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RE: To Munch, or Not to Munch? - 1/9/2008 5:59:31 PM

NaiveTempest

Posts: 345
Joined: 11/20/2006
From: North Carolina
Status: offline

Going to a Munch seems like going to Church to me:

A group of people congregating in someone else's 'house' for a few hours....
Some of the people should or shouldn't be there, some are pretending, and some are obsessed....
there is the offering of money and the partaking of the meal.....
everyone is there for one broad reason, but side/off topic conversations are happening....
some people are hooking up, some are 'married', and some are just there for the hype....
there are certain rules and regs you are expected to follow....
etc......

one difference is that at a Munch you can't wear your 'Church clothes' unless you want to scare people, lmao

< Message edited by NaiveTempest -- 1/9/2008 6:00:59 PM >

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"All the things I should have said that I never said/All the things we should have done that we never did/All the things I should have given, but I didn't.../Give me these moments back..."

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(in reply to subtee)

Post #: 81

RE: To Munch, or Not to Munch? - 1/9/2008 6:24:06 PM

subtee

Posts: 5133
Joined: 7/26/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: NaiveTempest

Going to a Munch seems like going to Church to me:

...everyone is there for one broad reason, but side/off topic conversations are happening....

Hi NT, Church and munches...love the analogy!

Maybe this is the point at which a benefit is to be found for some? To find and connect with some of the group, splinter off, give and receive fellowship or some symbiotic relationship? It seems to be valuable for those involved and consternating for those left out...

What the hell is going on with those red hat ladies though? ~shudder~

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Don't believe everything you think...

(in reply to NaiveTempest)

Post #: 82

RE: To Munch, or Not to Munch? - 1/9/2008 6:30:04 PM

domiguy

Posts: 12952
Joined: 5/2/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: KatyLied

quote:

Katy...I made $23 that night. Woohoo!

I thought she looked familiar!

It was an amazing sight how she easily managed to tuck 23 bills under her right tit! It appeared there was enough "floppage" to hold at least another fifty or so.

She is so talented

_____________________________

(in reply to KatyLied)

Post #: 83

RE: To Munch, or Not to Munch? - 1/9/2008 6:34:10 PM

junecleaver

Posts: 1145
Joined: 4/6/2005
Status: offline

I find socials and workshops way less intimidating than munches. Munches are awkward and never know what to say. However at a social where people are naked and hitting each other, there is always something to talk about or there's no need to talk at all. When at a munch, I feel pressured to talk (I'm not a great conversationalist) and there are always a few people who are attention whores and go on and on dropping names and talking about themselves. It's too much pressure to be interesting when I'd rather just be naked and beaten. I guess that makes me a troll?

_____________________________

"No one will ever win the battle of the sexes; there's too much fraternizing with the enemy. "
--Henry A. Kissinger

(in reply to NaiveTempest)

Post #: 84

RE: To Munch, or Not to Munch? - 1/9/2008 6:55:54 PM

Sexynmentalinkc

Posts: 132
Joined: 4/14/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: subtee

If so inclined, please give me your thoughts and experiences:

If you’ve attended, has it been positive?

Both good n' bad, just like many such social situations. I've met a few cool people but there were a lot that just made me............turn my back, to so speak.

quote:

ORIGINAL: subtee

Do you encourage others to attend as well? In what ways has it been beneficial to you?

I think people should explore this particular avenue, if for no other reason than just so say that they have. The beneifits are definitely being able to make local connections to groups and like-mindeds. I consider it just a way to network but I definitely don't focus on the group/munch thing.

quote:

ORIGINAL: subtee

If you’ve attended and found munches less than fulfilling or worthwhile, why were they lacking? In what ways was it negative or not valuable for you?

The lacking thing for me, when I've gone, was the attendance. I'm sure part of it was timing and so on but a munch of 2 or 5 or even 8 people seems...anti-climactic? Or something like that.

The value that you get from these sorts of situations will, to me, depend mostly on what YOU are seeking from the situation and people that happen to show up.

If you're, for example, interested in learning about ________ or _________ but all you get are people that doing something else, you might find less value in it. If you just want to find local like-mindeds, I can see that it would be good - unless you find out all of the ones that show up are NOT what you're after.

That makes it a very short and 'final' sort of munch. Most of the ones I've attended have ended up like that.

They are fun, needed and cool but can end up....frustrating you even more than when you were when you arrived.

Ultimately, a crap-shoot. But still worthwhile......to say you HAVE.

quote:

ORIGINAL: subtee

If you’ve chosen not to seek out local groups or attend munches, what are your reasons?

Aliens.

They keep messing with my schedule and I'm pretty sure that when I find someone really cool, attractive and interesting...they keep abducting them off into Never-never land. What the hell is up with that?!?!

I need some kind of sign or tattoo or brand I can use: "Aliens, stay away, I'm still checking this one out!"

:P

*winks*

- Mr. S

_____________________________

"I think all right-thinking people in this country are sick and tired of being told that ordinary, decent people are fed up in this country with being sick and tired. ...I'm certainly not. And I'm sick and tired of being told that I am..."

(in reply to subtee)

Post #: 85

RE: To Munch, or Not to Munch? - 1/9/2008 6:57:15 PM

brainiacsub

Posts: 1209
Joined: 11/11/2007
From: San Antonio, TX
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: domiguy

quote:

ORIGINAL: Rover

quote:

ORIGINAL: domiguy

It sounds God awful. Meeting people because you share somewhat of a similiar idea of an aspect of sexuality and a power dynamic. Ick.

This may have been said with tongue in cheek, and if so I apologize to Domiguy and am only using as an example of what others may legitimately be thinking.

I suppose these sorts of sentiments inspire the question... so why are you "here"? As in, the only difference between online communities like Collarme and munches are the venue. You can "socialize" online all by yourself in your housecoat and slippers or you can socialize at a restaurant in public attire.

To say that you would get nothing from socializing face to face is really an admission that you're getting nothing at all from these forums.

John

Since I have yet to attend a munch I have to plead ignorance as to all that goes on there...Much of what I said was intended to be a combination of humor along with how I view the prospects of attending a munch.

Actually there is little comparison to online and the reality of attending a munch....Online I can ignore the posters that are idiots. At a munch I would probably have to be patient and let someone finish their thought to get to the information that I am seeking no matter how much of a Star Trek and fantasy fuck-up they may be. To me, there is nothing that suggest we have much of a sense of "community." I also am very particular about who I choose to socialize with. There are only a handful of posters out here that I would ever consider meeting.

If I were really, really into this I would attend munches I would stand on the marble arch and proclaim my domship over the land...I would encourage "newbies" to participate to insure a constant influx of new meat...I can only imagine as with many groups that they can be rather incestuous....Nothing would appeal to me more than meeting some sub and her to point out the people that she has already played with, or have some Dom come up and explain how she really enjoys her pussy being slapped while being fisted.

I don't see the appeal. This is not the pinnacle of my existance. I am willing to spend time online read what I find of interest and be able to choose with whom I interact with. I can not imagine a worse scenario then being forced to eat with a group of people that are sole common interest is that we like a power exchange and some kinky rough sex....It's not nearly a big enough draw to come out from under my rock, also the staff might be rather perturbed with cleaning up all the puke around my chair.

Not for me. I can do just fine on my own. To each their own.

I have been lurking and reading here for several years, and this is the post that inspired me to emerge from my proverbial cave and respond. It's a damn shame, actually.

I have never understood why so many in the lifestyle feel that creating a social experience out of shared sexual proclivities is actually a pleasurable experience - or should be - for everyone. I have to concur with domiguy here in that I am very discriminating as to who I include in my social circle. I prefer to socialize with people I actually have something in common with, other than a shared philosophy or preference for a certain type of sex. Since sex for me is still something very private between me and a SO of my choosing and is certainly not performance art, I don't see the point. Besides, I am an intellectual, anti-religious, socio-economic snob, so I am quite certain I'd be a social outcast at one of these social events, regardless of the size my boobs or the firmness of my ass.

However, I have learned a great deal over the years by lurking and participating in online forums such as this. I am always appreciative of the thoughtful, intelligent, sarcastic, and witty discourse that occasionally occurs. I can make friends easily with people who can make me think or laugh, regardless of any other commonalities we may or may not share.

For some of us, the online thing is just more appropriate than the munch thing.

(in reply to domiguy)

Post #: 86

RE: To Munch, or Not to Munch? - 1/9/2008 7:03:32 PM

Rover

Posts: 2634
Joined: 6/28/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: brainiacsub

I have never understood why so many in the lifestyle feel that creating a social experience out of shared sexual proclivities is actually a pleasurable experience - or should be - for everyone.

Could it be that people actually get to know and like one another on a personal level? That shouldn't be too difficult to understand. Generally, there's no more sexual content to a munch than there is in any vanilla group of a similar size.

But then, people get out of it what they want (nothing if they so desire). And it certainly is not for everyone (though I find it curious how those who have never attended can dismiss them out of hand).

John

_____________________________

"Man's mind stretched to a new idea never goes back to its original dimensions."

Sri da Avabhas

(in reply to brainiacsub)

Post #: 87

RE: To Munch, or Not to Munch? - 1/9/2008 7:09:44 PM

AquaticSub

Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: brainiacsub

I have never understood why so many in the lifestyle feel that creating a social experience out of shared sexual proclivities is actually a pleasurable experience - or should be - for everyone.

I don't get how attending a social gathering based on an enjoyment of d/s is any different than attending a social gathering based on an enjoyment of flowers.

It's picking something you like and going because you'd like to meet other people who enjoy the same thing. If I knew someone who enjoyed history I would encourage them to attend, and/or participate in, reenactments. I understand not being a social person and not wanting to attend a social gathering based on enjoyment of d/s but I don't understand how people deciding to gather because of that preference is any less understandable than people deciding to gather because they all enjoy roses, playing basketball, or knitting.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to Rover)

Post #: 88

RE: To Munch, or Not to Munch? - 1/9/2008 7:17:09 PM

Missokyst

Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline

The first time I went to a munch it was on my own. I had already been playing for a few years and had just discovered there was a local group of pervs handy. I thought I would join to try to meet other people who may know people, ect. As it turns out, that munch was not for me. Not because they weren't welcoming, they were very nice. But it was more that the fit just wasn't right for me.
So, five of us who were somewhat new to the group branched off into a strictly online, yahoo type group so we could chat. Five became 20, 20 became 50, pretty soon I had 150 members, who were more or less local. When we had 40 members we did start our own munch group in another community. Back then, we could easily get 20 people to attend. Once I had a BBQ at my place and we got 60 people showing up for ribs and chicken.
Then there was a power struggle while I had stepped back for a few months. And the group was lost to me.
I started another group, here in my local community and the old original group and I have recently merged to become one group, of which I run.
It has been a long road to this point. We are only now starting to get to having 20 or so members attending munches on a regular basis. We encourage new people to join us and see we are normal freaks like they are. We hold it in a private room in local establishments. LOL thank goodness for that because our topics of conversations can be wild. For the most part, newbies do return.
Last year I found a review on our group on a major website. I guess whoever runs that site visited us for a munch because she expressed appreciation for finding such a fun loving, welcoming group.
I was jazzed.
I do have fabulous people.
Groups are not always just a handful of people who have a similar interest in kink. If you get people talking, laughing, and enjoying themselves sometimes we find that we can be doctors, or truckers, teachers or students, 20 or 80, and if you can find something in common other than kink, you have made a good connection.
Kyst

_____________________________

pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding ~Gibran, Kahlil

“The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for.”
― Bob Marley

(in reply to subtee)

Post #: 89

RE: To Munch, or Not to Munch? - 1/9/2008 7:22:28 PM

MissHarlet

Posts: 2728
Joined: 9/11/2005
From: El Paso , TX US
Status: offline

I dont think that ANYTHING is right for EVERYONE .. but that doesnt make it all bad either ... we each have different likes and dislikes and needs and wants .. munches are just another venue to meet and socialize with like minded people or to provide a safe place for first meets to take place.

Some munches are better than others just as some parties are better than others and some places they are held are better than others. It is all a matter of preference.

The best thing is that we all have the choice of doing what makes us most comfortable and benefits us the most.

So Enjoy the munches or the boycotting of munches. The key is Enjoy

_____________________________

Protectress of hearts/souls of all submissives calling Bounty's Place home, by order of Bounty~Proprietor

To be respected you must be respectful, to be loved you must be willing to love,
to be trusted you must be willing to trust.

(in reply to AquaticSub)

Post #: 90

RE: To Munch, or Not to Munch? - 1/9/2008 7:31:54 PM

mypain56

Posts: 84
Joined: 11/5/2007
Status: offline

I personnally feel that munches are a good way of meeting people in the area that you live in. I am rather reserved myself in meeting people at first. But my thoughts are that I have a few friends that live in the area and they will be taking me to munches and social events and since they know even more people I will feel less intimated by meeting new people. My problem is how to act around other Dom/Masters should I be real friendly and then maybe they'll think I am trolling which I don't do what is the protocol here. keeping my eyes cast down, not speaking unless spoken too. Dom/Masters each have there own set of rules so how would this be approached. I do know that with my 2 mentors that happen to be Domme's that I know thier protocols and when in a social scene I do not speak unless spoken too and I respect them at all times. Even though I do not serve them. They are like sisters to me but still I know my place and I would never disrespect them in a BDSM social scene. But now in private I can cut up with them and act silly like girl friends would do. I guess I would say it's all in the presentation and whether you are vanilla or Bdsm lifestyle men do not like aggressive women, they like submissive women they like to approach you or if you do feel comfortable enough to approach them I suggest that you simply shake there hand and say I am whomever and then let them lead the conversation if they are seemingly not interested they have the choice to walk away. But don't be rude especially in a social setting because as I stated earlier I live in somewhat of a small town and the drive to the munches are an hour away besides it's hard it's hard sometimes toget in to a BDSM group unless you know someone which was my luck and one of them is the moderator of the nearest group so that really helps plus she wouldn't let me sit there like bump on a log she will introduce me around and then it will be up to me to mingle or whatever but one of the rules of the group is no trolling whats so ever. So bottom line is. Is that if you don't want to socialize and meet new people I guess just meet them online and take it from there but from a submissive stand point most of them are not real and they are players that know nothing of the lifestyle they just want some little submissive that can be used and abuse.Take it from someone who knows first hand. I've had bad experiences and then I have had good ones but if you feel a connection with a person go slow and don't push meeting them until you have found out enough too feel comfortable and that goes double on munches and social events just look up groups in your area get familiar with some of them introduce yourself online and if they start conversing with you in a positive way then it's all good. Give them your home phone number still talk to them for a while until you feel comfortable and then go to the munches, but meet them in the parking lot first and then decide what to do and always have a safe call, someone you can trust enough to come and get you if need be. But munches are safe in my opinion you don't have to go home with anyone well you shouldn't do that anyway ever. But in a social event a submissive should never go alone.Just give out you number or email address and go from there.

_____________________________

mypain56

(in reply to junecleaver)

Post #: 91

RE: To Munch, or Not to Munch? - 1/9/2008 7:48:34 PM

junecleaver

Posts: 1145
Joined: 4/6/2005
Status: offline

quote:

But in a social event a submissive should never go alone.

Why not?

_____________________________

"No one will ever win the battle of the sexes; there's too much fraternizing with the enemy. "
--Henry A. Kissinger

(in reply to mypain56)

Post #: 92

RE: To Munch, or Not to Munch? - 1/9/2008 7:49:31 PM

AquaticSub

Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: junecleaver

quote:

But in a social event a submissive should never go alone.

Why not?

Ditto.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to junecleaver)

Post #: 93

RE: To Munch, or Not to Munch? - 1/9/2008 7:51:46 PM

MissHarlet

Posts: 2728
Joined: 9/11/2005
From: El Paso , TX US
Status: offline

If you never go alone .. you may never go .. as there is not always someone to go with ..... just be safe and use common sense .

_____________________________

Protectress of hearts/souls of all submissives calling Bounty's Place home, by order of Bounty~Proprietor

To be respected you must be respectful, to be loved you must be willing to love,
to be trusted you must be willing to trust.

(in reply to AquaticSub)

Post #: 94

RE: To Munch, or Not to Munch? - 1/9/2008 8:10:04 PM

domiguy

Posts: 12952
Joined: 5/2/2006
Status: offline

I'm hard headed....I hate the phrase "like minded"....You really want to climb into my mind?

"Oh, and twisted thoughts they spin around my head...Whooa whoooa...I'm spinning...I'm spinning."

Trust me we are not like minded. I don't need to seek out some group to explain or share in ideas that are personal and all come from within. this is not like knitting or bball or fly tying or roses. I knew what I liked the first moment I visualized my sexual experiences as well as the dynamics of my "personal" relationships.

If I want to learn to play bball I'm going to have to practice....I might never become a good basketball player...There are no guarantees. If I want to learn about shibari, which at this time I don't, I'll take a class or read a book. Other interests come form the external...They may not be innate.

Like minded? WTF! This site and interest hosts Democrats, Republicans, rascists, Trekkies, witches, those who think they are fairies or just one step away from becoming their favorite character from some gothic novel or going to live their life on a planet in some galaxy far far away. This is the home for the outcasts, the disillusioned the day dreamers the disenfranchised...Which is fine. I don't want to hear about the sacred house of Bilbo Baggins or how you are making all of your bdsm dreams come true....At least not in a public setting. If you can write fairly well and can manage a half assed punchy post I will probably read it.

I don't criticize those who attend such get togethers whatever floats your boat. it ain't for me and apparently many others.

Go with God.

ps... Is there any possibility that brainiacsub might actually be me? If not, I wouldn't mind checking out the size of your boobs or the firmness of your ass.

_____________________________

(in reply to mypain56)

Post #: 95

RE: To Munch, or Not to Munch? - 1/9/2008 8:11:22 PM

Aileen1968

Posts: 6062
Joined: 12/12/2007
From: I miss Shore, New Jersey
Status: offline

Poor poor domiguy...your words are lost to the wind.

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Post #: 96

RE: To Munch, or Not to Munch? - 1/9/2008 9:11:01 PM

slaveluci

Posts: 4294
Joined: 3/2/2007
From: Little Rock, AR
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: AquaticSub
I don't get how attending a social gathering based on an enjoyment of d/s is any different than attending a social gathering based on an enjoyment of flowers.

It's picking something you like and going because you'd like to meet other people who enjoy the same thing. If I knew someone who enjoyed history I would encourage them to attend, and/or participate in, reenactments. I understand not being a social person and not wanting to attend a social gathering based on enjoyment of d/s but I don't understand how people deciding to gather because of that preference is any less understandable than people deciding to gather because they all enjoy roses, playing basketball, or knitting.

While I see the point you are making, I would point out that enjoying and discussing roses, basketball and knitting does not involve quite so intimate issues as the munches we are discussing. Yes, munches/parties are social gatherings where common interests are involved and no, they don't have anything to do with sex necessarily. However, the underlying thread is the "lifestyle" which involves much more intimacy between people than growing flowers or knitting. Certainly, you can concede that much. Therefore, to me, I don't see it as I do the book discussion groups I participate in. It's on such a whole other level for me...............luci

_____________________________

To choose a good book, look in an inquisitor’s prohibited list. ~John Aikin

(in reply to AquaticSub)

Post #: 97

RE: To Munch, or Not to Munch? - 1/9/2008 9:13:10 PM

AquaticSub

Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: slaveluci

While I see the point you are making, I would point out that enjoying and discussing roses, basketball and knitting does not involve quite so intimate issues as the munches we are discussing. Yes, munches/parties are social gatherings where common interests are involved and no, they don't have anything to do with sex necessarily. However, the underlying thread is the "lifestyle" which involves much more intimacy between people than growing flowers or knitting. Certainly, you can concede that much. Therefore, to me, I don't see it as I do the book discussion groups I participate in. It's on such a whole other level for me...............luci

So it's more like people who get together as a group because they happen to be homosexual/bisexual/transexual/transgendered/etc?

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to slaveluci)

Post #: 98

RE: To Munch, or Not to Munch? - 1/9/2008 9:21:09 PM

slaveluci

Posts: 4294
Joined: 3/2/2007
From: Little Rock, AR
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: AquaticSub
So it's more like people who get together as a group because they happen to be homosexual/bisexual/transexual/transgendered/etc?

I guess so. I don't really compare it to anything else. I see it as getting together to talk about WIITWD. I don't want to sit around with a group of people and discuss that. Chiming in with opinions here is one thing. Dressing up, going out to dinner, and sitting around face-to-face with a group of folks I know nothing about simply because we both happen to enjoy certain kinks/dynamics just doesn't interest me.

To use your example above....I am bisexual. I would have zero desire to meet up with a group of other bisexuals to sit around and talk about being bisexual. I'd rather be home practicing my bisexuality with my own intimate partners

. My intimate desires just aren't something I want to hash out with strangers. That's just me. Doesn't mean it isn't great for others if that's their desire...............luci

_____________________________

To choose a good book, look in an inquisitor’s prohibited list. ~John Aikin

(in reply to AquaticSub)

Post #: 99

RE: To Munch, or Not to Munch? - 1/9/2008 9:26:06 PM

moonvine

Posts: 780
Joined: 11/7/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MissHarlet

If you never go alone .. you may never go .. as there is not always someone to go with ..... just be safe and use common sense .

If I didn't go alone I would never go, but munches are perfectly safe, generally held in vanilla locales (at least around here and the other places I've lived).

Now in some situations yes I would not go alone...but even at play parties there are DMs (I personally do not care for play parties but I wouldn't be concerned about going alone.)

Hell if I didn't go anywhere alone I may never leave the house.

(in reply to MissHarlet)

Post #: 100

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