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ownedgirlie -> RE: Different Set of Dating Rules For Lifestyle Relationships? (12/10/2007 6:34:40 PM)
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~ Fast Reply ~
Just caught up with this thread. Some interesting comments here. I haven't been on a date since I was 19 years old, thank goodness. Those dates I went on were "vanilla" dates. The man picked up the tab on the few dates I went on. Dating was not a part of my dynamic with my Master. I was drawn to him submissively from the start, and began to submit to him quickly. We did not date. When we go out now, he usually picks up the tab. The last time we went out (and my cousin was also there at his invitation), we sat in the restaurant lounge prior to dinner. I went to the bar to order our drinks (he told me to get something for myself as well as for him and my cousin), delivered them to our table, and asked the bartender to run a tab. He covered the tab. Once, while traveling with him, he sent me to the hotel's Starbucks to get us lattes one morning. Upon return he asked if I charged it to the room. I said no, since he had not offered it and I did not want to ask. Now I know I can ask. But I personally do not assume he will pay, even today. If we were not in an M/s dynamic, I might look at this differently. In this dynamic, I am his servant. Not in this dynamic, I am not. The two are very different for me.
As for "societal rules, values, expectations, etc."...Julia, I saw your comment of "we are all raised with these values" as meaning we are all raised with values having to do with how we behave towards others, and I would agree with that. I think, however, society has evolved to reflect a different mindset than in years past. At the risk of veering this discussion off course, I think with women's push for equal rights - equal pay, equal jobs, equal acception into the military - we have, as a society, begun to move away from these etiquettes you speak of, such as paying for dinner and opening doors. How many men can say in their attempt to open a door for a woman, they were met with, "I can get that myself, thank you". The times are a'changin, and many societal expectations have changed with them.
I was reading another discussion board among attorney groups (scary, I know) and this question came up as well - who pays during dates. The majority of the female attorneys found it offensive that a man would assume she could not open her own door or could not pay her own way. Most of the men were clueless as to what is expected of them anymore. I am glad that is a world I do not have to contend with.
Among my group of friends, we all take turns picking up tabs and helping each other out. When one person is between jobs, the others carry him/her for awhile, and vice versa. That's just what loving friends do, isn't it?
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