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RE: "Under Consideration" Are most a farce? - 11/30/2007 4:31:27 PM

velvetears

Posts: 2933
Joined: 6/19/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Rover

I hold several opinions regarding "consideration" (particularly "consideration collars"... ugh).

1. For the most part (read: there are exceptions), those that employ such tactics are inexperienced... or unskilled, if you prefer.

2. Generally speaking, those Dominants that employ such tactics do so because they can enjoy all the rights of ownership, without any of the obligations or commitments.

3. Generally speaking, submissives that engage in such tactics do so out of a desperate desire to be owned... by anyone.

4. Without exception, these are people that I choose to avoid.

5. A "collar of consideration" is an oxymoron (collar = committed ownership which negates consideration.... consideration = noncommitted, no ownership).

John

This is how i see it as well - basically a contradiction, an oxymoron. i especially agree with no 2 and no 5. Why does a collar have to go around my neck by someone who is only perhaps considering me? i would sum it up saying - when you make up your mind after you played the field a bit more maybe i will be available or will have moved on - just a chance you're going to have to take - no "concideration collar" going around this neck. Your free to search so am i. And nothing wrong with that - relationships many times don't pan out, so why waste time in a collar that really has no meaning?

_____________________________

Religion is for people who are scared of hell, Spirituality is for people who have been there

(in reply to Rover)

Post #: 81

RE: "Under Consideration" Are most a farce? - 11/30/2007 4:56:48 PM

Stephann

Posts: 4214
Joined: 12/27/2006
From: Portland, OR
Status: offline

I'll take the opposing view, though.

With my last slave, she wore a consideration collar for about two or three months. When I first put it on her, she didn't even really know what it meant, and because everything related to BDSM was so new to her (and given that she was from a country where there are extremely limited resources to learn) I felt it best to show her more from "This is what I like" perspective.

The idea of a consideration collar, was that it reflected a stage in our relationship that said "We have grown close, and want to see if this is a direction we still wish to go in." Obviously, it was a face to face relationship, and a physical collar. I certainly didn't have any more rights with her wearing that collar, than I did without her wearing it, and the slave in question was hardly desperate to be a slave; hell she didn't really understand what a slave was. All she knew, was she really liked me, and loved how we interacted, and that collar represented a first step towards understanding more.

The collar was just a thin metal choker. She didn't (and couldn't) always wear it. Our relationship was happy and healthy, whether it was on her neck or not.

As for an oxymoron, the collar doesn't always represent a fully committed, long term relationship. Thus, a 'consideration collar' can simply mean what it means: taking those first tentative steps in a relationship where the collar does mean something.

Stephan

_____________________________

Nosce Te Ipsum

"The blade itself incites to violence" - Homer

Men: Find a Woman here

(in reply to velvetears)

Post #: 82

RE: "Under Consideration" Are most a farce? - 11/30/2007 4:57:11 PM

denika

Posts: 619
Joined: 8/30/2005
Status: offline

Please do point out where I made any absolute or universal statement. No need to defend your relationship to me, or anyone else.

John

Not defending but explaining in hopes that a diffrent perspective on this point can be seen. instead of just the negative.

Wolf's denika

(in reply to Rover)

Post #: 83

RE: "Under Consideration" Are most a farce? - 11/30/2007 5:01:28 PM

elderrook

Posts: 93
Joined: 11/29/2006
Status: offline

Oddly enough, I know of a 'submissive male' who has been collared by his Mistress, and swears undying devotion to her. They've yet to meet in real life. I find it the most hilarious thing in the world. I mean, I've had relationships online with people in the past, mostly simple friendships, some a bit more. But to put any weight behind a 'relationship' when you haven't even met the other person in the flesh?

It strikes me as a sign of our times when two people feel as though there's a connection with another whom they've yet to meet. A bad sign.

(in reply to DomInMinn)

Post #: 84

RE: "Under Consideration" Are most a farce? - 12/1/2007 6:19:00 PM

MaamJay

Posts: 2101
Joined: 9/2/2005
Status: offline

Someone several pages ago likened consideration to dating. Well that doesn't do it for Me, I don't "date" subs. Other than the first coffee meet, I am not about to do the romantic candlelit dinners, movies etc thing! Whilst I might ultimately fall in love with them, My initial interest is not romantic, it is much more practical. It is in finding out whether they have the attitude towards submission that I want. So they will be invited to stay with Master and Myself, to become involved in Our real daily life schedules, and begin to follow the House rules and learn about what I am seeking. Sure, We might all choose to have dinner at the pub ... but that will be the 3 of U/us out for a family meal, not a "date".

Because of the symbolism attached to collars, I don't give an actual collar for consideration ... but I may choose to give a token. I don't think it's mandatory, what's more important is My saying "I am willing to begin considering you as a potential 24/7 sub, are you willing to begin considering Us?" The choice of a token or not is as much indicated to Me by the nature of the sub, there are some for whom that wouldn't mean a lot, My words would be all, there are others who really like a physical token which they can touch and feel, especially when they are not in Our home. The last token offered was a medallion with 3 hearts, 2 above the 3rd, seemed like a very apt symbol of what W/we were working towards. It didn't work out sadly, but I have no regrets about offering it. It provided a focus for U/us all to see if W/we were a good match.

Being poly, I have always made it clear that My subs should expect Me to PLAY with others from time to time. However, I make it equally clear that I am only seeking ONE 24/7 sub, and that Master doesn't envisage ever having another live-in for Himself. So selecting someone to be 24/7 is a huge decision, and one that I take very seriously. When I have someone I am considering, My Domme time is pretty much taken up with exploring that relationship, so I have neither the time nor inclination to keep actively shopping around. However, should someone I have previously played with happen to visit town, I reserve the right to have a play session with that sub. As most such play sessions have limited sexual contact if any, it shouldn't be a concern to the sub under consideration in terms of feeling "cheated on". It's got to be about open and clear communication.

I find it disappointing that others debase the concept of consideration by using it to string people along. But that won't stop Me using it in the manner I have described, which is shared by several other Dommes here, notably LadyPact and LadyHugs, both of whom express themselves so eloquently! I am mindful that some people do the same when using "consideration" in other walks of life ... buying a house for example, some will string along more than one agent and play them off against each other. Not My style ... I think I was raised with a bit more class than that!

Maam Jay aka violet[A]

_____________________________

Life is a song ... and I love singing it! (By me!)

(in reply to elderrook)

Post #: 85

RE: "Under Consideration" Are most a farce? - 12/1/2007 8:11:18 PM

slavegirljoy

Posts: 1207
Joined: 11/6/2006
From: North Carolina, USA
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MaamJay

Someone several pages ago likened consideration to dating. Well that doesn't do it for Me, I don't "date" subs. Other than the first coffee meet, I am not about to do the romantic candlelit dinners, movies etc thing!

i agree. i don't view "Under Consideration" the same as dating, either. When i'm dating someone, i have already made the decision to be in a relationship with that person, since i never date more than one man at a time. When i'm dating someone, i'm not considering whether to be in a relationship with him or not, that is the relationship i am in.

When i was "Under Consideration" by my Master to become His slave and He was "Under Consideration" by me to become my Master, Wwe had not yet decided to be in a relationship with each other. In fact, Wwe hadn't even met each other yet. Wwe were getting to know each other better so that Wwe could decide whether or not to enter into a relationship with each other.

quote:

It's got to be about open and clear communication.

Always, always, always. Honest and open communication is always the best way to prevent or clear up any misunderstanding of what someone means when they say things like, "under consideration."

I find it disappointing that others debase the concept of consideration by using it to string people along. But that won't stop Me using it in the manner I have described, which is shared by several other Dommes here, notably LadyPact and LadyHugs, both of whom express themselves so eloquently! I am mindful that some people do the same when using "consideration" in other walks of life ... buying a house for example, some will string along more than one agent and play them off against each other. Not My style ... I think I was raised with a bit more class than that!

Maam Jay aka violet[A]
Well said.

slave joy
Owned property of Master David

(in reply to MaamJay)

Post #: 86

RE: "Under Consideration" Are most a farce? - 12/2/2007 2:02:59 AM

subspace08

Posts: 24
Joined: 11/15/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: azropedntied

I agree with the responces thus far , but i might add i do not personaly like velrco on a collar .though the large velcro straps at DomDepot are great .

yeah but they are always out of them when I go

(in reply to azropedntied)

Post #: 87

RE: "Under Consideration" Are most a farce? - 12/2/2007 2:09:06 AM

subspace08

Posts: 24
Joined: 11/15/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: kittensmailbox

Ok, this is something I don’t understand; when a Dom says that he/she is putting a collar of consideration on you... I mean really, what does that mean?? You can’t talk to another Doms while the first one decides whether or not they want you or are they waiting to see if someone else better comes along..

I see when a girl is under consideration she cant talk to other doms and I think that is stupid. Why can't she? I don't know. I have seen it in the chat rooms where a person under consideration can't talk to people who are their friends in chat.

You can consider me while I keep my friends thank you very much.

(in reply to kittensmailbox)

Post #: 88

RE: "Under Consideration" Are most a farce? - 12/2/2007 2:14:56 AM

subspace08

Posts: 24
Joined: 11/15/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: IrishMist

quote:

ORIGINAL: DomInMinn

I have had personal experience with two female submissives who were "under consideration". One is now a trusted friend and the other is now my wife. With both of them the expression I most often used with them was "get the fence post out of your ass." They both were "under consideration" by Doms who in my opinion were merely jerking them along; and they were under this consideration for long periods of times (read that "many" months). There were lots of mystery about the details of the lives and backgrounds of these "considering" Doms. It seemed to me that these Doms were likely married or in some other way involved/committed. Couldn't have their phone number, nope. Could only contact them at certain times. And there were a plethora of excuses and conditions from these Doms who wanted them so. So for those who are "under consideration", are you sure about those who hold you in limbo? Anyone ever experience what I've described? I'd love to open this dialog and read your comments.

So, according to you...both your friend AND your wife...were umm...what's a nice way to put this....both were umm .... naive enough to hang on for MONTHS with men who placed them under consideration?

Hmmm

Ok

Dam Irish what is wrong with you? You are so judgemental.

(in reply to IrishMist)

Post #: 89

RE: "Under Consideration" Are most a farce? - 12/2/2007 6:18:16 AM

liljoy

Posts: 577
Joined: 3/25/2004
Status: offline

i am curious what you call the period of time between when you become interested in a girl and when you put a collar on her?

(in reply to Rover)

Post #: 90

RE: "Under Consideration" Are most a farce? - 12/2/2007 7:42:56 AM

IrishMist

Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline

quote:

Dam Irish what is wrong with you? You are so judgemental.

and YOUR point would be what?

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If I said something to offend you, please tell me what it was so that I can say it again later.

(in reply to subspace08)

Post #: 91

RE: "Under Consideration" Are most a farce? - 12/2/2007 7:57:12 AM

RCdc

Posts: 8674
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: IrishMist

quote:

Dam Irish what is wrong with you? You are so judgemental.

and YOUR point would be what?

IM - you rock.

the.dark.

_____________________________

RC&dc

love isnt gazing into each others eyes - it's looking forward in the same direction

(in reply to IrishMist)

Post #: 92

RE: "Under Consideration" Are most a farce? - 12/2/2007 8:00:17 AM

IrishMist

Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline

quote:

IM - you rock.

the.dark.

LOL
I am in a good mood today, what can I say.

_____________________________

If I said something to offend you, please tell me what it was so that I can say it again later.

(in reply to RCdc)

Post #: 93

RE: "Under Consideration" Are most a farce? - 12/2/2007 8:58:34 AM

KatyLied

Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline

It's great when judgemental people accuse others of being judgemental. Why do so many do this and completely not get the fact that they are doing it?

_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to subspace08)

Post #: 94

RE: "Under Consideration" Are most a farce? - 12/2/2007 9:13:59 AM

crouchingtigress

Posts: 4387
Joined: 3/19/2006
From: Maui
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

I've seen it happen both ways here and elsewhere... some subs were being led on, some had the relationship actually go somewhere.

As with everything else in this world, it depends on the people involved

well said, ditto, bravo....

op: everyone gets the exact relationship they are needing at that time in thier lives....and then things change...there are no victims. we all make choices.

_____________________________

Service slut, durable plaything, and ponypenquincatdogpig, to Lee Harrington

This is him

"Its none of my buisness what other people think of me."

(in reply to juliaoceania)

Post #: 95

RE: "Under Consideration" Are most a farce? - 12/2/2007 9:18:06 AM

porkchop

Posts: 32
Joined: 2/6/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DomInMinn
<snip>
So for those who are "under consideration", are you sure about those who hold you in limbo? Anyone ever experience what I've described? I'd love to open this dialog and read your comments.

Not currently under consideration... but when I was, we'd already had lots of conversation over coffee, attended a few events, and I'd visited Sir and his family in his home. There was nothing "official" about the consideration phase, but it was quite real- we started discussing a potential future together.

I lived on the opposite side of the country, but service sorts of things were asked of me that I could accomplish from several states away (research, a small design project, admin type computer tasks- to assist his alpha slave). I accomplished these tasks to his approval and eventually earned his training collar, as he simply doesn't *do* consideration collars.

I've not been jerked around by online playahs- mostly cuz I couldn't be bothered, nor did I ever aspire to wear anyone's collar. I was happily ensconced in my role as an independent, pushy bottom.

Funny how things work out, huh?

(in reply to DomInMinn)

Post #: 96

RE: "Under Consideration" Are most a farce? - 12/2/2007 9:23:13 AM

crouchingtigress

Posts: 4387
Joined: 3/19/2006
From: Maui
Status: offline

katy i know this was retorical but ill take a stab at it.....i think the reason we judge people for being judgemental, or hate folks for being haters, or start war on terroristist is because we dont really want to change anything about ourselves, we just want to give the appearance that we are, and hope that that fools everyone.

not judging is a lot harder then judging.
loving is harder then hating.
and war is so much more self congraglitory, and dick hardening then comprimise.

ps love the new sig...

_____________________________

Service slut, durable plaything, and ponypenquincatdogpig, to Lee Harrington

This is him

"Its none of my buisness what other people think of me."

(in reply to KatyLied)

Post #: 97

RE: "Under Consideration" Are most a farce? - 12/2/2007 9:52:18 AM

CatWhoWalksAlone

Posts: 29
Joined: 11/19/2007
From: Greensboro, NC
Status: offline

Chiming in late on this (have had a lot going on this past week), I'm struck by a couple of things. First... my understanding of "under consideration" was that a certain amount of "getting to know you" and pre-negotiation had already been undertaken, basic compatiblity and other groundwork had been laid, and the 2 were ready to move forward with an eye to moving past the preliminaries to moving into the realm of a D/s relationship being formalized, or training beginning. In other words, the things below... phone numbers, relationship status, etc., should already have been behind them. Anyone who allows herself to be placed "under consideration" by a Dom with the below conditions unaddressed is just... well.... (how to say this). Well.. you just don't DO this.

To me, I may "consider" a Dom and he may "consider" me as we talk, and get a feel for each other, see where we mesh, see where we're compatible, see where problem areas lie, see where we can compromise. But I'm not "under consideration" until I have formally asked Him to consider taking me as His slave, and He has consented to do so. As an uncollared sub/slave, my FIRST RESPONSIBILITY is to myself, and to my welfare, and to choosing a Master wisely. Now of course, I can be fooled, like anyone else. But if I don't even address the *basics* of getting to know someone before being "under consideration" to him... well, that's just my own damned fault, and I have no one to blame but myself.

If I am "under consideration" by someone I respect and trust (and have his phone numbers and can call anytime night or day), I am NOT being "held in limbo." I am in this place because I want to be His, because I choose Him, and because He is considering me we are in even closer contact, as we work together to establish a place for me in His life, and for Him in mine.

quote:

ORIGINAL: DomInMinn

I have had personal experience with two female submissives who were "under consideration". One is now a trusted friend and the other is now my wife. With both of them the expression I most often used with them was "get the fence post out of your ass." They both were "under consideration" by Doms who in my opinion were merely jerking them along; and they were under this consideration for long periods of times (read that "many" months). There were lots of mystery about the details of the lives and backgrounds of these "considering" Doms. It seemed to me that these Doms were likely married or in some other way involved/committed. Couldn't have their phone number, nope. Could only contact them at certain times. And there were a plethora of excuses and conditions from these Doms who wanted them so. So for those who are "under consideration", are you sure about those who hold you in limbo? Anyone ever experience what I've described? I'd love to open this dialog and read your comments.

_____________________________

---
Cat
http://cat4one4ever.livejournal.com

(in reply to DomInMinn)

Post #: 98

RE: "Under Consideration" Are most a farce? - 12/2/2007 10:43:55 AM

IrishMist

Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: KatyLied

It's great when judgemental people accuse others of being judgemental. Why do so many do this and completely not get the fact that they are doing it?

LOL
/shrug
I can't say really, since...well...I AM a judgemental, sarcastic bitch 99% of the time lol.

_____________________________

If I said something to offend you, please tell me what it was so that I can say it again later.

(in reply to KatyLied)

Post #: 99

RE: "Under Consideration" Are most a farce? - 12/3/2008 3:04:18 PM

Master2Bindngagu

Posts: 9
Joined: 12/23/2004
Status: offline

again, I consider "consideration" to be a point in a relationship where it is a relationship to say the least and not just "I have put you under consideration" in their first email or that the Dominant insists on having access to the subs account to "monitor" their messages and no one should contact them.

(in reply to Rover)

Post #: 100

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