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RE: Do we tend to be too one dimensional? - 1/6/2008 3:15:01 PM

Prinsexx

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He kissed me the first time we met. I recognised it as the first and the last time we would ever kiss like that.
I have had to beg for the second kiss but it was not refused.
He witholds the kiss as a carrot on a stick as He knows that it is the one thing I most need.
We do not have love in our histories but we share cruelty and darkness and crossed wires with regard tp pain and pleasure.
That's what binds me to Him. With Him I return to those childhood feelings.
I have walked away from kisses, (I usually make excuses to walk away) even kisses I needed, as I understand abandonment more than love.
To others this might appear as one dimensional and heartless (of us both) but chemistry is a dimension which cannot be always measured in this world or justified.
ed to add: realising I am justifying my position just can't do that Dominant on his literal-metaphorical-knees-post-scene-thing kissing me and saying he doesn't have a problem marrying me, offering me the world, his life, his hotel. garden and/or entrusting me with his children scene. I will slave for 'him' and have the problem of accepting anything in return, full-stop, period.

< Message edited by Prinsexx -- 1/6/2008 3:30:30 PM >

(in reply to Leatherist)

Post #: 21

RE: Do we tend to be too one dimensional? - 1/6/2008 3:23:56 PM

fit2pleaseu

Posts: 77
Joined: 10/26/2007
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geez..i may be a pain loving sub but im not a robot and i need emotional attachment as much as any other loving human being.
Simply couldnt or wouldnt be involved with anyone who didnt think this was an important part of a D/s relationship.

(in reply to Prinsexx)

Post #: 22

RE: Do we tend to be too one dimensional? - 1/6/2008 3:42:47 PM

LuckyAlbatross

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Joined: 10/25/2005
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I'll expand on Padriag's morons and say most kinky people are very insecure and use stereotypes, labels and boxes as a way to create a sense of false security- as long as they keep things in their fantasy ideals of how it all works,then life keeps going.

Of course this is also why so few relationships last and so many "go back to vanilla" after a few years.

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Post #: 23

RE: Do we tend to be too one dimensional? - 1/6/2008 3:50:50 PM

LadyHibiscus

Posts: 27124
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From: Island Of Misfit Toys
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LA nailed it! I see so many dominants who behave in ways that display their insecurities as much as anything, and instantly judge those around them who don't fit their idea of what the role should and shouldn't do.

Many folks have said it---we are people, first and foremost.

And the guy who wasn't into aftercare? Just not a good player.

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Post #: 24

RE: Do we tend to be too one dimensional? - 1/6/2008 3:51:26 PM

Leatherist

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Yes LA.

I've noticed this too. Everything has to meet the perfect fantasy-so everything will be ok.

The instant there is a real issue that conflicts with the fantasy ideals-they bail out like rats from a fireship.

It's not as easy to do that if you have an investment in a REAL person.

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Post #: 25

RE: Do we tend to be too one dimensional? - 1/6/2008 3:59:01 PM

LadyLynx

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to me it depends on the exact dynamics too. Like if both are at a play party, neither know each other well. Of course then again, (both as a top and a bottom, I know to ask about aftercare. What their preferences are, or in my last case preferring someone else to hold me.)

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Post #: 26

RE: Do we tend to be too one dimensional? - 1/6/2008 4:01:57 PM

TysGalilah

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Joined: 11/21/2007
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....the fact that he holds nothing back is exactly what allowed/s me to hold nothing back. The soft and hard ..the cruel, the tender...........emotions...feelings...expressions..responses..reactions..sounds...truth...desire...love.
...He wants all of me and wants me to want all of him.

not sure how many dimensions that is though

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.."There are two ways of spreading light: to be the candle or the mirror that reflects it. " Edith Wharton

(in reply to Leatherist)

Post #: 27

RE: Do we tend to be too one dimensional? - 1/6/2008 4:16:58 PM

Lordandmaster

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Actually, most people on here would say that leaving right after a scene is not what a dom does.

quote:

ORIGINAL: MidMichCowboy

I was talking to a very good friend of mine and she was telling how after a scene, the Dom just left. She would have liked to have been held and comforted, but, “that’s not what a Dom does.”

(in reply to MidMichCowboy)

Post #: 28

RE: Do we tend to be too one dimensional? - 1/6/2008 4:19:12 PM

Leatherist

Posts: 5149
Joined: 12/11/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Lordandmaster

Actually, most people on here would say that leaving right after a scene is not what a dom does.

quote:

ORIGINAL: MidMichCowboy

I was talking to a very good friend of mine and she was telling how after a scene, the Dom just left. She would have liked to have been held and comforted, but, “that’s not what a Dom does.”

Nods, it would be what an asshat does.

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Post #: 29

RE: Do we tend to be too one dimensional? - 1/6/2008 4:22:28 PM

lauren0221

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Joined: 8/29/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Leatherist

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lordandmaster

Actually, most people on here would say that leaving right after a scene is not what a dom does.

quote:

ORIGINAL: MidMichCowboy

I was talking to a very good friend of mine and she was telling how after a scene, the Dom just left. She would have liked to have been held and comforted, but, “that’s not what a Dom does.”

Nods, it would be what an asshat does.

Unless no aftercare it is the agreed-upon dynamic. Not my choice of dynamic, but ass for every seat, etc.

(in reply to Leatherist)

Post #: 30

RE: Do we tend to be too one dimensional? - 1/6/2008 4:23:37 PM

Leatherist

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Some subs don't want it-but that tends to be rare.

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RE: Do we tend to be too one dimensional? - 1/6/2008 4:45:11 PM

cherrypez

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Joined: 12/20/2007
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After a scene, I tend to like to be left alone. For me it's not the time for hugging, kissing---normally I am coming down from subspace and I just want to get my head cleared without any attention at all. So many think it's the 'norm' to 'have to have' after care. I must be one of the few that doesn't require it. If I were to scene with a Dom who was not my partner, I would especially not want any type of after care--- I would not expect him to 'care' for me if there were no emotional attachements to begin with.
I wouldn't think any of this has to due with being one dimensionsal. I think that if a sub wants after care she should discuss this PRIOR to the scene and not complain about it afterwards. If the Dom does not give after care she does have the choice NOT to scene with him.

(in reply to MidMichCowboy)

Post #: 32

RE: Do we tend to be too one dimensional? - 1/6/2008 4:49:32 PM

catize

Posts: 3020
Joined: 3/7/2006
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In my first year of real experience in wiitwd, I never heard the term ‘after care’ and was never provided it. The first time a dominant held me and caressed me after a scene I laid in his arms stiff as a board. He asked what was wrong and I said, “What are you doing?” That memory makes me chuckle a bit. He explained and added that he needed after-care as well.
I’m fairly self sufficient, I can deal with my emotions on my own. The two dominants currently in my life are more than willing to provide it if I ask.
Sometimes the kindest thing they can do for me is to give me 10-20 minutes of down time where I’m literally melted into the mattress quietly basking in the after-glow. Other times I need food and water; I’m bouncing around the room and chatter non-stop. They both seem to find it amusing whichever end of the spectrum I exhibit.

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(in reply to MidMichCowboy)

Post #: 33

RE: Do we tend to be too one dimensional? - 1/6/2008 4:57:35 PM

Prinsexx

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Joined: 8/27/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: cherrypez

I think that if a sub wants after care she should discuss this PRIOR to the scene and not complain about it afterwards. If the Dom does not give after care she does have the choice NOT to scene with him.

Scenes do not always turn out to be as pre-determined. What is discussed first I would say is closer to fantasy but what follows is real life.

(in reply to cherrypez)

Post #: 34

RE: Do we tend to be too one dimensional? - 1/6/2008 5:00:56 PM

Prinsexx

Posts: 4584
Joined: 8/27/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

I'll expand on Padriag's morons and say most kinky people are very insecure and use stereotypes, labels and boxes as a way to create a sense of false security- as long as they keep things in their fantasy ideals of how it all works,then life keeps going.

Of course this is also why so few relationships last and so many "go back to vanilla" after a few years.

I can't go back to vanilla no matter how much I try to or imagine it to be better than what I am doing right now.
Two minutes of that old-missionary -position-with-a-roof-over-my head-attached and I would run for the hills.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 35

RE: Do we tend to be too one dimensional? - 1/6/2008 5:02:40 PM

Prinsexx

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Joined: 8/27/2007
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dear catize:
thank you for your font style and type size.......and languidity (this word does not quite exist as i was searching for a concept which means relaxed acceptance...it came out looking like languidity but not meant in anyway negative way. I think I mean thankyou for being able to melt into a mattress).

< Message edited by Prinsexx -- 1/6/2008 5:08:36 PM >

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Post #: 36

RE: Do we tend to be too one dimensional? - 1/6/2008 5:13:11 PM

catize

Posts: 3020
Joined: 3/7/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Prinsexx

dear catize:
thank you for your font style and type size.......and languidity (this word does not quite exist as i was searching for a concept which means relaxed acceptance...it came out looking like languidity but not meant in anyway negative way. I think I mean thankyou for being able to melt into a mattress).

You are welcome; squinting causes unnecessary wrinkles!
Languid can also mean feline or catlike, lol.

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Post #: 37

RE: Do we tend to be too one dimensional? - 1/6/2008 5:13:38 PM

Daddysredhead

Posts: 23574
Joined: 11/6/2005
From: Northern (yet still part of the South) Virginia
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With Daddy and me, he always provides me some type of aftercare. The first time we scened in public, I went really deep into subspace and was basically useless to even remember my name. He was so sweet and helped me back into my clothes (with the exception of my bra, bc he said it was like dressing a drunk and he couldn't figure out which hook I preferred it to be, lol), and walked me to the aftercare area. He told me later that our short trip to the couch was interesting because I kept telling him to slow down because he was walking to fast for me, and he was walking slower than he did with his grandmother on his arm. He went and got me water and then let me lay my head in his lap till I was steady on my feet again. This was my first time at the dungeon, but certainly not his. He didn't feel that he was being less Domly by taking care of me and sitting with me until I recovered. He stroked my hair and made sure that everything was fine and then we went around and he introduced me to more of his friends. None of them said that he was less of a man for watching over me and catering to me while I needed his attention. (Not that I think any of them would dare, but still.)

I have heard that many Dom/mes are caring individuals, although some are not, and I have seen that first hand. If that is something agreed upon in that relationship, I guess it's to be expected, but it wouldn't work for me.

This is something that I wrote when I first joined this site and wrote about my relationship with my Daddy...

"When i put Him in a place of respect and admiration, it never takes away from who i am - it enhances it. He holds me in a place of high regard, protects me, and makes me feel cherished, and in doing so, lifts me up rather than puts me down, while never losing His place of Dominance."

Respectfully,
DRH

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Post #: 38

RE: Do we tend to be too one dimensional? - 1/6/2008 5:43:04 PM

sweetnurseBBW

Posts: 2464
Joined: 1/26/2006
From: North Carolina
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I think it depends on what kind of relationship you have. I personally have never been involved with someone that didn't show me love or affection. Some people have trouble showing affection and some don't need it. Not all dynamics are set up the same way. Everyone is different.

I wouldn't judge the mass by a few.

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Post #: 39

RE: Do we tend to be too one dimensional? - 1/6/2008 7:14:32 PM

MadRabbit

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Joined: 8/9/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: BitaTruble

quote:

ORIGINAL: MadRabbit

The fact that I find a large majority of people in the public scene as well as on websites like this to be one dimensional is one of my biggest pet peeve's with kinksters as a whole.

Hmm.. I've found the exact opposite. I find people, as a general rule, to be fascinating creatures. On a kink site, I talk about kink. On my NPR boards, I talk about politics, on my Trek site, I talk about Star Trek.

You could try taking the time to delve into someone instead of seeing what brought them to a particular place, whether it's a leather conference or a BDSM message board. I don't think when I go down to the bowling alley that the only thing the people are interested in is bowling.. it's just, in that particular moment in time, that's what they are doing and that's the interest of the moment. Do you have interests outside of BDSM? Do you collect things, or weep over old black and white movies, knit, participate in sports? Do you let all and sundry know those sorts of things, or would someone consider you one dimensional as well because all they know of you is the sn you've chosen for Collarme? When I'm at a leather event, I don't, necessarily, want to talk about the latest and greatest in knitting as that's not my purpose there, but with my friends, there is no subject which is taboo and we talk about everything.

Just something to think about.

Celeste

Apparently, I wrote that wrong, because I didn't mean that I personally find people to be one dimensional, but rather what L.A. said

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

I'll expand on Padriag's morons and say most kinky people are very insecure and use stereotypes, labels and boxes as a way to create a sense of false security- as long as they keep things in their fantasy ideals of how it all works,then life keeps going.

Of course this is also why so few relationships last and so many "go back to vanilla" after a few years.

But thanks for the lecture!

< Message edited by MadRabbit -- 1/6/2008 7:17:36 PM >

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Post #: 40

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