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RE: Hiding behind domination - 11/30/2007 7:56:04 PM   
slavegirljoy


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quote:

ORIGINAL: MadRabbit

Regardless of whether the hypothetical situation is murder, rape, vandalism, theft, borrowing your neighbor's lawn mover under the false pretense of returning it back, never returning a Blockbuster movie, or swiping a peice of bubble gum, the point I am trying to make applies to all of them.

Just because you don't like the examples doesn't change that my point is still valid and applicable in other situations. The more extreme examples just illustrate it better.

If you want to stomp your feet and stick your fingers in your ears, go right ahead.

And, the point that i am making, MadRabbit, is that "no limits" doesn't have to mean that the outcome is going to necessarily be negative, to any degree, whether it's stealing, killing, or pooping on someone's lawn. 
 
You always cite examples that are negative.  Don't you think that there are just as many, if not more, positive possibilities to be had within a "no limits" Master/slave relationship, as there are negative ones? 
 
If the two people are not killers, rapists, or litterbugs to begin with, why would they necessarily become so, just by being in a relationship where one has unrestricted and unlimited power over the other?  Do you think that all persons are inherently evil, and given the opportunity to have unlimited power over another person that they would exercise that power in evil ways?
 
Don't you think that it's even possible for two people, who are intelligent, moral, ethical and reasonable, with no interest in harming either each other or anyone else, to be able to have a relationship in which one partner doesn't put any restrictions on the other, and they can enjoy endless possibilities that are positive in nature, rather than negative? 
 
Is that not even a remote possibility in your mind?  Every example you give is always on the negative end of the spectrum and never any from the positive end.  That just seems a little unbalanced, from my perspective.
 
slave joy
Owned property of Master David

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RE: Hiding behind domination - 11/30/2007 8:15:16 PM   
KnightofMists


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quote:

ORIGINAL: slavegirljoy

Is that not even a remote possibility in your mind?  Every example you give is always on the negative end of the spectrum and never any from the positive end.  That just seems a little unbalanced, from my perspective.
 
slave joy
Owned property of Master David



Maybe it seems unbalanced because you can't argue logically and rationally to his logical arguement and instead your response comes from an emotional base.  One's emotions can never be wrong now can they... particularly when one shuts the door to logical thought.

Do no limit slaves exist.. yeah... but all they are is a person that has yet to say no in the past and not see a reasonable possibility of saying no in the future.  Problem is... life is not reasonable all the time.  We can not predict what will occur in our future.  But we can have intentions to how we will deal with our future.   But, just because X has never happen nor will it ever happen... doesn't equate to Y being no limits slave.  Yes, the extreme examples are very unrealistic.. but just because they are unrealistic doesn't make them impossible.  Healthy people have boundaries.... it really is that simple.  These boundaries are necessary in life.  They are necessary to have a functional relationship.  The beauty of healthy relationships is that the boundaries are respected and even absorbed by everyone in the relationship to the point that we don't see boundaries between ourselves in the relationship.  But they are there.. it just so happens that  in No limit relationships the boundaries surround the individuals in the relationship instead of being inbetween them.  As long as the relationship stays healthy and functioning the boundaries will stay on the outside and never come in between.  Unfortunately, we can't predict our future.... we just can do the best we can to influence it by our choices in the Now.



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RE: Hiding behind domination - 11/30/2007 8:18:56 PM   
juliaoceania


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Thank you for that post KoM... it said what I was trying to say, but a lot better and more respectfully than I did.

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RE: Hiding behind domination - 11/30/2007 8:19:24 PM   
slavegirljoy


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quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

It would be very hard to find actual cases,
Exactly.
quote:

but what you are saying is that it is improbable to you that someone would be ordered to have an abortion and do so against her belief that it is immoral?
i don't think that's what i said.  If that's what it sounded like i was saying, then i will clarify right now that i am not saying that.  i know that there are all kinds of people in the world and a lot of them are bad and that's why it's so important to know the character of the person you are going to be spending your time with before you get so deeply involved with them that you find yourself doing things that go against your value system.

quote:

The discussion then went to how one would handle it is they were ordered to take action that they felt would harm their UM, care to weigh in on that one? I am sure this is not a hypothetical either

i wasn't involved in this part of the discussion and i haven't read it yet.  So, i can't comment on what was said.
quote:

Edited to add, like many vanilla people that take the commitment of marriage seriously and wait for exactly the right person, it seems you have taken your commitment seriously too... as would I take making that commitment just as seriously. As someone that has never been "collared" I understand what you are saying.

Some people do seem to jump into a relationship too hastily, without taking the time to learn about the other person's character and moral fiber.  And, that is every bit as true for 'vanilla' relationships as it is for the BDSM-type.
 
slave joy
Owned property of Master David

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RE: Hiding behind domination - 11/30/2007 8:50:56 PM   
MadRabbit


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quote:

ORIGINAL: slavegirljoy
  
Is that not even a remote possibility in your mind? 


Is it possible for you to actually read what I am writing?

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RE: Hiding behind domination - 11/30/2007 8:52:42 PM   
catize


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quote:

 The beauty of healthy relationships is that the boundaries are respected and even absorbed by everyone in the relationship to the point that we don't see boundaries between ourselves in the relationship.  But they are there.. it just so happens that  in No limit relationships the boundaries surround the individuals in the relationship instead of being inbetween them.   


That is one of the most reasonable and balanced thoughts I have ever seen on either side of the ‘no limits’ debate.
It sums up my view very well because I have always taken ownership of my limits.   A dominant may have the same limits, or be willing to own me along with my limits, but they were mine before we met and they will still be mine if/when he is no longer around. 
Your statement is a great argument that limits are not necessarily restrictive in a healthy relationship.


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RE: Hiding behind domination - 11/30/2007 8:56:39 PM   
DesFIP


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slavegirljoy, if what you are ordered to do is a positive thing, and not harmful to anyone or against your moral code, why would you possible refuse? Just to assert your independence?

If he ordered me to go back to bed when I'm down with the flu, then why would I need to defend myself by saying it wasn't my fault, it was his for ordering it?

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RE: Hiding behind domination - 12/1/2007 3:16:15 AM   
mistoferin


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quote:

ORIGINAL: KnightofMists
Do no limit slaves exist.. yeah... but all they are is a person that has yet to say no in the past and not see a reasonable possibility of saying no in the future.  Problem is... life is not reasonable all the time.  We can not predict what will occur in our future.  But we can have intentions to how we will deal with our future.   But, just because X has never happen nor will it ever happen... doesn't equate to Y being no limits slave.  Yes, the extreme examples are very unrealistic.. but just because they are unrealistic doesn't make them impossible.  Healthy people have boundaries.... it really is that simple.  These boundaries are necessary in life.  They are necessary to have a functional relationship.  The beauty of healthy relationships is that the boundaries are respected and even absorbed by everyone in the relationship to the point that we don't see boundaries between ourselves in the relationship.  But they are there.. it just so happens that  in No limit relationships the boundaries surround the individuals in the relationship instead of being inbetween them.  As long as the relationship stays healthy and functioning the boundaries will stay on the outside and never come in between.  Unfortunately, we can't predict our future.... we just can do the best we can to influence it by our choices in the Now.


KoM, that was simply amazing.

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RE: Hiding behind domination - 12/1/2007 3:44:42 AM   
mons


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greetings to all

Stephan in this day and age of the work place yes she would be fire and if she wore a dress it would be even worse. anyone who appears to be nutty the jobs are scare they may come back and shot everyone, so yes she would be fire, now veltears the women who you spoke of some are in for the thrill and others are beaten so badly they would and have done so many things just not to be hit as i child i remember a man who name was Jake. he beat his wife until she has two black eyes a broken leg , a broken arm and there was blood covering the walls. it scared me so bad but she took him back not because she was scare but because back then she was a house wife and had not way to take care of the childern and no one help there were no house to help her as the same as my mother. i seen so many abuse woman i being one myself . but if fear is beaten into you a person may do anything to not have a beaten again.. i understand about the woman who go with the men who beat them and then they are treated so bad but who knows what he did to her when no one was around. i remember my mother running naked thought the grass hiding from my father, i learn not to ever listen to anyone who tells me to do anything wrong . my mother through all of her pain taught me never to lie steal or follow anyone , she said ( the judge will not want to hear you said i did not know it was a stolen car ) this taught me keep my honor and be kind to others and i have done this for years if i had two dollar and a family member or friend needed one i would give it to them i gave becasue i wish to not becasue i want a reward for doing it. i done this for years and help those who needed help and kindness is so great and the feel of helping other is wonderful but i know when someone is evil and when not to open my door . i have and try to keep honor in myself and my son and my twin kids oh my niece past the bar and now wow as for raising childern two boy and a girl they all graduated colleges all of them. we had not male person to help but we had to be both and that is so hard wow hard

take care all ( Stephan why did you not tell her that it was for another car was it a teaching lesson?


take care all

mons

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RE: Hiding behind domination - 12/1/2007 7:35:57 AM   
yourMissTress


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erin, great topic, I'm sorry that I'm only seeing it now.
 
KoM, you said it better than I could have, thank you.

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RE: Hiding behind domination - 12/1/2007 2:17:47 PM   
Stephann


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quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

The discussion then went to how one would handle it is they were ordered to take action that they felt would harm their UM, care to weigh in on that one? I am sure this is not a hypothetical either



I can take a stab at this.

I've negotiated with a couple women back in the day, on the issue of children.

Beyond the topic of Master/slave relationships, I think there's also a concept familial responsibility.  The down and dirty goes, that a slave's responsibility as a mother would never protect her from her obligations as a slave.  When the two come head to head, she be expected to trust my judgment.  If she could not trust me to care for her children in a healthy, safe fashion, she shouldn't be involved with me in the first place.  If she can trust me, than she trusts me fully; there's no middle ground here.  I won't get involved with a woman who did not have that level of trust in me.  This trust, obviously, doesn't come overnight.  In fact, it's incredibly easy to trust if there are never any negative events; it's when that trust is tested, that the depth (and health) of that relationship is made evident. 

Clearly, not every dominant does (or should) share this view, and the specifics of the relationship are very important.  I dated a 35 year old woman when I was 22, who had a 17 year old daughter and 14 year old son.  Because of the obvious age gaps, we agreed that I should simply adopt a 'friendship' relationship with her children, and that worked out very well.  With children who are under the age of 14, I would probably expect to assume a more parental role (as I am now 30.) 

I would be very unlikely to expect my slave to do something, or watch me (or know of me) do something that is in direct opposition to her morals.  A common issue today, for example, might be spanking.  In theory, I dislike spanking, yet in raising my son, I (very infrequently) did spank him.  If my slave felt a strong moral objection to her child being spanked, we'd discuss it and probably come to an understanding.  As mentioned earlier, it would come more from a place where she expresses her feelings, fears, and beliefs, and entrusts me to make the best decision for both of us.  If she failed to abide by my final decision, the relationship would suffer.  I think this has less to do with trust, as it does compatibility.  If my slave and I don't have compatible goals and expectations, it's unlikely we're going to ever find enough common ground to stand on.

Stephan


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RE: Hiding behind domination - 12/1/2007 2:38:58 PM   
juliaoceania


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I have no problem with how you run your relationships Stephann...

My Daddy sticks up for my UM when I have had issues with him... in fact my Daddy has advocated for my UM because my UM is indeed a wonderful person whom I already see as an adult in some ways. The period when I first met my Daddy was the roughest period of my parental experience, and I do have trust in what my Daddy says regarding what is good for my UM and I ask his opinion often, but the decision of how to deal with my UM is my own.

My Daddy has parented two, who are now young adults, only slightly older than my own. But just because he parents in a way that I admire and respect (his offspring are pretty exceptional, btw), and even though we are talking about raising UMs within our relationship, does not mean that I abdicate my responsibility as a mother to do what is right by the UM I am now raising, or any future UMs I maybe responsible for as a mother...

My final stance on this issue, my UM did not consent to my relationship... and therefore my relationship with him falls outside of the parameters of any dynamic I have. In fact all of my relationships with other people in my family fall outside of my dynamic, and he does not control any of these interactions. They did not consent to allowing him to dominate them through me... I would be suspicious of anyone that began to control my relationships with my family and friends... and most of all my UM. I never ever expect this to become an issue, but I can tell you I know what my Daddy thinks about this topic... he wouldn't be with a woman who put her parenting responsibilities second to a relationship with him... period, end of story for us. His offspring will never be second either...

He has written about this topic before, and how some women expect men to throw away their offspring once in a new relationship... and some men expect the same thing in my experience. In each other we find two people that would not tolerate that, and rejoice that this will never become an issue in our relationship because we are indeed on the same page.




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RE: Hiding behind domination - 12/1/2007 4:57:33 PM   
slavegirljoy


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quote:

ORIGINAL: KnightofMists
quote:

ORIGINAL: slavegirljoy
Is that not even a remote possibility in your mind?  Every example you give is always on the negative end of the spectrum and never any from the positive end.  That just seems a little unbalanced, from my perspective.
 
slave joy
Owned property of Master David

Maybe it seems unbalanced because you can't argue logically and rationally to his logical arguement and instead your response comes from an emotional base.  One's emotions can never be wrong now can they... particularly when one shuts the door to logical thought.
 Maybe so.  Passion, commitment, devotion, love, loyalty, obedience are emotional, and are most important to me in my personal and intimate relationships.  Without these emotions, there is no point to being in an intimate relationship, for me.   Logical thought shouldn't be one-sided, in my view.  i don't shut the door on anyone's argument or on their logic.  i just offer up my own view, my own argument and my own logic, which happens to be the opposing view of the argument that "no limits slavery" necessarily means that negative consequences will be the result.  It's my belief, based on my experiences, that there are men who are able to have unfettered power over another, without it causing them to choose to harm or destroy the one they own or to use the one they own to harm or destroy another.

quote:

Do no limit slaves exist.. yeah... but all they are is a person that has yet to say no in the past and not see a reasonable possibility of saying no in the future.  Problem is... life is not reasonable all the time.  We can not predict what will occur in our future.  But we can have intentions to how we will deal with our future.   But, just because X has never happen nor will it ever happen... doesn't equate to Y being no limits slave.  Yes, the extreme examples are very unrealistic.. but just because they are unrealistic doesn't make them impossible. 
 i have never had to say "No" to my Master and can't imagine that i ever would.  That's not because there is a list of limits in my pocket that my Master needs to refer to, in order to remain safely within the realm of what His slave will and will not allow Him to do or have me do.  It's because i chose to be owned by a Man who is a gentleman, with a solid core of goodness and kindness that is steadfast and unwavering and which i greatly respect and admire.  The sadist that He is has not an ounce of ill will toward me or anyone else in His heart.  There is no doubt, in my mind, that no matter what the future holds, He will never require His property to do anything that would be dishonorable, disrespectful, cruel, or inhumane.  If i had any doubt about that, whatsoever, i never would have agreed to become His property for life. There are no guarantees in this life, and anyone can promise anything and then change their mind later.  There a bad people in all walks of life.  This is why i made very certain that the Master i chose to serve is of a solid and sound moral character, who has no destructive desires.  He is positive and constructive and enjoys building-up, rather than tearing-down, His slave. i like my life to be as stress-free, uncomplicated and, secure as i can get it, without having to wonder or worry about what my Master might have me do or that He might decide to use me in a negative way or for a negative and destructive purpose.  He certainly enjoys challenging me and making me face my fears but, He has no inclination toward destroying His property or having His property destroy anyone or anything. 
quote:

Healthy people have boundaries.... it really is that simple.  These boundaries are necessary in life. 
 Yes. Absolutely. And, as i have stated repeatedly, whenever i offer my views on this topic, i do have boundaries with everyone in this world, outside of my One and Only Master, who i chose to belong to and who i decided to devote my life to serving, unhesitantly and without questioning Him, His actions or His reasons.   It is my great honor to be of service to Him in an unrestricted manner.   As i have stated before, i have no interest or desire to serve the whole world or just anyone off the street.  i never have and never would.  No one can walk up to me and piss on me and get away with it, other than my One and Only Master.  No one can slap me or spit in my face and call me a whore, other than my One and Only Master.  There is also no way i would ever want to serve a Master who needed me to keep Him in check with my limits being imposed on Him.  The very thought of needing to hold the reigns on my Master and make Him run through my checklist of do's and do not's is repulsive to me and i would live a life alone before i would submit to such a man.  This is why i state over and over again that i am exclusive in who i choose to devote myself to.   i am selective in who i choose to spend my personal time with and who i choose to be intimate with and who i choose to submit to and who i choose to be owned by.  Just as i wouldn't choose to spend my life with a man who only listens to one type of music or who doesn't enjoy hiking and camping in the woods, neither would i ever choose to submit to a man with a moral character that i would consider to be questionable or, who i would consider to be dishonorable or unscrupulous or mean-spirited or destructive or negative.  As long as He is none of these terrible things, i have nothing to worry about in becoming His property, without restrictions or limits on how to use me. It's my life and i decide how i want to live it and who i want to live it with.  i choose to surrender my will to One Man and to be His property, His helpmate and, to give Him all that i am, without having to tell Him, "No, i won't do that for You, Master."   Why would i even bother being owned, if i were going to be with a man that i had to say "No" to or who was the sort that needed to have a slave tell Him what He can and cannot do with His own property?  What a big waste that would be. 
quote:

They are necessary to have a functional relationship.  The beauty of healthy relationships is that the boundaries are respected and even absorbed by everyone in the relationship to the point that we don't see boundaries between ourselves in the relationship.  But they are there.. it just so happens that  in No limit relationships the boundaries surround the individuals in the relationship instead of being inbetween them.  As long as the relationship stays healthy and functioning the boundaries will stay on the outside and never come in between.  Unfortunately, we can't predict our future.... we just can do the best we can to influence it by our choices in the Now.
 As i have said, i place no limits or restrictions on my Master or what He decides to do with me and to me or have me do.  This is exclusive to my relationship with my Master and no one else has this same unfettered access to me or use of me. slave joyOwned property of Master David

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RE: Hiding behind domination - 12/1/2007 5:17:26 PM   
slavegirljoy


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quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

slavegirljoy, if what you are ordered to do is a positive thing, and not harmful to anyone or against your moral code, why would you possible refuse?
i wouldn't refuse and i have no idea why you would think that i would ever refuse. 
quote:

Just to assert your independence?
No.  Never.  i am not independent and i have no desire to be independent or to assert independence.  i rejected an independent life to become the owned property of Master David. 
quote:

If he ordered me to go back to bed when I'm down with the flu, then why would I need to defend myself by saying it wasn't my fault, it was his for ordering it?
i have no idea.  This makes no sense to me, at all.  i can't tell you how many times my Master has ordered His slave to get back in bed, to take off my leg and lay down, to not get up until He tells me i can, because i was either not feeling well or my stump was hurt and needed time to heal.  He brings me food and drinks when He forces me to stay off my feet and get well.  And, even though i don't like it, i do it because He is my Master and He decides whether i need to be tended to by Him, rather than me tending to Him. slave joyOwned property of Master David

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RE: Hiding behind domination - 12/1/2007 5:34:44 PM   
juliaoceania


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quote:

It's my belief, based on my experiences, that there are men who are able to have unfettered power over another, without it causing them to choose to harm or destroy the one they own or to use the one they own to harm or destroy another.

 
But that is not what this thread is about... This thread is about submissives/slaves that do things wrong and then use the excuse "My dom made me do it"



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RE: Hiding behind domination - 12/1/2007 5:52:58 PM   
slavegirljoy


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quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

quote:

It's my belief, based on my experiences, that there are men who are able to have unfettered power over another, without it causing them to choose to harm or destroy the one they own or to use the one they own to harm or destroy another.

 
But that is not what this thread is about... This thread is about submissives/slaves that do things wrong and then use the excuse "My dom made me do it"


And, i responded to the OP a few pages back, with my post http://www.collarchat.com/fb.asp?m=1442791.

The quote you clipped and posted here was my response to the comment that KoM made to me in his post, http://www.collarchat.com/fb.asp?m=1445687, which was in regard to a comment that i posted to MadRabbit.
 
slave joy
Owned property of Master David

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RE: Hiding behind domination - 12/1/2007 5:57:28 PM   
juliaoceania


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I do not think you seem to understand what some of us are trying to say... we are on a thread discussing no limts slavery and those who would hide behind it as an excuse to do things they believe are immoral and wrong, therefore the examples of people doing wrong things would be used as hypotheticals, not examples of them doing things that are positive. If this was a thread about the positive aspects of no limits slavery I could see your point, but it isn't...

For some reason it seems to bother you that people would use extreme examples to make their points, but that is how discussions like this work.

_____________________________

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RE: Hiding behind domination - 12/1/2007 6:08:21 PM   
slavegirljoy


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As i said, i responded to the questions raised by the OP in my post, referenced above.
 
MadRabbit made a comment in his post, http://www.collarchat.com/fb.asp?m=1442600, and i commented on that and a subsequent post of his.

Discussions on this board have a way of taking some twists and turns along the way, just as they do in real life.  That's the nature of different views being expressed that are interconnected with the main topic.
 
i'm not bothered that some people choose to illustrate their point of view on "no limits slavery" with extreme examples.  i just choose to counter their arguments with my own arguments. Isn't that how discussions work?
 
slave joy
Owned property of Master David

quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

I do not think you seem to understand what some of us are trying to say... we are on a thread discussing no limts slavery and those who would hide behind it as an excuse to do things they believe are immoral and wrong, therefore the examples of people doing wrong things would be used as hypotheticals, not examples of them doing things that are positive. If this was a thread about the positive aspects of no limits slavery I could see your point, but it isn't...

For some reason it seems to bother you that people would use extreme examples to make their points, but that is how discussions like this work.

(in reply to juliaoceania)
Profile   Post #: 118
RE: Hiding behind domination - 12/3/2007 6:02:28 AM   
BeingChewsie


Posts: 1633
Joined: 10/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

Hypothetically, what would you do if one day he were to make a decision that was malicous and unethical and betrayed that character and judgement?

I understand this isn't a plausible scenario because you have been with him for a decade and know enough about him as a man that you trust him to not ever make a decision like that


My first thought would be that his intentions were not nefarious and that he had a very good and solid reason for the decision. Sometimes things he decides are best for us but may not be best for other people. I can think of several recent business decisions he made that struck me as "out of character" but I realized they were not. He will do what needs to be done to better provide for me and my um. His intentions are never to hurt, harm, or destroy us.

I'm guessing your hypothetical is saying what if his intentions behind the decision were nefarious and not done in the best interest of all of us. First I'd ask him to find out if what I thought was correct, if he said his reasons were sound and it was in fact the best decision he could make for us, it would end there. Life continues on as usual for me. If he came out and said it was nefarious in nature and he meant it to be, I'd talk about it. It would be so out of character I'd have to address it with him. From there my decisions on what would be my next step would be based on the nature of the decision, who it impacted, what the long term effects would be on us as a family etc.

What makes the above a scenario an impossibility isn't that he will never make decisions I believe are wrong or unethical or malicious. It is that his intentions and decisions flowing from that would not be anything but doing what is best to protect and provide for his family and the relationship. That is my anchor.

< Message edited by BeingChewsie -- 12/3/2007 6:05:46 AM >


_____________________________

"In fact, it is my contention that most women are accepting of way less than optimal circumstance constantly, and are lucky to be 'snagged' by the right man, if ever. But it is more by happy accident than by their design. "
~Ron and Hup

(in reply to MadRabbit)
Profile   Post #: 119
RE: Hiding behind domination - 12/3/2007 8:22:29 AM   
Stephann


Posts: 4214
Joined: 12/27/2006
From: Portland, OR
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: mons

take care all ( Stephan why did you not tell her that it was for another car was it a teaching lesson?


take care all

mons


Hi Mons,

There could be lots of reasons; suppose the conversation was me trying to send a quick text message while I'm at work.  Even if I have a ton of time to chat about it at lunch, the point is that I shouldn't have to explain every action I take in-depth.  That's where trust comes in, within our relationship.  Personally, I enjoy the power of simply saying "woman, do it!"  That, for us, is reason enough.

Stephan


_____________________________

Nosce Te Ipsum

"The blade itself incites to violence" - Homer

Men: Find a Woman here

(in reply to mons)
Profile   Post #: 120
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