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Lessening the ego - 1/15/2008 7:13:27 PM   
daddyncherry


Posts: 656
Joined: 10/9/2007
Status: offline 		Hi all, thanks in advance for your responses on this.

i am going through some internal struggles as of late, i generaly will do that and then come out on the other end with alot of clarity and happiness, though while i'm in the thralls of it, it is like a rollercoaster (and i just don't like those things)

What i am curious about is lessening my ego....NOT meaning my self-esteem...but my ego. The part of me that sometimes forgets that i am a slave and confuses myself with a girlfriend.....the part of me that gets all twisted up trying to figure out my motivation for things and if they are truly for him or for my own benefit...the .part of me that feels entitled to XYZ rather than happily accepting all that i have.

i am also not speaking of ego in any way like i have some princess complex...i don't, the closest i get to that is wanting to snuggle in my pink princess blankets.

i also know, that according to some buddist teachings, egolessness is something that is a goal...(just trying to clarify that i don't mean self esteem or self worth ...which is where i have read other ego discussions go)

So does anyone have any methods in which they dull down their own ego? (i think that the reason behind that who 3rd person speech thing is along these lines)



_____________________________

Hugs,
cherry

Walking through life, and fear with a smile on my face.
Walking directly through the eye of the hurricane...and through to the other side..without fear....realizing everything will be okay. :)

being obedient 1day at a time
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Lessening the ego - 1/15/2008 7:40:07 PM   
MadRabbit


Posts: 3460
Joined: 8/9/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: daddyncherry

So does anyone have any methods in which they dull down their own ego? (i think that the reason behind that who 3rd person speech thing is along these lines)



I won't call it so much as dulling the ego as much "realigning your mentality" or as Guy Baldwin puts it "maintaining your identity".

We tend to take on multiple identities on a daily basis in different contexts of life, whether it's "parent" or "co-worker" or "boss". It's easy to strive away from that "slave" identity or even in some cases with me, "dominant" identity.

This is one of the reasons I have certain rituals or protocols with my girls that serve really no other purpose to help keep that mentality or identity. For example, kissing my feet is a big one or the constant reference of me as "sir". The constant wearing of a collar is probably the biggest one.

While ultimately these are just simply external symbols and superficial at that, they serve the purpose of keeping the internal aspects in line.

In the end, it all comes down to the individuals and personal prefrence, but any ritual can be quite powerful in helping you remember what you are to someone.

_____________________________

Advice for New Dominants
The Unpolitically Correct Lifestyle Definitions

Obama is NOT the Messiah! He's just a VERY NAUGHTY BOY

(in reply to daddyncherry)
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RE: Lessening the ego - 1/15/2008 7:44:06 PM   
ExpressiveSoul1


Posts: 13
Joined: 8/22/2007
Status: offline 		The only thing I can suggest is to make an effort to put others desires and needs above your own personal desires.  Small actions on a daily basis that allow you to serve rather than self-serve.  Even if it as simple as delaying your own gratification, or making personal sacrifices for the benefit of others.  That being said, you need to also quell any need for acknowledgement for these acts.  Personally I think, random acts of kindness to others is a fabulous way to keep ego in check without sacrificing self-worth or self-esteem.

I don't know the dynamics or existing protocols within your relationship, so I can't really offer any specific suggestions.  Third person speech does objectify a person and can help to lessen their awareness as an individual, so I wouldn't disagree with your thought that it is along the lines of what you seek.  Perhaps others have more ritualistic suggestions than I do.

I wish you luck on this journey and look forward to hearing of the outcome.

(in reply to daddyncherry)
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RE: Lessening the ego - 1/15/2008 7:49:15 PM   
daddyncherry


Posts: 656
Joined: 10/9/2007
Status: offline 		Thanks MR,

There are certain things that i do for him such as washing his back every morning that help me feel more centered as a slave....being a slave is my only real state of being, since i am a stay at home slave...and i do wear a collar all the time, but sometimes i just loose sight of what it should all be about.

It kinda boils down to some "wants vs.needs" type issues....i have learned that alot of what i used to think i NEEDED i really only wanted....Then the other part of the issue is motivation behin actions (on my part and in trying to understand him as well)....

i don't know if i am making sense here at all....but thank you for the suggestions


_____________________________

Hugs,
cherry

Walking through life, and fear with a smile on my face.
Walking directly through the eye of the hurricane...and through to the other side..without fear....realizing everything will be okay. :)

being obedient 1day at a time

(in reply to MadRabbit)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Lessening the ego - 1/15/2008 7:54:33 PM   
MadRabbit


Posts: 3460
Joined: 8/9/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: daddyncherry

Thanks MR,

There are certain things that i do for him such as washing his back every morning that help me feel more centered as a slave....being a slave is my only real state of being, since i am a stay at home slave...and i do wear a collar all the time, but sometimes i just loose sight of what it should all be about.

It kinda boils down to some "wants vs.needs" type issues....i have learned that alot of what i used to think i NEEDED i really only wanted....Then the other part of the issue is motivation behin actions (on my part and in trying to understand him as well)....

i don't know if i am making sense here at all....but thank you for the suggestions



Nah, it makes perfect sense and it's actually a pretty normal issue and a normal problem. Even if your solely a stay at home slave, you can't expect to be completely focused all the time. People are just hot some days and cold others.

I would suggest that when you feal your identity start drift or as you put "lose sight on what it's all about", then put your hand on your collar and try to think about what exactly that symbol around your neck means.

Edited to Add : You are already a head of the game because you are self aware.

< Message edited by MadRabbit -- 1/15/2008 7:55:45 PM >

_____________________________

Advice for New Dominants
The Unpolitically Correct Lifestyle Definitions

Obama is NOT the Messiah! He's just a VERY NAUGHTY BOY

(in reply to daddyncherry)
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RE: Lessening the ego - 1/15/2008 7:55:42 PM   
CuriousLord


Posts: 3911
Joined: 4/3/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: daddyncherry

i am also not speaking of ego in any way like i have some princess complex...i don't, the closest i get to that is wanting to snuggle in my pink princess blankets.

i also know, that according to some buddist teachings, egolessness is something that is a goal...(just trying to clarify that i don't mean self esteem or self worth ...which is where i have read other ego discussions go)

So does anyone have any methods in which they dull down their own ego? (i think that the reason behind that who 3rd person speech thing is along these lines)


I'm not so sure what's wrong with where you're at.

The Buddists are weak, you know.  Their teachings, their idealogy.. it's all very romantic to some, but it's neither practical nor healthy.  (Nor really all that intelligent.)

At a time, I respected their calm nature.  Now I see it's just a calm, a shallow contemplation which now seems deep to weakened perceptions, not some grand enlightened path but an illusion.

Ego, to me, is a driving force. It has me reach for new limits and heights.  If I gave it up?  Why, certainly, it would be easy!  Hell, it's hard to maintain at times.  But where would I be?  Some weak fool sitting in a room by himself, humoring the notion that what I would feel would be some sort of grand existence?  Couldn't I just go ahead and smoke a lot of pot to think that and spare my nuerons the slow decay of atrophy?

(in reply to daddyncherry)
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RE: Lessening the ego - 1/15/2008 8:11:57 PM   
TallDarkAndWitty


Posts: 1893
Joined: 6/12/2004
From: Rochester, NY
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: daddyncherry

i don't know if i am making sense here at all....but thank you for the suggestions


You are making complete sense, and your effort is highly comentable!  You have embraced the concept of being owned, of being a slave.

Others have made great suggestions.  Ritualize your daily routine, make each action have some significance to your service.  Find that place where everything you are belomgs to him, and create rituals for yourself that bring you back there as often as possible.

Slavery is not a passive activity.  You can not just wait for him to move you...you must constantly work to make his life better.  Take one day and dedicate 5 minutes of every hour to writing down things that make him happy.  On the next day, dedicate 10 minutes of every hour on doing some of those things.  Center yourself on your service to him, internalize that idea.

Your post made me smile a smile I have not smiled in a while.  Congratulations on your own self-actualization.

Taggard


_____________________________

A most rewarding compliment is an insult from the ill-informed.


My slave: Kat (RainaVerene on the other side) and her website: RainaVerene.com

(in reply to daddyncherry)
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RE: Lessening the ego - 1/15/2008 8:15:53 PM   
TallDarkAndWitty


Posts: 1893
Joined: 6/12/2004
From: Rochester, NY
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CuriousLord

Ego, to me, is a driving force.


As it should be.  Yet, for others that sense of self is best when used in service to another.  Some are wired to give their very souls to their owner, and can not find happiness any other way.

Taggard


_____________________________

A most rewarding compliment is an insult from the ill-informed.


My slave: Kat (RainaVerene on the other side) and her website: RainaVerene.com

(in reply to CuriousLord)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Lessening the ego - 1/15/2008 8:20:29 PM   
JDEmpath


Posts: 34
Joined: 1/5/2008
Status: offline 		You will know when you have found your way out of the ego when you no longer care about the outcome of what it is that you are seeking. That is truly living in this moment.

When there is no judgement, there can be neither bad nor good, only simple experience.

Here is an exercise...

You and your mate should sit together, look at each other, and visualize yourselves 300 years from now.



(in reply to daddyncherry)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Lessening the ego - 1/15/2008 8:21:28 PM   
dcnovice


Posts: 37282
Joined: 8/2/2006
Status: offline 		<hijack>

quote:

The Buddists are weak, you know.


I don't know, actually. Those monks in Myanmar didn't strike me as weak.

</hijack>

< Message edited by dcnovice -- 1/15/2008 8:40:10 PM >

_____________________________

No matter how cynical you become,
it's never enough to keep up.

JANE WAGNER, THE SEARCH FOR SIGNS OF
INTELLIGENT LIFE IN THE UNIVERSE

(in reply to CuriousLord)
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RE: Lessening the ego - 1/15/2008 8:28:06 PM   
daddyncherry


Posts: 656
Joined: 10/9/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ExpressiveSoul1

The only thing I can suggest is to make an effort to put others desires and needs above your own personal desires.  Small actions on a daily basis that allow you to serve rather than self-serve.  Even if it as simple as delaying your own gratification, or making personal sacrifices for the benefit of others.  That being said, you need to also quell any need for acknowledgement for these acts.  Personally I think, random acts of kindness to others is a fabulous way to keep ego in check without sacrificing self-worth or self-esteem.

I don't know the dynamics or existing protocols within your relationship, so I can't really offer any specific suggestions.  Third person speech does objectify a person and can help to lessen their awareness as an individual, so I wouldn't disagree with your thought that it is along the lines of what you seek.  Perhaps others have more ritualistic suggestions than I do.

I wish you luck on this journey and look forward to hearing of the outcome.


Ty and great suggestions...i usually don't set out about things in a self serving way, and am the type that is natually more apt to put others needs or wishes befor my own...so that isn't difficult. As for random acts of kindness, i do try that as well, my Daddy told me a long time ago to do an exercise where i smile at the people i interact with in the world and think and wish good thoughts for them for their day...he told me to see how i feel at the end of the day...and of course you always end up feeling better for all of the positive stuff you are putting out.

Living without acknowledgement in that  is the hardest part....i don't mean for each and every little thing....but my Daddy is not Mr. Acknowledgement....he will however do very sweet things for me and i am assuming there is something to be said in that.

We are very low protocol....so we don't have rituals to speak of....and with his work as of late it is even more difficult....my only regular ritual things are washing his back in the morning...getting his coffee and maybe breakfast...setting out our dinner and making his chocolate milk and cookie late at night....that's about it as far as ritual and protocol.

Thank you.


_____________________________

Hugs,
cherry

Walking through life, and fear with a smile on my face.
Walking directly through the eye of the hurricane...and through to the other side..without fear....realizing everything will be okay. :)

being obedient 1day at a time

(in reply to ExpressiveSoul1)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Lessening the ego - 1/15/2008 8:29:01 PM   
dcnovice


Posts: 37282
Joined: 8/2/2006
Status: offline
quote:

So does anyone have any methods in which they dull down their own ego?


I look in the mirror. Never fails.

_____________________________

No matter how cynical you become,
it's never enough to keep up.

JANE WAGNER, THE SEARCH FOR SIGNS OF
INTELLIGENT LIFE IN THE UNIVERSE

(in reply to daddyncherry)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Lessening the ego - 1/15/2008 8:31:32 PM   
sexyred1


Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: dcnovice

quote:

So does anyone have any methods in which they dull down their own ego?


I look in the mirror. Never fails.


I could not dull down my own ego if I tried. I guess I am a baaaaaaaad submissive.

(in reply to dcnovice)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Lessening the ego - 1/15/2008 8:35:33 PM   
dcnovice


Posts: 37282
Joined: 8/2/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sexyred1

quote:

ORIGINAL: dcnovice

quote:

So does anyone have any methods in which they dull down their own ego?


I look in the mirror. Never fails.


I could not dull down my own ego if I tried. I guess I am a baaaaaaaad submissive.


My technique might not work with your mirror.

_____________________________

No matter how cynical you become,
it's never enough to keep up.

JANE WAGNER, THE SEARCH FOR SIGNS OF
INTELLIGENT LIFE IN THE UNIVERSE

(in reply to sexyred1)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Lessening the ego - 1/15/2008 8:36:10 PM   
daddyncherry


Posts: 656
Joined: 10/9/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: TallDarkAndWitty


You are making complete sense, and your effort is highly comentable!  You have embraced the concept of being owned, of being a slave.


Thank you very much.
quote:

ORIGINAL: TallDarkAndWitty

Others have made great suggestions.  Ritualize your daily routine, make each action have some significance to your service.  Find that place where everything you are belomgs to him, and create rituals for yourself that bring you back there as often as possible.


See this is something i have wanted to do for awhile, in some way....he however is kind of against me having structure, wanting instead for me to have freedom..which makes it difficult for me.....i do attempt to put something of him in all that i do.

quote:

ORIGINAL: TallDarkAndWitty
Slavery is not a passive activity.  You can not just wait for him to move you...you must constantly work to make his life better.  Take one day and dedicate 5 minutes of every hour to writing down things that make him happy.  On the next day, dedicate 10 minutes of every hour on doing some of those things.  Center yourself on your service to him, internalize that idea.



That is a great idea....the 5 and 10 min ideas...wonderful ideas.
i have learned over the past 9 months or so that it is not passive, although before that i thought i was topping from the bottom to do things without him expressly saying so (like sitting at his feet for example)...The only problem is, there are a few things that he has had me do on occasion in the past....Example: peeing in a  bowl....doing chores with cuffs on....spending time centering by laying on the spanking horse......If i do these things without him telling me to do them, they don't have near the impact and sometimes NONE...because they are being done of my own volition and he is no part of it....would be like spanking myself or something...So then i don't do them and wish that i could.

quote:

ORIGINAL: TallDarkAndWitty
Your post made me smile a smile I have not smiled in a while.  Congratulations on your own self-actualization.

Taggard



Thank you again, very much and i am glad that i could make you smile.


_____________________________

Hugs,
cherry

Walking through life, and fear with a smile on my face.
Walking directly through the eye of the hurricane...and through to the other side..without fear....realizing everything will be okay. :)

being obedient 1day at a time

(in reply to TallDarkAndWitty)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Lessening the ego - 1/15/2008 8:37:30 PM   
daddyncherry


Posts: 656
Joined: 10/9/2007
Status: offline 		LMFAO......

That was just great....but i think then you'd be talking about a whole different thing...still funny as all hell.


_____________________________

Hugs,
cherry

Walking through life, and fear with a smile on my face.
Walking directly through the eye of the hurricane...and through to the other side..without fear....realizing everything will be okay. :)

being obedient 1day at a time

(in reply to dcnovice)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Lessening the ego - 1/15/2008 8:39:57 PM   
sexyred1


Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: dcnovice


quote:

ORIGINAL: sexyred1

quote:

ORIGINAL: dcnovice

quote:

So does anyone have any methods in which they dull down their own ego?


I look in the mirror. Never fails.


I could not dull down my own ego if I tried. I guess I am a baaaaaaaad submissive.


My technique might not work with your mirror.


Nope, it would not work with my mirror for sure.

(in reply to dcnovice)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Lessening the ego - 1/15/2008 8:43:14 PM   
daddyncherry


Posts: 656
Joined: 10/9/2007
Status: offline 		Good advice, very deep and it will take me some time to wrap my head around it...but i can sort of get your meaning.

As for the exercise lol...i can't see that happening, but thanks anyway :)


_____________________________

Hugs,
cherry

Walking through life, and fear with a smile on my face.
Walking directly through the eye of the hurricane...and through to the other side..without fear....realizing everything will be okay. :)

being obedient 1day at a time

(in reply to JDEmpath)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Lessening the ego - 1/15/2008 8:43:20 PM   
Bound2One


Posts: 614
Joined: 1/11/2008
Status: offline 		Unfortunately, I don't have any words of wisdom for you since I am going through some changes myself lately and find myself asking similar things.  I did want to say 'thank you' to you for asking this question.  Master helps me work through these sorts of issues a great deal and is very patient in discussing them with me.  It's also nice to know that I'm not alone in 'slave land.'    

(in reply to daddyncherry)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Lessening the ego - 1/15/2008 8:46:51 PM   
Bound2One


Posts: 614
Joined: 1/11/2008
Status: offline
quote:

i have learned over the past 9 months or so that it is not passive, although before that i thought i was topping from the bottom to do things without him expressly saying so (like sitting at his feet for example)...The only problem is, there are a few things that he has had me do on occasion in the past....Example: peeing in a bowl....doing chores with cuffs on....spending time centering by laying on the spanking horse......If i do these things without him telling me to do them, they don't have near the impact and sometimes NONE...because they are being done of my own volition and he is no part of it....would be like spanking myself or something...So then i don't do them and wish that i could.


Just a thought - would your Master be amenable to creating a monthly chart for you on which he assigns you one (or however many) 'centering' activity per day?  Perhaps you could perform the activity on that day and then write a report for him which you could submit daily/monthly or whatever?  This way if he's too busy to focus on assignments each day due to work, you already have your calendar and know that you have to report in to him. 

(in reply to daddyncherry)
Profile   Post #: 20
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