Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

RE: Compatibility: Deal breakers


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: Compatibility: Deal breakers Page: <<   < prev  1 2 [3] 4   next >   >>
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
RE: Compatibility: Deal breakers - 1/10/2008 9:31:07 PM   
laurell3


Posts: 6577
Joined: 5/5/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: AquaticSub

If he thinks homosexuality is a sin and all gays are going to hell, I won't agree to disagree on that. I want kids and I refuse children in a household where that would be taught. I also simply don't choose to have relationships with those people. I'm sure they are very nice otherwise but I can do better than to have a partner who thinks I'm going to hell.

If he is very strongly pro-life to the point picketing abortion clinics, I won't agree to disagree.

If he thinks my religion is beyond stupid and can't respect my faith, I won't agree to disagree.

If he thinks sleeping with more than five guys makes a girl a town bicycle I won't agree to disagree - I deserve better than a partner who would look at me that way.

I want someone who challenges me. But there are some issues where I am challenged enough outside of my relationship. I don't need them adding to it.


I agree with all these things, additionally racism is something I will never agree to disagree on with anyone let alone a partner.

_____________________________

I cannot be defined by moments in my life, but must be considered for by the entirety of my existence.

When you fail to consider that I am the best judge for what is right for me, all of your opinions become suspect to me.

(in reply to AquaticSub)
Profile   Post #: 41
RE: Compatibility: Deal breakers - 1/10/2008 9:47:54 PM   
slavegirljoy


Posts: 1207
Joined: 11/6/2006
From: North Carolina, USA
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: AquaticSub

I think by deal breaker the OP means things that would make you decide not to be with someone you were getting to know.

Well, it's certainly possible that i misunderstood what was being asked.  But, when she writes, "would you deem it silly to break up over such an issue?" and " Do you still believe that such will be relationship ending in the long run and can a single issue, indeed, be shelved as what is best for the team?", that gives me the impression that she is asking about the sorts of things that would bring a relationship to an end, rather than stop the relationship from being formed in the first place.  But, like i said, i could be wrong about that.  It wouldn't be the first time that i have misread what was being asked. 
 
slave joy
Owned property of Master David

(in reply to AquaticSub)
Profile   Post #: 42
RE: Compatibility: Deal breakers - 1/10/2008 9:49:12 PM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline 		Edited cause I finally found it all the way at the end.

Edited again to say, while I made my post thinking about what would cause me to not enter into a relationship... yes I would leave a d/s or m/s relationship over some of the issues mentioned. These are things I would have already discussed so it would a huge change in their personality and their way of thinking. They wouldn't be the same person I agreed to submit to.

< Message edited by AquaticSub -- 1/10/2008 9:54:04 PM >

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to slavegirljoy)
Profile   Post #: 43
RE: Compatibility: Deal breakers - 1/10/2008 9:53:16 PM   
slavegirljoy


Posts: 1207
Joined: 11/6/2006
From: North Carolina, USA
Status: offline 		Edited:  Okay, never mind.

slave joy
Owned property of Master David

< Message edited by slavegirljoy -- 1/10/2008 9:54:29 PM >

(in reply to AquaticSub)
Profile   Post #: 44
RE: Compatibility: Deal breakers - 1/10/2008 9:53:31 PM   
moonvine


Posts: 780
Joined: 11/7/2004
Status: offline 		Well, I am an animal rescuer.  It is my calling and comes over any sexual proclivities I might have.  So if I have to leave *right now* and go take an animal to the emergency vet, or go pick up an animal from a kill shelter, that takes precedence over anything else.  You never can tell what kind of critter I'll be bringing home, and my house doesn't look like Architectural Digest.  So someone who hated animals, or was allergic and didn't want to take allergy meds, or whatever. that would be a deal breaker. 

I have "conservative politics" listed as a hard limit in my profile, and I'm only partially joking. 

_____________________________

http://www.rescuties.org

(in reply to xxblushesxx)
Profile   Post #: 45
RE: Compatibility: Deal breakers - 1/10/2008 9:54:36 PM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: slavegirljoy

quote:

ORIGINAL: AquaticSub

I don't see that in the OP. Maybe I'm missing it.

If someone absolutely dispised Sci-fi and another treated it as their religion, would you deem it silly to break up over such an issue?

Last paragraph of the OP.  The other is in her repsonse to SirJohnMandevill in Post #: 23.
 
slave joy
Owned property of Master David


Already found and edited to correct before you posted.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to slavegirljoy)
Profile   Post #: 46
RE: Compatibility: Deal breakers - 1/11/2008 2:35:04 AM   
Evility


Posts: 915
Joined: 12/19/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: BitaTruble
If someone absolutely dispised Sci-fi and another treated it as their religion, would you deem it silly to break up over such an issue? Is it any different from breaking up over politics or religion? Just wondering.


I wouldn't deem it silly if it was important to them. I have some fairly simple dealbreakers - a few of them probably border upon petty in the eyes of many. They are important to me and that's all that counts to me.

(in reply to BitaTruble)
Profile   Post #: 47
RE: Compatibility: Deal breakers - 1/11/2008 3:01:15 AM   
ExSteelAgain


Posts: 1803
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Georgia
Status: offline 		Incompatibility intellectually is the biggest problem most people have, all said and done. That being equal, if I ran into a hardcore, extreme religious fanatic it may be pretty hard to get things going.

_____________________________

You can paint a cinder block bright pastel pink, but it's still a cinder block. (By Me.)

(in reply to Evility)
Profile   Post #: 48
RE: Compatibility: Deal breakers - 1/11/2008 3:28:11 AM   
RCdc


Posts: 8674
Status: offline 		Deal breaker?  Bigotry.
Everything else is negotiable and dependant on circumstances.  Compromise .rocks.  Settling doesn't.
 
the.dark.

_____________________________
RC&dc


love isnt gazing into each others eyes - it's looking forward in the same direction

(in reply to BitaTruble)
Profile   Post #: 49
RE: Compatibility: Deal breakers - 1/11/2008 3:53:19 AM   
biochemfreak2005


Posts: 2
Joined: 1/11/2008
Status: offline 		Dealbreakers....for me, they are cruelty without compassion, disregard of my feelings, and objectification.  As far as I'm concerned, everything else can be worked through.

(in reply to RCdc)
Profile   Post #: 50
RE: Compatibility: Deal breakers - 1/11/2008 4:08:41 AM   
sambamanslilgirl


Posts: 10926
Joined: 2/5/2007
From: Chicago, IL
Status: offline 		the big three: lying, cheating, and abuse not just to me however to my UMs as well.

religion and politics are never openly discussed between us because frankly i really don't care what political and/or religious affliliation mine belong to. i already know our ideals probably would clash on the religion side since Daddy's a Buddhist, i'm Christian and SO is an evolutionist. on the political side, i tend to side with Democrats borderline Independent voting - their voting stance - i simply don't want to know.

the rest was mutually discussed and agreed upon including keeping my long list of hard limits as hard limits.


_____________________________

...2011 - year of the fabulous rock star life ...and i do it so well...


...announcing Mr. & Mrs. British Petrol ...yeah, marrying into oil is slick business...

(in reply to BitaTruble)
Profile   Post #: 51
RE: Compatibility: Deal breakers - 1/11/2008 6:27:42 AM   
Jeffff


Posts: 12600
Joined: 7/7/2007
Status: offline 		Deal breakers for me are......no sense of humor, I know EVERYONE thinks they have a sense of humor........so many are wrong about that.

and pride  of ignorance.......it is one thing to be stupid...it is another thing to be proud of it.

Jeff

(in reply to laurell3)
Profile   Post #: 52
RE: Compatibility: Deal breakers - 1/11/2008 6:42:53 AM   
verysweet


Posts: 128
Status: offline 		Dealbreakers:
Having to speak in the 3rd person.
Insisting I use lower case when communicating with the written word.
Doing tasks such as writing assignments that in some way 'prove' my submission, but really only interrupt my busy day.
Lack of an inner monologue/moral compass.
Someone shorter than I am (yeah, petty, but oh well).





_____________________________

Poetry in devotion.

(in reply to Jeffff)
Profile   Post #: 53
RE: Compatibility: Deal breakers - 1/11/2008 7:03:12 AM   
subtee


Posts: 5133
Joined: 7/26/2007
Status: offline 		I think the point at which something crosses over from being acceptable to disagree within a relationship and a deal breaker is in how much and in what ways the issue manifests itself in the relationship. Zealousness about religion, politics, gaming or even knitting can become problematic if the manifestation of the issue or activity interferes to the point of causing strife. It seems to me a simple appeal for, or even common, frequent engagement with an activity or interest is unlikely to be a deal breaker among secure, centered adults.

_____________________________

Don't believe everything you think...

(in reply to BitaTruble)
Profile   Post #: 54
RE: Compatibility: Deal breakers - 1/11/2008 8:55:34 AM   
sapphirepleasure


Posts: 411
Joined: 4/27/2006
From: Land of Enchantment
Status: offline 		For me, I have found that I am not really compatible with an athiest, nor with someone who is extremely religious.  Spirituality is important to me and I want to be able to share this area of my life with someone I'm involved with.  My experience with extremely religious or fundamentalist people is that they are not willing to tolerate some of my beliefs and practices.  For instance, I read tarot.

Racism is also something I can't tolerate and have ended discussions with someone due to this issue.

Obviously dishonesty of any kind would be a deal breaker.  Including stealing, as well as lying or hiding significant things.

One thing I'm struggling with (and would appreciate feedback on) is that I have a small dog that is very important to me.  For some doms that is a dealbreaker in itself, due to allergies or just not caring to have a dog in the home for whatever reason.  The thing I'm realizing is that many of the doms I know would not tolerate a dog sleeping in the same bed and that I'd have to train my dog who's always slept with me since he was a pup that this was no longer allowed.  This is something I'm struggling to accept.  I can certainly understand their reasons for it, but it is definitely something that would be hard for me to change.

(in reply to subtee)
Profile   Post #: 55
RE: Compatibility: Deal breakers - 1/11/2008 9:57:43 AM   
BitaTruble


Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline 		~FR~

I wanted to apologize to everyone for the ambiguity of my post. I had just read about the confusion and went to go post to clear it up, but it seems we had a bit of a mishap in our county with cable service last night and our phones and broadband connections were all down.

In my OP, I inadvertently left out the word 'potential' when speaking about relationships. I was talking about breaking up before actually getting started due to one of the reasons I had listed (or something else.) I'm going to go through and read the replies after I'm done with my chores, but just wanted to clear that one up. :)

Celeste

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."


(in reply to sapphirepleasure)
Profile   Post #: 56
RE: Compatibility: Deal breakers - 1/11/2008 10:06:53 AM   
meticulousgirl


Posts: 969
Joined: 2/20/2007
Status: offline 		well We are both liberal minded and very democratic so that's not an issue, We both want children but, know that it wont be with each other, and We both want marriage that wont be with each other.

When i see, i look for compatibility in the issues like those above, i'm not ready to have kids yet, and We are not looking for a relationship or marriage with one another.....

Maybe someday in the future with someone else but, right here and now is all that I'm thinking of and thankful for at the moment.

~meticulous~

(in reply to lablancsecret)
Profile   Post #: 57
RE: Compatibility: Deal breakers - 1/11/2008 10:07:23 AM   
Leatherist


Posts: 5149
Joined: 12/11/2007
Status: offline 		Main deal breaker. Anyone stupid enough to beleive in hype and traditions that clearly don't work. People who prefer fantasy to getting thier hands dirty-and making positive and practical changes in a world that so desperately needs those with the ability to do so.

_____________________________

My shop is currently segueing into production mode.

I'm not taking custom orders.

(in reply to BitaTruble)
Profile   Post #: 58
RE: Compatibility: Deal breakers - 1/11/2008 12:16:40 PM   
EponasChylde


Posts: 65
Joined: 12/31/2007
Status: offline 		I have quite a few deal-breakers and they cover a wide area of topics.

For me, it's the following:

-criminal record. (if you have any felonies at all or more than 1 class A or B misdeamenor in the last 10yrs, you're out. I can lose my job for dating criminals.)
-No homophobes. My best friends are gay.
-Must adore animals, cause I have 20+ at any given time.
-Must be gainfully employed/financially stable
-Must not be married
-Must not be poly
-Must NOT have children and must not ever WANT to have children
-Must not be interested in co-habitating. (I live on the family farm, and visitors are welcome, but they need to go home afterwards)
-No smokers
-No heavy drinkers
-No users of any illegal drug/substance
-Must be ok with abortion (because if for some reason my tubal should fail me, I WILL get one)
-No extreme christians
-Must be an intelligent/intellectual type.
-Must be ok with my religious beliefs.


< Message edited by EponasChylde -- 1/11/2008 12:20:55 PM >

_____________________________

*aka geekygirl*

(in reply to AquaticSub)
Profile   Post #: 59
RE: Compatibility: Deal breakers - 1/11/2008 2:05:17 PM   
DesertRat


Posts: 2774
Joined: 11/29/2004
From: NM/USA
Status: offline 		~fr~
My political and social beliefs are reflections of my relationship with the world around me. They're not abstractions and, to be honest, I tired of the spirited debates a long time ago. I know from experience that I wouldn't get on well with someone who cares little for the environment, animals (especially cats!), and those less fortunate, to name just a few issues. It would also be hard for me to relate to someone who thinks the world is, or might be, only 6,000 years old. I can be understanding about religious beliefs or spirituality, but not if fundamentalism or evangelism is involved. The political climate in the U.S. for the last decade or so allows the "No Republicans" statement in my profile to serve as an excellent pre-screening device.

Bob

_____________________________

When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro--Hunter S. Thompson
It's crackers to slip a rozzer the dropsy in snide!--Chief Dead St. Knockout, 1933, Liverpool
Damn the crops. I'll only find peace at the end of a rope.--Winston Van Loo, 1911

(in reply to EponasChylde)
Profile   Post #: 60
Page:   <<   < prev  1 2 [3] 4   next >   >>
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: Compatibility: Deal breakers Page: <<   < prev  1 2 [3] 4   next >   >>
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.094