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ORIGINAL: masterlink65

seems like you almost like the abuse.

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ORIGINAL: masterlink65

both parties are to blame in this, maybe not equally. but both contributed to this

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ORIGINAL: ownedgirlie

quote:

ORIGINAL: arayofsunshine55

Everyone can tell you what an ass you have on your hands.  You know that already, you've known that for years.  But beating yourself up over it is also not productive.  IMO you need to figure out how you did this for so long.  And being new is not the real reason you put up with this.  Why did you allow yourself to be treated poorly, why did you embrace being treated poorly?    Some women do this over and over again, with men into bdsm, with men who are not.  Without really getting to the heart of what was going on in you, you could very well choose someone similar and not realize it until some time later.

Again, this is not about beating yourself up but rather about truly understanding yourself so you can be sure not repeat your actions, not create patterns which aren't good for you.

I bolded the part that I spent years in therapy trying to figure out, due to my marriage.  The first time my therapist told me to take my responsibility in this, I was angry - I did nothing wrong!!  But then one day, crying, I asked him, "Why did I let myself be treated that way?"  I also had to learn to forgive myself for that, too. 

There is a book I have, Don Miguel Ruiz's "The Mastery of Love".  In it, he teaches that all relationships begin with you, and how you feel about yourself.  You will allow just as much abuse and "emotional poison" as you inflict upon yourself.

The website below helped me in my journey of healing from the emotional abuse I experienced in my marriage and from my last dominant.  I recommend it to anyone in that kind of situation.

http://www.youarenotcrazy.com/