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RE: Completed my task and Master still not happy with me - 12/1/2007 12:39:51 PM

mstrj69

Posts: 295
Joined: 5/27/2004
Status: offline

He is suppose to train you, not vice versa. He is not even trying to teach you what it is to be the submissive he wants. You have not mentioned ages. Is it that he wants someone younger and will use you while you are trying to get him someone younger ?

From your comments, you will not leave him on your own but can you go to your family and with their support tell him goodby from a distance. Then you can take time to recover your own emotions and self respect. Eventually you will find one who will treat you right and not just use you to do what he can not do for himself.

Good luck to you, you are going to need all the luck you can get.

(in reply to Rastimmipitwax)

Post #: 41

RE: Completed my task and Master still not happy with me - 12/1/2007 12:43:38 PM

ownedgirlie

Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: blondepisces

Hello Ownedgirlie,
Thank you for sharing your experience that does sound so similar to mine. My spirit is crushed and I know I have a lower self-esteem than I've ever had. It was never that great to begin with and I am afraid I have done so much damage to myself now I am not sure I can get thru this without seeking some professional help. He says he didn't mean for him to be so involved with this new girl and did not intent to replace me with someone else, it's just that I am making a big deal out of this. I cannot take any more of this situation and want to write to him. I've started the letter so many times and I know he is waiting for it. He wants me to end it. I guess so he doesn't feel too bad about his behavior.

Anyway, I need to follow the advice here and walk away and not look back. Hopefully learning a lesson and look for something better next time.Thanks again for sharing and I wish you well.

My letter went something like:

Dear Sir,

It is obvious to me I am not what you want in a submissive, and because of this, you will never be satisfied with my efforts. Because of this, however hard I try to please you, I will not succeed. Since you can not decide whether or not to keep me, I have decided for you, and I am hereby walking away from this.

I wish you well."

Done. Over. Kaput.

His response was, "Bye."

It takes time to heal, but step one in healing is removing yourself from the abuse. Step two is to begin focusing on YOU and not on what he thinks/feels/is doing/etc. When logic is mismatched, one person will never understand the other, so as much as you try to explain and rationalize yourself to him, it will bounce right off of him without penetrating. So do not bother. A simple "Goodbye, good luck in figuring yourself out" is probably where you need to leave it, despite whatever words he chooses to spew, if any.

Healing is not easy, but trust me - it is very possible.

(in reply to blondepisces)

Post #: 42

RE: Completed my task and Master still not happy with me - 12/1/2007 12:46:51 PM

blondepisces

Posts: 29
Status: offline

Hello GrizzlyBear,

You're right. More lukewarm than hot :) and thank you for the encouragement. I will not use another minute of my time or emotion to work on this assignment. I feel I did it 200% and told him so to his face that I could not do any better. All I need to do is finish the letter I began to write to him to let him know (what I'm sure he already knows) that I have had enough.

I really hope he does not treat the new girl and any others the same as me, but I feel there are not many subs and women that would allow his behavior like I did. A hard lesson learned and I am not sure when I will be ready to enter into any relationship after this. I am grateful for not having even worse happen to me and hopeful for something better in the future. If I could just keep those thoughts in my mind I feel I can get thru this time. Thanks again for your reply and concern.

(in reply to GrizzlyBear)

Post #: 43

RE: Completed my task and Master still not happy with me - 12/1/2007 12:54:56 PM

blondepisces

Posts: 29
Status: offline

Wiseprotector,
I truly felt it was because we did not trust each other. I wanted to trust him, but could not from the beginning because he would not even give me his name, etc.and would be so angry when I failed to perform any particular tasks he ordered. I was always afraid of failure.

He says he did not trust me. Why, I don't know. I had the right to ask his name at least. When I asked too many questions (that now I know you should ask) he accused me of being a stalker! He was very good at manipulating me. I am afraid to put myself out there again until I am stronger.

(in reply to Wiseprotector)

Post #: 44

RE: Completed my task and Master still not happy with me - 12/1/2007 12:58:38 PM

blondepisces

Posts: 29
Status: offline

hello mstrj69,
I am old enough to know better. We are both in our 40's and yes, the girl I found is a beautiful, sweet young thing. Thank you for your reply.

(in reply to mstrj69)

Post #: 45

RE: Completed my task and Master still not happy with me - 12/1/2007 12:58:52 PM

KatyLied

Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline

You were performing tasks for someone who wouldn't give you his name?

_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to blondepisces)

Post #: 46

RE: Completed my task and Master still not happy with me - 12/1/2007 1:03:06 PM

IrishMist

Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: smilezz

Jezzzzusss...what a fucking nightmare.

If the opportunity presents itself ..... tell him he is not dominant enough for you and adios .... bye .... ciao.

I am not going to tell you to leave him, just offer my opinion..... quite honestly, you are going to do what you are going to do regardless of what I or anyone else says here.

All I will say is...

Good luck,

~smilezz~

I am going to nothing more than quote miss smilezz here...and say that yes, I agree with what she said.

what a mess

_____________________________

If I said something to offend you, please tell me what it was so that I can say it again later.

(in reply to smilezz)

Post #: 47

RE: Completed my task and Master still not happy with me - 12/1/2007 1:04:57 PM

blondepisces

Posts: 29
Status: offline

Ownedgirlie,
Thanks for the letter. It is similar to my draft and 'know' his response will be the same, if I even get the courtesy of a reply.

It is really strange how our situations are so similar. When you say, "so as much as you try to explain and rationalize yourself to him, it will bounce right off of him without penetrating." That is SO True of my experience with this guy. He always hated my 'excuses' as he called them. I was alway blamed for being the one that didn't get it.

(in reply to ownedgirlie)

Post #: 48

RE: Completed my task and Master still not happy with me - 12/1/2007 1:05:43 PM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline

There are lyrics to a song in my journal... Good Enough...

Here is a link to the video on youtube...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zSxoKQ_sWYY

Hopefully you will find the love you want, and know you are good enough and deserve it...

You do deserve it...

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to blondepisces)

Post #: 49

RE: Completed my task and Master still not happy with me - 12/1/2007 1:08:02 PM

blondepisces

Posts: 29
Status: offline

Katy,
He would not give me his name at the beginning, but I did learn it later on. This started online as a blind date and after a few RL dates he shared his interests with me. I was curious and agreed to try a D/s arrangement with him.

(in reply to KatyLied)

Post #: 50

RE: Completed my task and Master still not happy with me - 12/1/2007 1:10:26 PM

usabadger

Posts: 4
Status: offline

blondepisces,

Being exceedingly brilliant, and having carefully analysed your situation, I can offer you the following as the absolute truth.

You are not a fool, an ass, or wrong in any way. You did not make a mistake. He will be fine and is not your problem nor will ever be. There is no shame in living your life however you choose.

You are a warm, loving, beautiful vision of humanity. You are indeed as perfect as flesh can be. Your future holds the most glorious life of love and happiness in pure ecstacy.

<hugging you until you know the truth and a confident smile is permanently etched on you face>

-Badger

(in reply to blondepisces)

Post #: 51

RE: Completed my task and Master still not happy with me - 12/1/2007 1:18:07 PM

blondepisces

Posts: 29
Status: offline

Dear Juliaoceania,
Thank you for that lovely song. I've added it my favorites playlist. I'm sure it will help me to listen to it. Thank you.

(in reply to juliaoceania)

Post #: 52

RE: Completed my task and Master still not happy with me - 12/1/2007 1:23:02 PM

blondepisces

Posts: 29
Status: offline

wow, Badger. Thank you for all the positive thoughts. It may take a while to burn them into my skull, but I will certainly try :) They brought a big smile to me immediately :D. Thank you for saying 'he' will be fine too. I do worry and care about him but I will have to accept I cannot control that. Thank you so much for the hug.

(in reply to usabadger)

Post #: 53

RE: Completed my task and Master still not happy with me - 12/1/2007 1:32:20 PM

dcnovice

Posts: 37282
Joined: 8/2/2006
Status: offline

<fast reply>

Blondepisces, I'm sorry, but my aging eyes can't read your tiny type.

_____________________________

No matter how cynical you become,
it's never enough to keep up.

JANE WAGNER, THE SEARCH FOR SIGNS OF
INTELLIGENT LIFE IN THE UNIVERSE

(in reply to blondepisces)

Post #: 54

RE: Completed my task and Master still not happy with me - 12/1/2007 1:53:25 PM

ownedgirlie

Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: blondepisces
It is really strange how our situations are so similar. When you say, "so as much as you try to explain and rationalize yourself to him, it will bounce right off of him without penetrating." That is SO True of my experience with this guy. He always hated my 'excuses' as he called them. I was alway blamed for being the one that didn't get it.

I have learned that such similarities are not so strange after all. They are quite common personality traits for the emotional abuser. I am genuinely sorry you have suffered, but glad to see you asking questions about getting out. I am familiar with the difficulty. What looks easy on print is torture to the heart. Email me on the other side if you wish. My guess is you're a hell of a lot stronger than you think you are, and when you look back on all this, you will see it. Kudos to you for loving yourself enough to seek help.

(in reply to blondepisces)

Post #: 55

RE: Completed my task and Master still not happy with me - 12/1/2007 2:25:57 PM

CalifChick

Posts: 10717
Joined: 10/28/2007
From: California
Status: offline

Forget the letter. Take one single piece of white paper and write in big black letters on it:

BYE

Stick it in an envelope and mail it. You owe him nothing, no explanations, no well wishes, nada. I would say just send it on a postcard, but that would probably mean a trip somewhere to buy a postcard and then the postage, and you don't want to waste another minute on this loser.

Cali

(in reply to blondepisces)

Post #: 56

RE: Completed my task and Master still not happy with me - 12/1/2007 3:34:06 PM

arayofsunshine55

Posts: 545
Joined: 8/1/2004
From: San Francisco, CA
Status: offline

Everyone can tell you what an ass you have on your hands. You know that already, you've known that for years. But beating yourself up over it is also not productive. IMO you need to figure out how you did this for so long. And being new is not the real reason you put up with this. Why did you allow yourself to be treated poorly, why did you embrace being treated poorly? Some women do this over and over again, with men into bdsm, with men who are not. Without really getting to the heart of what was going on in you, you could very well choose someone similar and not realize it until some time later.

Again, this is not about beating yourself up but rather about truly understanding yourself so you can be sure not repeat your actions, not create patterns which aren't good for you.

_____________________________

Sunshine

Is it not most transformative, most earthshaking, to pierce the veils of self-deception and illusion, and crack the eggshell of ignorance, to most intimately encounter oneself? Lama Surya Das

(in reply to blondepisces)

Post #: 57

RE: Completed my task and Master still not happy with me - 12/1/2007 4:30:17 PM

MystressDream

Posts: 345
Joined: 7/11/2004
From: Colorado
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: blondepisces

Masterkalif, Thank you for your concern and I do intend to take the advice of many of the postings here. I decided to walk away from him a while ago. I just haven't had the courage to write the letter since he does not give me the opportunity to speak with him when I need to.

Writing the letter is easy.

Dear Master Asshole,

Find your own babe to screw... I am out of here.

See ya,

The best thing that ever happened to you.

Pick up the pieces, dear.... and don't let the behavior of one jerk ruin your self esteem or your idea of what this beautiful lifestyle has to offer. Just don't jump into another relationship immediately. Read, learn, meet people in your community, and allow yourself to grow into the beautiful submissive that you appear to be.

Good luck, and I hope we see you here frequently. (Hopefully with a larger font. <grin>)

_____________________________

Knowledge and experience are wonderful things to share. When we stop asking questions, we might as well "hang it up".

check out: www.enclaveproductions.com
www.enclavewest.com

(in reply to blondepisces)

Post #: 58

RE: Completed my task and Master still not happy with me - 12/1/2007 5:45:01 PM

MRandme

Posts: 661
Joined: 9/24/2007
Status: offline

See, I wouldn't even write him... i'd just never contact him again and would not reply if he tried to contact me. Passive aggressive? maybe. But he just isn't worth your time.

What i see here is a man who set you a nearly impossible task to start with. Seems like Male Dom couples who are looking for another sub are everywhere! (as someone informed me when they read our profile, *grin*). So he gave you a task he had to know you were unlikely to succeed in and then got mad when you couldn't? niiiiice.

What i see: a girl who gave all the effort she could, who tried and tried and tried with no encouragement, no praise. A girl who wanted to serve and please. A girl with a good heart.

i see a submissive. He could too. He took advantage of it and played on it because he knew it was there. you are not only a submissive but may be that 'natural' submissive so many look for.

you will find another Dom, easily and you can afford to be choosy. Find one who lets you know that you have great worth and value as a person, and as a sub.

i wish you all the best!

g

_____________________________

And thus i conclude with a wish you go well,
Sweet be your dreams, may your happiness swell,
I'll leave you here, for my journey begins
i've gone to be with Him again...

(in reply to MystressDream)

Post #: 59

RE: Completed my task and Master still not happy with me - 12/1/2007 7:05:51 PM

TemptingNviceSub

Posts: 3054
Joined: 10/1/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: arayofsunshine55

Everyone can tell you what an ass you have on your hands. You know that already, you've known that for years. But beating yourself up over it is also not productive. IMO you need to figure out how you did this for so long. And being new is not the real reason you put up with this. Why did you allow yourself to be treated poorly, why did you embrace being treated poorly? Some women do this over and over again, with men into bdsm, with men who are not. Without really getting to the heart of what was going on in you, you could very well choose someone similar and not realize it until some time later.

Again, this is not about beating yourself up but rather about truly understanding yourself so you can be sure not repeat your actions, not create patterns which aren't good for you.

I felt this statement needed to be reiterated...KNOW THY SELF!!!..Tempting

_____________________________

I have greatly enjoyed the second blooming...suddenly you find at the age of 50, that a whole new life has opened before you.........Agatha Christie.

You must make tracks into the unknown~~Thoreau

(in reply to arayofsunshine55)

Post #: 60

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