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Selective Submission vs Selective Domination - 1/8/2008 6:44:27 AM   
camille65


Posts: 5746
Joined: 7/11/2007
From: Austin Texas
Status: offline 		I see here where many female submissives state that they are submissive to their One and only their One. That made me wonder about the other side, the dominants. Are dominants then only dominant to their one? Are they otherwise perfectly normal in all other areas of life such as work? Do dominants step back in every area of their life except towards their s-type? Personally I don't think so, the dominant people that I  know are just that. Dominant personalities.For myself I am submissive to just about everyone, I always have been. Hearing people say that they are only submissive to the people they select confuses the heck out of me. Why do submissives claim selective submission and dominants not? I'm curious and in need of coffee.

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RE: Selective Submission vs Selective Domination - 1/8/2008 6:55:31 AM   
adoracat


Posts: 1779
Joined: 2/16/2007
Status: offline 		i'm generally submissive.  Daddy demands that i keep certain types of submission ONLY for him...BDSM and certain pet names are his and his alone.

kitten, whose Daddy is pretty much a strong dominant personality at all times

(in reply to camille65)
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RE: Selective Submission vs Selective Domination - 1/8/2008 6:56:58 AM   
cautiousiasub


Posts: 199
Joined: 10/17/2005
Status: offline 		I have a submissive personality, but am not submissive to everyone. I'm a single mom...can't very well be submissive to them, can I? My Master has a dominant personality. He is dominant in just about everything he does, but there are certain instances where he can't be (can't very well be dominant to his boss). Our relationship gives us both the opportunity to let our natural personalities shine through.

I hope this makes sense...I need coffee too.

< Message edited by cautiousiasub -- 1/8/2008 6:57:37 AM >

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RE: Selective Submission vs Selective Domination - 1/8/2008 6:58:47 AM   
LadyHibiscus


Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline 		Yeah, now you have me all messed up too, PLUS I overslept. 

I will shake my magic 8 ball and guess that they mean that they will not lie down for just anybody, that it has to be Twue Lurve, and they don't just bow down to every HNG who thinks he is the domly dom of domness.

I know that I am not EVERYONE'S mistress...and point that out a lot to guys who are all bowing and scraping like they can get something from me.  But not having a D/s relationship with every submissive is not the same as not being dominant all the time.

Meh. 

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RE: Selective Submission vs Selective Domination - 1/8/2008 6:59:26 AM   
Leatherist


Posts: 5149
Joined: 12/11/2007
Status: offline 		Less insecurity.

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RE: Selective Submission vs Selective Domination - 1/8/2008 7:04:13 AM   
OmegaG


Posts: 1474
Joined: 10/23/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: camille65

I see here where many female submissives state that they are submissive to their One and only their One. That made me wonder about the other side, the dominants. Are dominants then only dominant to their one? Are they otherwise perfectly normal in all other areas of life such as work? Do dominants step back in every area of their life except towards their s-type? Personally I don't think so, the dominant people that I  know are just that. Dominant personalities.For myself I am submissive to just about everyone, I always have been. Hearing people say that they are only submissive to the people they select confuses the heck out of me. Why do submissives claim selective submission and dominants not? I'm curious and in need of coffee.


I see dominance and assertiveness as symbiotic, I think that dominants have both qualities, the assertiveness is what takes them through their day to day life and the dominance is displayed in personal relationships.

Though assertiveness is not always a trait that is possessed in conjunction with dominance, I am an assertive person but within my personal relationships I am drawn to a man who is more assertive as well dominant and that is when my submissive qualities are displayed.

There is no way I could be submissive in my day to day life, I'd be eaten up and spit out in record time.

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RE: Selective Submission vs Selective Domination - 1/8/2008 7:04:41 AM   
szobras


Posts: 435
Joined: 9/18/2006
Status: offline 		Hi Camille,
I am just myself, my personality is not limited to what I do, nor who I am around. The interaction, conduct, intensity, and expression of that personality does between select people and my submissive .

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RE: Selective Submission vs Selective Domination - 1/8/2008 7:04:43 AM   
camille65


Posts: 5746
Joined: 7/11/2007
From: Austin Texas
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Leatherist

Less insecurity.
 Sorry but I don't get this reply. Less insecurity from me? I'm just curious! And sooo sorry to those that I tried to make think before being properly caffeinated!  I just see such a disparity and it makes me wonder. I have the feeling I will not receive the answers to my questions but I am compelled to try.Thanks.

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~Love your life! (It is the only one you'll get).




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RE: Selective Submission vs Selective Domination - 1/8/2008 7:06:04 AM   
sambamanslilgirl


Posts: 10926
Joined: 2/5/2007
From: Chicago, IL
Status: offline 		going to echo the same sentiments posted thus far - i'm only submissive to my 2 doms ...everyone else i'm fairly dominant because as single mom of 2, i have to command and lead the troops in their daily lives (with some room for my oldest to make her own decisions) and as concert reviewer, i'm my own boss picking and choosing which bands i want to see 2 to 3 nights a week.




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RE: Selective Submission vs Selective Domination - 1/8/2008 7:07:15 AM   
Rover


Posts: 2634
Joined: 6/28/2004
Status: offline 		There's a world of difference between having a dominant (small "d") personality trait and being a Dominant (large "D") in a relationship dynamic.  And a world of difference in the ways in which both are expressed.
 
If Dominants (large "D") tried to treat the rest of the world like their submissives, they'd be social outcasts... losers... perhaps even criminals. 
 
On the other hand, those with dominant (small "d") personalities are not always Dominant (large "D") in their relationship dynamics, just as those who have qualities that we often mistakenly associate with "submissive" (quiet, social followers, etc.) can take on an entirely different role within the context of their relationship.
 
Bottom line, I think that being Dominant (large "D") and dominant (small "d") are often (though not always) found together, but they are far from being the same thing. 
 
John

< Message edited by Rover -- 1/8/2008 7:09:40 AM >

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(in reply to camille65)
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RE: Selective Submission vs Selective Domination - 1/8/2008 7:09:36 AM   
camille65


Posts: 5746
Joined: 7/11/2007
From: Austin Texas
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: szobras

Hi Camille,
I am just myself, my personality is not limited to what I do, nor who I am around. The interaction, conduct, intensity, and expression of that personality does between select people and my submissive .
 Ah szobras yes. That is what I mean. I am just myself and I am submissive. Eager to help, eager to smooth the path for everyone. I don't pick and choose nor do I bow and scrape. I do however try and reach out to everyone. I try to make things 'good or easier' for people if I have the ability, I'm happy to back down at the first sign of displeasure towards me from another because that is just me.So I struggle to understand the almost strident/forceful claim of only submitting to person X and happily being a tough bitch to the rest of the people. I chose the word 'bitch' because I really have seen so many claim to be a bitch and proud of it except towards that person X, I wonder if that could be some sort of overcompensating for being submissive? Thanks for leading me a bit closer to the knowledge I seek!

_____________________________


~Love your life! (It is the only one you'll get).




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Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Selective Submission vs Selective Domination - 1/8/2008 7:09:42 AM   
Leatherist


Posts: 5149
Joined: 12/11/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: camille65

quote:

ORIGINAL: Leatherist

Less insecurity.
 Sorry but I don't get this reply. Less insecurity from me? I'm just curious! And sooo sorry to those that I tried to make think before being properly caffeinated!  I just see such a disparity and it makes me wonder. I have the feeling I will not receive the answers to my questions but I am compelled to try.Thanks.


If one has to go on and on about a dynamic-it usually points to the need to self justify doing it. I see subs doing it constantly.

Very few Tops with any experience seem to need to bray on and on to sate thier catholic guilt over being what they are.

_____________________________

My shop is currently segueing into production mode.

I'm not taking custom orders.

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Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Selective Submission vs Selective Domination - 1/8/2008 7:10:57 AM   
RCdc


Posts: 8674
Status: offline 		Because if people said, I am submissive whatever, then that would be admitting that others have power over them.  And people do not like to admit that.
 
the.dark.

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RE: Selective Submission vs Selective Domination - 1/8/2008 7:11:14 AM   
camille65


Posts: 5746
Joined: 7/11/2007
From: Austin Texas
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Rover

There's a world of difference between having a dominant (small "d") personality trait and being a Dominant (large "D") in a relationship dynamic.  And a world of difference in the ways in which both are expressed.
 
If Dominants (large "D") tried to treat the rest of the world like their submissives, they'd be social outcasts... losers... perhaps even criminals. 
 
On the other hand, those with dominant (small "d") personalities are not always Dominant (large "D") in their relationship dynamics, just as those who have qualities that we often mistakenly associate with "submissive" (quiet, social followers, etc.) can take on an entirely different role within the context of their relationship.
 
Bottom line, I think that being Dominant (large "D") and dominant (small "d") are often (though not always) found together, but they are far from being the same thing. 
 
John
 Oh, sorry. I don't cap 'dominant' nor use lower case for 'submissive'. I hope that doesn't lead to confusion. I do speak of those here that are dominant or submissive and not the population in general.

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~Love your life! (It is the only one you'll get).




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Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Selective Submission vs Selective Domination - 1/8/2008 7:13:54 AM   
Rover


Posts: 2634
Joined: 6/28/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: camille65

 Oh, sorry. I don't cap 'dominant' nor use lower case for 'submissive'. I hope that doesn't lead to confusion. I do speak of those here that are dominant or submissive and not the population in general.


I think you misunderstood my post.  I made the distinction in capitalization in order to better distinguish between being Dominant in a relationship dynamic, and being dominant as a personality trait.  It's not some sort of requirement.
 
John

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"Man's mind stretched to a new idea never goes back to its original dimensions."

Sri da Avabhas

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Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Selective Submission vs Selective Domination - 1/8/2008 7:14:02 AM   
camille65


Posts: 5746
Joined: 7/11/2007
From: Austin Texas
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Leatherist

quote:

ORIGINAL: camille65

quote:

ORIGINAL: Leatherist

Less insecurity.
 Sorry but I don't get this reply. Less insecurity from me? I'm just curious! And sooo sorry to those that I tried to make think before being properly caffeinated!  I just see such a disparity and it makes me wonder. I have the feeling I will not receive the answers to my questions but I am compelled to try.Thanks.


If one has to go on and on about a dynamic-it usually points to the need to self justify doing it. I see subs doing it constantly.

Very few Tops with any experience seem to need to bray on and on to sate thier catholic guilt over being what they are.
 Leatherist, I am not going on and on about something nor trying to justify myself. I am simply asking a complex question. I am utterly confused as to why you post that I am going on and on? I began this thread therefore I am responding to the posts. There is no guilt sating going on inside of me, I mean that in all sincerity. I just want to understand some stuff that is not a part of my personal being.

_____________________________


~Love your life! (It is the only one you'll get).




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RE: Selective Submission vs Selective Domination - 1/8/2008 7:17:15 AM   
camille65


Posts: 5746
Joined: 7/11/2007
From: Austin Texas
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Darcyandthedark

Because if people said, I am submissive whatever, then that would be admitting that others have power over them.  And people do not like to admit that.
 
the.dark.
 Thanks, you brought up something. Why would that be hard to admit?If/when I admit that I don't grant power to anyone. I'm just saying what I am.Why the struggle?I'm submissive. Very much so. Yet I don't physically submit to everyone but I don't need to be a bitch to get that across.I think part of my confusion is the entire 'I'm submissive but a bitch' ideal. For me being a bitch is not something to aspire to. I can stay to my point or need without using that. Erm am I making sense or should I get more coffee?

_____________________________


~Love your life! (It is the only one you'll get).




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Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Selective Submission vs Selective Domination - 1/8/2008 7:17:23 AM   
RCdc


Posts: 8674
Status: offline 		I don't think he was directing the comment to you, camille, but about people who go on and on about being submissive 'but not your submissive - I am submissive to only one' - like some Highlander film promo.  Although I may be wrong.
 
the.dark.

_____________________________
RC&dc


love isnt gazing into each others eyes - it's looking forward in the same direction

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RE: Selective Submission vs Selective Domination - 1/8/2008 7:19:19 AM   
sweetnurseBBW


Posts: 2464
Joined: 1/26/2006
From: North Carolina
Status: offline 		I am not submissive at work because I can't be. My job has nothing to do with being a slave. I might be a slave but only give myself to Master, meaning he is the only one I give my all too. Sure we might play with others but I don't hand over all power.

Master is a dominant but is very mild mannered, easygoing at work. He is a special ed teacher and requires and easygoing person.

One might be submissive but does that mean you give it all to everyone you see? No, it doesn't. For me I am selective in who I open up to and give my submission to.  One can have a submissive personality without "submitting" to everyone. There is a difference.

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RE: Selective Submission vs Selective Domination - 1/8/2008 7:19:51 AM   
Leatherist


Posts: 5149
Joined: 12/11/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Darcyandthedark

I don't think he was directing the comment to you, camille, but about people who go on and on about being submissive 'but not your submissive - I am submissive to only one' - like some Highlander film promo.  Although I may be wrong.
 
the.dark.

 
Amen.

_____________________________

My shop is currently segueing into production mode.

I'm not taking custom orders.

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Profile   Post #: 20
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