Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

RE: How to determine the wannabes


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Master >> RE: How to determine the wannabes Page: <<   < prev  1 [2] 3 4 5   next >   >>
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
RE: How to determine the wannabes - 12/14/2007 5:03:15 PM   
AnimusRex


Posts: 2165
Joined: 5/13/2006
Status: offline 		I agree with Irish-
The biggest myth perpetuated by wannabees, is the idea that there is such a thing as a "TRUE" Master....
there are only men who are Dominant to varying degrees, who are involved in relationships of varying qualities...there is no bright line magically separating the real from the fake.
Anyone can join a BDSM club, and buy a whip, and read books...doesn't make them any more or less real or fake.

If a man is good to you, and creates in you the desire to surrender to Him...He is your true Master...if he is an effing jerk...then he is an effing jerk, even if he is fully accredited with memberships in the Whatnot Dungeon club or such.

My advice...stop looking for a real Dom, and just look for a good Dominant Man.

(in reply to chyanna)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: How to determine the wannabes - 12/14/2007 5:50:27 PM   
MasterGaach


Posts: 5
Joined: 10/17/2007
Status: offline 		I completely agree with AnimusRex's comments, which were well reasoned and well said.

Being a Master is all about control...but one must master oneself before one can Master others. Total self-control, self-disclipline, self-improvement are the hallmarks of a true Master. This is not to say that one must constantly be rigid and stuffy, but that one be always in control-- 'grace under fire', as it were. It's easy to strut around "being the Dom" when times are good, but much harder to react appropriately when tired, hungry, stressed, or angry.  Were I a sub, I would NOT want to be with a mercurial Dom; the whip must be applied with precision, not emotion!

The sub can only fully trust the Dom if she knows that the Dom will remain in control at all times, and not "lose it" and do something regrettable...and full trust is the foundation for any successful D/s relationship (or vanilla, for that matter).

One good indicator of 'wannabe-ness' (wannabe-osity? wannabe-fulness?) is his initial demeanor.  If he doesn't even wait to introduce himself before barking orders... or he acts like he's God's Gift to Subs and you'll roll over and play dead just because he tells you to, before he even knows you... or you just feel like he's "pushing" you in an unwelcome manner, I'd say he's a wannabe.

Subs are quite happy to be given orders, or to be pushed hard... but only when they feel comfortable with a Dom, and trust him completely.  This takes time and emotional investment... and wannabes don't invest that time or emotion.

(in reply to AnimusRex)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: How to determine the wannabes - 12/14/2007 6:05:46 PM   
topcat


Posts: 1675
Joined: 1/31/2004
From: Tidewater, VA
Status: offline 		http://despair.com/dysfunction.html

Also, in some salescourse I took, once upon a time, they advised that you consider any gratitious declaritive statement to mean the opposite: i.e., "I am a man of honor"...

_____________________________

-there is no remission without blood-

(in reply to MasterGaach)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: How to determine the wannabes - 12/14/2007 6:06:33 PM   
windchymes


Posts: 9410
Joined: 4/18/2005
Status: offline 		I think Ron and Jeffffffffffff should do a morning radio show

_____________________________

You know it's going to be a GOOD blow job when she puts a Breathe Right strip on first.

Pick-up artists and garbage men should trade names.

(in reply to MasterGaach)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: How to determine the wannabes - 12/14/2007 6:58:25 PM   
IrishMist


Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: windchymes

I think Ron and Jeffffffffffff should do a morning radio show

You know of course that they are PURE don't you?

_____________________________

If I said something to offend you, please tell me what it was so that I can say it again later.


(in reply to windchymes)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: How to determine the wannabes - 12/14/2007 7:05:35 PM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline
quote:

If he doesn't even wait to introduce himself before barking orders...


I thought it was the sub's job to bark.   


_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to MasterGaach)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: How to determine the wannabes - 12/14/2007 7:10:27 PM   
SirJohnMandevill


Posts: 546
Joined: 11/10/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterGaach

One good indicator of 'wannabe-ness' (wannabe-osity? wannabe-fulness?) is his initial demeanor.  If he doesn't even wait to introduce himself before barking orders... or he acts like he's God's Gift to Subs and you'll roll over and play dead just because he tells you to, before he even knows you... or you just feel like he's "pushing" you in an unwelcome manner, I'd say he's a wannabe.



A wannabe will try to dominate your body. A "true" Dominant will control your heart and mind first, knowing that your body will inevitably follow.

My .02 zlotys.

Les (Purveyor of Fine, Handcrafted Kink)

_____________________________

Iam an eroticist
I am a fully eroticized being
No more neuroses
I found my strip naked soul soup
With the deviant ingredient
---The B-52s

(in reply to MasterGaach)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: How to determine the wannabes - 12/14/2007 7:13:35 PM   
IrishMist


Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

A wannabe will try to dominate your body. A "true" Dominant will control your heart and mind first, knowing that your body will inevitably follow.

Not necessarily. It's not a given that emotions that control the heart are the only thing that drives a person.

Some Dominant men can control with a single look from their eyes; the first time you meet. It has nothing to do with the heart, the mind...or how TRUE someone is.

_____________________________

If I said something to offend you, please tell me what it was so that I can say it again later.


(in reply to SirJohnMandevill)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: How to determine the wannabes - 12/14/2007 8:07:30 PM   
Sexynmentalinkc


Posts: 132
Joined: 4/14/2006
Status: offline 		I have to say....

I've seen a lot of these threads lately - fakes, real or not real, wannabe's....yada yada yada.


People are people.

I hate labels.


If someone wants what you don't, move on. If they seem to want the same, dig deeper. It isn't rocket surgery.



*tips his hat*

- Mr. S

_____________________________

"I think all right-thinking people in this country are sick and tired of being told that ordinary, decent people are fed up in this country with being sick and tired. ...I'm certainly not. And I'm sick and tired of being told that I am..."

(in reply to IrishMist)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: How to determine the wannabes - 12/14/2007 10:23:24 PM   
MasterFireMaam


Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline 		1. Learn to be responsible for your choices. Asking someone else to choose for you isn't doing that.

2. If you don't like the results you've been getting sit and look at your process. What things do each of the negative relationships/people have in common? What is your current process of choose said people. Change all that, and you'll change your results.

3. Further yourself by studying yourself. Become self-aware. This will help you find more quality people.

Master Fire


_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
-----
Ms Relationship Books
-----
BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to chyanna)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: How to determine the wannabes - 12/15/2007 12:32:52 AM   
DiosDeEsclavas


Posts: 13
Joined: 12/4/2007
Status: offline 		I think there is a big draw to try to and come up with specific things to look for to quickly weed out and reduce the list of potential Doms.  For example, I don't have a picture because I don't want someone to do a city search and say, "that's my math teacher."  But I know many subs immediately ignore all who don't have a picture.  another problem, in a way, every Dom w/o a sub is a wannabe.  A King without a kingdom.  If they contact a sub, it's because they want.  Being a "true Dom" doesn't give them any special skill, attribute, or quality different from a poser.  If there were, the posers would just copy it (and they do).  All you can do is read, how troublesome.  Reading will let you get rid of the most ridiculous..

(in reply to MasterFireMaam)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: How to determine the wannabes - 12/15/2007 12:38:36 AM   
laurell3


Posts: 6577
Joined: 5/5/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: IrishMist

quote:

ORIGINAL: chyanna

Please i need some help here, from All you Masters out there on how to see a fake from a true Master, i am sick of being used as a punch bag
sincerely
chyanna


There are no fakes. There are no reals.
There is only what you decide you want and can live with.





Perfectly true.

_____________________________

I cannot be defined by moments in my life, but must be considered for by the entirety of my existence.

When you fail to consider that I am the best judge for what is right for me, all of your opinions become suspect to me.

(in reply to IrishMist)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: How to determine the wannabes - 12/15/2007 2:52:40 AM   
WickedPrince


Posts: 27
Joined: 11/30/2007
Status: offline 		Well for my 2c, and you can take it for what the icecream cone beneath my nick is worth.

In general any given pointer MAY work nearly always, sometimes or not at all. For example: just because somebody isn't hugely experienced doesn't make them a fake, inherantly. So that will be one reason why a perfectly good "Dominant" could fail one (or even 99%) of the rules listed here. I know I have made some of the mistakes that have been listed as proof of being a wannabe simply because I have only been in the lifestyle a few years, despite decades of interest. *shrugs*

But if your choices have landed you with utter bastards, then the first thing to look at are the rules you have been using to choose them. Figure out what those rules you have been consciously or subconsciously using to choose your Dom's, and then make them your top priority for what NOT to accept in the next one.

As an example: if you routinely choose men who tell you that you matter, but ACT like you don't, then you should learn the lesson from that and next time look for a man who ACTS like you matter regardless of what he says.

Albert Einstein said: "Insanity = doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results."

Which is basically a reiteration of what MasterFireMaam said.

(in reply to laurell3)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: How to determine the wannabes - 12/15/2007 7:05:22 AM   
Peridot


Posts: 78
Status: offline 		Hi chyanna:

Good for you for reaching out and asking questions.

I can give rational, warm, supportive advice to others that I don't follow myself.

Doubt, and fear of surrender hold me back from happiness. D/s could be bliss.
To risk being so open is frightening. At points close to surrender, I worry the loss of control.  It can feel like a black hole - the unknown - when you've never surrendered.

When someone else takes power - they need be there, for me, for them, for us, for the possibilities that follow. ( as we need be there for them...)

It takes "D" and it takes "s" to be paired as "D/s".  It is not just one sided. 
Both must work together.

Most of all; there are few absolutes, but degrees and perception. 

So, words like "wannabe" are just cold and dismissive. If someone makes a statement, don't look for lies, but look for the truth - it may make a difference.

Trust in yourself and don't let any one diminish your value.  

Wishing you well -

PS I should write my own post 50x on a chalkboard.



(in reply to chyanna)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: How to determine the wannabes - 12/15/2007 7:26:04 AM   
Rover


Posts: 2634
Joined: 6/28/2004
Status: offline 		I believe that identifying wannabes is the same as identifying witches.  Therefore, you can use the following witch identification process, and simply substitute "wannabe" for "witch" wherever it appears.
 
http://www.okcupid.com/tests/take?testid=4536868129832245353
 
Glad to be of service.
 
John

_____________________________

"Man's mind stretched to a new idea never goes back to its original dimensions."

Sri da Avabhas

(in reply to chyanna)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: How to determine the wannabes - 12/15/2007 7:35:57 AM   
tanzur


Posts: 18
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: chyanna

Please i need some help here, from All you Masters out there on how to see a fake from a true Master, i am sick of being used as a punch bag
sincerely
chyanna


I don’t look at people and see them as wannabe’s, fakes, true, or any other word that is used to describe a person who does not match that which you are looking for in a mate.
People are people; you either have a connection with them, or you don’t.
As for you comment about being tired of being used as a punching bag. Well, that’s not their fault. You place yourself in a situation such as that; you need to take the blame for making that choice

(in reply to chyanna)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: How to determine the wannabes - 12/15/2007 1:51:08 PM   
subtee


Posts: 5133
Joined: 7/26/2007
Status: offline 		Thanks John; I am apparently a wannabee...and/or witch...possibly a duck. Oh and "0 smart." I love it:

My score on The �Monty Python� A Witch! Test:
**************************************
/*tnote[Bypass]*/
   A WITCH!
   (You are: 100% made of wood,  and 0 bridges can be made out of you. Also you're right about witches 0% of the time, and 0 smart.)
"You are in fact a card carrying witch who weighs the same as a duck... good luck in life, you'll get far with that.
Heck, you can't even spot other witches, you might not have even realized you were one."
**************************************
Take it!
http://www.okcupid.com/tests/4536868129832245353/�Monty-Python�-A-Witch!

(in reply to Rover)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: How to determine the wannabes - 12/15/2007 5:07:57 PM   
WickedPrince


Posts: 27
Joined: 11/30/2007
Status: offline 		Hm, the other suggestion I had, is if he claims he's experienced, ask for a referance. If he refuses, claims something like "they were just bitches and didn't like me," or what-ever, you can pretty safely assume that he's not what you want. Heck, even if he says he isn't very experienced , ask for a referance. If he can't at least provide a referance who knows he's not an ass, then he probably is one.

(in reply to subtee)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: How to determine the wannabes - 12/15/2007 5:11:29 PM   
laurell3


Posts: 6577
Joined: 5/5/2005
Status: offline 		yeah....not so true  in my opinion.  I find references as any measure of who a person is instead of using your own common sense and talking to them to be a pitfall instead of a support.  If he's a "fake", his references are "fake" too.

There's a whole recent thread on references, I won't belabor the point.

< Message edited by laurell3 -- 12/15/2007 5:12:12 PM >

_____________________________

I cannot be defined by moments in my life, but must be considered for by the entirety of my existence.

When you fail to consider that I am the best judge for what is right for me, all of your opinions become suspect to me.

(in reply to WickedPrince)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: How to determine the wannabes - 12/15/2007 5:15:36 PM   
sweetstorm


Posts: 227
Joined: 5/3/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Sexynmentalinkc

It isn't rocket surgery.




ROFLMAO - Rocket surgery??? Sounds like slang for a vasectomy.

"Bartender, make it a double. I'm going in tomorrow for rocket surgery."

_____________________________

You don't need a parachute to skydive.

You need a parachute to skydive twice.

(in reply to Sexynmentalinkc)
Profile   Post #: 40
Page:   <<   < prev  1 [2] 3 4 5   next >   >>
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Master >> RE: How to determine the wannabes Page: <<   < prev  1 [2] 3 4 5   next >   >>
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.094