|
ElanSubdued -> RE: Solutions for sissies (1/17/2008 2:23:43 AM)
|
Nats,
quote:
For me personally, I completely disagree with these sentiments. I am not the whole sum of my kinks. While they may make up a part of my identity, they are not my identity. Both of your one-size-fits-all advice may be relevant to some people, but certainly not to those of us who are multi-faceted.
(snipped, only for brevity)
I need compatibility in all realms (personal core values, beliefs, life's goals, mental and emotional compatibility, chemistry, and to a lesser focus, kink compatibility). I want a life partner whom I can share all of my interests with, something that transcends the kinks and places the focus on life companionship. I won't compromise my needs or someone else's just so that either of us can settle for something less than we both need. I would be extremely insulted and hurt if I found out a partner did that to be with me. I wouldn't want them to feel that they had to change a core element about themselves to fit into my mold.
When it comes to crossdressing, what makes a man a "manly man" is merely a social construct. To say that a man is effeminate, timid, cowardly, or somehow less of a man because of clothes that he chooses to wear, is complete bullshit. It may not be something you're attracted to, fine, but I am, and I find the belittling character generalizations and insults in this thread to be extremely saddening.
Personally, I love a man dressed in women's lingerie (one of my main kinks and sweetest indulgences). A man dressed in a soft silk negligee, and coming to me for the same reasons that a woman would dress in lingerie for her partner (for both's personal pleasure), completely makes me melt. For me, the turn-off is when I have to force them to dress up in make-up and lingerie. I find the feel of silk, satin, and stockings to be highly erotic (on both of us). I like when my partner looks and feels sensuous in it, and that he's doing it as much for me as for himself... when he doesn't have to shackle himself to socially constructed chains that say a certain type of clothing change who I perceive him to be... a sensuous and alluring man whom I have the utmost desire for. If I have to force that type of mental, physical and emotional response in my partner, it doesn't interest me (at least not in this realm). I prefer to elicit vulnerability or other reactions in other ways. That's just me, and what it all comes down to is personal compatibility (from all of the ways I mentioned before, and then some that were excluded), the personal motivations behind both of our kinks, and being true to both myself and to others; all of which make up a part of why I found the advice and one-size-fits-all generalizations, and belittling comments in this thread to be offensive.
That's apples and oranges in my book. I prefer a man to dress in lingerie because we both derive personal enjoyment from it. I don't want him to be embarrassed, feel somehow less than a man, humiliated because he has to wear it, or vulnerable by the clothes themself... that's my job, and something I seek to do and elicit. I certainly don't feel that way when I wear lingerie, and certainly don't want my partner to neither. If he does, then we're at differing motivations, and since it's a huge kink of mine, I'd say we're not compatible in that area, and depending on the circumstances, both should move on.
(snipped, once again, only for brevity)
I like hands-on, I like to indulge all of my senses. I like to constantly taste, touch, see, and feel my partner in every way imaginable. Sensuousness and sadistic pleasures are quite easily intermingled. I'm actually quite surprised and bewildered that anyone would deduce that sensualness, or perhaps seduction would be a better description, could not possibly go hand in hand with domination, power exchange, or sadistic pleasures. That's really quite limiting. I see no reason why either I or my partner should possibly settle for less.
So, if they're settling as you say, and really want more, then we're obviously not compatible, and both should've moved on. I'm certainly not going to change a core part of myself for them. I don't think it's either possible or healthy. Although from your initial post, that was exactly what I got from you, that they should learn to settle for someone who is less than compatible for themselves. That is definitely not the advice I would have given out; especially if crossdressing and sissification was not my kink to begin with. If you're not into it, fine, but there's no reason for someone to conform to another's ideals.
After learning this lesson the hard way, I never post personal messages on a bulleting board. That said, there is no way I could ignore these thoughts (or the woman) that so gently, sumptuously, and most luxuriously caressed and corrupted my imagination. Raw, passionate, touching, intimate, rough, intellectual, outspoken, soft, compassionate, and sensual - such a vivid, multi-coloured tapestry illuminating your soul. I'm not quite sure how we misfired. More importantly, there isn't a single word I would change in the thoughts you've shared. Thank you for reminding me of some amazing conversations that truly changed my perspective on BDSM relationships.
*adjusts his slip, garters, and stockings and goes back to reading his book*
Elan.
|
|
|
|
