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RE: Mind Fucks - 12/8/2007 12:09:08 PM   
velvetears


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Joined: 6/19/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Tigrita

I'm now thinking of another possible parallel... practical jokes, or friends yanking your chain.  I think someone who has a good sense of humor about practical jokes and can give a friend props for successfully playing with their head and laugh about it, would probably enjoy a good mindfuck, and someone who would just get pissed off about those things and not enjoy those kinds of friends might be very incompatible with mindfucks.  Just a hypothesis... any thoughts?  (Sorry if that is a hijack...) 



i am so ashamed to admit this.. but here goes lol.... i hate practical jokes being played on me but i LOVE to play them on others lol.... mayhaps i have a slight nilla sadistic streak in me

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RE: Mind Fucks - 12/8/2007 12:20:12 PM   
salilus


Posts: 201
Joined: 5/18/2007
Status: offline 		For us, a mind f*ck (I'm not allowed to cuss) is not about what he might do or what he could do, it's about what he does and what he makes me believe. He can make it so I believe I'm being raped and abused. He can make it so that I honestly don't want to have orgasms and then force my body to give them up anyways. He can make me hate my body, lose my sense of self and worth. He can make me hate him because he turns into a monster that tears me apart and leaves me sobbing in the dark.

It takes a massive amount of trust and respect on my part and a huge amount of knoweldge and understanding (of me) on his part. I can give him so much because I know, when it's all over, he's going to come down into that dark and carry me back out. It's a massive demonstration of his power and control over me. We do it because we enjoy it (in a round about, difficult to explain sort of way, at least on my part).

It's obviously not for everyone.

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RE: Mind Fucks - 12/8/2007 12:20:56 PM   
Tigrita


Posts: 484
Joined: 8/16/2007
From: California
Status: offline 		Hehe, I think if you want to cop to being a sadist, this is the place to do it, no one's gonna shame you for it, more like give you a high five! 

Maybe you'd enjoy being the fucker than the fuckee?  Or maybe at least thinking it through from that angle to realize that it doesn't have to come from a place of wanting to really do harm could help you relate better?  I remember trying to wrap my head around sadism... I couldn't really embrace my masochism until I could wrap my head around the fact that a sadist isn't necessarily a bad person and thinking through their motivations that weren't unhealthy. 


_____________________________

~ Tigrita

There is no right path, only the path you take.

Success is making life happen, versus just letting life happen to you.

"Many of the things I enjoy, I enjoy because I don't enjoy them." - Charlotte

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RE: Mind Fucks - 12/8/2007 12:23:57 PM   
allcatsaregrey


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quote:

ORIGINAL: breatheasone

This is something I think is bad for building and maintaining a healthy relationship.(my opinion only) If someone has to "test" to see if their partner is up to snuff then the relationship has more issues than just surviving a test to me that is. I would never stand for that like of manipulation. Life is WAY too short for games...deal with me honestly and openly and we will grow like you wouldn't believe... try to mess with my head or manipulate me...and we have NO where to go.


I completely agree with you on this. If I need to be "tested" after someone has gone to the trouble of trying to get to know me, then they obviously didn't try hard enough! Instead, I think communication is key; you absolutely must be forthcoming with any concerns and be honest about how you feel. I would much rather have someone approach me and talk to me about their concerns than put me in a false situation to observe how I would act. In my opinion, situations like this undermine the trust and integrity of both people. No matter how I perform on the test, I would still look at my Master in a different light - likely with a great deal of trepedation and insecurity.

... However, if we're talking about it in the context of play - the "would S/He or wouldn't S/He" situation seems like it would be very exciting for me.


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c.,
The "Service with a Smile" Slut

"Domination's the name of the game, in bed or in life, they're both just the same - Except in one you're fulfilled
at the end of the day."

- Depeche Mode, "Master & servant"

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RE: Mind Fucks - 12/8/2007 12:30:00 PM   
breatheasone


Posts: 4004
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Status: offline 		To me a loving relationship does not include someone who would "make me hate my body, lose my sense of self and worth." or "tear me apart and leave me sobbing in the dark." I wouldn't last 5 minutes with someone that could or would do that to me...I guess I'm not a very strong person or something.

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RE: Mind Fucks - 12/8/2007 12:30:52 PM   
velvetears


Posts: 2933
Joined: 6/19/2006
Status: offline 		Suspending disbelief is at the core of your being able to enjoy mind fucks.  i would never want anyone to make me loose my self worth though.  All those things you mentioned - are they emotionally draining when you go through them?  Enduring and doing things that are difficult i can relate to, just not the mind fuck part.  i don't need it, my submission and devotion will bring me to that place myself.

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Religion is for people who are scared of hell, Spirituality is for people who have been there

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RE: Mind Fucks - 12/8/2007 12:33:42 PM   
velvetears


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quote:

ORIGINAL: Tigrita

Hehe, I think if you want to cop to being a sadist, this is the place to do it, no one's gonna shame you for it, more like give you a high five! 



More shame from the aspect of feeling like a hypocrit lol.  You know you have to tone down when your um comes into the house after school and when she can't find you starts walking cautiously looking behind doors lol

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Religion is for people who are scared of hell, Spirituality is for people who have been there

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RE: Mind Fucks - 12/8/2007 12:36:06 PM   
velvetears


Posts: 2933
Joined: 6/19/2006
Status: offline 		Are mind fucks tied to emotional masochism? 

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RE: Mind Fucks - 12/8/2007 12:43:40 PM   
breatheasone


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quote:

ORIGINAL: velvetears

Are mind fucks tied to emotional masochism? 

I absolutely believe it must be after hearing all the descriptions. I am a "physical" masochist.... I enjoy being beaten and whipped by my Daddy....To me it just sounds like the ones that enjoy "mind jobs" are getting "beaten emotionally" Is that right?...or do I have it wrong?


_____________________________

Romans 10:13,For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved.
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RE: Mind Fucks - 12/8/2007 12:48:50 PM   
velvetears


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quote:

ORIGINAL: breatheasone

quote:

ORIGINAL: velvetears

Are mind fucks tied to emotional masochism? 

I absolutely believe it must be after hearing all the descriptions. I am a "physical" masochist.... I enjoy being beaten and whipped by my Daddy....To me it just sounds like the ones that enjoy "mind jobs" are getting "beaten emotionally" Is that right?...or do I have it wrong?



That's how i am tending to interpret it too breatheasone and like you i might be a physical masochist but don't mess with my mind/emotions/heart in a way that will impact me negatively.  Although i am also hearing that for some like julia and LA it's not about tearing down, and in fact it builds them up and bonds them closer and i believe them 100%.  So if the only way i can see it is identifying as an emotional masochist there is something i am still "not getting"

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Religion is for people who are scared of hell, Spirituality is for people who have been there

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RE: Mind Fucks - 12/8/2007 12:58:31 PM   
Maya2001


Posts: 1656
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From: Woodstock ONT,CANADA
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quote:

ORIGINAL: breatheasone

To me a loving relationship does not include someone who would "make me hate my body, lose my sense of self and worth." or "tear me apart and leave me sobbing in the dark." I wouldn't last 5 minutes with someone that could or would do that to me...I guess I'm not a very strong person or something.


A mind fuck can be a simple as blindfolding you and touching you with an ice cube but telling you it is a needle instead  -- how would that make you hate your body, tear you apart or cause you to lose self worth??????  I think you have some skewed perception about what a mind fuck is.  It is no different than being whipped if you think that a whipping means having your skin shredded  there is no way you would let any dom whip you, but if they explain to you that it is not that at all and can be down gently so as not to damage you and you trust them to agree to that  you still may be scared at first  until they prove otherwise, but a whip in the hands of another person  who does not respect you and only wants to cause damage a whip is an effective mean to do that, so it is about trusting your dom not to take things to far  so as to harm,  the same applies to mind fucks you have to trust your dom and the dom needs to know your boundaries and how far he can go with a mind fuck to ensure it becomes an enjoyable and arousing experience for you,  the only difference between the mindfuck and the whip is the type of tool used  the whip touches the skin to arouse  the mind fuck  touches the edges of the mind to arouse and if done properly neither will leave scars or permanent damage but will cause an added state arousal and will be an enjoyable experience for you


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RE: Mind Fucks - 12/8/2007 12:59:04 PM   
mnottertail


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quote:

ORIGINAL: Decimus

Um thanks Ron, although since I'm a guy its a little weird you calling me the dear sentimentallity, however I appriciate the statement in the context which it was given.


Got you again, stud!!!!!

Ron


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RE: Mind Fucks - 12/8/2007 1:18:18 PM   
Tigrita


Posts: 484
Joined: 8/16/2007
From: California
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: velvetears
quote:

ORIGINAL: breatheasone
quote:

ORIGINAL: velvetears
Are mind fucks tied to emotional masochism? 
I absolutely believe it must be after hearing all the descriptions. I am a "physical" masochist.... I enjoy being beaten and whipped by my Daddy....To me it just sounds like the ones that enjoy "mind jobs" are getting "beaten emotionally" Is that right?...or do I have it wrong?
That's how i am tending to interpret it too breatheasone and like you i might be a physical masochist but don't mess with my mind/emotions/heart in a way that will impact me negatively.  Although i am also hearing that for some like julia and LA it's not about tearing down, and in fact it builds them up and bonds them closer and i believe them 100%.  So if the only way i can see it is identifying as an emotional masochist there is something i am still "not getting"


Emotional masochism is a touchy subject because I think the way people usually think of it is really dysfunctional people who set themselves up to be hurt constantly in their lives.  Just another misconception along with other misconceptions about other kinds of masochism.  It can be expressed in unhealthy ways, but a mindfuck is a not necessarily unhealthy way to express it, just like pain and humiliation play, this is just another kind of emotional play.

So yes, for me it is tied to emotional masochism.  A desire for an emotional beating that I normally don't allow myself to experience, and the empowering strength to rise out of that headspace when it is over.  I tie it very strongly to my enjoyment of humiliation play, they are like kissing cousins.  To become vulnerable and embrace those emotions, and come out stronger for it...

And honestly, I can't say that I've had much actual experience with mindfucks.  Some small ones with my ex, and a pretty bad one from someone I was seeing casually and was completely not ready for that with him and it left me very... well... fucked up... for a few days, and I refused to see him again.  But part of why I was so fucked up is that I realized that it was exactly the kind of headspace I craved, just not with him.  I didn't have the right connection with him for it to be a positive experience, but it opened a door I knew was there, that I want to continue to explore, with the right person. 


_____________________________

~ Tigrita

There is no right path, only the path you take.

Success is making life happen, versus just letting life happen to you.

"Many of the things I enjoy, I enjoy because I don't enjoy them." - Charlotte

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RE: Mind Fucks - 12/8/2007 1:23:10 PM   
breatheasone


Posts: 4004
Joined: 7/14/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Maya2001

quote:

ORIGINAL: breatheasone

To me a loving relationship does not include someone who would "make me hate my body, lose my sense of self and worth." or "tear me apart and leave me sobbing in the dark." I wouldn't last 5 minutes with someone that could or would do that to me...I guess I'm not a very strong person or something.


A mind fuck can be a simple as blindfolding you and touching you with an ice cube but telling you it is a needle instead  -- how would that make you hate your body, tear you apart or cause you to lose self worth??????  I think you have some skewed perception about what a mind fuck is.  It is no different than being whipped if you think that a whipping means having your skin shredded  there is no way you would let any dom whip you, but if they explain to you that it is not that at all and can be down gently so as not to damage you and you trust them to agree to that  you still may be scared at first  until they prove otherwise, but a whip in the hands of another person  who does not respect you and only wants to cause damage a whip is an effective mean to do that, so it is about trusting your dom not to take things to far  so as to harm,  the same applies to mind fucks you have to trust your dom and the dom needs to know your boundaries and how far he can go with a mind fuck to ensure it becomes an enjoyable and arousing experience for you,  the only difference between the mindfuck and the whip is the type of tool used  the whip touches the skin to arouse  the mind fuck  touches the edges of the mind to arouse and if done properly neither will leave scars or permanent damage but will cause an added state arousal and will be an enjoyable experience for you


I was quoting a woman who said her "D" type did that to her.....  and I may indeed have a skewed perception of "mind jobs"  However Tigrita helped me understand it more...she said it was like emotional masochism. That I can "get" since I am a physical masochist....
Love your picture btw...that collar looks hot on you


_____________________________

Romans 10:13,For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved.
Mike posts in black font
candy posts in pink font

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RE: Mind Fucks - 12/8/2007 1:32:06 PM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
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quote:

ORIGINAL: velvetears

Are mind fucks tied to emotional masochism? 


I am not into humiliation nor into feeling badly about myself.. so for me, nope


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Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

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RE: Mind Fucks - 12/8/2007 3:17:47 PM   
petpete


Posts: 677
Joined: 7/6/2007
Status: offline 		VT that subject that you brought up is what most people ask for in this lifestyle. i know for me its everything. Mind games comes first for me and then my fetish. Its the foreplay if i had to describe it in a more understanding way of the relationship. It can be more then draining!! in my belief there is no higher tormenting then having to fill your head with question marks, and puzzles and most times having to argue with your own self about thoughts that are going on in the human mind..  (i'm getting white hairs about it already)

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RE: Mind Fucks - 12/8/2007 3:19:05 PM   
Gardenista


Posts: 146
Joined: 12/6/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: breatheasone

quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

Let me give you an idea of how he fucks with my mind in ways that make me feel small and vulnerable...

He recently restrained my arms behind my back and told me to do something that I tried very hard to do, and then insisted I was doing it wrong... I knew I could not do it without access to my hands, but I continued to try anyways... and yet he kept telling me I needed to try to do it this way or that way.. I kept trying until he threw me down, laid on top of me, laughed and said "It is so precious that you kept trying even though you knew you couldn't do it" as he looked at me lovingly... at the time my sense of self was small, and I felt so very frustrated that I could not comply... yet I kept trying because he said I should, and yet when it was over I felt my sense of self grow larger because I pleased him in my effort alone.. so I felt small and vulnerable, and then took pride in that... it is beautiful to me.

That to me is a mind fuck, because I believe in him enough to believe I should be able to do it because he says I can... even though I can't

And he fucks with my mind all the time when we talk, just little things that make me unsure of myself, and then turns around and feeds me to let me know I am doing what he wants...


See that to me would have made me feel foolish, like I was being made fun of and intentionally made to look like a fool for someones amusement...It would have made me feel like the person had ZERO respect for me. But as I said before...the whole "mind job" thing just feels wrong for me. If you  and your "D" type flourish with this as a part of your dynamic thats cool... It is indeed very cool to see the many different ways we relate to each other in this lifestyle.



And being made to feel foolish is yet another kind of mindfuck that my husband does to me all the time. He makes me walk through puddles, or threatens to order me to do something highly embarassing. Sometimes he follows through, sometimes he doesn't...but it's the gulpy, nervous dread of it all that's the icing on the cake. It's very, very reassuring in the end to know that no matter how dumb I can potentially look, he'll still love and cherish me.


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RE: Mind Fucks - 12/8/2007 3:21:27 PM   
MsPleasure


Posts: 215
Joined: 1/1/2007
Status: offline 		Fucking a mind is fun as long as you don't go over board. 

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RE: Mind Fucks - 12/8/2007 3:29:36 PM   
mnottertail


Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline 		yeah......these sort of non specific sentiments make me want a blowjob, how in the fuck do people think like this...........lets trace the paleoneanderthal thought for a briefie, shall we?

Not about sex........ok
it is about the mind......ok
(thats you guys, I want my dick sucked and my feet and ass licked, what would prompt a girl to do that, and be happy to do so?)

soooooooooooooooo-I decide not to be boring, no caspar milquetoast here, to be spontaneous and fun, to laugh, cry and go along with your insanity.........
and I still don't got it right.

there aint no kinda world in which a cunt can be happy even if they got everything they want.

think about it you got time, and before you send me some fucked up emails (I get plenty) when you bitch or are so imploded in your mind that there is nothing that is viable between men and women.........and nobody can get it right, there is always masturbation, you use it, often.........and just let some of us unenlightened slide--------

Plastics, thats the future son.

The General from the Dirty Dozen



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Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30


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RE: Mind Fucks - 12/8/2007 3:30:31 PM   
Gardenista


Posts: 146
Joined: 12/6/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: velvetears

Are mind fucks tied to emotional masochism? 


Maybe the answer to that depends on what your definition of emotional masochism is. To me, emotional masochism in the BDSM context is the ability to eroticize any emotion that is normally acknowledged as "negative". Anger, fear, jealousy... turned around and changed into something hot. So, if part of the appeal of mindfucks is the fear one feels while getting one, I'd say yeah. =)

(in reply to velvetears)
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