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RE: Is it really submission? - 12/26/2007 7:07:49 PM

ownedgirlie

Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline

I pretty much echo (echo...echo...) luci's post.

I knew I needed to submit...it was an inherent need within me. I tried submitting to some dominants prior to my Master - I even went the "submit to all dominant males" (or I should say, seemingly dominant males) route. In short, it screwed me up, big time.

Then my Master came along, and everything changed. For reasons I won't get into here, he is the only man I can submit to, the way I need to submit. The energy exchanged between us is unlike anything I have experienced. If he goes away, there won't be another Master in my life - he is it.

(in reply to parttimehotty)

Post #: 21

RE: Is it really submission? - 12/27/2007 2:16:36 AM

eyesopened

Posts: 2798
Joined: 6/12/2006
From: Tampa, FL
Status: offline

i get confused. i submit to authority, to my boss, to the law, to other forms of authority. i am happiest when i am serving others, helping with projects, taking on tasks and challenges at work, taking care of my ums or now my grandson, volunteering, keeping a clean and tidy home, favors, assistance, whatever. i'm sexually kinky, some say twisted. i cannot imagine leaving any part of these things behind. i have not played with just anyone. i cannot engage in bdsm activities with just anyone. However, i don't think my Master inspires me to be submissive, rather He allows me to be all that i am and helps me to be more than i would be without Him. It took a very long time to find this relationship and should the unthinkable happen and we parted, i don't know that i would ever feel as fulfilled again. But i know i would still be submissive, service-oriented, and kinky. i just am who i am.

_____________________________

Proudly owned by InkedMaster. He is the one i obey, serve, honor and love.

No one is honored for what they've received. Honor is the reward for what has been given.

(in reply to parttimehotty)

Post #: 22

RE: Is it really submission? - 12/27/2007 3:48:52 AM

adoracat

Posts: 1779
Joined: 2/16/2007
Status: offline

i have had 3 (or 4, depending on how you look at it) dominants before Daddy. james and fallcon both passed away. the other situation was a couple, he is dominant, she says i changed her start-up program to poly bi switch. ;)

when fallcon was ill last year, and it became obvious that he was going to lose the fight with cancer, he made me promise to seek again. and i signed up here on collarme in febuary (he passed in december last year). i met Daddy in march. we met in person in april.

i didnt wish to seek again, but i accepted that fallcon knew better than i did in this case, and he'd seen how badly i had taken it when james passed away. (i'd been friends with fallcon for years before he became my sir)

for me, it wasnt frenzy, or need...i *am* submissive. mama brought me up to be that way, not overtly but in the way she taught me that the man was king in the house, and that i should do what i can to please him and make his life easier. so i do that, no matter what....even when i have had no dominant in my life, i do for my husband and the ungrateful teen in the household.

kitten, tired.

(in reply to girlygurl)

Post #: 23

RE: Is it really submission? - 12/27/2007 5:12:13 AM

parttimehotty

Posts: 4002
Joined: 11/19/2007
From: Virginville
Status: offline

Hi Kalista07:
i'm unable to open the link that you supplied. i'd like to clear up any confusion i may have created. Please let me know what i said before that has sent you mixed signals.

_____________________________

Resident Virgin
Official Mommy of Jolly & Jilly

Nobody is 'dead' until nobody remembers them
http://www.chkittyclub.com/pages/home.html
http://www.theanimalrescuesite.com/clickToGive/home.faces?siteId=3&ThirdPartyClicks=ThankYouCar

(in reply to Kalista07)

Post #: 24

RE: Is it really submission? - 12/27/2007 8:22:11 AM

chellekitty

Posts: 3923
Joined: 3/27/2005
Status: offline

FR....

yes, i have a need to be in a authority based relationship, where i have none...to the point that if i feel safe, i will attempt to compromise on things i shouldn't be compromising on to stay in those relationship...thankfully, i have been safe enough, in that relationship, that they would not allow me to do so...

i have a need to relinquish all of my authority in a safe enviorment...that means i can't just hand it over to anyone, because in this situation, i control nothing, i don't want to control anything

i also have a need for pain, i don't need to hand over any authority to get that...this, though physically dangerous, is not nearly as risky as my authority...i control who the person is, what time they do it, where they do it, what impliments they do/don't use...they control the actions...it works out for both of us...or so i have been told...i don't have to be in a relationship to get this need filled....there are plenty out there willing to fill this need but not the other, because it is one need for a set period of time...and aftercare if required...still not a lifetime of all aspects of a persons life....

so, as a single person that needs to loose all authority...yes, it is uncomfortable as hell to be in this place...but, i'd rather be here than bouncing around in 2 month relationships that don't go anywhere...and i can get my pain fix, just like my sex fix, from safe people in the mean time...

take care,
chelle

_____________________________

One thing I know: the only ones among you who will be really happy are those who will have sought and found how to serve. ~Albert Schweitzer

(in reply to parttimehotty)

Post #: 25

RE: Is it really submission? - 12/27/2007 9:24:03 AM

slavekal

Posts: 1486
Joined: 7/20/2004
Status: offline

The only type of woman I desire is a dominant woman. If we were to break up, I would seek another Mistress, not a vanilla girlfriend.

(in reply to parttimehotty)

Post #: 26

RE: Is it really submission? - 12/27/2007 1:27:13 PM

slavemaia

Posts: 395
Joined: 8/26/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: parttimehotty

Hello All:

i was going to post this in the Gen. BDSM area, but thought since it's a submission questions, who better to ask that a submissive/or slave? Is the feeling to submit a continuous feeling w/you? i mean, if by some unforeseen circumstance, you/your Dom split, would you immediately feel the need to submit again to another? i question my submissiveness because i'm not sure if i could submit to another. i've tried and i just don't enjoy it as much. When i'm w/my Trainer/Master, i just want to fall to my knees. When we split, i found another Dom on this site, but i just didn't want to submit to him.
i call Him my "Trainer" because W/we've gone on so many rollercoaster rides w/my submissiveness, unable to let go of my vanilla temper at times, that it's not clear what my roll is at this time. i know He's watching/waiting to see how i do so at this time, i just refer to Him as my Trainer/Master (kinda like a training bra ;). i do have a strong urge to serve Him/make Him happy, but is it because i really do want to serve, or i'm just happy about having a man i feel safe with/have a good sessions with also?

There's a huge difference between submitting within the confines of a negotiated scene and actually submitting to the will of another. For me submission is natural in some respects - it is how i ultimately find myself in many relationships with stronger, more dominant personality types. It doesn't mean i can't lead, take charge be dominant. In terms of feeling submissive. Not long ago i asked the same thing because i mistook the erotic and sensual feelings as being submission. It really has very little to do with actual submission. It is a very strong feeling but it doesn't mean it's submission. The best way i know to describe genuine submission, at least for me obeying regardless of if i'm getting what i want or not.

_____________________________

She reaches up, not for the apple, but for what causes it to be there.
slave to love - - Chairman's maia

(in reply to parttimehotty)

Post #: 27

RE: Is it really submission? - 1/19/2008 4:17:00 PM

Corve

Posts: 15
Joined: 9/23/2006
From: Boca Raton
Status: offline

I respect a devoted sub and the significance of her gift to whomever she may now or later offer herself and is without equal.

(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 28

RE: Is it really submission? - 1/20/2008 8:37:08 AM

fmrcelticprincess

Posts: 5
Joined: 10/31/2007
Status: offline

My Master says i have a naturally submissive personality however, as easy going and laid back as that is...to actually submit to another if Master and i were no longer together...i dont know. It would definately take time, patience and alot of trust building.

(in reply to Corve)

Post #: 29

RE: Is it really submission? - 1/20/2008 10:31:32 AM

daddysblondie

Posts: 181
Joined: 3/17/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Daddysredhead

For me, submission is not something that just came naturally. I wanted to find a man who I had enough respect for and held in high esteem that I could defer to, but never really found that until I met Daddy. Up to that point, I was pretty controlling in all my relationships. However, it just got exhausting. I love the dynamic we have and it just feels right, therefore I submit to him. In many other areas of my life, I am the "boss." Being submissive to him kind of evens things out and I am able to relax my drive to control and let myself lose control with him.

DRH,
I couldn't have said it better myself. I found this to echo how I feel about it as well.

(in reply to Daddysredhead)

Post #: 30

RE: Is it really submission? - 1/20/2008 10:44:13 AM

RCdc

Posts: 8674
Status: offline

Submission is not a feeling to me. It is part of what I am - just as my arms are, or my hair.
It has sensation, I can touch it and make it move, I even have control of it in a certain sense but you have no control over its growth or the way it flows. It is not a feeling in itself.

Many people mix up or include service with submission. I do not.

the.dark.

_____________________________

RC&dc

love isnt gazing into each others eyes - it's looking forward in the same direction

(in reply to parttimehotty)

Post #: 31

RE: Is it really submission? - 1/20/2008 11:17:32 AM

catize

Posts: 3020
Joined: 3/7/2006
Status: offline

quote:

Women tend to be nesters, and to seek security. They will only submit if they see a real future with someone.

That is a broad generalization that doesn’t hold true for me. Neither one of the dominants in my life are going to offer exclusive commitment, co-habitation or marriage. If they did I would respectfully decline. The only future I seek with them is that we will remain friends even if we part ways.

_____________________________

"Power is real. But it's a lot less real if it's not perceived as power."
Robert Parker, Stranger in Paradise

(in reply to Leatherist)

Post #: 32

RE: Is it really submission? - 1/20/2008 11:41:24 AM

venusinblu

Posts: 165
Joined: 1/12/2008
Status: offline

i didn't know what a submissive was before i met the man who would become my Master, He 'seduced me to the dark side' as it were .. (our little joke) i was not His first submissive (He'd had two very long term Rs with submissives before me) but He saw the potential in me, and to cut a long story short, very, very slowly let me come to Him. However!! i have always taken the submissive role in bed, out of bed, i was as Vanilla as the next person - it took Him, His patience and understanding and .. did i mention patience?! to bring to me to where i am now.

Therefore - i think someone could be sexually submissive - due to their nature - but ultimately i feel that actually submitting to someone body and soul takes something which involves feelings.

_____________________________

Louis: Do you think I would let them harm you?
Claudia: No you would not Louis. Danger holds you to me.
Louis: Love holds you to me.

~~~~~~

When the going gets tough, the tough get under the table . ... Edmund Blackadder

(in reply to parttimehotty)

Post #: 33

RE: Is it really submission? - 1/20/2008 12:06:14 PM

Maya2001

Posts: 1656
Joined: 8/22/2007
From: Woodstock ONT,CANADA
Status: offline

quote:

But I might suggest you cever compete or challenege a dominant even if you do not see the dom desireable. Always best to show respect and humility in a sub life.

Just because a man or woman slaps label on themselves and calls themselves dominant does not mean they are entitled to respect, that is something that is earned.

So I do not grovel , bow, scrape, show humility/respect to a person just because they refer to themselves as Dom/me, if they email as first letter and refer to me as a slut, whore they have already lost respect in my eyes and therefore are not entitled to respect from me. Even my former Dom who I respected, when I speak to him I use his name rather than referring to him as Sir. He knows I respect him without the need for me to use titles or down casting my eyes in his presence. I have had several Doms actually tell me they find it offensive to have subs calling them sir and putting on the groveling submissive act because they are not that persons Dom

_____________________________

Lead me not into temptation - I can find the way myself

(in reply to Corve)

Post #: 34

RE: Is it really submission? - 1/20/2008 12:25:36 PM

venusinblu

Posts: 165
Joined: 1/12/2008
Status: offline

i agree with you, Maya2001 ... just because he's apple shaped don't make him an apple .. but i would be respectful to a Dom if he had good advice for me or wished to teach me something of value in my life - if he was to give me his time and knowledge, and 'adopt' me with no expectations of sex, i'd respect him for it, and call him Master, if he was a Master in his area of expertise. Same with a Domme, if one of those wonderful ladies had knowledge to impart, i'd give her her rightful name if she desired it.

_____________________________

Louis: Do you think I would let them harm you?
Claudia: No you would not Louis. Danger holds you to me.
Louis: Love holds you to me.

~~~~~~

When the going gets tough, the tough get under the table . ... Edmund Blackadder

(in reply to Maya2001)

Post #: 35

RE: Is it really submission? - 1/20/2008 2:02:44 PM

littlebitxxx

Posts: 732
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: parttimehotty

Hello All:

i was going to post this in the Gen. BDSM area, but thought since it's a submission questions, who better to ask that a submissive/or slave? Is the feeling to submit a continuous feeling w/you? i mean, if by some unforeseen circumstance, you/your Dom split, would you immediately feel the need to submit again to another? i question my submissiveness because i'm not sure if i could submit to another. i've tried and i just don't enjoy it as much. When i'm w/my Trainer/Master, i just want to fall to my knees. When we split, i found another Dom on this site, but i just didn't want to submit to him.
<snipped>

Myself, I would call that sub frenzy leading to collar-hopping. Submission is a huge deal and not to be taken lightly in that one runs out and finds the next Dom-on-sale when the first one breaks. Now the feeling of "bottoming" (vs submission) doesn't stop when the collar comes off. Community and casual play can help fill the space until another "One" is found.
Only IMO and YMMV of course.

_____________________________

There is no such thing as can't unless it is followed by yet

It is the meaningless little acts that become meaningful in the doing.

The people that mind don't matter and the people that matter don't mind.

(in reply to parttimehotty)

Post #: 36

RE: Is it really submission? - 1/20/2008 2:25:24 PM

amayos

Posts: 1553
Joined: 6/2/2004
From: New England
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: parttimehotty

i do have a strong urge to serve Him/make Him happy, but is it because i really do want to serve, or i'm just happy about having a man i feel safe with/have a good sessions with also?

How are we to know? Only you can answer that question.

Ah, the internet.

(in reply to parttimehotty)

Post #: 37

RE: Is it really submission? - 1/20/2008 9:01:06 PM

SimplyMichael

Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline

People confuse "being submissive" with being perfect and it destroys so many relationships. Just because you are in a D/s relationship doesn't mean strife ends, or that partners become perfect, or that having a relationships becomes easy.

I had to appologize to BSB for something stupid I did that upset her just the other day. She was right, I was wrong. People think they can punish their way to a good relationship as if mistakes are something that can be trained away, or that a "good" submissive doesn't do any of that. I am sure there are some but most of the people I know would laugh at that concept. D/s makes relationships harder, not easier. You have to be brutally honest with yourself, something few of us, definitely me included have a far harder time with than we like to admit.

BSB has a temper, oh my GOD does she go off sometimes. She knows it, she is working on it, and I do my best to understand it. I don't punish her when she blows up but I do sit down with her and point it out to her. I want her to be better, she wants to be better and the only way to get there is for her to want to be better, all I can do is hold up a mirror so she can see her actions as they are and provide a safe place for her. I sure as hell can't order her to "stop" and if I tried that sort of crap it would undermine both of us and eventually the relationship. I would get pissed she didn't "obey" and she would beat herself up that she wasn't "obedient" and we would start doubting each other.

Worry less and help each other more and the D/s and submission will take care of itself more often than not, you just can't order yourselves out of dysfunction or into submission.

(in reply to amayos)

Post #: 38

RE: Is it really submission? - 1/21/2008 4:28:55 AM

batshalom

Posts: 1990
Joined: 9/17/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: parttimehotty

Is the feeling to submit a continuous feeling w/you? i mean, if by some unforeseen circumstance, you/your Dom split, would you immediately feel the need to submit again to another?

I am submissive but I don't want to / can't submit to many men. Our personalities have to click, our goals have to match, I have to actually LIKE him, and I've got to trust him. It pretty much weeds out a large portion of the available population.

(in reply to parttimehotty)

Post #: 39

RE: Is it really submission? - 1/21/2008 4:34:45 AM

Justme696

Posts: 3236
Joined: 1/7/2008
From: Royal kingdom of the Netherlands
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: parttimehotty

Hello All:

i was going to post this in the Gen. BDSM area, but thought since it's a submission questions, who better to ask that a submissive/or slave? Is the feeling to submit a continuous feeling w/you? i mean, if by some unforeseen circumstance, you/your Dom split, would you immediately feel the need to submit again to another? i question my submissiveness because i'm not sure if i could submit to another. i've tried and i just don't enjoy it as much. When i'm w/my Trainer/Master, i just want to fall to my knees. When we split, i found another Dom on this site, but i just didn't want to submit to him.
i call Him my "Trainer" because W/we've gone on so many rollercoaster rides w/my submissiveness, unable to let go of my vanilla temper at times, that it's not clear what my roll is at this time. i know He's watching/waiting to see how i do so at this time, i just refer to Him as my Trainer/Master (kinda like a training bra ;). i do have a strong urge to serve Him/make Him happy, but is it because i really do want to serve, or i'm just happy about having a man i feel safe with/have a good sessions with also?

It just happens, do what your heart says. there are no golden rules.
IF it feels bad, don't do it. IF it is time again, the feeling wil intensify.

_____________________________

~Been there, done that, got the t-shirt

(in reply to parttimehotty)

Post #: 40

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