On being alone for a long time...

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

On being alone for a long time...

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> On being alone for a long time...

Page: [1] 2 3 4 next > >>

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

On being alone for a long time... - 12/5/2007 5:10:23 PM

chya

Posts: 31
Joined: 1/30/2004
From: Near Albany NY
Status: offline

Have you ever faced difficulties on being alone for a long time and not having a way to get your submissive or Dominant needs met?? How have you dealt with it?

Profile

Post #: 1

RE: On being alone for a long time... - 12/5/2007 5:14:41 PM

Maya2001

Posts: 1656
Joined: 8/22/2007
From: Woodstock ONT,CANADA
Status: offline

Buried myself in work and volunteering

_____________________________

Lead me not into temptation - I can find the way myself

(in reply to chya)

Profile

Post #: 2

RE: On being alone for a long time... - 12/5/2007 5:15:27 PM

DarkDaddyZ

Posts: 805
Joined: 4/7/2006
Status: offline

I've felt alone for a long time as far as wanting power exchange (the physical and mental elements) but when I just want play that's pretty easy. Dealing with it can be hard because of the craving of it. I've dealt with it by accepting that one day I will have the power exchange I have had in my past and that I seek and enjoying each day. When playing I enjoy the physical aspect of it. It's good see you here, we go a long way back

_____________________________

"Flirting is part of the job description." DJ Jesus (Lucy Daughter Of The Devil)

Vanilla Official Music Page http://www.myspace.com/djzulu

(in reply to chya)

Profile

Post #: 3

RE: On being alone for a long time... - 12/5/2007 5:26:27 PM

OldBastardly1

Posts: 651
Joined: 7/22/2006
From: Atlanta, GA
Status: offline

I think it is much like in the vanilla world. You carry on with your life, making yourself the best person you can be, thus making yourself more attractive to potential partners.
I really am not trying to sound like a prick here, but nothing scares most men more than the feeling of desperation from a woman. We will run like our asses are on fire.

_____________________________

Old Bastard

"You cannot make footprints in the sands of time if you're sitting on your butt. And who wants to make buttprints in the sands of time?" -- Bob Moawad

(in reply to DarkDaddyZ)

Profile

Post #: 4

RE: On being alone for a long time... - 12/5/2007 5:51:35 PM

SweetSarijane

Posts: 3788
Joined: 10/7/2005
From: KC area Missouri
Status: offline

I get my masochistic needs met enough to get by on and service needs by taking care of my family. As for D/s, I can be patient and wait until it's right. It's not easy, but it's the smart thing to do for me. I can't just rush into a relationship to get those D/s needs met, it wouldn't work, or be worth the problems that could result. I also have some priorities to see to before I allow myself to get that involved with someone. Certain things need to be taken care of first.

_____________________________

Sarah2
Deviant Mind
Wild Side Readers KCSass

(in reply to OldBastardly1)

Profile

Post #: 5

RE: On being alone for a long time... - 12/5/2007 5:54:24 PM

peppermint

Posts: 5171
Joined: 10/18/2005
From: Montana
Status: offline

Needs are water, food, and shelter. Wants are Dominant or submissive play and interaction.

To deal with it you suck in your gut and find other things, preferably constructive things to keep yourself busy.

(in reply to chya)

Profile

Post #: 6

RE: On being alone for a long time... - 12/5/2007 5:57:25 PM

IrishMist

Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkDaddyZ

I've felt alone for a long time as far as wanting power exchange (the physical and mental elements) but when I just want play that's pretty easy. Dealing with it can be hard because of the craving of it. I've dealt with it by accepting that one day I will have the power exchange I have had in my past and that I seek and enjoying each day. When playing I enjoy the physical aspect of it. It's good see you here, we go a long way back

I am going to pretty much agree with this here; only switch it to the submissive pov.
I can play with anyone, and when I need a good outlet I have a few friends who I call for that area; I do miss the dynamic though;; more than I do the play.

_____________________________

If I said something to offend you, please tell me what it was so that I can say it again later.

(in reply to DarkDaddyZ)

Profile

Post #: 7

RE: On being alone for a long time... - 12/5/2007 5:59:14 PM

crouchingtigress

Posts: 4387
Joined: 3/19/2006
From: Maui
Status: offline

i dont agree that dominance or submission are wants....but i dont think the need needs to be met in a ds dynamic.
many folks have these needs and dont have a clue about BSM so they "find" themselves in service jobs like nurse or caregiver or volunteering...or in leadership roles at work, in their family dynamic or with spouses.

_____________________________

Service slut, durable plaything, and ponypenquincatdogpig, to Lee Harrington

This is him

"Its none of my buisness what other people think of me."

(in reply to peppermint)

Profile

Post #: 8

RE: On being alone for a long time... - 12/5/2007 6:02:39 PM

MissMagnolia

Posts: 3636
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: OldBastardly1

I really am not trying to sound like a prick here, but nothing scares most men more than the feeling of desperation from a woman. We will run like our asses are on fire.

Women feel exactly the same about desperate men.

I get at least one email per day from some desperado guy begging me to consider him. Those emails are quickly deleted.

_____________________________

if at first you dont succeed..then skydiving isnt for you

Resident Whip Cracker AND Resident Orbs Of Joy.

(in reply to OldBastardly1)

Profile

Post #: 9

RE: On being alone for a long time... - 12/5/2007 6:05:21 PM

petdave

Posts: 2479
Status: offline

Writing BDSM fiction, and since i'm not the sort that can get "play" any time i want it, spanking the monkey like a man on fire

(in reply to crouchingtigress)

Profile

Post #: 10

RE: On being alone for a long time... - 12/5/2007 6:06:42 PM

xiam

Posts: 148
Joined: 7/1/2007
Status: offline

I usually have one too many drinks and find myself flirting ruthlessly with guys who i happen to know are Doms but with whom i also know i'm just not compatible. A couple embarassing nights like those and i get back on track pretty quickly.

Haha... probably not the best advice, but it works for me. ;)

(in reply to crouchingtigress)

Profile

Post #: 11

RE: On being alone for a long time... - 12/5/2007 6:30:41 PM

Missokyst

Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline

I am a self sustaining masochist, when I need pain, pain happens.
As for the service part, I run a bdsm munch list/group. I find that making things work, satisfies my need to be of value. I also donate to charities, buy toys for donation baskets, hand out blankets, and other warm items to the homeless people.
If you look around there are always ways to satisfy the need to serve. The maso part <g> that takes some creativity.
Kyst

quote:

ORIGINAL: chya

Have you ever faced difficulties on being alone for a long time and not having a way to get your submissive or Dominant needs met?? How have you dealt with it?

_____________________________

pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding ~Gibran, Kahlil

“The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for.”
― Bob Marley

(in reply to chya)

Profile

Post #: 12

RE: On being alone for a long time... - 12/5/2007 7:00:53 PM

Marlena33

Posts: 1
Joined: 4/28/2007
From: Carrboro, North Carolina
Status: offline

This is a difficult issue for me because I don't have a lot of time to socialize in order to get my "needs" met. I mostly just masturbate and fantasize alot, but it really doesn't completely satisfy me. Anyway, I prefer to practice my bdsm with someone I'm close to and who I'm fairly intimate with. I hope I find that person soon.

(in reply to Missokyst)

Profile

Post #: 13

RE: On being alone for a long time... - 12/5/2007 7:40:27 PM

AFlyInYourWeb

Posts: 284
Joined: 8/30/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: chya

Have you ever faced difficulties on being alone for a long time and not having a way to get your submissive or Dominant needs met?? How have you dealt with it?

Yes. That's why I listed Volunteerism in my profile preferences. In an average week, community activities probably occupy four evenings and at least part of one day of the weekend. It keeps my mind focused on things larger and more important than myself.

I won't bore you with what I do. However, a wide range of organizations covering almost every conceivable human interest are looking for you.

Environmental Groups, Humane Society, Museums, Scouts, Little League, Church Groups, Schools, Hospitals, Veterans Groups, Historical Societies, local politics...whatever your passions are, they are looking for you.

Let them find you. Channel your passion there until you find the right one to whom you will transfer that passion.

_____________________________

Stories: http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=334308
http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=335720
http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=336666
http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=337911

(in reply to chya)

Profile

Post #: 14

RE: On being alone for a long time... - 12/5/2007 9:16:58 PM

MzMia

Posts: 5333
Joined: 7/30/2004
Status: offline

I have been alone and single so long, that I wonder how I well I
will be able to "share" myself with someone else.
I am one of the busiest people I know, I have so many dreams, and so much to do.
My life will always be full, regardless of whether I am in a relationship or not.
Life is wonderful, but then I am also in love with ME.

At this point in my life I am not willing to "settle" to just be in a relationship, which means
it will take even longer to find the person that can step up to the plate.
You are responsible for your life, your choices and the quality of your experiences on
earth, make the most of your life.
p.s.- there seems to be NO shortage of people around that are willing to "play" with no committment, as a woman I am sure you can find many to play with, especially around here.
Good luck.

< Message edited by MzMia -- 12/5/2007 9:22:29 PM >

_____________________________

Namaste'
To Each His/Her Own
"DENIAL ain't just a river in Egypt." Mark Twain

What's your favorite fetish?
"My partner's whisper"--bloomswell

(in reply to chya)

Profile

Post #: 15

RE: On being alone for a long time... - 12/5/2007 9:19:57 PM

KatyLied

Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline

I don't focus my life on when I can play or when I'm not having sex. There are many other things going on. If your life isn't full enough, take some of the advice here and busy it up, it works wonders. I obtained a second job, not only for the extra money, but in order to use up time that I'd otherwise be spending alone, worrying about being alone. This second job, although sometimes a hassle, has worked wonders for me.

_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to MzMia)

Profile

Post #: 16

RE: On being alone for a long time... - 12/5/2007 9:27:02 PM

MzMia

Posts: 5333
Joined: 7/30/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: KatyLied

I don't focus my life on when I can play or when I'm not having sex. There are many other things going on. If your life isn't full enough, take some of the advice here and busy it up, it works wonders. I obtained a second job, not only for the extra money, but in order to use up time that I'd otherwise be spending alone, worrying about being alone. This second job, although sometimes a hassle, has worked wonders for me.

There is my KatyGirl!
I love to see single women empowered and fullfilling their dreams!
I have accepted that if I don't find my mate in this life, I will find him in the next one.
Kumbayah/Oprah/Dr. Phil moment!
I will add again, if you really need and crave BDSM activity, there are hundreds of people
that will play with you.

_____________________________

Namaste'
To Each His/Her Own
"DENIAL ain't just a river in Egypt." Mark Twain

What's your favorite fetish?
"My partner's whisper"--bloomswell

(in reply to KatyLied)

Profile

Post #: 17

RE: On being alone for a long time... - 12/5/2007 11:38:54 PM

HalloweenWhite

Posts: 1028
Joined: 6/20/2005
Status: offline

I've been alone for nearly 20 years (since 1989) I live in a small town in the U.K so there are fewer people about than if I lived in say for eg London. I've met a few submissives online but few from My home town, one I met on another site wanted to meet Me until she found out I was in a wheelchair-not her ideal Dom. (I don't care what anyone says, image is important).

Met My fare share of fakes and "Do me" subs who want to play with you after 5 minutes of meeting but don't tell you limits etc.

As for how I deal with not having a submissive partner? I go without! lol, but keep looking and try to find ways of meeting people in r/l-there's a monthly fetish fair near Me called the BBB next year I'll start going and see if I can't meet people face to face. I went down the munch route for a while, didn't work out. Also, places like this are useful, at least for making connections that might lead one day to a meeting.

(in reply to chya)

Profile

Post #: 18

RE: On being alone for a long time... - 12/5/2007 11:49:13 PM

NimirRa

Posts: 17
Joined: 12/1/2007
Status: offline

Given that I've never been in a D/s relationship- I've never had those needs met. I just take one day at a time and hope. Granted I'm 18 so I haven't had much time to legally pursue a D/s relationship...

_____________________________

Every act of creation is first an act of destruction. – Pablo Picasso

(in reply to HalloweenWhite)

Profile

Post #: 19

RE: On being alone for a long time... - 12/5/2007 11:58:10 PM

HalloweenWhite

Posts: 1028
Joined: 6/20/2005
Status: offline

Interestingly, I had a taste in 1989 (My last year in college) I've been wanting a "full course" ever since! lol. Thats what keeps Me here and other places-I know what I want so I'll keep searching until I either find it.

(in reply to NimirRa)

Profile

Post #: 20