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Masters checking Slaves/Subs emails? Insecurity or Inex... - 12/11/2007 7:10:39 AM   
TheEnglishDom


Posts: 11
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		I am sure this one will cause controversy.

Question.... 'having to check email's of your submissive or slave'.  Is this a sign of insecurity or just inexperience?

What happened to trust and communication? A major part of any D/s relationship.  If a good master/dominant has the 'controlling' role in a relationship then why is it necessary to have to review, or ‘spy’ on someone’s email or conversations?
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Masters checking Slaves/Subs emails? Insecurity or ... - 12/11/2007 7:15:07 AM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline 		Some dominants do this for their amusement (you should see some of the emails submissives get, it can be pretty funny and ridiculous), some as a way of exerting authority.  And yes, some because they are insecure.  Why do you care if they agree to it, it's no big deal.

_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to TheEnglishDom)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Masters checking Slaves/Subs emails? Insecurity or ... - 12/11/2007 7:20:18 AM   
MissSCD


Posts: 1185
Joined: 3/10/2007
Status: offline 		I do not think it is either one of them.  I think it is merly personal preference and a way to get into the submissive's mind. 
I have checked my slave's email once in three years.  It is something I don't get into doing; however, he may tell me of someone he has spoken to, and I usually check a profile.
As a rule, I trust him enough to not worry with that, and besides, I don't have time to sit there and go through emails.
 
Regards, MissSCD

(in reply to KatyLied)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Masters checking Slaves/Subs emails? Insecurity or ... - 12/11/2007 7:40:08 AM   
adoracat


Posts: 1779
Joined: 2/16/2007
Status: offline 		Daddy trusts me to tell him anything important.  me telling J Random Dominant that thank you for mailing me, but i'm quite happily taken?  not really that important in the scheme of things.  Daddy knows my feelings about him, and about being honorable in telling him things.

if he WANTED my password, etc, i'd probably give it to him.  mainly because i've nothing to hide.

kitten

(in reply to MissSCD)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Masters checking Slaves/Subs emails? Insecurity or ... - 12/11/2007 7:40:11 AM   
agirl


Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
Status: offline 		M has access to everything and likes looking at emails and other things I've been doing. He's interested in me and my life and what goes on in it, including my electronic one. It's not *checking or prying*, it's interest. We usually have coffee and croissants at the same time, it's rather cosy and I look forward to it.

agirl



(in reply to TheEnglishDom)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Masters checking Slaves/Subs emails? Insecurity or ... - 12/11/2007 7:44:19 AM   
agirl


Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: adoracat

Daddy trusts me to tell him anything important.

kitten


That made me smile adora, I have the most awful memory and can and do forget even important things. I'm what people regard as "scatty". He can trust me, just not my memory..lol

(in reply to adoracat)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Masters checking Slaves/Subs emails? Insecurity or ... - 12/11/2007 7:50:07 AM   
Guest123


Posts: 58
Joined: 9/6/2007
Status: offline 		When i was owned, there were random checks, He never told me why, it was never done as if he did not trust me, it was part of his control and interest and right to do as he pleased. Since it was done randomly and because i knew His rules and ways, there was honesty, proof of my submission, and safety in knowing that He was in control and that He was in control of all things.

It was also an effective tool to have when someone was not being appropriate to me or had bad intentions. They were simply told before the email was giving. "the Professor has access to my email and reads it at His will." Some after that non longer had the desire to continue in their actions.

The tradition has continued with my present situation.

_____________________________

"If you see a little turtle on a rock, know it did not get there by itself"

(in reply to agirl)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Masters checking Slaves/Subs emails? Insecurity or ... - 12/11/2007 7:54:19 AM   
CreativeDominant


Posts: 11032
Joined: 3/11/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: TheEnglishDom

I am sure this one will cause controversy.

Question.... 'having to check email's of your submissive or slave'.  Is this a sign of insecurity or just inexperience?

What happened to trust and communication? A major part of any D/s relationship.  If a good master/dominant has the 'controlling' role in a relationship then why is it necessary to have to review, or ‘spy’ on someone’s email or conversations?



As others have noted, there are a variety of reasons behind it...inexperience, insecurity, sharing, a lack of trust, etc..  If it works, then more power to them.  I have rather a cynical but, I think, realistic attitude.  If I accept a submissive's submission, then I trust her.  Not blindly but to a great, great extent.  That means that I don't keep tabs on her activities to the point of what I consider micro-management.  And here is where the cynical part comes in...I am not a computer expert...far from it.  If a submissive wants to screw around on me, she can give me every single email password I know about and still have an account set up that I don't know about.  What am I going to do?  Put a keystroke counter on her computer?  Hire an expert to go through her hard drive?  How much trust would that display on my part?  It doesn't work for me as I have too many other things to keep track of in my life outside the D/s relationship and I would rather be spending my time doing other things with my submissive than checking her email each day.  Though I would expect her to show it to me if I asked.

(in reply to TheEnglishDom)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Masters checking Slaves/Subs emails? Insecurity or ... - 12/11/2007 7:54:39 AM   
Wildfleurs


Posts: 1650
Joined: 9/24/2004
From: Connecticut
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: TheEnglishDom

I am sure this one will cause controversy.

Question.... 'having to check email's of your submissive or slave'.  Is this a sign of insecurity or just inexperience?

What happened to trust and communication? A major part of any D/s relationship.  If a good master/dominant has the 'controlling' role in a relationship then why is it necessary to have to review, or ‘spy’ on someone’s email or conversations?



For the most part I consider regular and prolonged checking of the submissive/slave's email a sign of insecurity (although they can certainly have the right to do so).  I tend to leave myself logged in and my email programs open so if my owner's bored sometimes he'll take a look at my email (I'm on more and different email lists than him) - but its more out of boredom than any particular interest in knowing who is emailing me.

C~


_____________________________

"Just because you've always done it that way doesn't mean it's not incredibly stupid." -despair.com

~~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
The heart of it all - http://www.wildfleurs.com
~~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

(in reply to TheEnglishDom)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Masters checking Slaves/Subs emails? Insecurity or ... - 12/11/2007 8:01:54 AM   
Dnomyar


Posts: 7933
Joined: 6/27/2005
Status: offline 		I think that the word micromanaging (controlling) says it all. In my opinion a person has to have issues to be in that frame of mind.

(in reply to Wildfleurs)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Masters checking Slaves/Subs emails? Insecurity or ... - 12/11/2007 8:20:51 AM   
TheEnglishDom


Posts: 11
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		[/quote]

For the most part I consider regular and prolonged checking of the submissive/slave's email a sign of insecurity (although they can certainly have the right to do so).  I tend to leave myself logged in and my email programs open so if my owner's bored sometimes he'll take a look at my email (I'm on more and different email lists than him) - but its more out of boredom than any particular interest in knowing who is emailing me.

C~

[/quote]


I see nothing wrong with having fun and sharing the crazy email that come in from the masses of deranged dom's out there.  They can prove to be very entertaining yes.  (Good book idea - Publishing’s of email from the mentally disturbed).  Now 'to ward off' those dom's and masters that do not take 'taken/collared/not available' is also understandable, but again should the submissive/slave not do this themselves?   Is there a fear that if he/she receives and email that the submissive/slave may see that the grass may be greener on the other side?   But this is not going to be just in email, it's life.  Does one lock the slave/submissive in a box under the bed to prevent this?   Hmmmm that can be fun if done right but I am sure half of the population missing would be a sure sign of something is not right.

There are MANY reasons for the 'checking' up, but are they really justified?  Cheating partner.... hmmmm maybe?





< Message edited by TheEnglishDom -- 12/11/2007 8:21:51 AM >

(in reply to Wildfleurs)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Masters checking Slaves/Subs emails? Insecurity or ... - 12/11/2007 8:30:00 AM   
phoenixgirl


Posts: 2
Joined: 12/3/2007
Status: offline 		my Master has always had access to my email accounts and other sites.  He simply wants them open to Him as a way of continuing the *transparency* agreement W/we have.  He took a look at all of them in the beginning, but now i don't think He ever bothers.  Just knowing they are open and that i trust Him to nose around in my accounts is enough for Him.  i don't consider this *spying* and never thought of Him as being insecure.  It's just another one of His ways to bring U/us closer together.  He has encouraged me to remain friends with Doms and subs that i've been writing to over the years and knows we discuss relationships and bdsm issues openly.  We don't censor our communications just because my Master *might* read it.  So, i see no problem with it, but then again, i have nothing to hide.

phoenix

~Train yourself to let go of those things you fear to lose.

(in reply to TheEnglishDom)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Masters checking Slaves/Subs emails? Insecurity or ... - 12/11/2007 8:34:43 AM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline 		I wanted to start this by prefacing that my Daddy has only checked my emails all of once, because I was at his house and I wanted to see if I got any email at cm so since he had the laptop in his lap I asked him if he minded looking.. and he was kind enough to do so.

I find it amusing that everyone thinks they can judge the motivations behind a simple action. I WISH he read all my emails! I wouldn't mind at all. It would be just one more thing that I had given control over... and isn't that the point of a D/s relationship? Geesh, I thought it was, scratches my head about all the insecurity comments...

I suppose it takes too much imagination to realize people enjoy giving and receiving power in a myriad of ways, and THAT might be the motivation of this? I do not see anyone on here stating that a dom is insecure if he tells his submissive what to wear, eat, or watch, or do... why is this any different? I am much perplexed!

I suppose it falls under those who do not understand why a dom would have his submissive put in her profile that anyone that wants to contact her can contact him first... which is written in my profile, and since I am expected to reply to everything over one line, this is very helpful to me to keep dominants that are searching for submissives from bothering me... I just cut and paste that part of my profile into an email and hit "send".

Use your imagination folks... instead of assuming things about people that you do not know... while it is your right to I suppose, and while there are lots of things people do that would not work for me and I often tell people what "I" would put up with or not if they ask... if they aren't asking you what you think it probably means its working for them. even though you do not understand it.

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to TheEnglishDom)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Masters checking Slaves/Subs emails? Insecurity or ... - 12/11/2007 8:35:03 AM   
disciplinedslave


Posts: 25
Joined: 3/24/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: TheEnglishDom

I am sure this one will cause controversy.

Question.... 'having to check email's of your submissive or slave'.  Is this a sign of insecurity or just inexperience?

What happened to trust and communication? A major part of any D/s relationship.  If a good master/dominant has the 'controlling' role in a relationship then why is it necessary to have to review, or ‘spy’ on someone’s email or conversations?

You must've written to someone that is involved and got an email back saying to buzz off.

_____________________________

disciplinedslave
owned and collared by Mr. Discipline44

It's not about the man being strong enough to dominate, it's about the woman being strong enough to submit.

(in reply to TheEnglishDom)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Masters checking Slaves/Subs emails? Insecurity or ... - 12/11/2007 8:36:14 AM   
Leatherist


Posts: 5149
Joined: 12/11/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: TheEnglishDom

I am sure this one will cause controversy.

Question.... 'having to check email's of your submissive or slave'.  Is this a sign of insecurity or just inexperience?

What happened to trust and communication? A major part of any D/s relationship.  If a good master/dominant has the 'controlling' role in a relationship then why is it necessary to have to review, or ‘spy’ on someone’s email or conversations?



To control poachers. 

(in reply to TheEnglishDom)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Masters checking Slaves/Subs emails? Insecurity or ... - 12/11/2007 8:43:15 AM   
TheEnglishDom


Posts: 11
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: disciplinedslave

quote:

ORIGINAL: TheEnglishDom

I am sure this one will cause controversy.

Question.... 'having to check email's of your submissive or slave'.  Is this a sign of insecurity or just inexperience?

What happened to trust and communication? A major part of any D/s relationship.  If a good master/dominant has the 'controlling' role in a relationship then why is it necessary to have to review, or ‘spy’ on someone’s email or conversations?

You must've written to someone that is involved and got an email back saying to buzz off.


Not at all. 

Just merely creating a thread that hopefully makes people think.

(in reply to disciplinedslave)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Masters checking Slaves/Subs emails? Insecurity or ... - 12/11/2007 8:43:30 AM   
RCdc


Posts: 8674
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: TheEnglishDom

I am sure this one will cause controversy.

Question.... 'having to check email's of your submissive or slave'.  Is this a sign of insecurity or just inexperience?

What happened to trust and communication? A major part of any D/s relationship.  If a good master/dominant has the 'controlling' role in a relationship then why is it necessary to have to review, or ‘spy’ on someone’s email or conversations?


If two consenting adults exchange email information, that is between them.  Who is anyone to judge whether they are insecure, or spying, new and inexperienced or *insertdetrimentalabelsoyoucanappearmoresuperiorhere*

 
the.dark.

_____________________________
RC&dc


love isnt gazing into each others eyes - it's looking forward in the same direction

(in reply to TheEnglishDom)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Masters checking Slaves/Subs emails? Insecurity or ... - 12/11/2007 8:46:17 AM   
Leatherist


Posts: 5149
Joined: 12/11/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: TheEnglishDom

quote:

ORIGINAL: disciplinedslave

quote:

ORIGINAL: TheEnglishDom

I am sure this one will cause controversy.

Question.... 'having to check email's of your submissive or slave'.  Is this a sign of insecurity or just inexperience?

What happened to trust and communication? A major part of any D/s relationship.  If a good master/dominant has the 'controlling' role in a relationship then why is it necessary to have to review, or ‘spy’ on someone’s email or conversations?

You must've written to someone that is involved and got an email back saying to buzz off.


Not at all. 

Just merely creating a thread that hopefully makes people think.



Dude, they put it in there to get rid of a few of the disrespectful wankers who can't take no for an answer. And actually bother to read. Wait till you get a girl-and you see how many assholes on a site like this are willing to diss YOU in an attempt do get thier dick wet.

I doubt you'd be calling it insecure then.

(in reply to TheEnglishDom)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Masters checking Slaves/Subs emails? Insecurity or ... - 12/11/2007 8:48:54 AM   
Owner4SexSlave


Posts: 1311
Joined: 4/4/2007
Status: offline 		Not easy to pass a judgement call on this one.   Because yes, it could be a sign of insecurity.  Some might do it because it appears to simply be the trendy thing to do from reading some of the sub/slaves profiles on here. 

It can also be practical as well, greatly reduces the mindless bullshit emails a sub/slave recieves in the inBOX.  

Yes, even can be amusing as well.  Actually, somebody gave me access to their account and said that I could read their emails.  I never asked for this, nor have I taken the liberty to do so.   So it also means when somebody gives another access to their account, it's also a way of showing trust.

There is no single reason for this, there's a variety of reasons.  However, it does not mean either a lack experience nor insecurity.

If a sub/slave is gonna hide anything from their Dom, they will have a secret account the Dom knows nothing about anyways.  Insecure Doms checking a sub/slaves account for the sense of security is just an illusion.

 

(in reply to TheEnglishDom)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Masters checking Slaves/Subs emails? Insecurity or ... - 12/11/2007 8:48:54 AM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline
quote:

new and inexperienced 


And while you've mentioned it, allow me to have a little rant.  So what if people are new and experienced.  Didn't everyone start somewhere?  And please, no comments about "being raised in the lifestyle."  It really irks me when people are dismissed because they may not have the tons of experience that others claim to have.  

quote:

*insertdetrimentalabelsoyoucanappearmoresuperiorhere*


Exactly!




_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to RCdc)
Profile   Post #: 20
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