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RE: Approaching Strangers... - 12/29/2007 8:45:23 AM   
Raechard


Posts: 3513
Joined: 3/10/2007
From: S.E. London U.K.
Status: offline
I don’t generally do it even if I’m sure in myself that they do have an interest in the lifestyle. For the simple reason there is a difference between displaying your involvement and wanting random strangers coming up and talking to you about it. Some people are pretty open about it but it doesn’t mean they want to be approached in this way. Maybe if it was a relaxed social scene I would pose the question but I definitely wouldn’t be questioning someone in the supermarket or waiting at a bus stop.

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Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Approaching Strangers... - 12/29/2007 8:49:26 AM   
azropedntied


Posts: 1829
Joined: 7/25/2005
From: Phx AZ
Status: offline 		It seems to me when i am wearing say a leather convention shirt ,or my DV8 hat or even the cute lil shirt that looks like the MnM toons yet  say SnM's Yes those seem to be conversation starters and ice breakers .I dot hang around bars anymore  since i stopped working at them  i have no intrest in starting  either .But i have not seen too many outta the blue hey are you into bdsm  chats start up .Even when i am in full leathers most people  as what kinda bike i ride , I just love answering that one .I dont think i would ride my dirt bike wearing theses leathers .

(in reply to sambamanslilgirl)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Approaching Strangers... - 12/29/2007 9:27:57 AM   
chellekitty


Posts: 3923
Joined: 3/27/2005
Status: offline 		i did one time outside of a national leather event...but it was at the local leather groups home bar and the guy was wearing leathers and had big patch on his vest with the groups name on it....does that count?

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One thing I know: the only ones among you who will be really happy are those who will have sought and found how to serve. ~Albert Schweitzer

(in reply to SubmissiveGael)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Approaching Strangers... - 12/29/2007 9:50:38 AM   
CelticPrince


Posts: 3613
Joined: 4/15/2005
Status: offline 		SGael,

While I have not innitiated the contact, I have a custom made D/s righ that I wear withe the D/s in gold and silver. it always attracts many questions as an convo opener.

CP

(in reply to SubmissiveGael)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Approaching Strangers... - 12/29/2007 9:53:48 AM   
lovetokissnylons


Posts: 117
Joined: 10/17/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CelticPrince

...., I have a custom made D/s righ that I wear.... .

CP


Celtic Prince, what's a "D/s righ" please ?
Thanks

(in reply to CelticPrince)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Approaching Strangers... - 12/29/2007 10:08:08 AM   
KindLadyGrey


Posts: 358
Joined: 11/6/2007
Status: offline 		I think I have a tattoo on my forehead that says "Please share all of your kinky fantasies with me!" For some reason people feel comfortable talking about that stuff with me, even if they are strangers I just met in a bar. I never HAVE to ask, just wait. I'm sure alcohol helps too ;)

As for me, I will rarely ask right out if someone is into BDSM. If I like someone, I'll just engage in a little kinky flirting and see where it goes. You know, saying stuff like "Ohhhh, you are a very naughty boy!" or "too bad I left my handcuffs in my other pants," and so on. Whether they are officially into the lifestyle or not, how they respond to this kind of flirting can tell you whether they are open to it or not. It's not 100% accurate, but it's a good way to drop bdsm stuff into conversation somewhat casually and see if they take the bait.

(in reply to CelticPrince)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Approaching Strangers... - 12/29/2007 12:36:42 PM   
Cyis75


Posts: 164
Joined: 8/31/2004
From: Georgia
Status: offline 		Relating to this thread, my wife did have an interesting experience while out doing holiday shopping this year. It's funny in so much as I am usually the more outgoing and easily strike up conversations with strangers and she is more shy and reserved.

We have the leather pride strip on the tailgate of our pick-up truck, and as she was walking out of the store through the parking lot to get in the truck a young guy simply asked her "Top or bottom". Without missing a beat she just replied back with "Wouldn't you like to know" which elicited the response "Yes, ma'am". She got in the truck and drove off. She had to text message me at work to let me know because it was so comical to her and that she surprised herself with such a quick response.

(in reply to KindLadyGrey)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Approaching Strangers... - 12/29/2007 12:38:53 PM   
daddyncherry


Posts: 656
Joined: 10/9/2007
Status: offline 		i tend to wear my collar on my ankle most of the time...it is one of those sort of thick ones with rhinestones and it has a heart shaped tag on it. If i wear socks i tend to put it underneath but if not it is just there, clinking along as i walk.

One time a few months back i was boarding a plane and some woman commented on it...then she continued....She could've left it alone, that it was interesting, but she didn't. It was early and i had not had alot of sleep or enough coffee...Soooo when she continued and made some remark about it looking like a cat/dog collar...I let it go and laughed...then she asked me if i was goth (ummm yeah, goth, LOL all dressed in pink with blonde hair LOL) So i said no....she asked something else, and i just blurted out "i'm a slave, and that is a collar & signifies that i am a slave who has a Master, we are into BDSM...Ya know, whips and chains and stuff."...i felt kinda bad for getting short (but as i said i was tired, lacked coffe and was just NOT in the mood to be critiqued by some woman) but was sooo grateful when we were finally on the plane and went our seperate ways.

It would be nice if it were someone who was in the lifestyle, i would welcome it completely, but that i hadn't expected...it had never happened before and not since.


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cherry

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(in reply to KindLadyGrey)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Approaching Strangers... - 12/29/2007 12:53:00 PM   
lusciouslips19


Posts: 9792
Joined: 9/8/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sexyred1

katy, around here, no one would probably blink and eye anyway if I wore that, they would think I was an older, sort of goth/ Jewish American Princess type!!! BDSM would not even cross anyone's jaded minds!!!


Me too. Minus the goth!

But if there is a style of dress that is a give away, cou;d you please tell me so I could start wearing it?
I do like wearing choker necklaces. Always have. Does that count?

(in reply to sexyred1)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Approaching Strangers... - 12/29/2007 12:56:26 PM   
lusciouslips19


Posts: 9792
Joined: 9/8/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: lusciouslips19


quote:

ORIGINAL: sexyred1

katy, around here, no one would probably blink and eye anyway if I wore that, they would think I was an older, sort of goth/ Jewish American Princess type!!! BDSM would not even cross anyone's jaded minds!!!


Me too.

But if there is a style of dress that is a give away, cou;d you please tell me so I could start wearing it?
I do like wearing choker necklaces. Always have. Does that count?

(in reply to lusciouslips19)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Approaching Strangers... - 12/29/2007 1:02:52 PM   
came4U


Posts: 3572
Joined: 1/23/2007
From: London, Ontario
Status: offline
quote:

Ever walked right up to a stranger and asked if they were into BDSM?!!


No.

That is as low class as walking up to a stranger and asking about their sex life or asking 'do ya wanna fuck'.

quote:


I was standing in a bar last night and a woman started talking to me. Being attractive and obviously full of confidance, I was immediately interested in replying! She asked me, within about 10 sentences, if I knew what BDSM was. I nearly fell over, it was so unexpected. Well I thought all my wishes were coming true at once, but she was married and merely making conversation

This is why bars are built, so people can act like cockroaches hiding under a toilet seat when the lights are dim.

quote:

Anyhoo, has anyone here actually done this? I know I would find it hard to approach someone with the topic if I didn't know already that ther were in the lifestyle.


No. A conversation with strangers  should be respectful of (we all have them) boundaries. Although, bars aren't any place for morals anyhoo. lol.   

< Message edited by came4U -- 12/29/2007 1:03:40 PM >

(in reply to lusciouslips19)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Approaching Strangers... - 12/29/2007 1:13:25 PM   
CalifChick


Posts: 10717
Joined: 10/28/2007
From: California
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: came4U

That is as low class as walking up to a stranger and asking about their sex life or asking 'do ya wanna fuck'.



Well shitfire.  I guess I'm guilty of a little low class behavior on occasion.

On the other hand, we could all get an "invisible" tattoo somewhere on our faces.  You put on these special glasses and you can see the tattoo.  You know, like night vision goggles or red filter glasses.  Okay, somebody work out the details.

Cali


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AKA "The Undisputed Goddess of Sarcasm", "Big Bad Cali" and "Yum Bum". Advisor to the Subbie Mafia, founding member of the W.A.C. and the Judgmental Bitches Brigade, member of the Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair-a's and Team Troll

(in reply to came4U)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Approaching Strangers... - 12/29/2007 1:18:03 PM   
Raechard


Posts: 3513
Joined: 3/10/2007
From: S.E. London U.K.
Status: offline 		Ultraviolet tattoos you mean. So you have to shine dark lights at people and they show up.

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えへまにんへえや
Nobody wants to listen to the same song over and over again!

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Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Approaching Strangers... - 12/29/2007 3:35:44 PM   
MystressDream


Posts: 345
Joined: 7/11/2004
From: Colorado
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: BayouSub

quote:

I wish there was a way to tell just by looking...when I am in the grocery store or post office and I see someone hot and we just make eye contact, I often wish I had a special telepathic power to speak to them and find out if they are into BDSM. So far, that power has not revealed itself....


I think those of us into BDSM need to develope a set of secret signals so we can identify each other in the vanilla world. 


Interestingly enough, a very good friend of mine is a Dom who moved to this country from Europe.  The part of Europe he lived in had a BDSM community that believed in training for people new to the scene or lifestyle.  One of the things they used were very subtle hand signals to communicate.  His example was you can get on a bus, one person will give a subtle signal, and if the other person is into this, they will signal back.  If they aren't, they don't have a clue that you just communicated in any way.  He went on to show me hand signals they used to indicate Top/bottom, bondage, whips, desire to meet and talk, etc.  As he said, you could get on a bus, know if someone is into bondage, whether they are a D or s, Top or bottom, and whether they would like to meet and talk after leaving the bus.... all without anyone else on the bus even knowing you have communicated.  It has been fun to learn and use when a slave is serving in high protocol because we also use hand signals for "drink", "kneel", etc.
 
Those subtle little hand signals would be wonderful if they were used all over, but, they are not.  And, when we can't even agree on the definition of Dominant and/or submissive, how in the hell would we EVER agree on a universal way of communicating with hand signals??  lol  Actually kind of funny to think about.... yet, it sure would be nice if it was adopted and accepted.  Just not possible.

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Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Approaching Strangers... - 12/29/2007 3:37:52 PM   
proudsub


Posts: 6142
Joined: 1/31/2004
From: Washington
Status: offline 		Just a few days ago we had a waitress who was wearing a very thick black leather collar with D rings.  When we were leaving i asked her if she was collared or if she just enjoyed the fashion, she said it was the latter. Fortunately it didn't seem to offend her that i asked.

< Message edited by proudsub -- 12/29/2007 3:38:32 PM >

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(in reply to SubmissiveGael)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Approaching Strangers... - 12/29/2007 3:41:34 PM   
SubmissiveGael


Posts: 26
Joined: 7/1/2007
Status: offline 		Drummers do tend to notice such things. There must be something about them. I'm one myself ;)

(in reply to sambamanslilgirl)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Approaching Strangers... - 12/29/2007 3:49:34 PM   
chellekitty


Posts: 3923
Joined: 3/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MystressDream

Interestingly enough, a very good friend of mine is a Dom who moved to this country from Europe.  The part of Europe he lived in had a BDSM community that believed in training for people new to the scene or lifestyle.  One of the things they used were very subtle hand signals to communicate.  His example was you can get on a bus, one person will give a subtle signal, and if the other person is into this, they will signal back.  If they aren't, they don't have a clue that you just communicated in any way.  He went on to show me hand signals they used to indicate Top/bottom, bondage, whips, desire to meet and talk, etc.  As he said, you could get on a bus, know if someone is into bondage, whether they are a D or s, Top or bottom, and whether they would like to meet and talk after leaving the bus.... all without anyone else on the bus even knowing you have communicated.  It has been fun to learn and use when a slave is serving in high protocol because we also use hand signals for "drink", "kneel", etc.
 
Those subtle little hand signals would be wonderful if they were used all over, but, they are not.  And, when we can't even agree on the definition of Dominant and/or submissive, how in the hell would we EVER agree on a universal way of communicating with hand signals??  lol  Actually kind of funny to think about.... yet, it sure would be nice if it was adopted and accepted.  Just not possible.


was your friend trained in a 5000 year old House? did he have anything to back up his stories besides his stories?


_____________________________

One thing I know: the only ones among you who will be really happy are those who will have sought and found how to serve. ~Albert Schweitzer

(in reply to MystressDream)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: Approaching Strangers... - 12/29/2007 3:57:11 PM   
SubmissiveGael


Posts: 26
Joined: 7/1/2007
Status: offline 		Interesting ideas folks! Mystress Dream's comments about hand signals are fascinating! I fully endorse the idea of a simple set of hand signals seperate to any established sign language.

(in reply to SubmissiveGael)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: Approaching Strangers... - 12/29/2007 3:58:57 PM   
Prinsexx


Posts: 4584
Joined: 8/27/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: KindLadyGrey

I think I have a tattoo on my forehead that says "Please share all of your kinky fantasies with me!" For some reason people feel comfortable talking about that stuff with me, even if they are strangers


I understand entirely. I have an invisible bar code on my forehead that only those in the lifestyle car read. It sets off a beeper in them and immediately makes them tell me their deepest darkest secrets, wishes, and fantasies, have a hot sweat and shake, or tilt back their heads in arrogance depending upon there predilections......
ahh c'mon the only thing strangers ever talk about to each other here is the weather and when we say water sports we do actually mean splashing around in puddles........

(in reply to KindLadyGrey)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: Approaching Strangers... - 12/29/2007 4:01:21 PM   
Prinsexx


Posts: 4584
Joined: 8/27/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: KindLadyGrey

I think I have a tattoo on my forehead that says "Please share all of your kinky fantasies with me!" For some reason people feel comfortable talking about that stuff with me, even if they are strangers


I understand entirely. I have an invisible bar code on my forehead that only those in the lifestyle car read. It sets off a beeper in them and immediately makes them tell me their deepest darkest secrets, wishes, and fantasies, have a hot sweat and shake, or tilt back their heads in arrogance depending upon there predilections......
ahh c'mon the only thing strangers ever talk about to each other here is the weather and when we say water sports we do actually mean splashing around in puddles........

(in reply to KindLadyGrey)
Profile   Post #: 40
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