RE: Secretly Married or attached to a vanilla People

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AngelicAgony -> RE: Secretly Married or attached to a vanilla People (12/16/2007 7:06:46 AM)
This my situation. So many things just seem wrong. I have asked him if he is married and he says no. He only calls me during his work hours usually. He only talks to me online from work. I asked him for an address and he refused to give me a mailing address, stating it was complicated. He also says he only has a cell phone, well that may true I know a few people like that. He is also 13 years older than I am, I guess I thought i could trust an older man, I guess not. I know what I have to do, I just can't seem to bring myself to doing it.

Jeffff -> RE: Secretly Married or attached to a vanilla People (12/16/2007 7:11:00 AM)
Yeah......I wish you the best Jeff

SilentTigresss -> RE: Secretly Married or attached to a vanilla People (12/16/2007 7:17:47 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: AngelicAgony This my situation. So many things just seem wrong. I have asked him if he is married and he says no. He only calls me during his work hours usually. He only talks to me online from work. I asked him for an address and he refused to give me a mailing address, stating it was complicated. He also says he only has a cell phone, well that may true I know a few people like that. He is also 13 years older than I am, I guess I thought i could trust an older man, I guess not. I know what I have to do, I just can't seem to bring myself to doing it. Ohhh angelic, Please know you are not alone with your situation. i hope this post has or will help you; it has me. Anyway... AS for his address, that excuse of being complicated would have waved a big flag..i wonder when we want something so bad, we try to hold on to any end. That comment is where i think i am at. i will be doing some of the things that other's have shared with me this week. i am not going to question my own intuition any longer. It has been pinching me for awhile now anyway. i don't know how long you've been doing this, but i think you know what you need to do. " If you always do what you've always done, you will always get what you've always gotten." Could be something to think about. i wish you strength.

bipolarber -> RE: Secretly Married or attached to a vanilla People (12/16/2007 7:39:00 AM)
Wow. No wonder I'm having trouble finding friends! I'm a married guy, perfectly upfront with everyone, (wife and any potential outside partners) yet it seems I'm to be hated on sight! I'll have to discuss this with my wife and my lover when we have her over for Christmas dinner next weekend. Seriously, if you want to find out if your new friend is actually a lying bastard, try Googleing his name... see if there are any women who also post under his online account. Or if he mentions a wife in any of his online messages. Check for web pages that might mention them together... check the Yellow Pages, and see if there are any women with his last name, who live at his same address. (Not 100% certain, but it will give you something to go on.) Definitely turn into Nancy Drew at the beginning of your relationship. Trust is something that has to be earned, not just given as a matter of course. And, if you find out he is married... do you then call and tell HER?

SilentTigresss -> RE: Secretly Married or attached to a vanilla People (12/16/2007 7:47:49 AM)
i applaud your honesty bipolarber, and sounds like you are living well, and at ease. As for calling the wife... since she is hidden there is no way to do that. And,not sure i'd want to walk down that path. All i would be concerned about is getting rid of the guy.

ghitaPVH -> RE: Secretly Married or attached to a vanilla People (12/16/2007 7:58:24 AM)
After living with my Sir for 4 years, we decided to get married this past March. February when he was working on ammending some child support paperwork froma previous marriage, we found out that due to a total fuck up of a lawyer, he was actually still married!! omg was he ever pissed off. I thought it was funny personally, and went aroud for weeks tormenting him about how I was going to hell because I had been sleeping with a married man for all these years. Anyway, the new lawyer straightened it all out in a matter of days and the divorce was finally finalized and we were able to get married like we planned. but..heh, I guess its sometimes impossible to tell when your screwing around with a married man...expecially when they dont know themselves!

PonyGroom -> RE: Secretly Married or attached to a vanilla People (12/16/2007 8:09:55 AM)
quote: He only calls me during his work hours usually. A sign he is married. quote: He only talks to me online from work. Two signs. Yes, he might not have a computer at home. Not likely, though, or it might be busted. quote: I asked him for an address and he refused to give me a mailing address, stating it was complicated. Now this intrigues me. What can be "complicated" about an address? If you are an over the road trucker, sure! If someone is single but has kids at home, I hope they are slow to share their home address. Home is where you keep the kids safe. Then that gets into the question of when it is best to tell someone about the kids. For the kids sake, it is better no one knows about them until you are as sure as you can be they are safe in that other person's hands. A vindictive or angry ex can cause your children a lot of trouble. Not to hijack the thread onto the kids topic - but a lot of odd behaviors can stem from trying to deal with the "kids at home" issue.

sambamanslilgirl -> RE: Secretly Married or attached to a vanilla People (12/16/2007 8:11:01 AM)
i had a general rule of thumb about marrieds - if the person uses "discretion" and/or "stuck in a vanilla relationship" (or anything to that effect), i stay the hell away from them. cheating is cheating whether or not the other spouse approves.

onegoodgirl -> RE: Secretly Married or attached to a vanilla People (12/16/2007 8:14:42 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: ghitaPVH After living with my Sir for 4 years, we decided to get married this past March. February when he was working on ammending some child support paperwork froma previous marriage, we found out that due to a total fuck up of a lawyer, he was actually still married!! omg was he ever pissed off. I thought it was funny personally, and went aroud for weeks tormenting him about how I was going to hell because I had been sleeping with a married man for all these years. Anyway, the new lawyer straightened it all out in a matter of days and the divorce was finally finalized and we were able to get married like we planned. but..heh, I guess its sometimes impossible to tell when your screwing around with a married man...expecially when they dont know themselves! That's awesome! Gawd - I would have had fun with that for weeks :)

AngelicAgony -> RE: Secretly Married or attached to a vanilla People (12/16/2007 8:20:37 AM)
His children are adults and don't live with him so that shouldn't be an issue. I asked for a mailing address. But this is a person that wants a relationship with me. He also told me that when he meets me I have to have sex with him because he loves me. So I am suppose to trust him enough to have sex with him but he doesn't trust me enough to give me a mailing address.

SilentTigresss -> RE: Secretly Married or attached to a vanilla People (12/16/2007 8:45:12 AM)
After that sex comment, i would think that that would be enough to say bye-bye.

IilaStarfire -> RE: Secretly Married or attached to a vanilla People (12/16/2007 10:27:50 AM)
After the he loves you comment... I would run... like hell... He won't give you his address, but he will demand you to have sex with him? Run like hell. Just run. Cut off all contact with him, because that is not feeling right to me. red flags like crazy...

nohalo -> RE: Secretly Married or attached to a vanilla People (12/16/2007 10:41:22 AM)
I agree with most, but truly, trust your instincts. I just googled myself and although he hasn't lived here for years, my ex's name comes up under my address. Technology is great, but there are often mistakes in the information, depending on the source. The best advice, already spoken, is to trust your instinct. Some one told me the other day when we were discussing a scam...if it looks like a duck and acts like a duck, it's pretty safe to assume it is a duck. Good luck...

sexyone4you -> RE: Secretly Married or attached to a vanilla People (12/16/2007 11:14:24 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: AngelicAgony His children are adults and don't live with him so that shouldn't be an issue. I asked for a mailing address. But this is a person that wants a relationship with me. He also told me that when he meets me I have to have sex with him because he loves me. So I am suppose to trust him enough to have sex with him but he doesn't trust me enough to give me a mailing address. Ew, time to move on, hun. Sounds like someone just wants a little slap & tickle on the side. If you are supposed to be able to trust him with your body, why shouldn't he trust you with his address?

Prinsexx -> RE: Secretly Married or attached to a vanilla People (12/16/2007 12:26:24 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: bipolarber Wow. No wonder I'm having trouble finding friends! I'm a married guy, perfectly upfront with everyone, (wife and any potential outside partners) yet it seems I'm to be hated on sight! I'll have to discuss this with my wife and my lover when we have her over for Christmas dinner next weekend. Seriously, if you want to find out if your new friend is actually a lying bastard, try Googleing his name... see if there are any women who also post under his online account. Or if he mentions a wife in any of his online messages. Check for web pages that might mention them together... check the Yellow Pages, and see if there are any women with his last name, who live at his same address. (Not 100% certain, but it will give you something to go on.) Definitely turn into Nancy Drew at the beginning of your relationship. Trust is something that has to be earned, not just given as a matter of course. And, if you find out he is married... do you then call and tell HER? We have such tight data protection here that googling a name or referencing yellow pages just does not work. Most false identities are easily created, even a driving licence, by having two pieces of ID (two household bills) in a new name and re-taking a driving test. I traced HER, the first legal wife, through on line electoral registers and wrote to her. She of course did not reply to me, as she wanted no further contact with the man but their son did. What he emailed and said about his father really sickened me. Eventually the son trusted me enough to give me details about the current partner, and I emailed her office from my office. It turned out that he not only had a different name with me than the name he had with his son, but he had been with this partner under a THIRD name for 15 years. We are both amazing women. He was fixated on having a poly relationship but it existed entirely in his head. He kept her and myself apart for four years. She asked at the end of our conversation what i wanted to do with him, and that i was welcome to him absolutely, but of course by that time i realised that he was only ever dom with me and that she had been topping him all along. That blew the entire relationship for me. God knows whats happened to him. I got myself a face book, or whatever, maybe its a my space, anyway one of them and entered my gmail addresses. HE came up under yet another false name. My god, what scams and lengths he went to to keep us both in the dark. As far as I know (and i developed a good relationship with his son, aged 20 by then) by phone, his son denounced him entirely and his current partner put their house on the market. Everything was in her name anyway. I feel justified in doing what I did as he had infiltrated my family, formed relationships with my kids and had promised to marry me....blah yaddah yaddah blah blah. The fact is a liar is always a liar whichever way you cut the cake.

TexasMaam -> RE: Secretly Married or attached to a vanilla People (12/16/2007 12:32:50 PM)
Invite yourself to their home, tell them you want to meet their friends and see them in their home environment. I actually had a fellow try to blow that one by Me once, though, so you still have to be sharp. His place was a depressing sort of batchelor pad but the girlfriend, significant other lived down the street. I still knew something was up though. 1. He kept watching the driveway the entire time I was there. 2. He couldn't raise a hardon the entire visit. That nervous behavior prompted me to hire a private eye, and our relationship ended shortly thereafter when I learned the straight skinny. TexasMaam

TexasMaam -> RE: Secretly Married or attached to a vanilla People (12/16/2007 12:36:06 PM)
NO JOKE! quote: ORIGINAL: SilentTigresss After that sex comment, i would think that that would be enough to say bye-bye.

SilentTigresss -> RE: Secretly Married or attached to a vanilla People (12/16/2007 1:15:32 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: TexasMaam Invite yourself to their home, tell them you want to meet their friends and see them in their home environment. I actually had a fellow try to blow that one by Me once, though, so you still have to be sharp. His place was a depressing sort of batchelor pad but the girlfriend, significant other lived down the street. I still knew something was up though. 1. He kept watching the driveway the entire time I was there. 2. He couldn't raise a hardon the entire visit. That nervous behavior prompted me to hire a private eye, and our relationship ended shortly thereafter when I learned the straight skinny. TexasMaam Yes, what a thought that would be, and to see him scramble to get out of that!! Thank you TexasMaam.

Honsoku -> RE: Secretly Married or attached to a vanilla People (12/16/2007 2:42:19 PM)
~fr~ As always, there are exceptions to almost every single rule one can come up with. For example; • I haven't used a home phone in years. There is scarcely reason for one anymore. • If I owned slacks, that didn't need to be dry cleaned, I would be using anti-static sheets. • I am not always available Friday or Saturday night, because gasp, other people like doing things those nights as well! Being single doesn't mean one has to be sitting home alone all the time. The only perfect filter is the one that lets no one through. That is the only way you can be sure that you won't waste time on someone who is married, attached, or otherwise unacceptable. The only way to tell that a filter isn't perfect, is if someone does get through. So if you have talked to hundreds of people and not one of them has been meet worthy, you might want to reconsider your filtering process. [;)]

moir -> RE: Secretly Married or attached to a vanilla People (12/16/2007 2:48:58 PM)
i was owned by a Master who was married. i found out after 2 yrs but remained His slave for 2 years more. He called His wife His FC. she knew nothing of His lifewsyle. one of the first questions that i asked Him was if He was divoced..He said yes but failed to tell me that He had remarried 18 yrs later. Why did i stay with Him after i found out you may ask? i can't really answer that. how can you trust anyone who cannot even be honest to His wife?

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