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RE: .Erasing flaws. - 1/16/2008 2:27:49 AM   
Justme696


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Joined: 1/7/2008
From: Royal kingdom of the Netherlands
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quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterFireMaam

quote:

ORIGINAL: Justme696

quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterFireMaam

I no longer wish to alter myself for someone else's approval. I wish to alter myself to make me a better person.

Master Fire


I love your remarks today , till now i agree with them all, Still i think we slightly change in relations, but we let it be..because it propably makes us better..and makes the relation better.


Right. I think I get what you mean...so let me expand on what I was trying to say in an easy quip: We are changed by everyone we meet who interacts with us in a significant way. Others have knowledge of us that we don't have...and we can use that to grow and be better...but that doesn't mean we're changing FOR them. We're changing BECAUSE of them.

Master Fire - waxing philosophical



The last sentence is exactly what I mean too, but thank you for putting it so clear.

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RE: .Erasing flaws. - 1/16/2008 4:57:42 AM   
RCdc


Posts: 8674
Status: offline 		Thank you for responding Treasure and the lovely greetings.
Our regards to FirmHand and Yourself.
 
I loved the comment on the difference between accepting and embracing.  Caused me to pause and go.."hmmm"
That's always good!
 
the.dark. 

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love isnt gazing into each others eyes - it's looking forward in the same direction

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RE: .Erasing flaws. - 1/16/2008 5:12:42 AM   
adoracat


Posts: 1779
Joined: 2/16/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Darcyandthedark 
I do not see how leaving the toilet seat up is a changable offense. And I don't get that from Kyras post at all, more that her Master understands why the toilet seat would be better down for the cats, not that she tried to change him or it makes him better.
 
I don't get the thought that a person might be better without a certain habit?  Who gets to make that choice?  Who gets to decide?
 
the.dark.

 
i had to answer this bit....
 
when i moved in with wolf, he was living in an apartment with 2 other guys.  they sat me down and told me that the CORRECT position for the toilet seat was UP and i was to put it up when i was finished.  (my response was FINE, that way i knew it wouldnt be peed on!)
 
yes, there will always be little things that get on one's nerves about the other person.   some will change, some wont.  my judgement is that i love someone as they are, and only ask them to change if THEY wish to.  me?  ask me to change if we're in a serious relationship and i might.  but i'm ok with me as i am
 
kitten

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Profile   Post #: 83
RE: .Erasing flaws. - 1/16/2008 5:22:05 AM   
Justme696


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From: Royal kingdom of the Netherlands
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quote:

they sat me down and told me that the CORRECT position for the toilet seat was UP and i was to put it up when i was finished.  (my response was FINE, that way i knew it wouldnt be peed on!)


I didn't get from the remark if you got angry about it or not? But..didn't they do this because it is normal when males are in the house? More or less it was a good habit for when you moved in.

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RE: .Erasing flaws. - 1/16/2008 5:33:35 AM   
Rover


Posts: 2634
Joined: 6/28/2004
Status: offline 		The way I view things, a "good" relationship is not based (in part) upon the inability to recognize a partner's flaws, but rather on the ability to recognize them for what they are and to accept them.
 
I do believe that the flaws inherent to submissives/slaves can become (but not necessarily so) less evident as their Dominant partner exerts control over their behavior.  That control may change the behavior in which the flaw expresses itself, but does nothing to change the underlying flaw itself. 
 
And even that is not always (frequently?) possible depending upon the flaw, and the individual.
 
John 

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RE: .Erasing flaws. - 1/16/2008 6:00:03 AM   
Justme696


Posts: 3236
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From: Royal kingdom of the Netherlands
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Rover

The way I view things, a "good" relationship is not based (in part) upon the inability to recognize a partner's flaws, but rather on the ability to recognize them for what they are and to accept them.
 

John 

And again..so true
Why focus on errors when you want to be happy together...see the nice things too

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Profile   Post #: 86
RE: .Erasing flaws. - 1/16/2008 7:27:30 AM   
fairerthanshe


Posts: 3035
Joined: 1/18/2007
Status: offline 		Greetings dark,

There is a difference between pointing out someone elses flaws and expecting them to change simply because they are now aware of them and being a support or influence as another makes the decision to change.

SJ is doing some major change work this year on himself.  Purely his choice and decision, and I will support him in any way  I possibly can.  Part of that support is being  honest with him about the progress he has made.  It does SJ no good for me to sugar coat responses or misrepresent facts in order to appear more "slaveishly devoted." 

This has been an inspired and thought provoking thread.  Thanks for posting it.

well wishes ~ fairer than she


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Recently honored with membership in the West Coast Assholes

(in reply to RCdc)
Profile   Post #: 87
RE: .Erasing flaws. - 1/16/2008 11:01:12 AM   
SugarMyChurro


Posts: 1912
Joined: 4/26/2007
Status: offline 		Many people have already said great things about compromise, growing together in relation to one another, good communication, mutual tolerance, etc. Maybe I missed this in someone else's comments, but my contribution is this:

I, as a dominant man, am always striving to improve myself. First and foremost, I dominate myself - and believe me, it's necessary! I am not omniscient, all powerful, nor perfect in any particular way. Lately I have been thinking about how we all have our own strengths, weaknesses, talents and flaws - and it is in the interplay of these characteristics that we define ourselves as who we are and what we intend to be. Discovering what these characteristics are and then exploiting or overcoming them is basically the fundamental work of one's life.

Information about one's flaws can come from any source. I don't see how it makes any difference who or what the original messenger is in this game of self-discovery. You find things out and then you act upon that information.

In my own relationship, I adopt a posture of superiority toward my partner. I am also quite a bit more dictatorial about my own wants and needs than is my slave. But that hardly means that I find her intelligent contributions to our life together unworthy of consideration - to the contrary, it is her ability to make useful contributions to our life that makes her such a prize. If flaws are discussed they are not discussed absent mutual respect for each other and our possible feelings about the subject under discussion. We don't call each other names and we both know that underlying every possibly critical word or action is the abiding commitment and deep affection that we share one for the other. If we didn't care about each other, there would be hardly any point to talking about these matters at all.

I want to be a good master, and I want her to be a good slave. And so it goes.

-----

Someone, I think the OP, mentioned something about unconditional love. For myself I don't really believe in anything like that. Life is always conditional - frankly, upon thousands of things. The best we can hope for is to be honorable about our intentions and commitments by carrying through with action. But deal-breakers do exist and there are things I won't tolerate. I am a patient man, but at the end of things I know it's my way or the highway and I do expect my wishes to be carried out for the most part.

Punishmnent is always possible as is the eventual possibility of release. I wouldn't jump to that ultimate penalty, but it's there if needed.



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Profile   Post #: 88
RE: .Erasing flaws. - 1/16/2008 11:38:18 AM   
Justme696


Posts: 3236
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From: Royal kingdom of the Netherlands
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quote:

Life is always conditional - frankly, upon thousands of things. The best we can hope for is to be honorable about our intentions and commitments by carrying through with action.


Yes, we sadly learn that in time. Well said


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Profile   Post #: 89
RE: .Erasing flaws. - 1/16/2008 11:41:41 AM   
IrishMist


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quote:

Someone, I think the OP, mentioned something about unconditional love. For myself I don't really believe in anything like that. Life is always conditional

Dayum fucking straight

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Profile   Post #: 90
RE: .Erasing flaws. - 1/16/2008 11:50:27 AM   
RCdc


Posts: 8674
Status: offline 		Wasn't me!
Unconditional love is one of those classic oxymorons.
Thanks to everyone who has posted thoughts
 
the.dark.

< Message edited by Darcyandthedark -- 1/16/2008 11:51:28 AM >

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love isnt gazing into each others eyes - it's looking forward in the same direction

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RE: .Erasing flaws. - 1/16/2008 12:05:59 PM   
SugarMyChurro


Posts: 1912
Joined: 4/26/2007
Status: offline 		My apologies, it was JuliaOceania in pst #43, here:
http://www.collarchat.com/fb.asp?m=1541590

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Profile   Post #: 92
RE: .Erasing flaws. - 1/16/2008 12:10:56 PM   
RCdc


Posts: 8674
Status: offline 		No apology needed - you rock!  But might make an interesting post hey, 'Is love conditional or unconditional'?hmmmmm....
 
the.dark.

_____________________________
RC&dc


love isnt gazing into each others eyes - it's looking forward in the same direction

(in reply to SugarMyChurro)
Profile   Post #: 93
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