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RE: Marrying your Dominant - 12/18/2007 2:10:52 PM   
peppermint


Posts: 5171
Joined: 10/18/2005
From: Montana
Status: offline 		You are correct.  Nothing is a guarantee.  However, most wills are not contested.  I have to rely on the fact that his kids are good and fair people. 

I still say a will is a much better way to protect one's partner than a promise. 

(in reply to YourhandMyAss)
Profile   Post #: 41
RE: Marrying your Dominant - 12/18/2007 2:28:57 PM   
hejira92


Posts: 2272
Joined: 10/27/2005
From: Palm Beach County, Fl
Status: offline 		I was married for 18 years; Master has never been married. I feel like it is totally unnecessary and Master says if He wanted it, He would have been married by now. Our committment is total- we know it, our families know it, my um's know it. The only reason we would take that step is if, sometime in the future, there were financial/legal benefits to it for us.
 
I am looking forward to the day we will live together. I don't think our dynamic will change- the way we relate to each other is completely natural for us. I don't have to think about serving Him, He doesn't exude power consciously- we just are.
 
The comment Pita made about having his name has made me think, though. That would be nice. I am still using the ex's name for a couple reasons- the um's and the fact that I am Dr. Xxx. If I go back to my maiden name (which technically is taking back my father's name- let's not go there...), I will be Dr. Yyy- the same as my sister -and I have many issues with that.

< Message edited by hejira92 -- 12/18/2007 2:30:20 PM >

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Profile   Post #: 42
RE: Marrying your Dominant - 12/18/2007 2:37:07 PM   
SunNMoon


Posts: 1058
Joined: 3/18/2007
Status: offline 		I would like to get married someday. Since I’m single at the moment I don’t know when. I would like to for a few reasons, the legal befits and being able to stand up in front of my friends and family (and society) and comment to unnamed SO.

I don’t need to be married but it would be nice.

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(in reply to hejira92)
Profile   Post #: 43
RE: Marrying your Dominant - 12/18/2007 2:40:01 PM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline 		Just don't forget the legal "benefits" of divorce before you marry..........

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My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to SunNMoon)
Profile   Post #: 44
RE: Marrying your Dominant - 12/18/2007 3:01:54 PM   
MasterFireMaam


Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline 		From the flip side: No, I don't want to marry anne or bruce. One, anne is already married. Even if she weren't, same sex marriages aren't an option in AZ. bruce is single, but I don't want to marry him either. I'm not romantically in love with either one...nor am I looking to get married again.

Master Fire


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(in reply to takenbyjohnr07)
Profile   Post #: 45
RE: Marrying your Dominant - 12/18/2007 3:15:57 PM   
sambamanslilgirl


Posts: 10926
Joined: 2/5/2007
From: Chicago, IL
Status: offline
quote:

This of course assuming that you are in a real time healthy and loving relationship.

sheeeesh - why so sarcastic?

getting married Saturday, 2nd Aug 2008 in Chicago to my SO/Dom and then moving to OR afterwards

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...2011 - year of the fabulous rock star life ...and i do it so well...


...announcing Mr. & Mrs. British Petrol ...yeah, marrying into oil is slick business...

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Profile   Post #: 46
RE: Marrying your Dominant - 12/18/2007 3:18:05 PM   
DarkDaddyZ


Posts: 805
Joined: 4/7/2006
Status: offline 		~fr~  My goal in finding the right person for me is marriage.  Power exchange is an important part of my life but so is marriage.

Z-

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(in reply to peppermint)
Profile   Post #: 47
RE: Marrying your Dominant - 12/18/2007 3:32:05 PM   
julietsierra


Posts: 1841
Joined: 9/26/2004
Status: offline 		I was married for 18 years. When I got out of that, I said "no way, no time, no no not ever." Now, I've been with my Master for 5 years. We're working on 6. Today, if he ever said "we're getting married" it'd be like anything else he said and "no way, no time,  no no not ever" has given way to me being healthy enough to have the courage to follow him regardless what he chooses. The bottom line is he makes the rules. I follow them. However, that's not his goal and it's not mine and I'm just fine with that.

We don't live together. We don't share money. We don't plan our retirements. We don't have life insurance for each other. There's none of that. It's as much my decision as it is his. I love him. I respect him and I'm here to serve him, not to benefit from his demise.

juliet

(in reply to DarkDaddyZ)
Profile   Post #: 48
RE: Marrying your Dominant - 12/18/2007 3:40:09 PM   
DarkDaddyZ


Posts: 805
Joined: 4/7/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: julietsierra

I was married for 18 years. When I got out of that, I said "no way, no time, no no not ever." Now, I've been with my Master for 5 years. We're working on 6. Today, if he ever said "we're getting married" it'd be like anything else he said and "no way, no time,  no no not ever" has given way to me being healthy enough to have the courage to follow him regardless what he chooses. The bottom line is he makes the rules. I follow them. However, that's not his goal and it's not mine and I'm just fine with that.

We don't live together. We don't share money. We don't plan our retirements. We don't have life insurance for each other. There's none of that. It's as much my decision as it is his. I love him. I respect him and I'm here to serve him, not to benefit from his demise.

juliet

I spent several years in power exchange relationships with slaves that I felt strong feelings for but I wasn't in love with them and I didn't expect to take them home to my parents.  I spent time trying to date those not into the lifestyle as well as have SM type relationships with others.  I realized that it didn't work for me.  I want to take my power exchange partner home to my parents.  I want the white picket fence at my home as much as I want the playroom/dungeon.  I want to see my partner in a wedding dress in front of my parents and (blood) family as much as much I was I want to see her in a blood stained black dress in front of my (kinky) family.

I need the combination of both.  I've enjoyed reading all of your takes and opinions on this thread.

Z-

_____________________________

"Flirting is part of the job description." DJ Jesus (Lucy Daughter Of The Devil)

Vanilla Official Music Page http://www.myspace.com/djzulu

(in reply to julietsierra)
Profile   Post #: 49
RE: Marrying your Dominant - 12/18/2007 4:19:05 PM   
julietsierra


Posts: 1841
Joined: 9/26/2004
Status: offline 		I guess I have the best of both worlds then. My Master is welcome in the home of my parents. In fact, my father just 3 minutes ago asked me to pass on to my Master (ok, my boyfriend to them but between you and me, I think they have more than a clue about our true relationship, even if they aren't speaking up) that we're welcome down where they stay in Florida so that he and my Master and my mother and I can go fishing. If we can make it, they've arranged a trailer (RV park) for us for as long as we can stay. I call him Sir regardless of where I am or who I am with, although admittedly that process has taken a while. If my parents should ask (and they haven't yet) why I call him that, I have already contemplated what I would say, which is to turn the question around and ask why I shouldn't. We don't have picket fences but we do have a houseboat that is a cottage. It's his boat. I have the priviledge of cleaning it.. and helping him paint it... and all the other things that have to be done on a houseboat. Beyond that, I have my own boat that I also do all those things on.

He is very much a valued part of my family and welcomed by ALL of my family. However, I still serve him.

In fact, the thing my folks have the hardest time with now is the fact that as they age, they want to know I'm happy. For them, after 49 years of marriage, that's the hallmark of happiness and security. It's just not that way for me. It's been a long road, but they've come to realize that this is what's right for me and if it's right for me, then it's going to be right for them. They saw what my marriage did to me. All they want is my happiness - however that works out for me. They see that I am happy with him and that's perfect for them. How wonderful that it's also perfect for me.

Thank you for your comments. I've always enjoyed your responses as well.

juliet

< Message edited by julietsierra -- 12/18/2007 4:22:55 PM >

(in reply to DarkDaddyZ)
Profile   Post #: 50
RE: Marrying your Dominant - 12/18/2007 4:33:51 PM   
smilingjaguar


Posts: 271
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: KatyLied
You've never gone through a lengthy, contested divorce, have you?


Well, if you don't count that 3-year divorce I went through with my mom and step-dad, no.  I tend to make good choices, so divorce isn't really needed.  Marriage came into our relationship long after we knew we'd be rocking on the porch of the nursing home in our 80s.  We've been through enough of the "reasons" our friends have used to get a divorce to know who we are and where we stand.  Whether I have that piece of paper or not the relationship is here to stay, which negates marriage for all but financial and insurance reasons.  God knows I didn't do it to spend time with his family.  ;)

(in reply to KatyLied)
Profile   Post #: 51
RE: Marrying your Dominant - 12/18/2007 4:38:21 PM   
smilingjaguar


Posts: 271
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: IrishMist

quote:

Marriage is nothing but a piece of paper registering you as a couple

On the contrary, there are a great many couples who live in certain states that in no way NEED A PIECE OF PAPER to state that they are a couple.


Nope, and we don't either except for my need for health insurance, which is the only reason we have the piece of paper.  Neither of us wear rings, collars, or any symbol of marriage.  Hell, we resemble each other enough that he's often taken to be an uncle or much older brother and a few times to be my dad.  My point was (read carefully) that once you make the commitment to a relationship marriage becomes nothing but a tool to manage insurance and financial concerns. 

(in reply to IrishMist)
Profile   Post #: 52
RE: Marrying your Dominant - 12/18/2007 4:43:15 PM   
Prinsexx


Posts: 4584
Joined: 8/27/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

Just don't forget the legal "benefits" of divorce before you marry..........

that's like not forgetting the benefits of a sound whipping before you stray
or the benefits of an orgasm before you fuck.......


(in reply to LaTigresse)
Profile   Post #: 53
RE: Marrying your Dominant - 12/18/2007 4:48:31 PM   
sexyred1


Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline 		Having been in one marriage for 10 years and then another non-marriage for 10 years, I can say that it makes no difference whatsoever to me if I get married again. Of course, I expect to in another relationship and of course it will be with a Dominant, but marriage or not, the dynamic will be unaffected by the legal aspect.

Actually, it was easier to disengage from the marriage than it was from the other relationship. I think commitment to each other is important, but realistically in a long term arrangement, things like assets, insurance, real estate, etc. all come in to play.

Taking someone's name is not that big a deal either, all the business women I know today who are married, still use their maiden names as they all got married long after they were established in business.

Again, whether you marry or not, marriage in itself should not change your essential dynamic with a partner. If it does, perhaps expectations and communications are in order.

< Message edited by sexyred1 -- 12/18/2007 4:51:51 PM >

(in reply to Prinsexx)
Profile   Post #: 54
RE: Marrying your Dominant - 12/18/2007 4:52:15 PM   
smilingjaguar


Posts: 271
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CuriousLord
The same might be said for collars just being a strip of leather; so you have a good point.  At the same time, it is a symbol for something meaningful to many.. so much so that homophobes are trying to protect the meaning in their own marriages by not allowing what they see to be mockeries of the institution take place.


I have a nonplay collar around here somewhere.  I think it's in the jewelry box. *chuckles*  I guess that should tell you how useful symbols are to us.  I could count the number of times I've worn it and my wedding ring on my fingers and toes and we've been together for 11 years now.  When we worked with Hayward Baker people used to ask us where our rings were all of the time.  One time the following just pop ped out and it pretty much sums up our thoughts on symbols.  If you're so worried about the presence of a piece of metal on a finger, you've got problems in your relationship bigger than its absence. *shrugs*

I know it's important to some people as a sacred event and a symbol, but I think too many worry about the ring and the cake and the dress and not so much on the who and the why and the how.  That's just my take, though. 

Homophobes will use any convenient excuse to futher their cause.  I wonder how many people claiming allowing homosexuals to marry will bring about the destruction of marriage have cheated on their spouses or gotten divorces?  Aren't they destroying the sacrament of marriage?

(in reply to CuriousLord)
Profile   Post #: 55
RE: Marrying your Dominant - 12/18/2007 4:53:55 PM   
domiguy


Posts: 12952
Joined: 5/2/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CuriousLord

quote:

ORIGINAL: BeingChewsie
quote:

ORIGINAL: KatyLied

quote:

Marriage is nothing but a piece of paper registering you as a couple. 


You've never gone through a lengthy, contested divorce, have you?



Amen!! I cringe when I read people write that or say that. Its easy to get into but can be a nightmre to get out of.


I think that's the whole point.. it is a lifelong commitment that shouldn't be undertaken unless you're sure..


I don't think that someone in their twenties is quite ready to take the step of marriage.....Or maybe that was just me. CL, I think it would greatly behoove you to wait a substantial time after graduation and not to be in such a rush. What could possibly be the hurry?

Personally I think no one should be allowed to marry until you reach your thirties.....However CL, if you choose to continue down this path of folly, then as your King I will be left with little or no choice but to reinstate primae noctis...The choice is yours. Is she attractive?....Please don't bum out the King!!


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Profile   Post #: 56
RE: Marrying your Dominant - 12/18/2007 5:10:24 PM   
laurell3


Posts: 6577
Joined: 5/5/2005
Status: offline 		Man I hate posting after Domi not knowing what he's saying.....

I cannot personally conceive of myself ever getting married at this point in life.  That's not to say it couldn't happen, it's just rather unlikely as there isn't much benefit to it for me personally.  However, a piece of paper saying I'm married really would add nothing to the dynamic for me.  I think marriage is overly romanticised by our society which leads to frustration and high divorce numbers.  Believe me, no one ever wins in a divorce.

I'm sure for others my sentiments may not be true.  However, I think one really has to look at the realistic expectations they have of marriage before entering into it.

_____________________________

I cannot be defined by moments in my life, but must be considered for by the entirety of my existence.

When you fail to consider that I am the best judge for what is right for me, all of your opinions become suspect to me.

(in reply to smilingjaguar)
Profile   Post #: 57
RE: Marrying your Dominant - 12/18/2007 5:18:04 PM   
slaveluci


Posts: 4294
Joined: 3/2/2007
From: Little Rock, AR
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: wisteriaV
We don't need a piece of paper to prove to others we are in the relationship forever.

A piece of paper proves you're forever?  That's odd what with all those divorces you read about.  Master and I are going to be married soon.  He has been married and divorced more than once before and my divorce finally became final not quite a month ago (though my ex-husband and I had been physically separated for about 5.5 years).  We wish to be husband and wife for many reasons, none of which involve proving anything to anyone else.  We've both been married to the wrong people.  Now that we found each other, it's time to be married to the right ones.  In addition, obviously financial issues and the like enter into things.  We like being practical in addition to being starry-eyed romantics.............luci

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(in reply to wisteriaV)
Profile   Post #: 58
RE: Marrying your Dominant - 12/18/2007 5:25:21 PM   
slaveluci


Posts: 4294
Joined: 3/2/2007
From: Little Rock, AR
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: BitaTruble
Being married isn't just a piece of paper to me .. it means that I get to carry his name. It means the world to me...

Absolutely.  I didn't think to include that in my post but I totally agree.  His name is worth more than any other benefit there could be.  Not to mention that, Him wishing to marry me after the bad experiences marriage has meant for Him in the past, means the world as well..............luci


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To choose a good book, look in an inquisitor’s prohibited list. ~John Aikin

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Profile   Post #: 59
RE: Marrying your Dominant - 12/18/2007 5:32:13 PM   
LadyChef


Posts: 105
Joined: 11/11/2007
Status: offline 		I can relate. I hope to meet the right submissive man who will eventually become My slave and the future mr.husband/slave.

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You reap what you sow

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Profile   Post #: 60
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