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RE: Marrying your Dominant - 12/18/2007 10:49:05 AM   
IrishMist


Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: takenbyjohnr07

if you are not married to each other do you want to be?  This of course assuming that you are in a real time healthy and loving relationship.Or do you think it would take your current relationship in a different direction that you don't want to go in. .

Marriage.....YUCK

I married mine only because he gave me an ultimatium...either agree to marriage or walk out the door...so...we got married.

_____________________________

If I said something to offend you, please tell me what it was so that I can say it again later.


(in reply to takenbyjohnr07)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Marrying your Dominant - 12/18/2007 11:02:19 AM   
YourhandMyAss


Posts: 5516
Joined: 6/25/2006
From: Sacramento
Status: offline 		his family could contest that, if they were greedy or spitefull. Just because it's in a will does not mean you're safe. edited to add, I see you said before on the other page his children love the idea, what about other family who could lay steak claim like parents.

quote:

ORIGINAL: peppermint


Being more serious, he has given me protection in his will so that i won't be homeless if he passes before me.  It's a comfort to know i'll always have a home no matter what.  I've heard of a couple cases where one partner dies and the other is kicked out into the street with little or nothing.  I'd like to encourage those who have LTR to make wills. 


< Message edited by YourhandMyAss -- 12/18/2007 11:07:38 AM >

(in reply to peppermint)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Marrying your Dominant - 12/18/2007 11:06:39 AM   
smilingjaguar


Posts: 271
Status: offline 		Well, we're married.  It was pretty much for purposes.  I have health issues and when we were married there were no domestic partner plans.  Marriage is nothing but a piece of paper registering you as a couple.  If the couple does not commit to the relationship it will fail regardless of whether it is registered or not.

(in reply to peppermint)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Marrying your Dominant - 12/18/2007 11:07:50 AM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline
quote:

Marriage is nothing but a piece of paper registering you as a couple. 


You've never gone through a lengthy, contested divorce, have you?


_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to smilingjaguar)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Marrying your Dominant - 12/18/2007 11:08:38 AM   
allcatsaregrey


Posts: 77
Joined: 11/2/2007
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline 		In any relationship, it would take a long time - five or more years, possibly - for me to consider marriage. Not so much as I am young, but for personal feelings toward marriage. My parents were married for 20 years before separating, and every member of my father's side of the family has been divorced at least once (my aunt 4 times thus far). Thus, I am naturally inclined to be cautious of marriage, no matter what the situation! I hope that any serious partner I have in the future is able to understand this if the idea of marriage is ever considered. 

_____________________________

Warm Regards,
c.,
The "Service with a Smile" Slut

"Domination's the name of the game, in bed or in life, they're both just the same - Except in one you're fulfilled
at the end of the day."

- Depeche Mode, "Master & servant"

(in reply to peppermint)
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RE: Marrying your Dominant - 12/18/2007 11:17:38 AM   
IrishMist


Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

Marriage is nothing but a piece of paper registering you as a couple

On the contrary, there are a great many couples who live in certain states that in no way NEED A PIECE OF PAPER to state that they are a couple.

_____________________________

If I said something to offend you, please tell me what it was so that I can say it again later.


(in reply to smilingjaguar)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Marrying your Dominant - 12/18/2007 11:24:00 AM   
CuriousLord


Posts: 3911
Joined: 4/3/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: takenbyjohnr07

if you are not married to each other do you want to be?  This of course assuming that you are in a real time healthy and loving relationship.Or do you think it would take your current relationship in a different direction that you don't want to go in. .


My slave and I are planning on getting married.  Just need to wait a couple of years.. we want to be out of school, and, perferrably, holding steady jobs.  There's still a lot to work out in the way of how things will actually work, but we're both quite happy and in love; so, it'll happen, at some point.  The things to work out are almost entirely logistical (since, well, we're college kids.. need to figure out where we're going to live, work, etc.).

Sadly, it may be a while until then as I'm planning on completing a Ph.D. first, and that's still a couple years off.  We're both looking forward to that day, though.


PS:  Just a note.. I'm not BDSM, just M/s.  (So my opinion isn't from a BDSM individual's prospective, as my dynamic lacks sadomasocism.)

< Message edited by CuriousLord -- 12/18/2007 11:28:59 AM >

(in reply to takenbyjohnr07)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Marrying your Dominant - 12/18/2007 11:26:47 AM   
CuriousLord


Posts: 3911
Joined: 4/3/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: smilingjaguar

Marriage is nothing but a piece of paper registering you as a couple.  If the couple does not commit to the relationship it will fail regardless of whether it is registered or not.


The same might be said for collars just being a strip of leather; so you have a good point.  At the same time, it is a symbol for something meaningful to many.. so much so that homophobes are trying to protect the meaning in their own marriages by not allowing what they see to be mockeries of the institution take place.

(in reply to smilingjaguar)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Marrying your Dominant - 12/18/2007 11:28:42 AM   
BitaTruble


Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: takenbyjohnr07

if you are not married to each other do you want to be?  This of course assuming that you are in a real time healthy and loving relationship.Or do you think it would take your current relationship in a different direction that you don't want to go in. .


After several years living in his collar, Himself decided we would get married. I was 'not' a good wife the first time, went through a nasty divorce in which my ex sued me for insurance and alimony (he got neither) and did not want to ever put myself in a position that I'd have to go through something like that again. I had a very hard time adjusting to being married again, trying to figure out how the hell I could be a his wife when I was his slave. Things were bumpy there for a bit in my head, but the ongoing communication (a gem from this message board) and our mutual happiness with one another has allowed our marriage to enhance our relationship rather than hinder it.

Being married isn't just a piece of paper to me .. it means that I get to carry his name. It means the world to me and outweighs the medical benefits, the legal benefits, any financial benefits etc., to me.

Celeste

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."


(in reply to takenbyjohnr07)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Marrying your Dominant - 12/18/2007 11:30:18 AM   
Prinsexx


Posts: 4584
Joined: 8/27/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: takenbyjohnr07

if you are not married to each other do you want to be?  This of course assuming that you are in a real time healthy and loving relationship.Or do you think it would take your current relationship in a different direction that you don't want to go in. .

Marriage is a construct about which there used to be clear and definite agreements. In some cultures there still are: processes (arranged for example), rituals (engagement for example), dowry (let's not forget that one) and sanctions (divorce equals homelessness for example).
Perhaps here, this forum being what it is...a collarme opinion exchange, we have already let go of the consensus about marriage and  I ASSUME WE HAVE A MORE CLEAR CONCEPT OF WHAT BDSM MEANS THAN THE TERM MARRIAGE.
WHERE THE TWO CONSTRUCTS COLLIDE, OR MERGE, OR EXCLUDE that is where the individual issues reside. (Sorry not shouting, caps lock inadvertently on and I am too tired to re-type....)
I have been married three times and still equate marriage with vanilla life. I still equate marriage with power over rather than exchange. I am still referred to as 'Mrs' in both casual and official dialogues about the children. I am exhausted by saying I am no longer married so I don't bother.
I don't know if I ever want to marry again. To me there would be no benefits to it other than financial ones and since I am completely financially independent I really don't see the point.
As to D/s: that dynamic has always held more meaning for me.

(in reply to takenbyjohnr07)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Marrying your Dominant - 12/18/2007 11:32:46 AM   
Gardenista


Posts: 146
Joined: 12/6/2007
Status: offline 		Well, marriage has always meant more then just a "piece of paper" to me. It's also a social contract and making vows to each other and our children. In fact, we customized our wedding vows to include my ums, they were part of the ceremony. It's not about need, it's about want.

(in reply to IrishMist)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Marrying your Dominant - 12/18/2007 11:35:54 AM   
BeingChewsie


Posts: 1633
Joined: 10/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: KatyLied

quote:

Marriage is nothing but a piece of paper registering you as a couple. 


You've never gone through a lengthy, contested divorce, have you?



Amen!! I cringe when I read people write that or say that. Its easy to get into but can be a nightmre to get out of.

_____________________________

"In fact, it is my contention that most women are accepting of way less than optimal circumstance constantly, and are lucky to be 'snagged' by the right man, if ever. But it is more by happy accident than by their design. "
~Ron and Hup

(in reply to KatyLied)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Marrying your Dominant - 12/18/2007 11:42:27 AM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline 		The main reason I would hesitate on getting married would be the idea of divorce.  It's common, and to think it wouldn't happen would be foolhardy.  I started over from scratch after my divorce, no way I'm going to go through that again.

_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to BeingChewsie)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Marrying your Dominant - 12/18/2007 12:45:41 PM   
CuriousLord


Posts: 3911
Joined: 4/3/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: BeingChewsie
quote:

ORIGINAL: KatyLied

quote:

Marriage is nothing but a piece of paper registering you as a couple. 


You've never gone through a lengthy, contested divorce, have you?



Amen!! I cringe when I read people write that or say that. Its easy to get into but can be a nightmre to get out of.


I think that's the whole point.. it is a lifelong commitment that shouldn't be undertaken unless you're sure..

(in reply to BeingChewsie)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Marrying your Dominant - 12/18/2007 1:13:46 PM   
littlebitxxx


Posts: 732
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: takenbyjohnr07

if you are not married to each other do you want to be?  This of course assuming that you are in a real time healthy and loving relationship.Or do you think it would take your current relationship in a different direction that you don't want to go in. .


NO!!  Been there, done that, got the t-shirt, sold the video to "Dirty Jobs".   A collar, a contract, a relationship, an understanding is great.  Why ruin it all with another piece of paper?  Commitment and work within the couple is not lessened any by staying single and just being together.  I don't think marriage would affect the relationship unless or until either party wanted out.  That's when the ramifications take hold. 

_____________________________

There is no such thing as can't unless it is followed by yet

It is the meaningless little acts that become meaningful in the doing.

The people that mind don't matter and the people that matter don't mind.

(in reply to takenbyjohnr07)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Marrying your Dominant - 12/18/2007 1:16:46 PM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline
quote:

don't think marriage would affect the relationship unless or until either party wanted out.  That's when the ramifications take hold. 


Actually there are other ramifications, having to do with retirement, assets, liabilities and health insurance, etc.


_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to littlebitxxx)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Marrying your Dominant - 12/18/2007 1:44:34 PM   
completenz


Posts: 315
Joined: 1/10/2007
Status: offline 		we have both been there before with others but still believe in 'marriage'
Neither of us have felt a love as strong as this before. He has asked me to be His wife and i agreed. We are both so happy and excited
The big day is the 23rd Feb next year, only 2 months to go.
Will this change anything between us?  If anything we believe we will just keep growing stronger together. i already belong to Him and He to me. We will always be Dom/sub, lovers, best friends.... soon we will be Husband/wife as well
hugs
c

(in reply to takenbyjohnr07)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: Marrying your Dominant - 12/18/2007 1:49:02 PM   
takenbyjohnr07


Posts: 787
Joined: 11/26/2007
Status: offline 		Oh my God i have goose bumps. i am so excited and happy for you. Will you be posting a wedding photo on your profile? i wish the two of you the very best of everything!

_____________________________

i am the sole property of Johnr. He is the love of my life and the greatest Owner and i will live to serve and, please him only every day of my life.

(in reply to completenz)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: Marrying your Dominant - 12/18/2007 2:00:13 PM   
angelslave77


Posts: 478
Joined: 5/14/2007
Status: offline 		Marrige is not a neccesity here in Australia to be recognised as a partner and recieve benefits/assests ect, my parents have been together 32 years and never married so to me I have always been a little ho hum about the marriage thing.

I do however know that marriage is very important to Sir and I guess in my heart the idea of taking his name kinda warms me all over although I cant imagine there would be much change to the emotional side of the relationship so I hope very much to one day be married to my Sir but it will be a little way down the track yet.

(in reply to takenbyjohnr07)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: Marrying your Dominant - 12/18/2007 2:08:59 PM   
Littlepita


Posts: 1430
Joined: 10/6/2005
Status: offline 		YES! I want to be married to him so badly. I want to carry his name more than I want it for any other reason. In vanilla settings he is referred to as my boyfriend. He is 23 years older than me and calling him my boyfriend instead of my husband annoys the hell out of me. I love him and I am completely committed to him in every single way.

The age thing keeps him leery of marrying me because he doesn't want me to feel burden someday. He is learning that us not being married won't keep me from his side to the very end. We have other issues that need to be taken care of as well. I feel confident that in a few years we will get married. Lord knows I don't tend to drop the subject.

_____________________________

“I, with a deeper instinct, choose a man who compels my strength, who makes enormous demands on me, who does not doubt my courage or my toughness, who does not believe me naive or innocent, who has the courage to treat me like a woman.” – Anais Nin

(in reply to angelslave77)
Profile   Post #: 40
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