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RE: Psychology of Male submission... - 1/3/2008 12:35:26 PM

littlesarbonn

Posts: 1710
Joined: 12/3/2005
From: Stockton, California
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(going back to the original question)

For me, I think a lot of it involves social conditioning of a lifetime of social conditioning. I grew up in a household of just women and me. I lived most of my childhood in that type of a dynamic. I was educated in a patriarchal system that was teaching me things that didn't translate to my social living situation to the point where I found myself pursuing alternative methods of educating myself because the paradigmatic approach didn't work for me.

When I left high school and went to college, I went to a U.S. military academy where my first squad leader (the one who controls your life for the entire first summer) was a woman. She and one of her friends made my life a living hell, but rewarded me when I did well. You can pretty much guess where it would go from there.

Years later, I've never really known any relationship that hasn't been one of male submission, even on a vanilla level. I am intelligent enough to rationalize that I don't need to be a submissive in order to be in a viable relationship, but when it brings such psychological pleasure, why would I want to really fight it?

This is why I find my desires as a male submissive to be different from the norm because it's not a fetish thing with me, or some way of bucking society's trends and taking pleasure in someone acting contrary to society's roles. It's not even about some kind of worm-like disposition where a powerful woman controls my every mood, substantiating some deep, inner desire. No, it's much simpler than that. I love, respect, admire and desire women for being what and who they are. I like the idea that I can go out of my way to make their day brighter, simpler and more enjoyable. I can gain pleasure from that, and if ever it becomes in conjunction with a stronger relationship with a particular woman, than I don't see why it can't build from that very introductory, pleasurable desire.

So, that's ONE person's psychology of why he is a submissive. But as I would have suspected from this thread, before it became about men wanting to have anal sex done on them and wear women's clothing, I'm sure everyone comes from a different perspective as to why they are submissive. I wrote an article (http://www.punktuatedequilibrium.com/articles/Desire.htm) some years back about why someone would choose slavery as a desire. I think it's still applicable today.

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<---- FYI, this picture looks JUST like me

http://www.littlesarbonn.com/Stickman/Stickman.htm
The Adventures of Stickman and the Unemployed Lego Spaceman

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RE: Psychology of Male submission... - 1/3/2008 12:54:57 PM

stripmymanhood

Posts: 124
Joined: 9/27/2007
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i did say think of being neutered, right? that said...i do like the way you describe this...thanks for sharing the butterly analogy

quote:

ORIGINAL: ShaktiSama

quote:

ORIGINAL: stripmymanhood
maybe this is why some of us think of being neutered from time to time...i'll admit i do

Honey, be reasonable. You've got to keep your manhood so that we dommes will have something to strip! You don't want to spoil our fun, do you?

Besides, just think...every time you play, you get the chance to go from something bad to something good. It's like becoming a butterfly over and over again. What could be better than that?

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RE: Psychology of Male submission... - 1/3/2008 12:55:37 PM

ShaktiSama

Posts: 1674
Joined: 8/13/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: rob247bot

God help me be at Her feet sooner

P.S. Here's a good example of a time when punctuation and grammar don't amount to a hill of beans, from my POV. A sig line like this is so touching that all else is forgiven.

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RE: Psychology of Male submission... - 1/3/2008 1:28:31 PM

rob247bot

Posts: 27
Joined: 12/18/2006
From: Romania
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thank You so very much, beautiful Lady... But for me is so tormenting signing like this...

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RE: Psychology of Male submission... - 1/3/2008 8:36:43 PM

amenableboy

Posts: 19
Joined: 12/6/2006
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For me it is the satisfaction of an innate and deep psychological need. In a word, submitting to a powerful woman (perhaps made powerful by my submission?), is necessary. Given the brevity of this comment, that may seem fatuous, but, I assure you, it is the complete and full truth.

I have had many relationships, most of them vanilla, and I always felt that something was missing. Once I began branching out sexually, I realized what that missing component was: submission. I have always been submissive, but never had a name for to place upon my feelings. In fact, for many years after I realized my true nature, I was ashamed of my feelings, my longings and my desires. I felt they should be denied, hidden and repressed. Now I know better.

I wish I could say that it has always been easy for me to be in this lifestyle, but I cannot. It has been a long road to self discovery. But, putting all of that aside, I am happy to say now that I know both what I am and what I need to be truly happy, and that is to submit, to place my needs second and to bend to the will of the woman in my life. Believe me, if it were not so, I suppose I would be married now with children. I have found it difficult, given my initial reluctance to engage in this lifestyle, to find the right woman later in life. Yet, I cannot change who I am, I dare say any more than someone who might be homosexual would be able to change themselves.

This need is innate, and is at the central core of my being. I could not make it any other way. Nor, now, would I wish to do so.

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RE: Psychology of Male submission... - 1/3/2008 10:35:17 PM

spike19

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyEllen

The ritualisation of the sexual psychodrama associated with devoting one's self wholeheartedly and completely - all that one is and will be, all that one has and will acquire, all that one can do and will do, to her disposal and purposes in the seeking of a pair bonding for mating, whether or not mating is on the agenda. The rest is just a matter of degrees and personal accents.

E

Well said!

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RE: Psychology of Male submission... - 1/3/2008 10:51:18 PM

LadyDee777

Posts: 3
Joined: 10/23/2007
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Humilation! The turn on is to be humilated. This stems from a low self esteem and is often found in professional men. Yes, childhood issues have its place here and can cause submissive behaviors. I can share more if you email me.

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RE: Psychology of Male submission... - 1/4/2008 1:27:07 AM

petpete

Posts: 677
Joined: 7/6/2007
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Dear pix.. In all relationships there are dynamics.. Some may say what dynamics can a sub raise?? i can assure you that a sub does not have to become a doormat to any of the Dominant as louring as they can be.. A submissive can give away a great deal but there are also areas on some may call "grey" that can only be explored by the participants in that relationship. And as LadyEllen has rightfully said that a man is a man and remains a MAN for some of us. Some of us take pride in what we are and want to remain the way we were born or how my Mother has made me... There is no Dominant higher then my Mother that has made me and become who i am. If a dominant doesn't accept me for who i am it is simple.. She's just not for me!!

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Max: And loving it!

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RE: Psychology of Male submission... - 1/4/2008 5:41:57 AM

TNstepsout

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Reigna

quote:

ORIGINAL: TNstepsout

I do not believe that it is some kind of deep seated psychological or genetic flaw. I believe that it's natural for humans (as with all other animals) to arrange ourselves into a heirarchy and to feel more comfortable when one has found his/her place. The difference with people is that we have to do this many different times in all of the various groups we are a part of. A relationship is one area, and some people prefer to be in the dominant spot and others the submissive.

I think it's true that feminine sensuality and sexuality has long (always) had a power over men. Some seek to control (dominate) that which makes them weak and others seek to surrender to it.

This is certainly true, as far as it goes. But why do dominants choose to demand and submissives accept the things they do? I so rarely hear of a person in the dominant spot ordering a submissive to, say, sit calmly and watch the sun rise every morning for two weeks ... or a submissive who's been sentenced to a nightly soak in a warm bath ... or ... well, you get the idea. A dom might sometimes order such things, but in the vast majority of cases the expectations on both sides have to do with such items as canings, chastity, and so forth. I realize that canings and chastity and so on can be experienced as pleasurable; but if you're going to subject someone to pleasure, why not just give them something pleasant to do?

No, I think there's a lot more going on here than simple hierarchical arrangement. Any satisfactory explanation of BDSM has to thoroughly account for the nature of the things dominants demand, and submissives accept.

Maybe you don't hear about it because it's not as exciting and titillating, but that doesn't mean it doesn't happen. I would actually be somewhat likely to order someone to do those exact things. If I thought a sub needed some relaxation and down time but was the kind of person who just wouldn't let himself rest and relax, that might be exactly something I would do.

In terms of demanding various BDSM activities, and the sub accepting them, that's a whole other ball of wax. That is done because it's fun. Sex, sensuality, and physical sensation play are exciting, exhilarating and a whole lot of FUN! It goes to the core of our beings and allows us for a time to act and react with deep primal instincts. It releases all kinds of endorphins and other chemicals that feel really, really good. It also creates a deep intimate bond between Domme and sub because both are stripping away the outer face they show to the world and becoming their most primal selves. It is in our nature to seek that kind of connection with other human beings.

On a spiritual level I believe it is one way we seek to connect back to the greater pool of divinity that we all come from.

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RE: Psychology of Male submission... - 1/4/2008 6:20:47 AM

undergroundsea

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From: Austin, TX
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I have recently being introspecting about relevant matters and am not sure when I will have the opportunity to put such thoughts to words. It is a complex sum of different components that span sexuality, spirituality, romantic expression, masochism, ego, more.

The point that all men want to wear panties and be fucked in the ass, whether it is spoken literally or metaphorically, does not reach out to me intuitively or intellectually. I think the want to be submissive, dominant, or neither is distributed across all genders.

Cheers,

Sea

< Message edited by undergroundsea -- 1/4/2008 6:51:52 AM >

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