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RE: Marrying your Dominant - 12/18/2007 5:39:27 PM   
SirJohnMandevill


Posts: 546
Joined: 11/10/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse
Just don't forget the legal "benefits" of divorce before you marry..........


Ah, yes. Something I still have to face down the road.

My .02 zlotys: The chances are pretty good that when I do find someone for a LTR, she'll be old enough to have gone through the divorce mill herself once or twice. Since I hope to find a strong, intelligent submissive, she'll also likely have her own career.

Under those circumstances, we might agree that a piece of state-sanctioned paper is unnecessary. But I also would have no qualms about marrying a woman that I truly love. Those last two words, of course, are the 800-pound Godzilla in the room....

Les (Purveyor of Fine, Handcrafted Kink)
Les

_____________________________

Iam an eroticist
I am a fully eroticized being
No more neuroses
I found my strip naked soul soup
With the deviant ingredient
---The B-52s

(in reply to LaTigresse)
Profile   Post #: 61
RE: Marrying your Dominant - 12/18/2007 5:56:42 PM   
bestbabync


Posts: 1061
Joined: 7/25/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Prinsexx

quote:

ORIGINAL: takenbyjohnr07

if you are not married to each other do you want to be?  This of course assuming that you are in a real time healthy and loving relationship.Or do you think it would take your current relationship in a different direction that you don't want to go in. .

Marriage is a construct about which there used to be clear and definite agreements. In some cultures there still are: processes (arranged for example), rituals (engagement for example), dowry (let's not forget that one) and sanctions (divorce equals homelessness for example).
Perhaps here, this forum being what it is...a collarme opinion exchange, we have already let go of the consensus about marriage and  I ASSUME WE HAVE A MORE CLEAR CONCEPT OF WHAT BDSM MEANS THAN THE TERM MARRIAGE.
WHERE THE TWO CONSTRUCTS COLLIDE, OR MERGE, OR EXCLUDE that is where the individual issues reside. (Sorry not shouting, caps lock inadvertently on and I am too tired to re-type....)
I have been married three times and still equate marriage with vanilla life. I still equate marriage with power over rather than exchange. I am still referred to as 'Mrs' in both casual and official dialogues about the children. I am exhausted by saying I am no longer married so I don't bother.
I don't know if I ever want to marry again. To me there would be no benefits to it other than financial ones and since I am completely financially independent I really don't see the point.
As to D/s: that dynamic has always held more meaning for me.



Prinsexx, you said it perfectly!  i have finally given in to my submissiveness and happier than ever!  i have had 2 vanilla marriages and 1 swing lifestyle marriage.  not one of them made me happy. 
what will make me happy is to continue with my new D/s relationship.  i feel more joy and happiness now than ever before!
happy christmas everyone!

_____________________________

"A woman is the only thing I am afraid of that I know will not hurt me" Abraham Lincoln
"Choose Life, your mother did!"
www.howobamagotelected.com
http://www.lp.org/platform
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V2CaBR3z85c

(in reply to Prinsexx)
Profile   Post #: 62
RE: Marrying your Dominant - 12/18/2007 7:20:47 PM   
IrishMist


Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

Nope, and we don't either except for my need for health insurance, which is the only reason we have the piece of paper.  Neither of us wear rings, collars, or any symbol of marriage.  Hell, we resemble each other enough that he's often taken to be an uncle or much older brother and a few times to be my dad.  My point was (read carefully) that once you make the commitment to a relationship marriage becomes nothing but a tool to manage insurance and financial concerns.

Hmm now see, that's interesting. We were together ten years; only married for the last year and a half. After the first year, I was on his insurance; he and his kids were on mine. No marriage.
The only reason we married was so that when he passed away, I could contest the kids going back to their mother; which I did and won custody. I would not have gotten custody if we had not married.

_____________________________

If I said something to offend you, please tell me what it was so that I can say it again later.


(in reply to smilingjaguar)
Profile   Post #: 63
RE: Marrying your Dominant - 12/18/2007 7:45:13 PM   
Wildfleurs


Posts: 1650
Joined: 9/24/2004
From: Connecticut
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: takenbyjohnr07

if you are not married to each other do you want to be?  This of course assuming that you are in a real time healthy and loving relationship.Or do you think it would take your current relationship in a different direction that you don't want to go in. .


I'm not married to him and I like the way things are.  My viewpoint may change, but I really do have problems reconciling marrying a slave.

C~


_____________________________

"Just because you've always done it that way doesn't mean it's not incredibly stupid." -despair.com

~~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
The heart of it all - http://www.wildfleurs.com
~~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

(in reply to takenbyjohnr07)
Profile   Post #: 64
RE: Marrying your Dominant - 12/18/2007 7:47:45 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		http://www.collarchat.com/m_1302688/mpage_1/key_marriage/tm.htm#1302769
Which means more to you?

http://www.collarchat.com/m_664645/mpage_1/key_marriage/tm.htm#664658
Questions regarding marriage and Ds or Ms relationships

http://www.collarchat.com/m_576306/mpage_1/key_marriage/tm.htm#576397
Master, boyfriend, husband

http://www.collarchat.com/m_83805/mpage_1/key_marriage/tm.htm#83805
Ds love and marriage

http://www.collarchat.com/m_132827/mpage_1/key_marriage/tm.htm#132827
bdsm and marriage

http://www.collarchat.com/m_239723/mpage_1/key_marriage/tm.htm#239723
Marriage and Ds

http://www.collarchat.com/m_247668/mpage_1/key_marriage/tm.htm#247668
Ring or collar, what's the difference?

http://www.collarchat.com/m_291606/mpage_1/key_marriage/tm.htm#291606
Marriage and bdsm

http://www.collarchat.com/m_455701/mpage_1/key_marriage/tm.htm#455701
Marriage and bdsm lifestyle

http://www.collarchat.com/m_466530/mpage_1/key_marriage/tm.htm#466530
Marriage and femdom

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to takenbyjohnr07)
Profile   Post #: 65
RE: Marrying your Dominant - 12/18/2007 7:49:31 PM   
smilingjaguar


Posts: 271
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: IrishMist
Hmm now see, that's interesting. We were together ten years; only married for the last year and a half. After the first year, I was on his insurance; he and his kids were on mine. No marriage.
The only reason we married was so that when he passed away, I could contest the kids going back to their mother; which I did and won custody. I would not have gotten custody if we had not married.


I got sick pretty quickly and he had good insurance with no pre-existing conditions.  We had been together 3 or 4 years at that point.  I needed some procedures and surgeries to get better and his employer only provided insurance to wife and child, so we talked it over and decided that we had decided to be together forever anyhow and got married within a few days.  I had my procedures done the same week because his employer knew the situation and rushed the paperwork.  It didn't change anything in how we lived our lives except that I was no longer gravely ill thanks to the surgery and availability of medical care.  It doesn't mean we aren't romantic or don't love each other.  It just means in the big picture of our relationship that's all the marriage license is...a piece of paper that allowed me to get insurance.  We'd be right where we are regardless of whether I could have gotten the insurance without marrying him or not.

About the only time anything related to marriage comes up is when he reminds me I swore to obey...

(in reply to IrishMist)
Profile   Post #: 66
RE: Marrying your Dominant - 12/18/2007 7:54:28 PM   
MzMia


Posts: 5333
Joined: 7/30/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyChef

I can relate. I hope to meet the right submissive man who will eventually become My slave and the future mr.husband/slave.


This is also how I feel!  Thank you for saying it for me LadyChef~
I will add, I would only consider married to a collared submissive, that had
been collared at least 3 years.

_____________________________

Namaste'
To Each His/Her Own
"DENIAL ain't just a river in Egypt." Mark Twain


What's your favorite fetish?
"My partner's whisper"--bloomswell

(in reply to LadyChef)
Profile   Post #: 67
RE: Marrying your Dominant - 12/18/2007 8:16:14 PM   
kitttty


Posts: 494
Joined: 10/10/2007
Status: offline 		I'm obsessed with it. And it causes some problems.

(in reply to MzMia)
Profile   Post #: 68
RE: Marrying your Dominant - 12/18/2007 8:38:03 PM   
denika


Posts: 619
Joined: 8/30/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: takenbyjohnr07

if you are not married to each other do you want to be?  This of course assuming that you are in a real time healthy and loving relationship.Or do you think it would take your current relationship in a different direction that you don't want to go in. .


We are in a real-time loving and healthy relationship, but we are also married to  other's, our partner's opinion and place in our life is paramount and  our primary responsiblity. The fact  we have each found our mates and each other is something we both feel incredibly lucky and blessed to have.


Wolf's denika

< Message edited by denika -- 12/18/2007 8:41:35 PM >

(in reply to takenbyjohnr07)
Profile   Post #: 69
RE: Marrying your Dominant - 12/18/2007 8:45:08 PM   
SirMichealspeach


Posts: 73
Joined: 1/13/2006
Status: offline 		I have been collared to Master for 2 yrs now and we are getting married Dec 30th of this year. I do not forsee anything changing in our D/s life persay.
if anything i think it will enhance our D/s relationship.

SirMichealspeach

(in reply to denika)
Profile   Post #: 70
RE: Marrying your Dominant - 12/18/2007 8:47:49 PM   
TemptingNviceSub


Posts: 3054
Joined: 10/1/2005
Status: offline 		I just realized that maybe I need to make marriage a hard limit...too weary to get on that merry go round horse again......Tempting

_____________________________

I have greatly enjoyed the second blooming...suddenly you find at the age of 50, that a whole new life has opened before you.........Agatha Christie.

You must make tracks into the unknown~~Thoreau

(in reply to denika)
Profile   Post #: 71
RE: Marrying your Dominant - 12/18/2007 8:57:03 PM   
takenbyjohnr07


Posts: 787
Joined: 11/26/2007
Status: offline 		Congratulations! We are all happy for you. Enjoy!

_____________________________

i am the sole property of Johnr. He is the love of my life and the greatest Owner and i will live to serve and, please him only every day of my life.

(in reply to SirMichealspeach)
Profile   Post #: 72
RE: Marrying your Dominant - 12/19/2007 2:15:33 AM   
Rayne58


Posts: 746
Joined: 2/22/2005
From: Sydney Australia
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SirMichealspeach

I have been collared to Master for 2 yrs now and we are getting married Dec 30th of this year. I do not forsee anything changing in our D/s life persay.
if anything i think it will enhance our D/s relationship.

SirMichealspeach


Sir and I have been married just over a year, and been together for 4.  That is how it has worked out for us   Wishing you all the best

(in reply to SirMichealspeach)
Profile   Post #: 73
RE: Marrying your Dominant - 12/19/2007 3:34:10 AM   
NakedGirlScout


Posts: 370
Joined: 1/10/2006
From: Toronto
Status: offline 		My master and I got married right off the bat, due to immigration issues and my needing to sponsor him. Though it was a shotgun wedding, both of us have never been happier in our lives and we don't notice that being married has changed anything except our commitment to one another. Going on strong 2 years now

(in reply to Rayne58)
Profile   Post #: 74
RE: Marrying your Dominant - 12/19/2007 5:45:31 AM   
IrishMist


Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

I got sick pretty quickly and he had good insurance with no pre-existing conditions.  We had been together 3 or 4 years at that point.  I needed some procedures and surgeries to get better and his employer only provided insurance to wife and child, so we talked it over and decided that we had decided to be together forever anyhow and got married within a few days.  I had my procedures done the same week because his employer knew the situation and rushed the paperwork.  It didn't change anything in how we lived our lives except that I was no longer gravely ill thanks to the surgery and availability of medical care.  It doesn't mean we aren't romantic or don't love each other.  It just means in the big picture of our relationship that's all the marriage license is...a piece of paper that allowed me to get insurance.  We'd be right where we are regardless of whether I could have gotten the insurance without marrying him or not.

About the only time anything related to marriage comes up is when he reminds me I swore to obey...

Ahhh ok. Our insurance never had the stipulation in it that it had to be 'wife or child'; only that the person had to be under your care for 6 months and that you could show that.

_____________________________

If I said something to offend you, please tell me what it was so that I can say it again later.


(in reply to smilingjaguar)
Profile   Post #: 75
RE: Marrying your Dominant - 12/19/2007 10:03:23 AM   
laurell3


Posts: 6577
Joined: 5/5/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: kitttty

I'm obsessed with it. And it causes some problems.


Yes you are, but you're starting to recognize it and that's a good step.

_____________________________

I cannot be defined by moments in my life, but must be considered for by the entirety of my existence.

When you fail to consider that I am the best judge for what is right for me, all of your opinions become suspect to me.

(in reply to kitttty)
Profile   Post #: 76
RE: Marrying your Dominant - 12/20/2007 12:04:13 AM   
MasterFireMaam


Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: domiguy

I don't think that someone in their twenties is quite ready to take the step of marriage.....Or maybe that was just me. CL, I think it would greatly behoove you to wait a substantial time after graduation and not to be in such a rush. What could possibly be the hurry?


From experience: getting married young CAN work...but it often doesn't. It really depends on the people involved and the circumstances of the relationship. I was 18 when I married the first time. I think it worked for as long as it did (decade) because we didn't actually live together for more than six months at a time. I'd go back to school or he'd go out to sea. But, it DID work. We made decent decisions like keeping me in school and not even thinking about kids until he was retired (he was 12 years old) and one of us could spend a siginificant amount of time with them (we never had kids since we divorced shortly after he retired). In the end, we fell apart due to the typical lack of communication skills that plague humans. Of course, one could argue that the reason it worked was because there was at least one partner with some life experience in the relationship.

However, I've seen young marriages end in distaster, too. Most are two young kids who are married about two years and then start having children, which put such a strain on the marraige that by the time there are two (and sometimes three) children, the adults have had it. Then comes the very nasty divorce where the kids are used a manipulation tools.

So, having gone through it and watched it happen to several of my second husband's friends (he was younger than me), I'd actually agree with Domiguy: wait for a while.

Master Fire


_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
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Ms Relationship Books
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BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to domiguy)
Profile   Post #: 77
RE: Marrying your Dominant - 12/20/2007 12:37:12 AM   
shivvy


Posts: 746
Joined: 3/25/2006
From: Ireland, living in Kent, England.
Status: offline 		i'm nearlly 22 and i been collared by my Master for 18 months. W/we are engaged and saving up for O/our own place. Master says He wants U/us to have O/our own house 1st, and then W/we're saving up to get married, but i dunno when then will be.... i just know W/we are saving and saving and saving.
 
i'm sorry that some P/peoples marrigies neva worked out, but i really luv my Master, and He really luvs me and tink, and i will do woteva it takes to make O/our marrige work

_____________________________


(¯`v´¯)
`*.¸.*´
¸.•´¸.•*¨) ¸.•*¨)
(¸.•´ (¸.•´ .•´ ¸¸.•¨¯`•.εΐз¸¸.·*´¯`v´¯`*·.¸¸ـ εΐз ~*luv shivvy*~ ـ εΐз

xxx
Owned and collared by SavageFaerie and Master P

(in reply to MasterFireMaam)
Profile   Post #: 78
RE: Marrying your Dominant - 12/20/2007 2:25:02 PM   
whiteslavebitch


Posts: 479
Joined: 9/10/2007
Status: offline 		I have been married once previously for >20 years. Master has never been married.

I don't need it for benefits, as I have my own, and I support myself and a UM.

Neither of us feels it is necessary to get married. I feel more commitment to him than I ever felt towards my ex-husband.



_____________________________

MasterK's whiteslavebitch

formally collared 1/30/09

"I give to you my everything, you've given me these loving wings." - DMB

(in reply to IrishMist)
Profile   Post #: 79
RE: Marrying your Dominant - 12/20/2007 3:51:02 PM   
SlaveTiffany


Posts: 23
Joined: 11/20/2007
Status: offline 		I know that I'm comming to the thread a bit late, but I'd like to put my outlook in as well.  My Master and I were married before we became Master and slave, but I've noticed that we occasionally "revert" to husband/wife as opposed to Master/slave when we're not really thinking about it.  (Partly explains my refusal to put certian things in lowercase..then again, I half assed majored in english)  Sometimes I think it would have been easier to not have been married at all, but at the same time, I doubt we would have been comfortable enough to even try since we're both fairly new.  To me, being married to my dominate is one of the "Catch 22" deals.  It has it's good points and bad points.

Ta!

_____________________________

"Normal is boring so I avoid it whenever possiable." ~me
"Pain is life-the sharper, the more evidence of life." ~Charles Lamb

http://mydungeonspace.com/SlaveTiffany/

(in reply to peppermint)
Profile   Post #: 80
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