to know each other during this phase. If the "under consideration" phase had gone on any longer than that, one or the other of Uus would have walked.

i have experienced a couple of dead end relationships before but, they were with vanilla men. One was with a man who hid the fact that he was married. It took me just about 2 months to figure that out and to end the relationship. This sort of thing is not something that's limited to D/s or BDSM relationships. There are some men (and some women, too), both in BDSM and in vanilla, who will use people and lie to them and string them along.

slave joy
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RE: "Under Consideration" Are most a farce? - 11/29/2007 10:01:50 PM

grlneedstolearn

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quote:

ORIGINAL: DomInMinn

I have had personal experience with two female submissives who were "under consideration". One is now a trusted friend and the other is now my wife. With both of them the expression I most often used with them was "get the fence post out of your ass." They both were "under consideration" by Doms who in my opinion were merely jerking them along; and they were under this consideration for long periods of times (read that "many" months). There were lots of mystery about the details of the lives and backgrounds of these "considering" Doms. It seemed to me that these Doms were likely married or in some other way involved/committed. Couldn't have their phone number, nope. Could only contact them at certain times. And there were a plethora of excuses and conditions from these Doms who wanted them so. So for those who are "under consideration", are you sure about those who hold you in limbo? Anyone ever experience what I've described? I'd love to open this dialog and read your comments.

i am with my Dom and between us there as an open relationship. i have his number, know when a good time to call or chat with him online (which he will usually im me if he sees that i am on or even call me when he has free time). We both know it will not go into a long term relationship and i have no problems with it. i trust him completely and know he will not do anything for me to have any setbacks. He is as well single and unattached. So the bottom line with my Dom is that i know i can trust him in whatever he has in store for me

. Not every Dom is like this, i've met some others who are great great people.

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RE: "Under Consideration" Are most a farce? - 11/29/2007 10:12:10 PM

ItalianSMistress

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quote:

ORIGINAL: ELUSIVE1

I usually laugh when I see 'under consideration' I always translated that as--"I'm with him/her until somethhing better comes along"

That is your translation, not that of many others. Like I said in My earlier post, I can seek a few different slaves at once, but how one works out has nothing to do with the other. That period of time is to find out if My relationship with that slave that is under consideration is going to be longer lasting or not. If they can handle what I like, if I like the way they behave, and many other things that you need time to figure out. My question is this: Those of you that dont have that period of time, what is it you do? You can not possibly collar someone as soon as you met them. I am not trying to sound bitchy, but I really have no idea.

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RE: "Under Consideration" Are most a farce? - 11/29/2007 10:21:42 PM

THORNSyellowrose

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hmmmmmm interesting forum here....i have been in the life for over 20 years and have recently found the one for me,the unfortunate part is that i had to do it with help of the internet as i am in a fairly rural location,"under consideration" is what he told me was proper protocol and showed respect in following the life...mayeb thats not for some tho i found that being allowed to ask for it and having him accept certainly didn't mean neither of us was waiting for another to "come along"..it showed interest and a new beginning

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RE: "Under Consideration" Are most a farce? - 11/30/2007 3:42:20 AM

LadyHugs

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Dear DomInMinn, Ladies and Gentlemen;

I am of the opinion based upon the never ending debate of the use of "Under Consideration;" that so many views are argued as to justify its uses.

Where the focus should be, is on the case-by-case incidents of where 'under consideration is used and those in judgment should be those who are entitled to judge for themselves if the understanding and or the 'language' of what 'under consideration' based on their own situation; is abuse of the term and or non-abuse... I am more interested in the 'intentions' rather than words used. Regardless, someone in the peanut gallery will be negative about it and or claim to 'know all' and is the last word on the matter.

I also wish to express, that there are different perceptions and applications of 'under consideration' when it comes to female Dominants and male Dominants. In addition, there are differences yet again within the ranks of either female Dominants and or male Dominants on this very issue of the use of and or connection of the terms and meaning of 'under consideration.'

I will agree, that there are plenty of incidents of 'abuse' of what appears to be a consideration of a relationship, where those who show the ugly side of the BDSM culture--use it to take advantage of another person, without the responsibility and or commitment. This is not an exclusive problem of female slaves but, it is also a problem for female Dominants. Males and or females, who 'claim' to be submissive and or slave will often use 'under consideration' on a female Dominant as to string her along until he/she finds a better Dominant. I am also seeing such individuals 'cheat' on their other when things are not as fantasy lined as life really is.

I am also observing, that most female Dominants who do use "under consideration" more likely already having a solid relationship and 'in the home' which this 'under consideration' status is more of the last open door where the slave/submissive's last option to stay or leave is manifested. It is something entirely different when a slave/submissive stays on weekends and in the next to the final stage--spends weeks. I am of the hope that all parties--to include Dominants take time to 'consider' the effects of a long term relationship. It is not all dungeon play every day and no cruddy days and or rough patches. The rights of a Dominant must be made clear, that they too have the right to consider as much as anybody else.

Speaking for myself only, I will cautiously move and give many considerations if I am to have a lad move in with me. My security is at stake--not just my emotional, mental and or physical self. People change in many stages of the relationship and I have seen many a slave 'thinking' that their fully 'in' and act most contrary to what I was lead to believe was an honest portrait of their character. I have a right to change my mind. King Henry the Eighth had that in mind every time he dealt with women--something a King's power was mute about--a lady changing her mind. Everybody should have a period of time to consider when it comes to a huge change in their personal life.

Addressing what would be a good length to limit what 'under consideration' might be; is in my opinion a dangerous rule of thought. Putting limits on time, if too short--may/can put too much pressure on either party. I don't like to be rushed personally, I feel that others shouldn't be rushed as well. I do not want someone to come back and say they felt intimidated or forced into making a choice due to the limited time. I feel extentions should be allowed. One never knows when real life has the BDSM life on pause. Example; death in family and the due date for a decision is the next day. Surely, wouldn't it be considerate and compassionate to extend the time? I would say yes.

The term 'under consideration' has been used for many a legal application and or contract applications. It is the human factor which can skew the meaning and or its uses. I will continue using the term as to me, it is a period of time for thought, weighing options and reason as to make a choice I can live with and in many applications in life itself. I further add, that it is everybody's responsibilities to make sure they understand, like any contract--the fine print per se and or the meanings of what 'under consideration' is. We, in a general sense, are adults and deal with adult choices daily--the same seriousness should be applied to the relationship and towards others; as choices I make will have a collateral affect/effect on others.

Just some thoughts.

Respectfully submitted for consideration,
Lady Hugs

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RE: "Under Consideration" Are most a farce? - 11/30/2007 4:09:55 AM

denika

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"under-consideration" can be a blanket statement for alot of things, and sadly it can be used to tease someone along or it could be something with meaning as well.

I wear a collar of consideration, collars don't come with velcro and the leather collar is something earned not just given out frivalously. It's the second most serious commitment outside of the wedding ring already on my finger.

I think of it as a time to get to know each other, to see if you can each offer something to the relationship and grow from it. But that's just IMO.

each person needs to make what ever works their own, sadly there are those who will make up the rules as they go along just to string people along and hurt them...and not in the good way.

Wolf's denika

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RE: "Under Consideration" Are most a farce? - 11/30/2007 4:57:41 AM

adoracat

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

Has anyone else happened to notice that the Dommes who have posted here have tended to use putting someone 'under consideration' a legitimate phase?

Count Me among them. I still use 'under consideration' for serious potentials before a collar. For Me, it's not a hang out and keep My options open proposition. It is about getting to know each other, seeing if W/we fit, finding out things such as is that person willing to serve, and am I a good match as his Dominant. There are things that I want to know before the collar comes into the picture, but I want that commitment level so I have a clear picture of what the dynamic will encompas when it does. It's a beginning point to see how things will move forward, not stay in limbo. Perhaps it would be a good idea to find out what the term means when someone would like to use it.

that's how i used it, also. i still had an active profile (still do, as far as that goes) but he and i wanted a "road sign" to dominants looking that i wasnt available for someone looking for a relationship, that i was already seriously talking to someone and trying to see where it would go.

and that's how i replied, politely, when other dominants contacted me. "under consideration" equals "i'm seeing/dating someone to find out if we're compatable, if our goals are the same, if there is good chemistry between us and we wish to continue".

kitten, thoughtfully

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RE: "Under Consideration" Are most a farce? - 11/30/2007 5:09:24 AM

LadyHugs

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Dear denika, Ladies and Gentlemen;

I agree with your post. Unfortunately, there are people who pass out collars like candy. Some even buy their own. We, in a general sense--are dealing with a grab bag of sorts; of individuals who blend Internet role play in with those who are well beyond the Internet role play and wish to grow old with someone --live and in person.

For those who take the stages of the relationship into the final slave collar serious, there will be those who will mock it. That is the sad part of it all.

Just some thoughts.

Respectfully submitted for consideration,
Lady Hugs

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RE: "Under Consideration" Are most a farce? - 11/30/2007 5:12:35 AM

ELUSIVE1

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quote:

ORIGINAL: ItalianSMistress

quote:

ORIGINAL: ELUSIVE1

I usually laugh when I see 'under consideration' I always translated that as--"I'm with him/her until somethhing better comes along"

That is your translation, not that of many others. Like I said in My earlier post, I can seek a few different slaves at once, but how one works out has nothing to do with the other. That period of time is to find out if My relationship with that slave that is under consideration is going to be longer lasting or not. If they can handle what I like, if I like the way they behave, and many other things that you need time to figure out. My question is this: Those of you that dont have that period of time, what is it you do? You can not possibly collar someone as soon as you met them. I am not trying to sound bitchy, but I really have no idea.

It doesn't sound bitchy at all--its a legitimate question--I have a hard time with 'under consideration' because I don't care to wait around and let someone decide if we are right for eachother or not---in my most intense relationships it was right from the start--while they haven't been 24/7, I find the dynamic is there or it isn't...I have been asked as early as second phone conversation to add' under consideration' to my profile--to me that closes off my options while his are still wide open..so you will not see 'under consideration' in my profile, ever...

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RE: "Under Consideration" Are most a farce? - 11/30/2007 6:47:13 AM

Rover

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I hold several opinions regarding "consideration" (particularly "consideration collars"... ugh).

1. For the most part (read: there are exceptions), those that employ such tactics are inexperienced... or unskilled, if you prefer.

2. Generally speaking, those Dominants that employ such tactics do so because they can enjoy all the rights of ownership, without any of the obligations or commitments.

3. Generally speaking, submissives that engage in such tactics do so out of a desperate desire to be owned... by anyone.

4. Without exception, these are people that I choose to avoid.

5. A "collar of consideration" is an oxymoron (collar = committed ownership which negates consideration.... consideration = noncommitted, no ownership).

John

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RE: "Under Consideration" Are most a farce? - 11/30/2007 7:03:18 AM

ELUSIVE1

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Rover

I hold several opinions regarding "consideration" (particularly "consideration collars"... ugh).

1. For the most part (read: there are exceptions), those that employ such tactics are inexperienced... or unskilled, if you prefer.

2. Generally speaking, those Dominants that employ such tactics do so because they can enjoy all the rights of ownership, without any of the obligations or commitments.

3. Generally speaking, submissives that engage in such tactics do so out of a desperate desire to be owned... by anyone.

4. Without exception, these are people that I choose to avoid.

5. A "collar of consideration" is an oxymoron (collar = committed ownership which negates consideration.... consideration = noncommitted, no ownership).

John

Thank you Rover-- it seems you are always the voice of reason on here......

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RE: "Under Consideration" Are most a farce? - 11/30/2007 7:36:24 AM

RedMagic1

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Jeff thinks "consideration" is like dating. RumpusParable points out that Dommes also collar subs/slaves for nonsexual service. This is an example of a much bigger dynamic.

How many of you actually know a hetero Dom with a collared nonsexual service slave? Hell, have you even frikkin *heard* of someone like that? Women collar service subs. Men collar service-me subs.

Not saying either is better than the other. And yeah, there might be wildly rare exceptions. But this is part of why #1) collars of consideration offered by Dommes are for real, and #2) the "same thing" offered by so-called Dom guys is often BS.

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RE: "Under Consideration" Are most a farce? - 11/30/2007 8:36:39 AM

Jeffff

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As has been discussed numerous times, collars mean different things to different people. I was not viewing this thread through the Internet lens, or from any perspective other than my own.

Jeff
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RE: "Under Consideration" Are most a farce? - 11/30/2007 8:56:38 AM

IrishMist

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quote:

How many of you actually know a hetero Dom with a collared nonsexual service slave? Hell, have you even frikkin *heard* of someone like that? Women collar service subs. Men collar service-me subs.

I know several in real life.

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RE: "Under Consideration" Are most a farce? - 11/30/2007 9:05:53 AM

DarkDaddyZ

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quote:

ORIGINAL: RedMagic1

Jeff thinks "consideration" is like dating. RumpusParable points out that Dommes also collar subs/slaves for nonsexual service. This is an example of a much bigger dynamic.

How many of you actually know a hetero Dom with a collared nonsexual service slave? Hell, have you even frikkin *heard* of someone like that? Women collar service subs. Men collar service-me subs.

Not saying either is better than the other. And yeah, there might be wildly rare exceptions. But this is part of why #1) collars of consideration offered by Dommes are for real, and #2) the "same thing" offered by so-called Dom guys is often BS.

I have had several nonsexual service slaves and I know of other het men who have as well.

Z-

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RE: "Under Consideration" Are most a farce? - 11/30/2007 11:31:25 AM

Dnomyar

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I have all of the women in collarme under consideration. Now if they would do the same for me.

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RE: "Under Consideration" Are most a farce? - 11/30/2007 2:25:25 PM

denika

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Rover

I hold several opinions regarding "consideration" (particularly "consideration collars"... ugh).

1. For the most part (read: there are exceptions), those that employ such tactics are inexperienced... or unskilled, if you prefer.

2. Generally speaking, those Dominants that employ such tactics do so because they can enjoy all the rights of ownership, without any of the obligations or commitments.

3. Generally speaking, submissives that engage in such tactics do so out of a desperate desire to be owned... by anyone.

4. Without exception, these are people that I choose to avoid.

5. A "collar of consideration" is an oxymoron (collar = committed ownership which negates consideration.... consideration = noncommitted, no ownership).

John

We are the exception... not everyone is going to follow the same pattern set out...
1. unskilled, hardly. More like smart enough to know that this isn't a game, it's not playing it's real life, you don't just marry the person you slept with, well some do but hey that is why the divorce rate is 50% in the US

2. His rights and privlages grow and change just as mine do as we get to know each other, we both have obligations and considerations to each other, again this is not a game, it's not disposable and the collar is earned on both our parts,

3. Not likely.... desperation, maybe for some. Those who aren't picky who they submit to. I am married, for 17 years to be exact,(and my husband is not my Dom) it's not just about being Owned, it's about the person who will own me and I have far to much self respect just to roll over for the first Dom who tries to stick a collar around my neck, I asked for this.

4. it's only an oxymoron if you interpret it that way, again I go back to asking.. do you marry someone without an engagement period?? You are still commited to each other, the relationship is no less important or valuable because there isn't a 'ring'

This is one of those shade of grey's area's and you did state there are exceptions.... There are alot of exceptions so stating things as obsolute whe one of the things about this lifestyle that is so great is everyone can make up what works best for them, not what rules society has laid down on what we 'should' do.

Wolf's denika

< Message edited by denika -- 11/30/2007 2:28:44 PM >

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RE: "Under Consideration" Are most a farce? - 11/30/2007 4:01:31 PM

Rover

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quote:

ORIGINAL: denika
There are alot of exceptions so stating things as obsolute whe one of the things about this lifestyle that is so great is everyone can make up what works best for them, not what rules society has laid down on what we 'should' do.

Please do point out where I made any absolute or universal statement. No need to defend your relationship to me, or anyone else.

John

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