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RE: .Erasing flaws. - 1/15/2008 1:06:55 PM   
RCdc


Posts: 8674
Status: offline 		But does swearing make you less of a gentleman?
Oh lookie - I am hijacking my own thread!  Well, not really.  The words I utter are an integral part of who I am, my background.
 
the.dark.

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love isnt gazing into each others eyes - it's looking forward in the same direction

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RE: .Erasing flaws. - 1/15/2008 1:08:22 PM   
Justme696


Posts: 3236
Joined: 1/7/2008
From: Royal kingdom of the Netherlands
Status: offline

Well I curse real bad   lol

quote:

ORIGINAL: Darcyandthedark

But does swearing make you less of a gentleman?
Oh lookie - I am hijacking my own thread!  Well, not really.  The words I utter are an integral part of who I am, my background.
 
the.dark.

(in reply to RCdc)
Profile   Post #: 62
RE: .Erasing flaws. - 1/15/2008 1:09:14 PM   
kyraofMists


Posts: 3292
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline
quote:

The bad thing i curse a lott...and alwaus forbid my girl to do it....not a real good example.. and she reminded me by times.
I find a female so lady like when she doesn't curse at all....hmmmm



Double standards are not bad things in our house.  The standards for Alandra and I do not always match the standards that he has for himself.  "Do as I say not as I do" would be his response to pointing out the differences.

Knight's Kyra 

_____________________________

"Passion... it lies in all of us. Sleeping, waiting, and though unbidden, it will stir, open its jaws, and howl. It speaks to us, guides us... passion rules us all. And we obey..." ~Angelus

(in reply to Justme696)
Profile   Post #: 63
RE: .Erasing flaws. - 1/15/2008 1:11:00 PM   
MWulffe


Posts: 2
Joined: 12/12/2007
Status: offline 		It's not about single out a flaw and making the D or s forcably change that part of them, although that may be a part of the D/s relation ship for some people.  What the community as a whole should understand is that not matter the depth of the D/s relationship, be it casual play to 24/7 Power exchange, people as individuals evolve themselves in an effort to become a better member of society (hopefully), and this self change happens a little bit each day.  When invovled in a relationship, friend, playmates, lovers, partners ect., tend to add a more complex factor to this change becasue not only are you trying to better yourself, but you are also trying to better yourself with out stressing a desired relationship to a breaking point.

Then agian there are different degrees of change that can be considered reasonable and unreasonable.  A D requiring a s to speak their mind or give their honest opion when asked is different than requiring them to only use 2 sheets of toilet paper when they use the rest room.  In the other direction it shouldn't be unreasonable for a s to request that their D wash their hand before playing after said D has used the bathroom (and yes I've seen Ds do that) as opposed to the s requiring the D to not fart while they are both in the same room or to knock before entering a communal room (heard a s make that demand of a D before aswell). 

As a person it is hard to be involved with someone and, while trying to better O/one's self, look at your partner and not see even a spark of motivation in that person to improve T/themself.  To do so and accept it is only an exercise in frustration because you will eventually outgrow the other person.  We, as humans, are not a static creature, it is in our very nature to grow, develope and change.

(in reply to RCdc)
Profile   Post #: 64
RE: .Erasing flaws. - 1/15/2008 1:12:38 PM   
ownedgirlie


Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Justme696
The bad thing i curse a lott...and alwaus forbid my girl to do it....not a real good example.. and she reminded me by times.
I find a female so lady like when she doesn't curse at all....hmmmm



I don't see that as bad at all.  My Master does not have to follow the rules he sets for me.  My rules are geared to what pleases him and what is good for our dynamic.  Just because you prefer your girl to behave like a "lady" (as you define it), doesn't mean you should. 

(in reply to Justme696)
Profile   Post #: 65
RE: .Erasing flaws. - 1/15/2008 1:14:07 PM   
Justme696


Posts: 3236
Joined: 1/7/2008
From: Royal kingdom of the Netherlands
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: kyraofMists

quote:

The bad thing i curse a lott...and alwaus forbid my girl to do it....not a real good example.. and she reminded me by times.
I find a female so lady like when she doesn't curse at all....hmmmm



Double standards are not bad things in our house.  The standards for Alandra and I do not always match the standards that he has for himself.  "Do as I say not as I do" would be his response to pointing out the differences.

Knight's Kyra 


True, but I like myself beeing n control over myself also. Control the amount of curses 

(in reply to kyraofMists)
Profile   Post #: 66
RE: .Erasing flaws. - 1/15/2008 1:15:25 PM   
kyraofMists


Posts: 3292
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Darcyandthedark
Well, that is how I tend to view things Kyra. that its his decision (Darcy).  Once I submitted, I did so knowing that.  It doesn't mean I cannot go to him and offer my thoughts on something, but at the end of the day - it is his final decision.  However I see that as something different to actively changing something about him.  In our relationship, if the socks are under the bed then it is up to me to pick them up(as an example) and put them in the wash if they are annoying me there.

the.dark.

 
With this post, I think I now understand your perspective; stating that you see a difference between offering your opinion versus actively changing something. 

For me to actively try to change something about him would mean that I was attempting to have authority over him.  I say attempting because it just wouldn't work at all; he would shut me down in a heart beat.

Once he decides to change something that he does, he will sometimes require that we help and often that means letting him know he is doing what he doesn't want to do.

I have enjoyed this thread.

Knight's Kyra
 

_____________________________

"Passion... it lies in all of us. Sleeping, waiting, and though unbidden, it will stir, open its jaws, and howl. It speaks to us, guides us... passion rules us all. And we obey..." ~Angelus

(in reply to RCdc)
Profile   Post #: 67
RE: .Erasing flaws. - 1/15/2008 1:35:23 PM   
Prinsexx


Posts: 4584
Joined: 8/27/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Darcyandthedark



One fuck or two?
the.dark.


Just milk with as many fucks as possible thank you kindly......

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Profile   Post #: 68
RE: .Erasing flaws. - 1/15/2008 1:38:03 PM   
Prinsexx


Posts: 4584
Joined: 8/27/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Justme696

True, but I like myself beeing n control over myself also.


I like giving into myself.........omgg...yes what a realisation........

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Profile   Post #: 69
RE: .Erasing flaws. - 1/15/2008 1:43:44 PM   
meticulousgirl


Posts: 969
Joined: 2/20/2007
Status: offline 		i alter the best that i can as the s-type however bring up whatever negatives regarding Him to Him would definitly be a no - no so i've never done it.   

~meticulous~

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Profile   Post #: 70
RE: .Erasing flaws. - 1/15/2008 1:58:49 PM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Justme696

quote:

ORIGINAL: Darcyandthedark

quote:

ORIGINAL: Justme696
Oh yes a cursing girl    ..nightmare...



yup - that'd be me.
 
the.dark.


The bad thing i curse a lott...and alwaus forbid my girl to do it....not a real good example.. and she reminded me by times.
I find a female so lady like when she doesn't curse at all....hmmmm



My Daddy and I both curse a lot. He doesn't mind the level of my cursing, and he has never rebuked me for doing so. He does correct my diction at times, and he does correct the way I annunciate my words, but swearing is far from taboo in his presense. You see, we do not view it as a lack of control, sometimes cursing can be used for dramatic effect, sometimes no other word is as fitted in the place where a curse word would take. Sometimes cursing is most appropriate.

We are both picky in picking out the word that best described what we was trying to convey to each other...I have no problem refraining from using curse words, and I do so most of the time.

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

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Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

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RE: .Erasing flaws. - 1/15/2008 2:12:40 PM   
Justme696


Posts: 3236
Joined: 1/7/2008
From: Royal kingdom of the Netherlands
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

quote:

ORIGINAL: Justme696

quote:

ORIGINAL: Darcyandthedark

quote:

ORIGINAL: Justme696
Oh yes a cursing girl    ..nightmare...



yup - that'd be me.
 
the.dark.


The bad thing i curse a lott...and alwaus forbid my girl to do it....not a real good example.. and she reminded me by times.
I find a female so lady like when she doesn't curse at all....hmmmm



My Daddy and I both curse a lot. He doesn't mind the level of my cursing, and he has never rebuked me for doing so. He does correct my diction at times, and he does correct the way I annunciate my words, but swearing is far from taboo in his presense. You see, we do not view it as a lack of control, sometimes cursing can be used for dramatic effect, sometimes no other word is as fitted in the place where a curse word would take. Sometimes cursing is most appropriate.

We are both picky in picking out the word that best described what we was trying to convey to each other...I have no problem refraining from using curse words, and I do so most of the time.


It is just a personal fav. IF the girl does curse it is no problem too. But it has something special to me. Propably because I used to curse 24/7 


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Profile   Post #: 72
RE: .Erasing flaws. - 1/15/2008 5:14:59 PM   
TreasureKY


Posts: 3032
Joined: 4/10/2007
From: Kentucky
Status: offline 		Greetings and well wishes to you and Darcy, dark. 

What I consider to be a significant part of my growing up was learning that I cannot change someone else... only myself or where I fit into a particular situation.  As far as I'm concerned, nothing spells doom to a relationship faster than going into it with the desire and intent to change the person you are with.  And I believe that goes both ways... it is no more healthy for the dominant to have plans to change his sub anymore than a submissive to try to change her dom.

I'm a huge proponent of finding a compatible partner. 

That being said, because of my strong desire to please him, if there is something in my behavior that I become aware of that irritates FirmhandKY or if there is some positive growth for me that would make him happy, I am more than willing to try to do so. 

I would also never dream of trying to coerce or cajole FirmhandKY into changing any part of himself just to suit me, however I try not to facilitate any behavior that doesn't serve him or our relationship well, and I would expect no less from him.

I do think there is a difference between accepting flaws and embracing them.

What I would do is encourage and do all that I can to enable changes that would be beneficial for him and us, but in the end, it would be up to him and I would love him just the same.  

(in reply to RCdc)
Profile   Post #: 73
RE: .Erasing flaws. - 1/15/2008 6:00:40 PM   
laurell3


Posts: 6577
Joined: 5/5/2005
Status: offline 		I would alter my behavior for someone else within limits.  I say within limits because I don't really believe it works to change something for someone else if you don't agree the change needs to be made and are really pursuing that change for yourself.

Would I change something about a D type?  I also believe you accept people for who they are when you get into a serious relationship with him, however, the exception would be where the two of you have to adapt your individual behaviors to come together as a couple.  We all do that, regardless of role, whether it's conscious or not, being with someone changes us.  The big thing I have found with relationships is that communication is important and if someone I am with regardless of role has poor communication skills I will attempt to alter that or encourage better ones for if it doesn't change the relationship cannot succeed.  I know you are probably thinking why wouldn't you just not get into that relationship to begin with?  The answer I think is that communication during times of stress/crisis/arguments etc isn't really something that is always readily available when you are beginning a relationship.

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I cannot be defined by moments in my life, but must be considered for by the entirety of my existence.

When you fail to consider that I am the best judge for what is right for me, all of your opinions become suspect to me.

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Profile   Post #: 74
RE: .Erasing flaws. - 1/15/2008 7:41:21 PM   
catize


Posts: 3020
Joined: 3/7/2006
Status: offline
quote:

  I do think there is a difference between accepting flaws and embracing them.  


I can’t change what another person does but I can change the way I react to them.  I can choose to be irritated or I can choose to be amused. 
I was at R’s house one weekend and we were making chicken soup.  (He is the cook, I just follow directions.)  He realized there were no noodles and told me to cut up the veggies while he went to the store (his town, his store, faster if he went).
I washed and chopped all the vegetables, threw away the debris, washed the dishes that had been dirtied so far and wiped down the counters……….and he had not yet left the house!  He is one of the s-l-o-w-e-s-t people on the planet! 
There was a time in my life when this type of thing would have annoyed me and made me crabby.  Instead, I decided it made a funny story.  The soup got made (eventually) and I enjoyed it all the more because it was flavored with giggles….and I was really hungry!
Would I change his speed if I could?  I’m not sure that I would.  After all, he is slow and deliberate in some rather delightful ways that are beneficial to both of us.


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"Power is real. But it's a lot less real if it's not perceived as power."
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RE: .Erasing flaws. - 1/15/2008 11:03:06 PM   
MasterFireMaam


Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline 		I no longer wish to alter myself for someone else's approval. I wish to alter myself to make me a better person.

Master Fire


_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
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Ms Relationship Books
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BDSM How-To Books

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Profile   Post #: 76
RE: .Erasing flaws. - 1/16/2008 12:29:25 AM   
Justme696


Posts: 3236
Joined: 1/7/2008
From: Royal kingdom of the Netherlands
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterFireMaam

I no longer wish to alter myself for someone else's approval. I wish to alter myself to make me a better person.

Master Fire


I love your remarks today , till now i agree with them all, Still i think we slightly change in relations, but we let it be..because it propably makes us better..and makes the relation better.

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RE: .Erasing flaws. - 1/16/2008 1:53:13 AM   
MissOchistic


Posts: 315
Joined: 4/30/2007
Status: offline 		I think Irish has it about right. The special someone in my life...his stubborness contributes to his attentiveness, which I love. The Daddy type behavior wouldn't be the same if he weren't (in my opinion) overly sensitive to jest and criticism. Altogether, the things I find so attractive are 1, the traits that weren't on my list 2, and without both he wouldn't be 3.

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"The amount i care for Thee
is more than two, but less than three."

"Submission is a potlatch."

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Profile   Post #: 78
RE: .Erasing flaws. - 1/16/2008 2:01:35 AM   
MasterFireMaam


Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Justme696

quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterFireMaam

I no longer wish to alter myself for someone else's approval. I wish to alter myself to make me a better person.

Master Fire


I love your remarks today , till now i agree with them all, Still i think we slightly change in relations, but we let it be..because it propably makes us better..and makes the relation better.


Right. I think I get what you mean...so let me expand on what I was trying to say in an easy quip: We are changed by everyone we meet who interacts with us in a significant way. Others have knowledge of us that we don't have...and we can use that to grow and be better...but that doesn't mean we're changing FOR them. We're changing BECAUSE of them.

Master Fire - waxing philosophical


_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
-----
Ms Relationship Books
-----
BDSM How-To Books

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Profile   Post #: 79
RE: .Erasing flaws. - 1/16/2008 2:12:12 AM   
ExSteelAgain


Posts: 1803
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Georgia
Status: offline 		Change, change, change. Anyone watching the Presidential primary debates?

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You can paint a cinder block bright pastel pink, but it's still a cinder block. (By Me.)

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Profile   Post #: 80
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