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Is it really submission? - 12/26/2007 10:57:10 AM   
parttimehotty


Posts: 4002
Joined: 11/19/2007
From: Virginville
Status: offline 		Hello All:

i was going to post this in the Gen. BDSM area, but thought since it's a submission questions, who better to ask that a submissive/or slave?  Is the feeling to submit a continuous feeling w/you?  i mean, if by some unforeseen circumstance, you/your Dom split, would you immediately feel the need to submit again to another?  i question my submissiveness because i'm not sure if i could submit to another.  i've tried and i just don't enjoy it as much. When i'm w/my Trainer/Master, i just want to fall to my knees.  When we split, i found another Dom on this site, but i just didn't want to submit to him.
i call Him my "Trainer" because W/we've gone on so many rollercoaster rides w/my submissiveness, unable to let go of my vanilla temper at times, that it's not clear what my roll is at this time.  i know He's watching/waiting to see how i do so at this time, i just refer to Him as my Trainer/Master (kinda like a training bra ;).  i do have a strong urge to serve Him/make Him happy, but is it because i really do want to serve, or i'm just happy about having a man i feel safe with/have a good sessions with also?

_____________________________

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Official Mommy of Jolly & Jilly

Nobody is 'dead' until nobody remembers them
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RE: Is it really submission? - 12/26/2007 11:06:32 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		Categorically no. I'm submissive to one. Prior to meeting him I had lived nearly 50 years without ever submitting.

I am judgmental as all get out, and have a laundry list as long as my arm in qualities I require in a partner. Until I met someone who had all those qualities I would never have trusted anyone with this level of control.

I doubt, when/if this relationship ends, that I would ever submit again. I don't have another 50 years to look.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to parttimehotty)
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RE: Is it really submission? - 12/26/2007 11:10:45 AM   
sexyred1


Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline 		No, I would not just submit to anyone. I would only feel submissive to someone I was really into.

However if you are asking if the feeling of wanting to submit is always there, yes, it is. It does not go away because you do or do not have a partner. It is part of who you are.

Your decision to act upon it, is another story.

(in reply to DesFIP)
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RE: Is it really submission? - 12/26/2007 11:12:51 AM   
Mercnbeth


Posts: 11766
Status: offline 		this slave will admit to being in the minority who do not "feel" submissive, submission or ownership.  at all.  this slave doesn't relate to it as a "feeling", no one person "inspires" it over another, for this slave.
 
it would be like asking what freckles or green eyes "feels" like---there is nothing to compare it to, as it is all this slave has ever known.  this slave knows what dominant or dominance feels like when she tries to express it, because it is a role, opposite to that of her nature, that she is having to take on, an act for a set period of time, and it feels very uncomfortable.  reacting submissively, not dominantly, is this slave's nature.
 
if, by some mean twist of the fates we do not die together, this slave is unsure when or if ever she would seek out another, specific individual to serve...but she can definitely say she wouldn't be in the "looking for the One that will inspire my submission" camp.

(in reply to parttimehotty)
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RE: Is it really submission? - 12/26/2007 11:18:37 AM   
Corve


Posts: 15
Joined: 9/23/2006
From: Boca Raton
Status: offline 		A submissive nature does not mean that you must offer yourself to any dominant.  There are issues like trust, safety, and feeling comfortable in living the gift of a submissive servant.  But I might suggest you cever compete or challenege a dominant even if you do not see the dom desireable.  Always best to show respect and humility in a sub life.    

(in reply to parttimehotty)
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RE: Is it really submission? - 12/26/2007 11:25:09 AM   
pixelslave


Posts: 1444
Joined: 8/19/2006
Status: offline 		parttimehotty,
I can relate to your situation having very recently ended a relationship myself with a Domme.  It took time to build that relationship as we got to know each other as friends first, began to flirt, first with double-entendre's and inuendo then later with more overt come-ons, finally the D/s dynamic developed from there as we got more open and honest with each other and began to negotiate; getting more specific about our respective needs, desires, etc. 
 
I can't submit to just anyone, it has to be to someone that I care about and have an emotional attachment to that's at least developing.  The stronger my feelings for someone are, the more submissive I feel toward them.  As my submissive feelings grow for them, so do my other feelings as well.  It's an endless circle of sorts for me.  It's the primary reason I don't play casually, even though the desire to submit to a woman or experience the sensations of play from being dominated is alway someplace in the back of my mind and exists deep at the core of my being; a constant yearning within me so to speak.
 
Perhaps the problem with the new Dom you speak of is that you haven't established a relationship yet on the many different levels you need to in order to feel submissive toward him in the manner you seek and need in order to feel complete as well as satisfied with that relationship.  I hope you find this post of help to you.
 
 - pixel
 


_____________________________

Chivalry isn't dead! It's for those who have it in their hearts & are willing to be taught. It's a way of life, a code of honor; this one's armor still needs some polishing!

(in reply to parttimehotty)
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RE: Is it really submission? - 12/26/2007 11:30:22 AM   
Leatherist


Posts: 5149
Joined: 12/11/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: parttimehotty

Hello All:

i was going to post this in the Gen. BDSM area, but thought since it's a submission questions, who better to ask that a submissive/or slave?  Is the feeling to submit a continuous feeling w/you?  i mean, if by some unforeseen circumstance, you/your Dom split, would you immediately feel the need to submit again to another?  i question my submissiveness because i'm not sure if i could submit to another.  i've tried and i just don't enjoy it as much. When i'm w/my Trainer/Master, i just want to fall to my knees.  When we split, i found another Dom on this site, but i just didn't want to submit to him.
i call Him my "Trainer" because W/we've gone on so many rollercoaster rides w/my submissiveness, unable to let go of my vanilla temper at times, that it's not clear what my roll is at this time.  i know He's watching/waiting to see how i do so at this time, i just refer to Him as my Trainer/Master (kinda like a training bra ;).  i do have a strong urge to serve Him/make Him happy, but is it because i really do want to serve, or i'm just happy about having a man i feel safe with/have a good sessions with also?


My personal experiences with subs taught me this. Women tend to be nesters, and to seek security. They will only submit if they see a real future with someone.

_____________________________

My shop is currently segueing into production mode.

I'm not taking custom orders.

(in reply to parttimehotty)
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RE: Is it really submission? - 12/26/2007 11:35:49 AM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline
quote:

Is the feeling to submit a continuous feeling w/you? i mean, if by some unforeseen circumstance, you/your Dom split, would you immediately feel the need to submit again to another? i question my submissiveness because i'm not sure if i could submit to another. i've tried and i just don't enjoy it as much. When i'm w/my Trainer/Master, i just want to fall to my knees. When we split, i found another Dom on this site, but i just didn't want to submit to him.


The first dominant I was with I rebounded rather quickly after we parted ways, and sought a dominant two months later. Although I did not expect to be able to find somene else to submit to right away, the first night I posted my ad on alt, my Daddy emailed me, a couple of months later we were involved with each other... so about 5 months after I quit talking to my former dominant I found someone new. The desire to find a dominant that I could bond with, and the willingness to trust and believe in a new partner was probably the impetus behind my ability to come back rather quickly.

Last summer my Daddy and I parted ways because we did not know how to go forward with certain aspects of our relationship, and it literally broke my heart. I was not open to being submissive to anyone new, and indeed I felt as though I would probably only seek vanilla men. I am a masochist, and i wanted to experience more in that direction, but the desire to submit was completely gone. That changed when Daddy and I worked our issues out...

I now say that I am only submissive feeling in relation to the individual, not oriented this way in all aspects of my life. I am glad this is so, and I accept myself the way that I am... submissive to only One is fine with me. Truly I do not think I could feel submissve to another...
quote:


i call Him my "Trainer" because W/we've gone on so many rollercoaster rides w/my submissiveness, unable to let go of my vanilla temper at times, that it's not clear what my roll is at this time.  i know He's watching/waiting to see how i do so at this time, i just refer to Him as my Trainer/Master (kinda like a training bra ;).  i do have a strong urge to serve Him/make Him happy, but is it because i really do want to serve, or i'm just happy about having a man i feel safe with/have a good sessions with also?


These statements remind me of the first dominant I was involved with, and I would really look up sub frenzy and see if it fits with what you are experiencing emotionally. It can be quite confusing to separate one's desire to submit to anyone and a person you are involved with.. it might not be him at all that is causing these feelings, but your decision to embrace your submissive side... I got the two confused with my first dom... it is rather easy to do.


_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to parttimehotty)
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RE: Is it really submission? - 12/26/2007 11:49:24 AM   
parttimehotty


Posts: 4002
Joined: 11/19/2007
From: Virginville
Status: offline 		Oh wow!  Thank you, Julia!  i immediately looked up "sub frenzy" and found this site....http://www.albanypowerexchange.com/Lifestyle/sub_frenzies.htm
It was like looking in a mirror!  i especially appreciated the right to address a Dom as Master/or Daddy.  Due to my up/down rides during my training, i unfortunately lost that privelege and now address Him as Sir, until otherwise notified <eyes down in shame>

_____________________________

Resident Virgin
Official Mommy of Jolly & Jilly

Nobody is 'dead' until nobody remembers them
http://www.chkittyclub.com/pages/home.html
http://www.theanimalrescuesite.com/clickToGive/home.faces?siteId=3&ThirdPartyClicks=ThankYouCar

(in reply to juliaoceania)
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RE: Is it really submission? - 12/26/2007 12:39:28 PM   
fit2pleaseu


Posts: 77
Joined: 10/26/2007
Status: offline 		I fell submission takes a few things to work properly..trust,understanding,compatibility,and then the D/s desires on both sides of course.
I dont think i can achieve this with just anyone but i do think it is possible with more than one person if the above feelings are in place.

(in reply to parttimehotty)
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RE: Is it really submission? - 12/26/2007 1:01:12 PM   
sexyred1


Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Leatherist

quote:

ORIGINAL: parttimehotty



My personal experiences with subs taught me this. Women tend to be nesters, and to seek security. They will only submit if they see a real future with someone.


I don't necessarily agree with this statement. Not all women are nesters and some submit simply because they are feeling submissive to a particular dominant, not because of a future with someone. Sometimes, you can just have extraordinary chemistry with someone and let it happen, regardless of future commitments.

(in reply to Leatherist)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Is it really submission? - 12/26/2007 2:23:59 PM   
flowspen


Posts: 133
Joined: 5/5/2007
From: Memphis
Status: offline 		Transitioning away from ones Dominant is difficult and tricky.  I feel I always have that burning inside that says submit submit submit but like you said, I can't just submit to any Mistress.  Some I wanted too but something wasn't there that would trigger me to submit.  I think like any relationship after a break up, time is needed for healing for refocusing on self so that another can enter your life again.  In the vanilla world, guys during this period date like crazy.. rebounding from one person to another.  Is it like that in BDSM?  I am not sure, but I know when time is taking to heal, one can see things more clearly.  I feel some of your questions are real personal questoins that only you can answer for yourself.  So I ask you, Do you want to serve this Master?  or is he someone you feel safe with and enjoy having sessions with?  If you look within yourself and if your honest you will see the answer to that question as clear as a summer blue sky. 


(in reply to parttimehotty)
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RE: Is it really submission? - 12/26/2007 2:35:11 PM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline
quote:

It was like looking in a mirror! i especially appreciated the right to address a Dom as Master/or Daddy. Due to my up/down rides during my training, i unfortunately lost that privelege and now address Him as Sir, until otherwise notified


You are welcome...

Edited because I do not want others to follow my example...lol


< Message edited by juliaoceania -- 12/26/2007 2:39:53 PM >

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to parttimehotty)
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RE: Is it really submission? - 12/26/2007 2:41:23 PM   
laurell3


Posts: 6577
Joined: 5/5/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sexyred1

No, I would not just submit to anyone. I would only feel submissive to someone I was really into.

However if you are asking if the feeling of wanting to submit is always there, yes, it is. It does not go away because you do or do not have a partner. It is part of who you are.

Your decision to act upon it, is another story.


Agreed.

The closer I am to my partner, the more they are able to support, nuture and build our relationship and me the more I want to submit.  It's quite possible OP that this trainer just isn't the guy for you to trust and feel comfortable with or you are not yet over the prior relationship and everyone will suffer by comparison.

_____________________________

I cannot be defined by moments in my life, but must be considered for by the entirety of my existence.

When you fail to consider that I am the best judge for what is right for me, all of your opinions become suspect to me.

(in reply to sexyred1)
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RE: Is it really submission? - 12/26/2007 3:13:47 PM   
trueshadow


Posts: 388
Joined: 1/1/2005
Status: offline 		Since I was born a slave, yes, slavery is my permanent condition. 

If I am without a Superior to submit to, I'm pretty miserable.  I enjoy dating, but I am not fulfilled by vanilla relationships.  Asking a girl you don't know well to spank you is very difficult. 

I suppose I end up on Collarme at lot more than if I'm serving my Goddess.

(in reply to parttimehotty)
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RE: Is it really submission? - 12/26/2007 5:14:44 PM   
Daddysredhead


Posts: 23574
Joined: 11/6/2005
From: Northern (yet still part of the South) Virginia
Status: offline 		For me, submission is not something that just came naturally.  I wanted to find a man who I had enough respect for and held in high esteem that I could defer to, but never really found that until I met Daddy.  Up to that point, I was pretty controlling in all my relationships.  However, it just got exhausting.  I love the dynamic we have and it just feels right, therefore I submit to him.  In many other areas of my life, I am the "boss."  Being submissive to him kind of evens things out and I am able to relax my drive to control and let myself lose control with him.  I don't feel submissive to other dominant people I know for the most part, although I do respect them for the mere fact that they are just nice folks.

Just my 2 cents.

~ DRH

_____________________________

Founding Member, Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair-a's

Do not challenge me to a battle of wits & come to fight unarmed.

Are you really that stupid? ~ Bless your heart

13th doughnut


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RE: Is it really submission? - 12/26/2007 5:42:06 PM   
slaveluci


Posts: 4294
Joined: 3/2/2007
From: Little Rock, AR
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: parttimehotty
Is the feeling to submit a continuous feeling w/you?

Not at all.  I only submit completely to Him.  I am not one who feels the desire to submit to all dominants/men at all times (or even many of them). 
quote:

i mean, if by some unforeseen circumstance, you/your Dom split, would you immediately feel the need to submit again to another?

Nope.  I doubt I would ever feel the need to submit to another.  And, in the instance I DID feel it, I seriously doubt I'd ever do it.
quote:

i question my submissiveness because i'm not sure if i could submit to another.  i've tried and i just don't enjoy it as much. When i'm w/my Trainer/Master, i just want to fall to my knees

Same here.  Don't question your submissiveness because of this, parttimehotty.  Just because you don't feel submissive to everyone doesn't mean you aren't the ultimate submissive to your One.  Don't buy into that at all................luci

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RE: Is it really submission? - 12/26/2007 5:51:08 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Corve

But I might suggest you cever compete or challenege a dominant even if you do not see the dom desireable.  Always best to show respect and humility in a sub life.    


Except for those of us who feel that is entirely the wrong way to live. If some self proclaimed dominant is so insecure that he requires everyone he meets be respectful and humble and always acknowledges his 'greatness', then I really suggest he gets into therapy asap.

My submission is for one and one only. If I handed it out to every online wanker then it wouldn't be worth jackshit.

Plus there's the fact that his rules are such that I do not submit to anyone else. So following your rules would mean breaking his, and his are a lot more important to me because I do respect him and not you.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to Corve)
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RE: Is it really submission? - 12/26/2007 5:52:17 PM   
Kalista07


Posts: 4240
Joined: 7/1/2007
Status: offline 		Op,
i'm really seriously not trying to be mean or a bitch or anything of that nature...However, i am a little confused because (unless i'm misreading something, which is entirely possible)  this doesn't match Your previous post here.  http://www.collarchat.com/m_1420406/mpage_1/tm.htm.
Could just be me though,
Kali


_____________________________

“Love me when I least deserve it, because that's when I really need it.”
~~Sweedish Proverb


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Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Is it really submission? - 12/26/2007 6:03:11 PM   
girlygurl


Posts: 6973
Joined: 8/5/2007
From: in the palms of His hands
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: parttimehotty

Is the feeling to submit a continuous feeling w/you?  i mean, if by some unforeseen circumstance, you/your Dom split, would you immediately feel the need to submit again to another?


No.  I can't imagine submitting to another at this point in my life.  I am my Sir's and that's it.  "IF" and I say that with a cringe...... in the future my life were no longer to involve my Sir... it would take a very long time for me to submit to another.  He's spoiled me beyond my wildest dreams.... I don't believe another Dom could be as wonderful.  Besides, I'm in love with my Sir, and falling in love doesn't come easy for me.

girly

(in reply to parttimehotty)
Profile   Post #: 20
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