RE: Different Set of Dating Rules For Lifestyle Relationships?

RE: Different Set of Dating Rules For Lifestyle Relationships? (Full Version)

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Sexynmentalinkc -> RE: Different Set of Dating Rules For Lifestyle Relationships? (12/8/2007 8:25:40 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: OldBastardly1 In a 1st meeting, I want us both to go in neutral, niether D or s....just people. That makes it easier to get to know each other a little better. If I have been casually chatting or flirting with a woman at the club, odds are that the D/s dynamic has already been established, but even then, I don't exploit the dynamic or make unreasonable demands. This pretty much sums it up for me. I definitely try to keep it neutral to some degree on the first date but I'm always looking to see if or how the dynamic is getting set even then. The main thing I bring to first dates is.........a lack of any expectations (good or bad). The only expectation, or hope, that I have if any is to have fun, enjoy ourselves and go home happy - one way or another. tips his hat - Mr. S

Bethnai -> RE: Different Set of Dating Rules For Lifestyle Relationships? (12/8/2007 8:25:55 AM)
The way it sounded one just upped and left. I thought, one tried to leave early and ........politely. Whats going on in the powder room. "I think I'm out by 8. I think we need shots. I'm buying."

juliaoceania -> RE: Different Set of Dating Rules For Lifestyle Relationships? (12/8/2007 8:29:42 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Bethnai The way it sounded one just upped and left. I thought, one tried to leave early and ........politely. Whats going on in the powder room. "I think I'm out by 8. I think we need shots. I'm buying." I am not rehashing her behavior. I would not leave a date without at least telling someone that they can "fuck off" before I hit the door. I would not leave someone sitting there awaiting my return, but there are things people can do on a date that will cause me to be rude... like having traveling hands uninvited, being insulting to me... and if I get the creeps, Im outta there without even a goodbye... screw polite if I get the impression I am out with Ted Bundy

DesiredMuse -> RE: Different Set of Dating Rules For Lifestyle Relationships? (12/8/2007 8:35:14 AM)
If I invite them out, I expect to pay, if they invite me, they should unless things are agreed upon earlier. If I am not having a good time or interested, being submissive should not stop me from feeling free to leave. If it's there, it is, if not.... To me the rules are the same as any dating. You both meet, you get to know each other, you are both polite, and you see where it leads from there. I don't consider lifestylers in a higher league or a different one from anyone else. There weren't diamonds on our toes, nor coal in our diapers when we were born. Amirah

breatheasone -> RE: Different Set of Dating Rules For Lifestyle Relationships? (12/8/2007 8:43:02 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: juliaoceania Another thread had me thinking about if we have different rules for dating lifestylers as opposed to vanilla dating. The thread that sparked this one was a thread about dutch dating. The submissive left a date that didn't pay for her drink after inviting her to go out with him. There were some (one person in particular) that felt because of their respective roles that this submissive should have stayed on the date regardless of the circumstances, and stated she was not really submissive or slave material because she left the date early. Edited to add, if you have a different way of conducting yourself on lifestyle dates, what is it? If you felt as though you did not want carry on with a date any further, it is rude to tell the person this and then leave? Is it unsubmissive to? There shouldn't be different rules for the "dating" stage, but there are. I believe if there weren't theses different rules it would go a lot smoother. To think someone isn't an "s" type because they walked out on a date is ridiculous. I can't believe someone actually thought that...let alone but it in writing.

Bethnai -> RE: Different Set of Dating Rules For Lifestyle Relationships? (12/8/2007 8:45:49 AM)
Ok, fuck off is ok, as long as its said. I just would never have pictured myself leaving. I just don't think I could. See, I figure if your going to meet a potential Dom, there is a lot more. Especially, with the fact that there are so many......come save me......crap. There is a lot more to prove on both ends. I think that if you go to a bar, there are going to be hidden quests. That have all the potential to backfire. On the other end, I think that ..................there is so much save me crap..........maybe it is better to pay for your own drink. Its a drink. There are women who go out with five bucks and spend their entire time getting hammered because they can. So, I don't know. I think I'm rambling at this point.

juliaoceania -> RE: Different Set of Dating Rules For Lifestyle Relationships? (12/8/2007 8:52:26 AM)
I have no problem paying for my own drink, I would have a problem with someone who so obviously was fingering through the wad in his wallet to avoid buying me one, and came up with the exact price of it, and was even short 5 cents...lol

Missokyst -> RE: Different Set of Dating Rules For Lifestyle Relationships? (12/8/2007 8:53:55 AM)
LMAO! You made me spit my coffee out on that one. And I do agree. I am the same in or out of bdsm. I still like the horse before the cart. Kyst quote: ORIGINAL: ExSteelAgain I would have paid for all the drinks she wanted... heh, heh, heh. Okay, seriously, why is first date etiquette any different because you both happen to be fucked up perverts like we all are?

Bethnai -> RE: Different Set of Dating Rules For Lifestyle Relationships? (12/8/2007 8:58:29 AM)
I would too. Don't get me wrong. But you would have turned around and said Fuck Off. See and that is, wrongly or rightly, critical. In my mind, that is a huge difference.

Bethnai -> RE: Different Set of Dating Rules For Lifestyle Relationships? (12/8/2007 9:01:06 AM)
Ok, I lied, I would stay to the bitter end and go to the restroom and make other arrangements. But I would not have walked.

juliaoceania -> RE: Different Set of Dating Rules For Lifestyle Relationships? (12/8/2007 9:03:50 AM)
quote: There shouldn't be different rules for the "dating" stage, but there are. I believe if there weren't theses different rules it would go a lot smoother. To think someone isn't an "s" type because they walked out on a date is ridiculous. I can't believe someone actually thought that...let alone but it in writing. I do not know if it is different for others or nott, I met a few other dominants for coffee, and they gladly bought it for me[;)] The two dominants I have been involved with were very much "let me pick up the check" kinda guys, and many of my vanilla dates weren't like that... but I knew before I went on a date what the expectations were and the ones that were dutch ended up just friends in the long run. Edited to add, in my life experience men that want to date dutch are not really into me, and I do not go out with men that are not really into me for very long. Men usually will break out their wallets if they really like you and want to make a good impression.

thetammyjo -> RE: Different Set of Dating Rules For Lifestyle Relationships? (12/8/2007 9:07:18 AM)
If you are just on a initial or first few "dates" to assess whether you should invest DS time and energy with another person, I think going dutch is the best advice -- this helps keep both parties on equal footing and until you agree you are in a DS relationship, you aren't. After you are in a dynamic you'll need to address this issue. When we go out as a family, Tom (we) pay for the family -- Fox contributes finances to the household and so we are all usually included in one bill unless he states he's going to cover himself. If I tell Fox we are going out, then either I pay or we go dutch. If he plans to eat out with me, he pays or we go dutch. Depends on individual finances and we always makes sure we understand who is paying what before he go into a venue.

breatheasone -> RE: Different Set of Dating Rules For Lifestyle Relationships? (12/8/2007 9:09:10 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: juliaoceania quote: There shouldn't be different rules for the "dating" stage, but there are. I believe if there weren't theses different rules it would go a lot smoother. To think someone isn't an "s" type because they walked out on a date is ridiculous. I can't believe someone actually thought that...let alone but it in writing. I do not know if it is different for others or nott, I met a few other dominants for coffee, and they gladly bought it for me[;)] The two dominants I have been involved with were very much "let me pick up the check" kinda guys, and many of my vanilla dates weren't like that... but I knew before I went on a date what the expectations were and the ones that were dutch ended up just friends in the long run. Edited to add, in my life experience men that want to date dutch are not really into me, and I do not go out with men that are not really into me for very long. Men usually will break out their wallets if they really like you and want to make a good impression. Thats correct...whether a sexual freak or vanilla as the cone.....no difference.

juliaoceania -> RE: Different Set of Dating Rules For Lifestyle Relationships? (12/8/2007 9:11:35 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Bethnai Ok, I lied, I would stay to the bitter end and go to the restroom and make other arrangements. But I would not have walked. Lets put out another scenario... lets say that this guy puts his hands on you, or talks about sex in a way that makes you uncomfortable, or puts down your religion or looks or family or whatever? Are you going to stay even though he is obviously rude?

IrishMist -> RE: Different Set of Dating Rules For Lifestyle Relationships? (12/8/2007 9:15:55 AM)
~FR~ I don't have 'lifestyle dates'. I don't have 'vanilla dates". I have dates. Period. On a date; I am myself. So yes, if I had been in that young lady's shoes; I would have dumped the drink on him and then smashed the glass against his face [:)]

Bethnai -> RE: Different Set of Dating Rules For Lifestyle Relationships? (12/8/2007 9:17:29 AM)
I just felt compelled to say this. I could regret it. I think that we should be adamantly looking at dates just like in the vanilla world. I also think that if we do that...................lets be honest. Thats a coke whore, and thats a coke whore and thats a coke whore. Just as much as I think we should look at that guy is going to take it far enough to nail my job, my ums my....whatever. The only difference between vanilla and this is the recognition of the game and the ability to play it out. Its different.

juliaoceania -> RE: Different Set of Dating Rules For Lifestyle Relationships? (12/8/2007 9:17:46 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: IrishMist ~FR~ I don't have 'lifestyle dates'. I don't have 'vanilla dates". I have dates. Period. On a date; I am myself. So yes, if I had been in that young lady's shoes; I would have dumped the drink on him and then smashed the glass against his face [:)] You know, everytime you say that I fall deeper in love with you, and I am not even bi[:D] The imagery just gets me warm and fuzzy inside

Bethnai -> RE: Different Set of Dating Rules For Lifestyle Relationships? (12/8/2007 9:18:52 AM)
If we do this.........how are we so special? I promise this is my last beer.

IrishMist -> RE: Different Set of Dating Rules For Lifestyle Relationships? (12/8/2007 9:23:23 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: juliaoceania quote: ORIGINAL: IrishMist ~FR~ I don't have 'lifestyle dates'. I don't have 'vanilla dates". I have dates. Period. On a date; I am myself. So yes, if I had been in that young lady's shoes; I would have dumped the drink on him and then smashed the glass against his face [:)] You know, everytime you say that I fall deeper in love with you, and I am not even bi[:D] The imagery just gets me warm and fuzzy inside LOL Pfft...You just want to see me in action so that you can steal all my moves. I see how it is /sniff [8D]

KatyLied -> RE: Different Set of Dating Rules For Lifestyle Relationships? (12/8/2007 9:23:51 AM)
quote: I have dates. Period. On a date; I am myself. Same here. I even do the getting-to-know-you stage as myself (horrors!). The only thing remotely different from vanilla is that there is a discussion regarding kink, in specific sadism because maso is not my thing. But other than that, it's the same stuff, tell me about you; I'll tell you about me. That being said, if the guy's going to buy a drink, I'd like him to get mine too. If he only gives me money for his only, I'll buy my own, but I will continue to have the opinion that he is cheap, and lifestyle has nothing to do with it.

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