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RE: To Munch, or Not to Munch? - 1/9/2008 9:29:04 PM

AquaticSub

Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: slaveluci

To use your example above....I am bisexual. I would have zero desire to meet up with a group of other bisexuals to sit around and talk about being bisexual. I'd rather be home practicing my bisexuality with my own intimate partners. My intimate desires just aren't something I want to hash out with strangers. That's just me. Doesn't mean it isn't great for others if that's their desire...............luci

Which makes complete sense to me. It really does. I love books but I have no interest in meeting up with folks and socializing just because we like the same type of books. Book clubs just don't appeal to me.

What I don't understand is why it is so much more difficult to understand that people would want to get together because of a common interest in d/s or any other form of sexuality. I enjoy PRIDE groups and events just like I enjoy BDSM events. I don't really know why, I just do. For some reason, hanging out with people who have that common interest is more rewarding to me than hanging out with people who have the common interest in reading a genre of book.

Hope I'm making sense.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to slaveluci)

Post #: 101

RE: To Munch, or Not to Munch? - 1/9/2008 9:29:12 PM

moonvine

Posts: 780
Joined: 11/7/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: brainiacsub

I have never understood why so many in the lifestyle feel that creating a social experience out of shared sexual proclivities is actually a pleasurable experience - or should be - for everyone.

I have never figured out why the fact that I like X kinky thing, and this person over here likes Y kinky thing, and someone else likes A-Z kinky thing, constitutes a "lifestyle."

But for me, if I want to have a chance of meeting someone else who likes X kinky thing and wants to engage in X kinky thing with me, going to local events is the way to go. I'm not really interested in meeting someone who likes X kinky thing that lives 2,000 miles away. Been there, done that, not doing it again.

< Message edited by moonvine -- 1/9/2008 9:30:53 PM >

(in reply to brainiacsub)

Post #: 102

RE: To Munch, or Not to Munch? - 1/9/2008 10:21:41 PM

slaveluci

Posts: 4294
Joined: 3/2/2007
From: Little Rock, AR
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: AquaticSub

quote:

ORIGINAL: slaveluci

To use your example above....I am bisexual. I would have zero desire to meet up with a group of other bisexuals to sit around and talk about being bisexual. I'd rather be home practicing my bisexuality with my own intimate partners. My intimate desires just aren't something I want to hash out with strangers. That's just me. Doesn't mean it isn't great for others if that's their desire...............luci

Which makes complete sense to me. It really does. I love books but I have no interest in meeting up with folks and socializing just because we like the same type of books. Book clubs just don't appeal to me.

What I don't understand is why it is so much more difficult to understand that people would want to get together because of a common interest in d/s or any other form of sexuality. I enjoy PRIDE groups and events just like I enjoy BDSM events. I don't really know why, I just do. For some reason, hanging out with people who have that common interest is more rewarding to me than hanging out with people who have the common interest in reading a genre of book.

Hope I'm making sense.

Absolutely. It makes perfect sense. Different strokes and all that. I totally understand why people wish to get together at PRIDE events and BDSM munches and parties. Just because I don't choose to doesn't mean I can't see why others would want to. But understanding why someone wouldn't want to talk about books???? As a librarian, I just can't understand that

...............luci

_____________________________

To choose a good book, look in an inquisitor’s prohibited list. ~John Aikin

(in reply to AquaticSub)

Post #: 103

RE: To Munch, or Not to Munch? - 1/9/2008 10:30:32 PM

AquaticSub

Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: slaveluci

But understanding why someone wouldn't want to talk about books???? As a librarian, I just can't understand that...............luci

I've seen some very heated and very scary "discussions" evolve over books and book elitism. I'll stick with the nice, friendly, bullwhip-carrying dominants and enjoy my books in safety!

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to slaveluci)

Post #: 104

RE: To Munch, or Not to Munch? - 1/9/2008 10:30:39 PM

AlexanderC

Posts: 34
Joined: 3/31/2006
Status: offline

My problem with munches in the US, or at least in the New York area, has ever been one of demographics. I seem to invariably be the youngest participant by a good 15 to 20 years. This is not off-putting so much as awkward. Most people I meet are supremely accomadting and eager to induct me into the finer points of the local scene. But I can't help but feeling that this could be better accomplished by one closer to my own age. I'm not sure if this is peculiuar to the NYC scene or my experience thereof.

(in reply to subtee)

Post #: 105

RE: To Munch, or Not to Munch? - 1/9/2008 10:49:45 PM

heartcream

Posts: 3044
Joined: 5/9/2007
From: Psychoalphadiscobetabioaquadoloop
Status: offline

When I joined here a guy from here who lives so very far away encouraged me to go to a munch in my area and I was like "P-U, no way, uh-uh, not me." It doesnt matter that it is in some restaurant and everyone dresses casual. There is no way I would show up like raw hamburger meat to be sniffed at.

It is so unappealing to me for different reasons. I am not a group person. I find the idea completely creepy and nothing anyone would say would change my mind about that.

Folks who dig going to munches, that is cool, go ahead, do your thing.

_____________________________

"Exaggerate the essential, leave the obvious vague." Vincent Van Gogh

I'd Rather Be With You

Every single line means something.
Jean-Michel Basquiat

(in reply to AlexanderC)

Post #: 106

RE: To Munch, or Not to Munch? - 1/10/2008 1:37:20 AM

petpete

Posts: 677
Joined: 7/6/2007
Status: offline

Girl, if the food is tasty i wont even worry if kylie minogue is next to me...

_____________________________

Chief: Max, you realize you'll be facing every kind of danger imaginable.
Max: And loving it!

(in reply to subtee)

Post #: 107

RE: To Munch, or Not to Munch? - 1/10/2008 4:35:51 AM

ExSteelAgain

Posts: 1803
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Georgia
Status: offline

Subtee, since you like Tempest’s church analogy, let me say that I was the guy sitting in the pew catching glimpse of a woman sitting up front. The way her hair fell over her ear, the nape of her neck. I was always looking no matter where it was. So with that background, I was in a relatively small online community centered around Atlanta and after a short while of joining, I began to see the intertwined relationships. (Remember Domiguy's incestuous groups can be online, too, even on CM :)

If I talked to a girl, she was either also being pursued by another Dom from the room or had played with someone in the room. I’m sure the submissives found the same thing about us. The being pursued by another didn’t bother me and actually helped my ego, I suppose, but to hear how a Dom taught his subs to deep throat and I’m starting to play with one of his former subs gave me too many visuals.

I went through a period of confusion running from one sad submissive to another trying to come to terms with things, but I wasn’t really helping myself or anyone else with my own disorder. What made it worse is that I displayed a certain sensitivity because of the confusion that made it all attractive to them.

You know how you feel the excitement of what is ahead when you say bye to someone? You are feeling the sadness as they become tiny with distance, but the BDSM catapult is throwing you into other electrifying situations up ahead that are only adding stories to the group, institutional memory. Change for me was necessary as it is for others. I’ll write more on the change another time.

_____________________________

You can paint a cinder block bright pastel pink, but it's still a cinder block. (By Me.)

(in reply to subtee)

Post #: 108

RE: To Munch, or Not to Munch? - 1/10/2008 4:36:15 AM

Evility

Posts: 915
Joined: 12/19/2007
Status: offline

I attend them a few times a year when my schedule permits and I'm in the mood. I get a chance to say hello and catch up with a few friends and that's always nice. Watching others play publicly is... entertaining. I'll just leave it at that. Most of the time I leave a munch with the feeling of how different I am from the rest of the 'like minded' folks at the event.

(in reply to AquaticSub)

Post #: 109

RE: To Munch, or Not to Munch? - 1/10/2008 5:31:10 AM

Rover

Posts: 2634
Joined: 6/28/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: AlexanderC

My problem with munches in the US, or at least in the New York area, has ever been one of demographics. I seem to invariably be the youngest participant by a good 15 to 20 years. This is not off-putting so much as awkward. Most people I meet are supremely accomadting and eager to induct me into the finer points of the local scene. But I can't help but feeling that this could be better accomplished by one closer to my own age. I'm not sure if this is peculiuar to the NYC scene or my experience thereof.

You may want to look into your local TNG (The Next Generation) chapter which caters to those under 34 and/or new to the scene.

John

_____________________________

"Man's mind stretched to a new idea never goes back to its original dimensions."

Sri da Avabhas

(in reply to AlexanderC)

Post #: 110

RE: To Munch, or Not to Munch? - 1/10/2008 7:51:50 AM

slaveluci

Posts: 4294
Joined: 3/2/2007
From: Little Rock, AR
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: AquaticSub

quote:

ORIGINAL: slaveluci

But understanding why someone wouldn't want to talk about books???? As a librarian, I just can't understand that...............luci

I've seen some very heated and very scary "discussions" evolve over books and book elitism. I'll stick with the nice, friendly, bullwhip-carrying dominants and enjoy my books in safety!

Good idea!..............luci

_____________________________

To choose a good book, look in an inquisitor’s prohibited list. ~John Aikin

(in reply to AquaticSub)

Post #: 111

RE: To Munch, or Not to Munch? - 1/10/2008 10:07:01 AM

brainiacsub

Posts: 1209
Joined: 11/11/2007
From: San Antonio, TX
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: domiguy

ps... Is there any possibility that brainiacsub might actually be me? If not, I wouldn't mind checking out the size of your boobs or the firmness of your ass.

I might actually be you? I doubt it. But, I have an athletes physique so my boobs aren't that impressive...trust me. No comment about my ass.

(in reply to domiguy)

Post #: 112

RE: To Munch, or Not to Munch? - 1/10/2008 10:34:09 AM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Rover

quote:

ORIGINAL: subtee

Seriously, certainly you can realize a benefit soley gained with interaction here (yes, friendships, fellowship, connection and edification) and the value that brings to some? Or does one have to attend other activities for it to be "real?" Help me understand, please.

My point is that one cannot credibly claim that there is no benefit derived from socializing with other lifestylers at munches, and yet claim to derive the same benefit from socializing online.

John

A couple of major differences.

irst there are 200 people online to talk over a subject with instead of 6.

And more importantly, I don't have to drive over an hour to get there, in the dark, on icy roads with deer leaping out from behind trees. I can leave a conversation online to change laundry, check on tomorrow's backpacks, close windows, and come back and rejoin the conversation with no difficulty.

Plus I don't have to worry about someone online following me to the parking lot, getting my license plate number and stalking me.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to Rover)

Post #: 113

RE: To Munch, or Not to Munch? - 1/10/2008 10:59:01 AM

brainiacsub

Posts: 1209
Joined: 11/11/2007
From: San Antonio, TX
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Rover

quote:

ORIGINAL: brainiacsub

I have never understood why so many in the lifestyle feel that creating a social experience out of shared sexual proclivities is actually a pleasurable experience - or should be - for everyone.

Could it be that people actually get to know and like one another on a personal level? That shouldn't be too difficult to understand. Generally, there's no more sexual content to a munch than there is in any vanilla group of a similar size.

But then, people get out of it what they want (nothing if they so desire). And it certainly is not for everyone (though I find it curious how those who have never attended can dismiss them out of hand).

John

John, don't get me wrong. I have nothing against munches or those who want to participate. But for me personally, I have NO interest in 'socializing' with a disparate group of individuals who in all probability have nothing more in common than sexual proclivity. I doubt very seriously your statement that there is no more sexual content to a munch than say, a poetry reading or a monster truck rally. But everything that I have ever read or heard about munches (and I'll admit this may not be true for ALL munches) is the whole meat market and 'incestuous' community component, especially in the part of the country I call home. So, I have no desire to 'try it out' in order to invalidate the sentiments of so many others who are in my social circle and have found the experiences forgettable. But, I would much rather read the words and ponder the thoughts of you fine people to further my understanding.

On a side note, this particular topic inspired my participation in this forum because I was mercilessly ridiculed on another foum on another site over this very issue. I was called a coward, a snob, a wannabe, a troll, a fake...you name it...because I refused to go to a munch. It surprised me just how many people in the lifestyle view these social gatherings as compulsary as a 'church service' (as someone else on this thread already mentioned). At least I admitted upfront on this forum that I am a snob so as to save everyone the trouble. It was very reminiscent of my days as a devout fundamentalist Christian where I was constantly reminded that in order to be a true one, you had to worship like one, talk like one, dress like one, and think like one. It makes my head hurt.

(in reply to Rover)

Post #: 114

RE: To Munch, or Not to Munch? - 1/10/2008 12:04:17 PM

domiguy

Posts: 12952
Joined: 5/2/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: brainiacsub

quote:

ORIGINAL: domiguy

ps... Is there any possibility that brainiacsub might actually be me? If not, I wouldn't mind checking out the size of your boobs or the firmness of your ass.

I might actually be you? I doubt it. But, I have an athletes physique so my boobs aren't that impressive...trust me. No comment about my ass.

It's just that I have been known to create fictitious profiles to chime into a thread to back-up my position....That's why I created you...I was feeling so alone...Picked on....I was almost going to cave and attend a munch...Or go to a civil war reenactment or possibly join the SCA....But your post gave me the strength I needed to persevere...You were created at the last minute just in the nick of time as the tide was shifting against me...Thank me for you.

I like that I gave you an athletic physique....Tits are so overated, it's all about the legs and ass. I made you intelligent as well. No need to thank me...I promise I will bring you out again... "when the team is up against it, when things are wrong and THE BREAKS ARE BEATING THE BOYS tell them to go in there with all they got to win just one for ol' domiguy.”

God Bless You. Thanks you for your support.

If I find the time I will create a profile for you...Any preference to the color of your hair and eyes? I prefer brunettes with brown eyes.

I might even have you insist that you are not a doormat...That's always a nice thing to see in one's profile.

No need to thank me....It's what I do.

< Message edited by domiguy -- 1/10/2008 12:09:51 PM >

_____________________________

(in reply to brainiacsub)

Post #: 115

RE: To Munch, or Not to Munch? - 1/10/2008 12:13:30 PM

MistressMelissa

Posts: 226
Joined: 11/21/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: subtee

So, I wonder, is attending a munch the only gateway? A must-do reality experience?

No, a Munch is not the only gateway. For those willing to step away from the computer and meet someone, the computer can also be a gateway. Unfortunately most never seem willing to step away from the security of the internet . The original option of bumping into someone who knows someone is still there, but your best odds of meeting someone local are if you attend a Munch or two in your area. Friendships take time to grow and I believe my chances are best when I can actually meet and talk to people face to face. Having a good reputation in the local community will also help others find you.

Personally, if someone is willing to attend a Munch they have made a step away from the anonymity of on-line. Twenty five years ago you had to risk exposure in an adult book store to find a newspaper with personals of other kinky people. Today you can do it from the safety of your house. That step into public screened people for a certain level of interest or need.

For those concerned about being outed, there are Munches that cater to that need. WIIWD is not rocket science but you do need to use some common sense. Exchanging ideas with others is how we learn. I enjoy my friends and they also make up many of the members of the Munch I formed. Most of it's a matter of expectations. When I travel to other Munches or events I pick a simple expectation, like to meet someone new and whatever happens after that is a bonus. My travel companion's goal is to see naked titties at a play party or club. I seldom play in public, I do it to show others that I'm not just talk and have some skill to back up what I say. Call it advertising but I prefer the privacy of my own dungeon. In all honesty, if I was not looking for additional people for my house, I would not be as active in the public community.

_____________________________

Melissa
Mistress of Ds Haven
www.dshaven.com

The person who says it can not be done, should not interrupt the person doing it. - Ancient Wisdom

(in reply to subtee)

Post #: 116

RE: To Munch, or Not to Munch? - 1/10/2008 2:19:44 PM

NaiveTempest

Posts: 345
Joined: 11/20/2006
From: North Carolina
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: domiguy

Like minded? WTF! This site and interest hosts Democrats, Republicans, rascists, Trekkies, witches, those who think they are fairies or just one step away from becoming their favorite character from some gothic novel or going to live their life on a planet in some galaxy far far away. This is the home for the outcasts, the disillusioned the day dreamers the disenfranchised...

I'm a Witch, or as I prefer, a Wiccan. I guess this means that you and I won't be getting together later for a good fuck, huh Domi? Tsk, tsk, what a shame, what a waste......... I'll just go back to my day dreams on planet Gaea in the Green Galaxy......

_____________________________

"All the things I should have said that I never said/All the things we should have done that we never did/All the things I should have given, but I didn't.../Give me these moments back..."

Kate Bush, "This Woman's Work"

(in reply to domiguy)

Post #: 117

RE: To Munch, or Not to Munch? - 1/10/2008 2:58:14 PM

domiguy

Posts: 12952
Joined: 5/2/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: NaiveTempest

quote:

ORIGINAL: domiguy

Like minded? WTF! This site and interest hosts Democrats, Republicans, rascists, Trekkies, witches, those who think they are fairies or just one step away from becoming their favorite character from some gothic novel or going to live their life on a planet in some galaxy far far away. This is the home for the outcasts, the disillusioned the day dreamers the disenfranchised...

I'm a Witch, or as I prefer, a Wiccan. I guess this means that you and I won't be getting together later for a good fuck, huh Domi? Tsk, tsk, what a shame, what a waste......... I'll just go back to my day dreams on planet Gaea in the Green Galaxy......

Are you a good witch or a bad witch? Hey, it's never a bad idea to have a witch or two around....Would like to see how much broomstick you can handle.

_____________________________

(in reply to NaiveTempest)

Post #: 118

RE: To Munch, or Not to Munch? - 1/10/2008 3:21:42 PM

YourhandMyAss

Posts: 5516
Joined: 6/25/2006
From: Sacramento
Status: offline

No. It wasn't in each case and in each diffrent munch, the group was clicky some people in the group were downright rude, and the entire event was a total bore, plus one of the munches that is regularly held, the restaraunt they picked had disgusting food and disgusting up keep of important things like the bathroom and I wasn't the only one who hated the restraunt choice..

Some munches impose topics of discussion and I have absolutely no interest in guided discussion, if I ever went to a munch again I'd want the tlking to be free flow.

quote:

ORIGINAL: subtee

If you’ve attended, has it been positive? Do you encourage others to attend as well? In what ways has it been beneficial to you?

If you’ve attended and found munches less than fulfilling or worthwhile, why were they lacking? In what ways was it negative or not valuable for you?

(in reply to subtee)

Post #: 119

RE: To Munch, or Not to Munch? - 1/10/2008 4:01:23 PM

Rover

Posts: 2634
Joined: 6/28/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: brainiacsub

It surprised me just how many people in the lifestyle view these social gatherings as compulsary as a 'church service' (as someone else on this thread already mentioned).

I would be the first to say that no one should feel obligated to attend anything, or feel compelled to enjoy it if the do attend. My reference was threefold...

First, that if someone derives benefit from conversing with other lifestylers online who have nothing in common with you besides an interest in BDSM, then it's illogical to think that you wouldn't derive the same benefit (large or small) from conversing with them face to face.

Second, it's impossible to make universal statements about any group, munches included. Some groups are great, and others suck. It's equally inaccurate to be dismissive of all munches as it is to put them all on a pedestal.

And third, folks attend specific munches precisely because they do form friendships beyond BDSM with the other folks that attend. I play golf and have made great friends with folks whom I have met on the golf course, and initially had nothing in common but our mutual interest in golf. Same thing with business associates, soccer players, football fans, and any number of other things that bring people together for a single purpose providing an opportunity to meet one another and form a friendship beyond that single purpose.

If it's not for you, it's not for you. Welcome to the boards. We won't ridicule you for not attending munches. Lord knows, we have plenty of other reasons/opportunities to make fun of one another, so don't take it personally. And do feel welcome to give as good as you get. :)

John

_____________________________

"Man's mind stretched to a new idea never goes back to its original dimensions."

Sri da Avabhas

(in reply to brainiacsub)

Post #: 120

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