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RE: Who's Gift Is It Anyway? - 1/13/2008 2:40:45 AM   
Asherdelampyr


Posts: 9556
Joined: 11/14/2006
From: The Desert
Status: offline 		I got like 5 lbs of dough, if I made a paddle out of it it would be fairly large... A cookie opaddle would be fun though...

IM gonna get someone else to make cookies out of it.


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RE: Who's Gift Is It Anyway? - 1/13/2008 2:44:08 AM   
christine1


Posts: 6155
Joined: 12/15/2007
From: i'm headed to HIM...
Status: offline 		cookie dough is almost better when it isn't baked lol....tastes good, and could make for some fun, messy play with someone you like....

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RE: Who's Gift Is It Anyway? - 1/13/2008 2:47:15 AM   
MistressOfGa


Posts: 2929
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: AquaticSub

quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressOfGa

Can I be their friend? <s>


*chuckles* Come visit our part of NC. I'm sure we could arrange for you to meet up with them at one of the local events.


I actually am planning a visit to NC to visit my good Friend Mistress Hathor. As the time draws nearer, I will contact you, not to meet  your friends (I was kidding about that) but to attend one of the local events :)

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RE: Who's Gift Is It Anyway? - 1/13/2008 2:48:09 AM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline 		You could always just invite some girls over with the promise of cookie dough and red wine. I'd go for it at any rate!

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RE: Who's Gift Is It Anyway? - 1/13/2008 2:54:33 AM   
Asherdelampyr


Posts: 9556
Joined: 11/14/2006
From: The Desert
Status: offline 		Good idea. I even have Red, white, and blush wines......

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RE: Who's Gift Is It Anyway? - 1/13/2008 2:55:31 AM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline 		See, the cookie dough is a wonderful thing!

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RE: Who's Gift Is It Anyway? - 1/13/2008 3:09:48 AM   
Asherdelampyr


Posts: 9556
Joined: 11/14/2006
From: The Desert
Status: offline 		Maybe it is after all

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RE: Who's Gift Is It Anyway? - 1/13/2008 5:52:19 AM   
LadyHathor


Posts: 775
Joined: 1/2/2008
Status: offline 		Well at this rate, I'd like a gift from a boy period!  Ok enough of the whine, pass the cheese and martinis--seriously, that's a hard one for Me, as I see My birthday as the woman, not the Dominant, so unless it was something I REALLY wanted and could not afford--I think I would be hurt--(now I will get attacked for being selfish I guess)---as it is something to be used on him, yes for mutual enjoyment, I assume, but there are other times for presents that for Me would be more appropriate--I want My birthday to be about Me the woman, not the Mom, not the Dominant--Me.
 
 

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RE: Who's Gift Is It Anyway? - 1/13/2008 5:56:10 AM   
Asherdelampyr


Posts: 9556
Joined: 11/14/2006
From: The Desert
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHathor

Well at this rate, I'd like a gift from a boy period!  Ok enough of the whine, pass the cheese and martinis--seriously, that's a hard one for Me, as I see My birthday as the woman, not the Dominant, so unless it was something I REALLY wanted and could not afford--I think I would be hurt--(now I will get attacked for being selfish I guess)---as it is something to be used on him, yes for mutual enjoyment, I assume, but there are other times for presents that for Me would be more appropriate--I want My birthday to be about Me the woman, not the Mom, not the Dominant--Me.
 
 
I dont see the difference between me , the father, me the dom, or me the person. they are all the same to me, so if someone was to give me something that fit somewhere in there, it would give me the same feeling no matter if it was a paddle, a video game, or a shirt that said "world's busiest dad". I expect that any sub I take will at some point know me as me, not as master neccisarily but as the guy that is tryin like hell to get through college and raise my UM. But, maybe thats just me :P


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RE: Who's Gift Is It Anyway? - 1/13/2008 6:09:35 AM   
Maynard


Posts: 66
Joined: 7/15/2007
Status: offline 		Mmmm..... cookie paddle <drools>

Anyways, on to the OP, if a submissive bought me a bdsm toy that I wanted... then yes it would be appreciated.  If said sub bought me a toy that I didn't want or have interest in, specially if he knew this/we had a discusion and I mentioned I was not interested I would be very unhappy.  It would be a cause for punishment if he wanted the activity and the gift was his way of trying to get it from me if it had come up that it was not of much or no interest to me.



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RE: Who's Gift Is It Anyway? - 1/13/2008 6:13:06 AM   
cherrypez


Posts: 114
Joined: 12/20/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressOfGa

How do you feel about a submissive/slave giving a gift such as a paddle, flogger or restraint to their dominant/owner for His/Her birthday?
If the item is to be used on the sub/slave, is it really a present for their dominant/owner or is it another way to illicit playtime from the dominant/owner? 
 
Say you?
  I've don't pick out implements to be used for play and give them as gifts simply because I am not a good judge of quality.   There is hope that someday I might learn.   
     As for whom the gift was really for, I think it would depend on the mindset of the gift bearer.   In some cases I can see it as sort of a subtle, top from the bottom.   But I know personally, even though I can ask for play, it's up to him whether we play or not.   So if I did purchase a gift like this, I think I would be more driven to the fact that he may enjoy using it.    I would further be aware that in buying the gift it may never be used on me and may instead be used on someone else.  

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RE: Who's Gift Is It Anyway? - 1/13/2008 6:27:57 AM   
DrDoo


Posts: 9
Joined: 12/10/2005
Status: offline 		My girl bought me a matched pair (as matched as a handmade product can be) of dragon canes with hand turned exotic wood handles for my birthday recently...she knew i'd coveted pretty much anything from Jacks Floggers for some time and of course knows that the dragon cane is my impact implement of choice...the gift was a wonderful suprise.

as i see it the gift was for me not her, despite them being for something she wants to try...i get the pleasure of using something beautiful, tactile and individual as they were custom made for me.

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RE: Who's Gift Is It Anyway? - 1/13/2008 6:36:02 AM   
burningdesires47


Posts: 120
Joined: 2/22/2007
Status: offline 		So, I bought my fiance a movie for Christmas, and it happens to be something I'm interested in as well... is it really so out of line to buy something I will get enjoyment out of too? (I also don't think it's out of line to expect that he watch it with me, since it was a gift from me that I would also enjoy, but then he feels the same way about the gifts he gives me, so we're compatible that way). That's aside from the "bag of holding" messenger bag I got him for the sole purpose of transporting his gaming books to and from game nights... if I get the side benefit of them having a home to not be all over the living room, why can anyone complain that the gift is not really or him?

Besides which, human nature is to remember the things your partner likes that you have in common. Now sure, I remember about half the fandoms that he is interested in that I am not, and I do indeed get him gifts of those and in no way expect him to enjoy them with me. But does that make it a better gift, because it doesn't involve spending time with me? What if part of the gift were not only the DVD, but setting up a day for his friend(s) to come over and watch it, while I make them dinner? He gets time with his friends, beer, and a good dinner, and I don't have to sit and watch it with him. So is the gift of the beer and dinner and friends for his benefit or mine?

If I give someone a gift of a paddle or flogger or double-ended dildo, they'd better use it on me first. If they give me a flogger, you'd better believe theirs will be the first back and ass I use it on. I don't see that there is any problem with the giver getting enjoyment out of the gift they've given me, even more than the sheer joy of my happy face when I receive it. Then again, I also prefer gifts that involve needing to spend time together with the person giving it to me, because my life is not about things it's about people.

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RE: Who's Gift Is It Anyway? - 1/13/2008 6:51:51 AM   
Rover


Posts: 2634
Joined: 6/28/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressOfGa

How do you feel about a submissive/slave giving a gift such as a paddle, flogger or restraint to their dominant/owner for His/Her birthday?
If the item is to be used on the sub/slave, is it really a present for their dominant/owner or is it another way to illicit playtime from the dominant/owner? 


Eh, it's no different than me giving her a short little skirt for a gift.  Just because the giver may also derive some enjoyment from the gift does not detract from it.
 
Just so long as it's not the gift of her submission.
 
John

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RE: Who's Gift Is It Anyway? - 1/13/2008 7:53:46 AM   
Asherdelampyr


Posts: 9556
Joined: 11/14/2006
From: The Desert
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: burningdesires47

So, I bought my fiance a movie for Christmas, and it happens to be something I'm interested in as well... is it really so out of line to buy something I will get enjoyment out of too? (I also don't think it's out of line to expect that he watch it with me, since it was a gift from me that I would also enjoy, but then he feels the same way about the gifts he gives me, so we're compatible that way). That's aside from the "bag of holding" messenger bag I got him for the sole purpose of transporting his gaming books to and from game nights... if I get the side benefit of them having a home to not be all over the living room, why can anyone complain that the gift is not really or him?

Besides which, human nature is to remember the things your partner likes that you have in common. Now sure, I remember about half the fandoms that he is interested in that I am not, and I do indeed get him gifts of those and in no way expect him to enjoy them with me. But does that make it a better gift, because it doesn't involve spending time with me? What if part of the gift were not only the DVD, but setting up a day for his friend(s) to come over and watch it, while I make them dinner? He gets time with his friends, beer, and a good dinner, and I don't have to sit and watch it with him. So is the gift of the beer and dinner and friends for his benefit or mine?

If I give someone a gift of a paddle or flogger or double-ended dildo, they'd better use it on me first. If they give me a flogger, you'd better believe theirs will be the first back and ass I use it on. I don't see that there is any problem with the giver getting enjoyment out of the gift they've given me, even more than the sheer joy of my happy face when I receive it. Then again, I also prefer gifts that involve needing to spend time together with the person giving it to me, because my life is not about things it's about people.
Absolutely, why not just accept that they were thoughtful enough to get you a gift?


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RE: Who's Gift Is It Anyway? - 1/13/2008 8:08:09 AM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline 		I am not likely to buy toys for my Daddy. That sort of thing is his arena. He is the one that picks out any implements he uses on me. He considers a toy dedicated to the submissive once he uses it on her. That means he had very little when we hooked up. He often asks me if I would like this or that implement used on me, to be honest, I don't care what he uses. He is pretty talented with using things to beat me with.

I do not necessarily think of these items "for me", I think about them as being "for us". It would not hurt my feelings if my Daddy did not use something I bought right away... It takes something more than that to hurt my feelings


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RE: Who's Gift Is It Anyway? - 1/13/2008 8:45:33 AM   
Evility


Posts: 915
Joined: 12/19/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressOfGa
My answer:
Nothing wrong with my boy wanting to illicit play, but I would want to be the one to decide when I use it. Say you?


I would concur with that.

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RE: Who's Gift Is It Anyway? - 1/13/2008 9:30:53 AM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		I don't see My submissive buying Me a toy as out of line.  He is fully aware that something along the lines of a flogger, or whatever, is probably going to be what I really want anyway.  It isn't necessarily a case of topping from the bottom, since I still play with others and it would end up being used as I see fit.

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RE: Who's Gift Is It Anyway? - 1/13/2008 9:35:53 AM   
LadyHibiscus


Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline 		I would be fine with a toy, as long as it was a toy that *I* liked, that would enhance the collection.  Something from The Snake Pit, maybe!  If he got me a strap on, welllll.........  I would view that as trying to elicit play, since insertables are one-person items. 

Overall, though, if someone gives me a gift, I say "Thank you very much!" because hey! prezzies!  And because I wasn't brought up in a barn.  :)

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RE: Who's Gift Is It Anyway? - 1/13/2008 10:58:55 AM   
KnightofMists


Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressOfGa

How do you feel about a submissive/slave giving a gift such as a paddle, flogger or restraint to their dominant/owner for His/Her birthday?
If the item is to be used on the sub/slave, is it really a present for their dominant/owner or is it another way to illicit playtime from the dominant/owner? 
 


It really depends on the relationship now doesn't it.

IE... I give Kyra and Alandra a gift... is it theirs?  Since I have total authority in this relationship.  I can instructed them to do anything with it... including give it away to someone else.  So... can I ever give them a gift?  Well that depends on the manner that I give the gift in the first place.  If I give my word/promise that the item in question is theirs to do with what they want.  Then I have given a gift.  If I was to attempt to exercise my authority on that gift afterwards, I would actually be harming the foundation of the relationship.  To take such action would raise an issue of integrity on my part.

A gift can be given in a relationship, even in one that lives a TAT (Total Authority Transfer) dynamic.  My girls can give me a gift as well.  I simply empower them to beable to choose/purchase something that they are internally motivated to get me.  They have this chance at special occassions like aniversaries, birthdays, christmas and other special occassions.  The important thing to consider is what is given comes from their own heart and mind.. that is the gift itself.  The item itself is only a represenation of that gift and not in of itself the gift.

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