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RE: "Under Consideration" Are most a farce? - 11/29/2007 8:19:07 AM

KatyLied

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quote:

I always thought of it as...dating........call me old fashioned

But that doesn't sound as cool as "under consideration."

I think that people use it (under consideration) as just another thing that is "lifestyle", when much simpler terms would do. "We're dating", or "we're exclusive" or "we're not yet exclusive" or "we're getting to know each other" would all work equally as well.. I don't understand why special terminology is needed.

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Post #: 41

RE: "Under Consideration" Are most a farce? - 11/29/2007 8:20:58 AM

Jeffff

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quote:

ORIGINAL: KatyLied

quote:

I always thought of it as...dating........call me old fashioned

But that doesn't sound as cool as "under consideration."

I think that people use it (under consideration) as just another thing that is "lifestyle", when much simpler terms would do. "We're dating", or "we're exclusive" or "we're not yet exclusive" or "we're getting to know each other" would all work equally as well.. I don't understand why special terminology is needed.

"Lifestyle"........... too much style, not enough life

Jeff

(in reply to KatyLied)

Post #: 42

RE: "Under Consideration" Are most a farce? - 11/29/2007 8:32:52 AM

juliaoceania

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Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
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quote:

geeze

who gives a flying fuck what others like and don't like

If you like the word...use it...if you don't..don't

It's really very simple when you stop trying to make it about everyone else and instead make it about you and your partner.

But that would be way too simple. I love the simple things in life though.

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Post #: 43

RE: "Under Consideration" Are most a farce? - 11/29/2007 8:36:19 AM

carlie310

Posts: 256
Joined: 9/23/2007
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I have very little experience in the lifestyle, but I just assumed (silly me) that "Under Consideration" was mutual, and analogous to dating. I thought it indicated that I wasn't really interested in meeting someone new (save for as friends), but I wasn't ready to commit to a single relationship.

quote:

`The question is,' said Alice, `whether you can make words mean so many different things.' `The question is,' said Humpty Dumpty, `which is to be master -- that's all.'

I think the red flags aren't in the terminology but in the restrictions that were posted. Can't have a phone number, mysterious backgrounds, etc. I don't have a phone number for someone right now, but that's not an issue for me because of various drama in my own life that needs to be resolved before anything progresses. I simply can't be more involved right now. Should I reach the point that I want a phone number, if I don't get it. . .buh bye.

Be aware of your own needs in a relationship, and be aware that they will change. And making sure that your needs are met doesn't mean topping from the bottom or anything, it just means that you can set effective limits. (Knowing your needs before getting in is crucial, which is why things are on hold for me.)

(in reply to DomInMinn)

Post #: 44

RE: "Under Consideration" Are most a farce? - 11/29/2007 8:45:49 AM

MystressDream

Posts: 345
Joined: 7/11/2004
From: Colorado
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quote:

ORIGINAL: KatyLied

quote:

I always thought of it as...dating........call me old fashioned

But that doesn't sound as cool as "under consideration."

I think that people use it (under consideration) as just another thing that is "lifestyle", when much simpler terms would do. "We're dating", or "we're exclusive" or "we're not yet exclusive" or "we're getting to know each other" would all work equally as well.. I don't understand why special terminology is needed.

I also use "under consideration" when I am seriously exploring whether I wish to collar someone. I don't think of it as simply "We're dating".... but, the "We're exclusive" does apply. If I have a slave that I am considering making a serious comittment to, the under consideration period is to explore if it is a good match for both of us. I am not poly. What I seek is a life partner, and it will lead to a 24/7 and even marriage situation. I won't offer a collar unless I feel we can both make that life comittment. If I put someone "under consideration" it means the training will begin and neither of us will continue to "shop around" for a partner until we determine what it is that we have with each other. I guess you could equate what I do to an engagement of sorts. A level of comittment that preceeds the permanent one.

edited to add: If terminology and lables really bother any of you, then you will have a very frustrating time in this lifestyle. They are a solid part of it, and you will just have to deal with it. If the lables don't fit you, then dismiss them. If the terminology annoys you, then don't use it. But, they are both here to stay.

< Message edited by MystressDream -- 11/29/2007 8:48:08 AM >

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Post #: 45

RE: "Under Consideration" Are most a farce? - 11/29/2007 9:05:03 AM

ELUSIVE1

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I usually laugh when I see 'under consideration' I always translated that as--"I'm with him/her until somethhing better comes along"

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(in reply to MystressDream)

Post #: 46

RE: "Under Consideration" Are most a farce? - 11/29/2007 9:21:13 AM

carlie310

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Joined: 9/23/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: ELUSIVE1

I usually laugh when I see 'under consideration' I always translated that as--"I'm with him/her until somethhing better comes along"

At least that's honest, right? Of course, the way you put it it sounds very shallow, but the implication is the same: "I'm in the beginnings of a relationship, but I'm not convinced that it's going to be For Ever And Ever. I'm not actively looking, though."

Aren't most human beings serial monogamists--even if we've promised For Ever And Ever?

(in reply to ELUSIVE1)

Post #: 47

RE: "Under Consideration" Are most a farce? - 11/29/2007 9:35:13 AM

octavia

Posts: 377
Joined: 5/20/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: KatyLied

quote:

I always thought of it as...dating........call me old fashioned

But that doesn't sound as cool as "under consideration."

I think that people use it (under consideration) as just another thing that is "lifestyle", when much simpler terms would do. "We're dating", or "we're exclusive" or "we're not yet exclusive" or "we're getting to know each other" would all work equally as well.. I don't understand why special terminology is needed.

Cause it damn sexy!

Much sexier to "be under concideration" than dating..
Much sexier to wear a collar than a necklace or a ring,
Much sexier to be his sex slave than his ol' lady...

Weeeeeeee!

(in reply to KatyLied)

Post #: 48

RE: "Under Consideration" Are most a farce? - 11/29/2007 9:40:30 AM

Jeffff

Posts: 12600
Joined: 7/7/2007
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Not to me, I think it sounds.clinical

Jeff

(in reply to octavia)

Post #: 49

RE: "Under Consideration" Are most a farce? - 11/29/2007 10:09:03 AM

octavia

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Joined: 5/20/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Jeffff

Not to me, I think it sounds.clinical

Jeff

Damn! That sexy tooooooooooooooooooooooooo!

* wanders off to find that nurse outfit......*

(in reply to Jeffff)

Post #: 50

RE: "Under Consideration" Are most a farce? - 11/29/2007 10:14:00 AM

velvetears

Posts: 2933
Joined: 6/19/2006
Status: offline

i would not accept a collar of consideration, it's quasi committing which is half assed in my opinion. The dom puts one on and what???? You're restricted because you are "under consideration" and have to prove yourself?? i can "prove myself" with no such a restriction. Commit when you're ready, till then both should be allowed to consider other options.

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Post #: 51

RE: "Under Consideration" Are most a farce? - 11/29/2007 10:15:11 AM

Jeffff

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Joined: 7/7/2007
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LOL...ok....THAT is sexy..:)

Jeff

(in reply to octavia)

Post #: 52

RE: "Under Consideration" Are most a farce? - 11/29/2007 10:22:41 AM

IrishMist

Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline

quote:

But that would be way too simple. I love the simple things in life though.

/sigh

Yes, I guess so

Darn it. Now I have to come up with ways to make things hard and impossible.

Being kinky sure does suck

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Post #: 53

RE: "Under Consideration" Are most a farce? - 11/29/2007 10:53:00 AM

LadyChef

Posts: 105
Joined: 11/11/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

Has anyone else happened to notice that the Dommes who have posted here have tended to use putting someone 'under consideration' a legitimate phase?

Count Me among them. I still use 'under consideration' for serious potentials before a collar. For Me, it's not a hang out and keep My options open proposition. It is about getting to know each other, seeing if W/we fit, finding out things such as is that person willing to serve, and am I a good match as his Dominant. There are things that I want to know before the collar comes into the picture, but I want that commitment level so I have a clear picture of what the dynamic will encompas when it does. It's a beginning point to see how things will move forward, not stay in limbo. Perhaps it would be a good idea to find out what the term means when someone would like to use it.

Just to add a little flavor.... I agree with several posts to this thread, the quote especially. A main concern is that I'm not wasting my time with one person who is not compatible with Me. W/we, in everyday society meet new people all the time, and can befriend them, if we have the same interests, appreciate the differences in our personalities, and basically get along. With that being a foundation, we may or may not take that to the next level- "under consideration" of attractiveness. Can I be attracted to more than one person at a time? YES. Am I willing to be intimate/and or play with more than one person at a time?NO.

The fact is everyones level of trust, morality and ethics differ. Some people can "date" or take D/s partners "under consideration" without violating their own personal integrity. Some people can not.

< Message edited by LadyChef -- 11/29/2007 10:55:24 AM >

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Post #: 54

RE: "Under Consideration" Are most a farce? - 11/29/2007 11:02:12 AM

ELUSIVE1

Posts: 536
Joined: 9/11/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: carlie310

quote:

ORIGINAL: ELUSIVE1

I usually laugh when I see 'under consideration' I always translated that as--"I'm with him/her until somethhing better comes along"

At least that's honest, right? Of course, the way you put it it sounds very shallow, but the implication is the same: "I'm in the beginnings of a relationship, but I'm not convinced that it's going to be For Ever And Ever. I'm not actively looking, though."

Aren't most human beings serial monogamists--even if we've promised For Ever And Ever?

I am not a 'serial monogamist'--I was actually married for 20 years to a man and realized even then that I am ployamorous--I can and do love more than one person simultaneously...my relationship with one has no relevance in my relationship with another...and I would expect anyone I get involved with to maintain separate relationships...guess I was just born with-out that 'jealousy gene'

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(in reply to carlie310)

Post #: 55

RE: "Under Consideration" Are most a farce? - 11/29/2007 11:15:38 AM

VieVivante

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Joined: 9/22/2007
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I consider under consideration to be more analagous to being engaged in the vanilla world. That the two of you are very interested in this relationship and are wanting to see where it might go. Quite frankly I'm not sure how you enter a D/s relationship without a consideration phase. You are just too new to each other to responsibly decide you want it all together. It would be like going from casual dating to being married with no steps inbetween.

The way this goes wrong is, surprise, surprise, a lack of communication. If a Dom tells a sub he wants her under consideration, he should define exactly what that means to him, and she should have input as to what it must for her to consider it seriously. As long as the two come to a meeting of the minds on what it means, you are good to go.

What it may or may not mean to anyone else is completely irrelevent. But if a sub accepts that she is under consideration without finding out exactly what that means, she should not be surprised if it backfires on her.

(in reply to velvetears)

Post #: 56

RE: "Under Consideration" Are most a farce? - 11/29/2007 11:17:20 AM

IrishMist

Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: VieVivante

I consider under consideration to be more analagous to being engaged in the vanilla world. That the two of you are very interested in this relationship and are wanting to see where it might go. Quite frankly I'm not sure how you enter a D/s relationship without a consideration phase. You are just too new to each other to responsibly decide you want it all together. It would be like going from casual dating to being married with no steps inbetween.

The way this goes wrong is, surprise, surprise, a lack of communication. If a Dom tells a sub he wants her under consideration, he should define exactly what that means to him, and she should have input as to what it must for her to consider it seriously. As long as the two come to a meeting of the minds on what it means, you are good to go.

What it may or may not mean to anyone else is completely irrelevent. But if a sub accepts that she is under consideration without finding out exactly what that means, she should not be surprised if it backfires on her.

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Post #: 57

RE: "Under Consideration" Are most a farce? - 11/29/2007 11:47:13 AM

RumpusParable

Posts: 1923
Joined: 7/7/2005
From: NYC now!
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: KatyLied

quote:

I always thought of it as...dating........call me old fashioned

But that doesn't sound as cool as "under consideration."

I think that people use it (under consideration) as just another thing that is "lifestyle", when much simpler terms would do. "We're dating", or "we're exclusive" or "we're not yet exclusive" or "we're getting to know each other" would all work equally as well.. I don't understand why special terminology is needed.

Because those are terms for dating/romantic stages. Not all of us are romantic with any or all of our subs.

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(in reply to KatyLied)

Post #: 58

RE: "Under Consideration" Are most a farce? - 11/29/2007 11:50:52 AM

IrishMist

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Joined: 11/17/2005
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~~FR~~

All joking aside

As I said, I actually like the phrase myself; though even I cringe sometimes when I see it on profiles. My dislike in that comes from the fact that too many don't take the time to sit themselves down and examine EXACTLY what it means to THEM; they just blindly accept the phrase to mean one thing, when 9 times out of 10, it means something else to the other person.

Lack of communication; that's where my frustration comes in at.

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Post #: 59

RE: "Under Consideration" Are most a farce? - 11/29/2007 11:59:39 AM

RumpusParable

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From: NYC now!
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"My dislike in that comes from the fact that too many don't take the time to sit themselves down and examine EXACTLY what it means to THEM; they just blindly accept the phrase to mean one thing, when 9 times out of 10, it means something else to the other person.

Lack of communication; that's where my frustration comes in at. "

That's how I tend to feel about marriage.

Most I know have enterred semi- or completely blindly into it assuming it means X rather than *really* sitting down and fleshing out what their partner thinks it means and what they plan *their* marriage to mean.

Ugh, Ican't tell you how many times in meatlife and online marriage discussions I've asked someone upset if what they are upset about was actually discussed before or during the marriage... only to have some expression of horror that Of Course It Wasn't because being married Just Means My Way Is How It Is and Everybody Knows It!

< Message edited by RumpusParable -- 11/29/2007 12:03:25 PM >

_____________________________

Relationships come and go, but plastination is forever.

I generally use fast-reply. If directing my post at someone specific I will indicate so.

Minimal summary: Artist, Disabled Veteran, Vegan, Pornographer, and Agender dominant female.

(in reply to IrishMist)

Post #: 60

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