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RE: Compatibility: Deal breakers - 1/10/2008 7:01:47 PM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
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I have some anarchist leanings myself... and my mate does not have to agree with everything I think, and I can have debates about politics and agree to disagree... but I have found that many republicans that I have known were not able to just agree to disagree and some parts of their worldview were so repugnant to me that it was a turn off.

I just thought I would point out, my Daddy does not always share every opinion that I have, but his worldview is not diametrically opposed to my own either.

< Message edited by juliaoceania -- 1/10/2008 7:02:22 PM >

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to gypsygrl)

Post #: 21

RE: Compatibility: Deal breakers - 1/10/2008 7:07:29 PM

christine1

Posts: 6155
Joined: 12/15/2007
From: i'm headed to HIM...
Status: offline

i've had the same experience but with a certain hard left democrat that i adore, even though we disagree on most things, it won't change my feelings for him as a wonderful freind and maybe potential Master. it is a challenge to meet up to his debates and arguments and that is part of what makes it fun with him...we both accept that we are different in some ways but able to be friends all the same.

_____________________________

i am woman! er, godzilla! hear me roar!

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He's the "boom" overwhelming...

He is my Master, my lover, my best friend my everything.

(in reply to juliaoceania)

Post #: 22

RE: Compatibility: Deal breakers - 1/10/2008 7:41:13 PM

BitaTruble

Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline

Some great responses, so thanks everyone!

I'm just going to ask a few questions (basically for clarification) from some things which jumped out at me as I read through the thread:

AquaticSub: Most of your deal breakers seem to come about because of vehement actions (or thoughts) by a partner on particular subjects. If those responses were toned down, would you say that the opposite views on the subjects themselves would still be a deal breaker or is it the passion of the opposite side which leads to such extreme action (or thought) which makes it a deal breaker?

SirJohnMandevill: You mentioned 'serious differences of opinions' as in more than one serious difference. I would agree, several bones of contention are not the same as a single bone of contention and would probably agree as well that it would be hard for a relationship to survive that much strife, but what if it is a single issue rather than multiple issues? Do you still believe that such will be relationship ending in the long run and can a single issue, indeed, be shelved as what is best for the team?

Juliaoceania: What I am reading is that it's not actually a topic or position per se which is a deal breaker for you, but a personality and a failure to be heard? So, for example, if there was conservative unicorn who actually did hear/listen/communicate effectively, that would not, then, be a deal breaker for you? (Keeping in mind that I know you have your Daddy.. lucky guy .. and are not looking.)

Ksub4u: It was Captain Picard who wore the jumpsuit, not Captain Kirk.

Gypsygrl: I hear that about parallel play. We have two tv's side by side.. he's hooked up to the Xbox (on the big screen, of course!) and I'm hooked up to the PS2 .. he's doing his 1st person shooter thing and I'm at the mall with my Sims.

Thanks again to everyone for responding. I didn't personally answer everyone, but I read every response and appreciate the replies.

Celeste

PS: MadRabbit - wear a glove, problem solved!

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."

(in reply to BitaTruble)

Post #: 23

RE: Compatibility: Deal breakers - 1/10/2008 7:53:56 PM

brainiacsub

Posts: 1209
Joined: 11/11/2007
From: San Antonio, TX
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: BitaTruble
Are some subjects (politics/religion - would love to see others listed.. abortion perhaps?) just too polarized to get to a point where you can agree to disagree? Are these issues of compatibility 'deal breakers' because the subjects themselves are so volitile or is it the passion of the participants or some other reason? Is the passion which these subjects inspire proportional to the volitility of the subjects or is it the volitility of the subjects which inspire such passion?

Celeste

This is a good question. For me, I don't think it's about the subject or the volatility. Intelligence in a man is something I respect and require before I could feel submissive. I care far less about what somebody believes and thinks than how they came to their conclusions. I have little tolerance for unqualified opinions, general ignorance, or conclusions drawn in the absence of knowledge, logic or reason. For example, I am an atheist. Is religion a deal breaker for me? Not necessarily. I prefer not to get involved with someone who has deep religious convictions. If someone believed in the Bible (or any other religious text) as the infallible word of God and proof of his existance, then yes, that would be a serious problem for me. However, if someone recognized that their spirituality was a matter of personal choice and faith and understood their need for it, then I could accept that. The same is true for politics. I can generally find fault in the thought processes of someone who is a conspiracy theorist on either the far right or left. So, it is not important whether or not someone agrees with me on sensitive issues, but how they derive their conclusions and defend them that are the real deal breakers for me.

(in reply to BitaTruble)

Post #: 24

RE: Compatibility: Deal breakers - 1/10/2008 7:56:50 PM

MidMichCowboy

Posts: 665
Joined: 3/23/2007
Status: offline

Yes, there are deal breakers. While a person doesn't have to agree with me on everything, certain things will not be tolerated because I don't want my ummms to be around them.
I don’t associate with those who practice racism...
I have no time for those who are biased against other cultures
If you have no respect for other religions (that teach goodness and peace) I have no respect for you.
I can’t abide bigotry (be it against gays, transsexuals, and women, whatever)
If you think you are a group that is better than other groups, please go live with them.
I respect others political ideas, as long as you don’t believe in any group being oppressed
If you don’t believe children should be celebrated and nourished, please stay away.
If you want to use or harm children, hide, I will not be responsible for your safety.
If you think we should eat horses, we can’t be together.
If you think I should be a vegetarian, we can’t be together.
I can’t be around smoke because my umms have terrible allergies
If you can’t accept that my responsibility to my umms isn’t paramount, we will not get along.
No Rush, No Fox News, No political commentators. I make up my own mind.
If you won’t cuddle, it won’t work.
I love NPR.
I guess I can tolerate a Merlot drinker (but wouldn’t a good Cab be better?)
I can tolerate you eating sushi, if you can tolerate me eating meat.
I can tolerate country music (if you can listen to jazz, blues, classic rock and classical)
We can disagree over tv programs (as long as I can watch my old movies and news)

We can talk over things and see what is so important to each of us.

_____________________________

I want to capture your mind, your spirit, your soul, your body, your devotion and your love. Then, will I give you my heart.

(in reply to gypsygrl)

Post #: 25

RE: Compatibility: Deal breakers - 1/10/2008 8:32:46 PM

LadyHibiscus

Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
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I have a whole host of deal breakers, and the list grows as my experience does... Sometimes I am surprised at just how important certain things are to me. For instance, I recently came to the realization that I am poly, and that is that. For a long time, I thought it was something I could set aside.

Things like taste in music can be gotten around---things like ardent political, cultural, and religious beliefs cannot. I respect the rights of others to have their own beliefs and mores, but I am not going to change mine at this point in my life.

Francine, who had a big time disaster with a Republican God-Believer

_____________________________

[page 23 girl]

(in reply to MidMichCowboy)

Post #: 26

RE: Compatibility: Deal breakers - 1/10/2008 8:36:01 PM

Padriag

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Joined: 3/30/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: BitaTruble

If someone absolutely dispised Sci-fi and another treated it as their religion, would you deem it silly to break up over such an issue? Is it any different from breaking up over politics or religion? Just wondering.

I've run into this some. Some of it here online. Personally, I think some of the things people make into deal breakers are pretty silly. I don't take politics, the sci-fi channel or religion that seriously. But then I suppose some might consider some of my deal breakers silly. That's the part that's hard to quantify, we all have things we believe in passionately, and because of that we hold some things near and dear that others... not sharing that passion... will never understand. We could debate about whether some of the things people are passionate are silly or not... but really, what's the point?

So yeah, I think some of it is silly... but then that's probably at least partly because I didn't share that person's passion on this or that. Aren't we all looking for someone who shares our passions?

_____________________________

Padriag

A stern discipline pervades all nature, which is a little cruel so that it may be very kind - Edmund Spencer

(in reply to BitaTruble)

Post #: 27

RE: Compatibility: Deal breakers - 1/10/2008 8:36:51 PM

MzMia

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Joined: 7/30/2004
Status: offline

Wonderful topic from our pretty Celeste!

A few of my deal breakers are:

*Not wanting to be monogamous.

*Not wanting to provide what I consider worthwhile REAL service to me.

*Not being financially stable and secure, because at my age I can do bad alone.

*Not falling in love with me, and realistically accepting me for who and what I really am {not expecting fantasy land where I dress in costumes/8 inch heels most of the time.

*Not having values and a moral compass I can respect.

*Not wanting, desiring, craving and NEEDING me. {who wants a submissive that doesn't
WANT them?}

*Not able to actually BE submissive, take and follow directions, etc.

< Message edited by MzMia -- 1/10/2008 9:05:08 PM >

_____________________________

Namaste'
To Each His/Her Own
"DENIAL ain't just a river in Egypt." Mark Twain

What's your favorite fetish?
"My partner's whisper"--bloomswell

(in reply to BitaTruble)

Post #: 28

RE: Compatibility: Deal breakers - 1/10/2008 8:51:21 PM

LadyHibiscus

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From: Island Of Misfit Toys
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MzMia is SO DEMANDING! jeez!

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[page 23 girl]

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Post #: 29

RE: Compatibility: Deal breakers - 1/10/2008 8:53:50 PM

slavegirljoy

Posts: 1207
Joined: 11/6/2006
From: North Carolina, USA
Status: offline

There are no deal breakers in my personal relationship with my Master because i didn't make a deal with Him. i made a commitment to Him. And, i wouldn't make a commitment to anyone, if i didn't feel i could be fully committed to Him, just as He is, with His tastes and interests and needs and requirements and beliefs and His full commitment to me and the relationship that He and i are building together. Once the commitment is made, it's made for good and it's not dependent on this or that stupid little stuff that pops up from time to time in any relationship and doesn't amount to a hill of beans in the end.

Deal making and breaking is something i do with the car salesman who's trying to get me to take the '04 Mazda Protege off his lot before the end of the tax year.

slave joy
Owned property of Master David

(in reply to BitaTruble)

Post #: 30

RE: Compatibility: Deal breakers - 1/10/2008 8:57:18 PM

MzMia

Posts: 5333
Joined: 7/30/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

MzMia is SO DEMANDING! jeez!

lol, I was just going to add that the deal breakers are why I am alone!
But damn it, I rather be alone than to lower my standards.

_____________________________

Namaste'
To Each His/Her Own
"DENIAL ain't just a river in Egypt." Mark Twain

What's your favorite fetish?
"My partner's whisper"--bloomswell

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)

Post #: 31

RE: Compatibility: Deal breakers - 1/10/2008 8:57:42 PM

TemptingNviceSub

Posts: 3054
Joined: 10/1/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: IrishMist

Differing Political, religious ideas and ideals are not deal breakers for me; I enjoy a good two sided debate. However, if he was to 'order' me to change my views to his in order to be in the relationship...I would have to tell him to take a flying leap and then help him with the first step
I like people who are...inflexible in their own beliefs; but open minded enough to accept different beliefs in others.

Open minded and acceptance .....this is what I believe..good answer Irish!..Tempting

_____________________________

I have greatly enjoyed the second blooming...suddenly you find at the age of 50, that a whole new life has opened before you.........Agatha Christie.

You must make tracks into the unknown~~Thoreau

(in reply to IrishMist)

Post #: 32

RE: Compatibility: Deal breakers - 1/10/2008 9:08:19 PM

ravennfyre

Posts: 161
Joined: 6/23/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: BitaTruble

*Inspired by doms/subs who would list political opposition as a deal breaker to an otherwise viable relationship.

I guess I've always thought of deal breakers as those issues in which 'agree to disagree' can't be implemented. Marriage, children, monogamy, ect.

I am gathering that the more ardent your passion for a given subject, the more unlikely you will be to 'agree to disagree' as a viable alternative and that there are some issues where even the thought of such is anthema.

I find this very curious.

If Himself was set upon having more children (thankfully, he's not) it's not a subject we could ever agree to disagree upon because I simply can't have more children. He either gives up the idea or he leaves to find someone who is compatible in that area. In other words, there is no option here, no compromise available.

If Himself is uber right, Xtian conservative and I'm a hard-core left wing nut we can choose to agree to disagree and still have a viable relationship as the relationship is more important to us than any singular bone of contention.

Are some subjects (politics/religion - would love to see others listed.. abortion perhaps?) just too polarized to get to a point where you can agree to disagree? Are these issues of compatibility 'deal breakers' because the subjects themselves are so volitile or is it the passion of the participants or some other reason? Is the passion which these subjects inspire proportional to the volitility of the subjects or is it the volitility of the subjects which inspire such passion?

If someone absolutely dispised Sci-fi and another treated it as their religion, would you deem it silly to break up over such an issue? Is it any different from breaking up over politics or religion? Just wondering.

Celeste

edited to add: My bad, I should have posted this in off-topic. It's relationship oriented, but not BDSM oriented. Sorry, Mods. Feel free to move it, no harm, no foul.

I would have to be allowed major eyerolling when it comes to the weirder sci-fi...

(in reply to BitaTruble)

Post #: 33

RE: Compatibility: Deal breakers - 1/10/2008 9:13:08 PM

ksub4u

Posts: 124
Joined: 11/27/2007
Status: offline

quote:

Ksub4u: It was Captain Picard who wore the jumpsuit, not Captain Kirk.

ROFL!! My mother, a trekkie, would be ashamed of me. Thanks for the correction!

(in reply to BitaTruble)

Post #: 34

RE: Compatibility: Deal breakers - 1/10/2008 9:13:56 PM

AquaticSub

Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: slavegirljoy

There are no deal breakers in my personal relationship with my Master because i didn't make a deal with Him. i made a commitment to Him. And, i wouldn't make a commitment to anyone, if i didn't feel i could be fully committed to Him, just as He is, with His tastes and interests and needs and requirements and beliefs and His full commitment to me and the relationship that He and i are building together. Once the commitment is made, it's made for good and it's not dependent on this or that stupid little stuff that pops up from time to time in any relationship and doesn't amount to a hill of beans in the end.

Deal making and breaking is something i do with the car salesman who's trying to get me to take the '04 Mazda Protege off his lot before the end of the tax year.

slave joy
Owned property of Master David

I think by deal breaker the OP means things that would make you decide not to be with someone you were getting to know.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to slavegirljoy)

Post #: 35

RE: Compatibility: Deal breakers - 1/10/2008 9:18:36 PM

MstrPBK

Posts: 573
Joined: 1/2/2008
Status: offline

I am probably the odd one in the group ... (spotted this thread at a distance and HAD to respond).

Deal Breakers that I have had thrown at me:
1) "I [the slave] am not in to pain."
2) "Your in Minnesota - ewww to cold."
3) "You want two slaves ... "; with out hearing the reasoning

and finally the one that sucks galactic eggs for me is:
4) "How can you be a Master if you have 9 different disabilities ... "

MstrPBK
St. Paul, MN

(in reply to juliaoceania)

Post #: 36

RE: Compatibility: Deal breakers - 1/10/2008 9:21:18 PM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline

quote:

Juliaoceania: What I am reading is that it's not actually a topic or position per se which is a deal breaker for you, but a personality and a failure to be heard? So, for example, if there was conservative unicorn who actually did hear/listen/communicate effectively, that would not, then, be a deal breaker for you? (Keeping in mind that I know you have your Daddy.. lucky guy .. and are not looking.)

I could not be with someone that did not have the same values as myself. I have seen neo-cons that communicate effectively in their relationships, listened to their partners, and were nice people... but they also believed things that I do not. I am a peacenik, for the environment, pro-worker, and against so-called "free market" economics that hurt people but enrich a few. People that have those ideas are just so different from me, I just couldn't be attracted to them. I have a family member that is a "republican" because his father was one, but doesn't hold any of the views I stated above and votes democrat often... he is in a union... so labels do not mean much to me. If I was to meet a Conservative that had read a lot of the same things I had, knew a lot of the same things I knew, and held my basic values... I could be in a relationship with that person. There are some Conservatives that think like myself... paleo-conservatives and Libertarians are not that far removed from me when it comes to my view of the government's involvement in our lives.... but neo conservatives, fundies, people who are pro-big business and for a lot of government control over our lives... against the Bill of Rights... I could not be with such a person because I would not respect them the way I respect my Daddy who is knowledgeable.

My Daddy is very well read, reads a variety of sources, makes it a point to know how the world works, and we share the same worldview basically. When we disagree I have no desire to make an issue of it unless he asks me what I base my opinion on.... he at least listens to my sources. We have a very big difference of opinion about 9-11 for example. I do not need him believe the way I do about that, and I understand and respect his view of it. We do not talk about it much because I have no desire to argue about it and it is not a deal breaker for me. But someone who believed that scientists were making up global warming... that would be a big deal breaker for me... things like that impact how one views shopping, how they want to live, the choices they make in where they live and how they live, down to what car they want to buy, and it would be emotionally draining for me to be with a dominant that I had to struggle against my values just to exist with them... and that is just one example of what I am talking about.

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to BitaTruble)

Post #: 37

RE: Compatibility: Deal breakers - 1/10/2008 9:26:09 PM

Vendaval

Posts: 10297
Joined: 1/15/2005
Status: offline

Interesting discussion question, Celeste.

Two major deal breakers for me are -
#1 lack of tolerance and respect for people's differences
#2 not having a compatable sense of humor

_____________________________

"Beware, the woods at night, beware the lunar light.
So in this gray haze we'll be meating again, and on that
great day, I will tease you all the same."
"WOLF MOON", OCTOBER RUST, TYPE O NEGATIVE

http://KinkMeet.co.uk

(in reply to BitaTruble)

Post #: 38

RE: Compatibility: Deal breakers - 1/10/2008 9:26:54 PM

amaris

Posts: 14
Joined: 1/7/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MstrPBK

I am probably the odd one in the group ... (spotted this thread at a distance and HAD to respond).

and finally the one that sucks galactic eggs for me is:
4) "How can you be a Master if you have 9 different disabilities ... "

MstrPBK
St. Paul, MN

Yup, that one does suck major galactic eggs, since when does ONLY physical ability define ones Mastery, for me most domination comes from the mind, from the abilty to reach into the heart and mind of the sub/slave and insert yourself into their very being.

_____________________________

----

Strangers on the internet have the best candy

---
previous profile as littlehumbledone

(in reply to MstrPBK)

Post #: 39

RE: Compatibility: Deal breakers - 1/10/2008 9:29:41 PM

AquaticSub

Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: BitaTruble

AquaticSub: Most of your deal breakers seem to come about because of vehement actions (or thoughts) by a partner on particular subjects. If those responses were toned down, would you say that the opposite views on the subjects themselves would still be a deal breaker or is it the passion of the opposite side which leads to such extreme action (or thought) which makes it a deal breaker?

It really depends on the particular issue. Honestly, I can't be with someone who doesn't completely accept and support homosexuality. I just can't. Valyraen would march as an ally in a gay parade and would have no problem with me pushing our future children in a stroller at one and that is something I want.

If someone is pro-life but would agreed with me that abortion should be kept legal for specific cases, that outlawing it is a slippery slope, or that outlawing it won't help and will just bring the return of back alleys and coat hangers, I could live with that. Those are pretty much the reasons I'm pro-choice - I don't think I could ever personally abort.

But I wouldn't want to be with someone who looked down on people for the number of people they had slept with, even if took getting into the hundreds for them to look down.

It really just depends on the issue. There is also that some people enjoy political debate - I don't. It rarely feels like an actual discussion and just goes around and around repeating the same points and never ending. My experiences are much more like Camille's.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to BitaTruble)

Post #: 40

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