Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

RE: Lessening the ego


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: Lessening the ego Page: <<   < prev  2 3 [4] 5 6   next >   >>
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
RE: Lessening the ego - 1/16/2008 9:30:22 AM   
daddyncherry


Posts: 656
Joined: 10/9/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: charlotte12

Hehe, once again you sound just like me.

Hehehehe...we GOTTA stop doing that or we need to have that slumber party :) (we totally missed Santa tho )
quote:


Just wanted to say that the cake idea sounds like a really good one. I saw how excited you were about making them and how much time and energy you put into it. I also like the idea of golf or skating lessons.


Yeah the cake things is AWESOME for me...The golf thing and skating, although i have a great time with both, are definitely more geared toward actually doing/being with him.
quote:


See from everything you say it sounds like you have lots of ideas of ways to keep yourself focused and busy but it sounds like you are waiting for permission or direct orders to do them. However, it seems you already have permission and encouragement. Try telling yourself every morning that today you are going to find at least one thing to do that shows appreciation and gratitude for the freedom your Daddy has chosen to give you.

Great way to put it! i like that alot, i can internalize that! And i don't have an issue so much with keeping busy and such, although i want to get a job so that it will take up my time and fill some social needs, as well as learning what it is to be out there in the world....It is my ego as i stated in my above response to MistressVnus....the thread kinda got a bit off track..




The rest of you post is defintiely stuff for me to think on too.

Thx and don't work too hard


_____________________________

Hugs,
cherry

Walking through life, and fear with a smile on my face.
Walking directly through the eye of the hurricane...and through to the other side..without fear....realizing everything will be okay. :)

being obedient 1day at a time

(in reply to charlotte12)
Profile   Post #: 61
RE: Lessening the ego - 1/16/2008 9:43:47 AM   
charlotte12


Posts: 471
Joined: 5/9/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: daddyncherry


my BIGGEST reason for this post was trying to figure out how to happily take away my ego...the ego that feels entitled to things, the ego that can be hurt by things and within that trying to figure out if the things i feel entitled to are NEEDS that i must have met or things that are wants that i can live without.




Ah yes, yet again you remind me of me!! lol. But what's really new about that?

I am defintely working on that as well. I feel entitled to things somethings too and then remember that i don't want to have those rights. I don't actually have advice for this one as i haven't figured it out yet myself. Personally i just try to remind myself that as much as i may want x or y i want to be Master's slave even more and i am in fact grateful to him that i don't have the right to demand anything of him. As a human being i have the right to certain things but i also have the right to chose to give up those freedoms. It can be hard but it is also rewarding as i see him pushing me past my limitations and ideas of what i thought i could be to become the person i've always wanted to be. But tha'ts just me. Not sure what will work for you.

hugs and kisses,

charlotte


_____________________________

Stephan's slaveling

"I'm not superior, I'm just more important." Master (Stephann)

"When you are your freest self, who are you?" Jack Rinella

(in reply to daddyncherry)
Profile   Post #: 62
RE: Lessening the ego - 1/16/2008 9:45:29 AM   
TallDarkAndWitty


Posts: 1893
Joined: 6/12/2004
From: Rochester, NY
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: daddyncherry

Hehehehe...we GOTTA stop doing that or we need to have that slumber party :)


*fap fap fap*


_____________________________

A most rewarding compliment is an insult from the ill-informed.


My slave: Kat (RainaVerene on the other side) and her website: RainaVerene.com

(in reply to daddyncherry)
Profile   Post #: 63
RE: Lessening the ego - 1/16/2008 9:49:02 AM   
ownedgirlie


Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline 		From an onlooker to this thread, I want to say Thank you, Taggard, for imparting some of your wisdom here.  You said some things that were helpful for me to read this week. 

(in reply to TallDarkAndWitty)
Profile   Post #: 64
RE: Lessening the ego - 1/16/2008 9:54:15 AM   
charlotte12


Posts: 471
Joined: 5/9/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: daddyncherry

quote:

ORIGINAL: charlotte12

Hehe, once again you sound just like me.

Hehehehe...we GOTTA stop doing that or we need to have that slumber party :) (we totally missed Santa tho )

I know!!! Well we'll have to find Santa next year. And yes we definitely still have to do the slumber party. :)


The rest of you post is defintiely stuff for me to think on too.

Thx and don't work too hard

Hehe, as you can tell i'm definitely not. I keep checking out cm between shuffling papers and ....well...shuffling papers. :P



_____________________________

Stephan's slaveling

"I'm not superior, I'm just more important." Master (Stephann)

"When you are your freest self, who are you?" Jack Rinella

(in reply to daddyncherry)
Profile   Post #: 65
RE: Lessening the ego - 1/16/2008 9:56:03 AM   
daddyncherry


Posts: 656
Joined: 10/9/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ownedgirlie

From an onlooker to this thread, I want to say Thank you, Taggard, for imparting some of your wisdom here.  You said some things that were helpful for me to read this week. 


i second that He got to the heart of what i was getting at completely.


_____________________________

Hugs,
cherry

Walking through life, and fear with a smile on my face.
Walking directly through the eye of the hurricane...and through to the other side..without fear....realizing everything will be okay. :)

being obedient 1day at a time

(in reply to ownedgirlie)
Profile   Post #: 66
RE: Lessening the ego - 1/16/2008 10:02:50 AM   
ownedgirlie


Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline 		I'm very glad you asked the question.  At a time when I thought I had already learned what I needed to about losing the "ego" (the part of ego you are speaking of), I realized I have a bit more to go.  I watched this thread with interest and appreciate the dialogue you had.

(in reply to daddyncherry)
Profile   Post #: 67
RE: Lessening the ego - 1/16/2008 10:05:34 AM   
daddyncherry


Posts: 656
Joined: 10/9/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ownedgirlie

I'm very glad you asked the question.  At a time when I thought I had already learned what I needed to about losing the "ego" (the part of ego you are speaking of), I realized I have a bit more to go.  I watched this thread with interest and appreciate the dialogue you had.


Aww ty and i am very glad i could put something up that was helpful....i was kinda hoping when i saw that you had posted that you would have some wisdom too, as i learn alot from reading your posts and your mindset.


_____________________________

Hugs,
cherry

Walking through life, and fear with a smile on my face.
Walking directly through the eye of the hurricane...and through to the other side..without fear....realizing everything will be okay. :)

being obedient 1day at a time

(in reply to ownedgirlie)
Profile   Post #: 68
RE: Lessening the ego - 1/16/2008 10:15:16 AM   
MistressVnus


Posts: 1036
Joined: 1/4/2008
From: Central Florida
Status: offline
quote:

i am almost sure there would be some changes down the road at some point...He mentioned teaching me freedom before removing the freedoms (or something of that nature)..but, if i were to bring it up in an actual discussion it would only serve to annoy him.


Then I am sure my first guess is probably correct.  That he wanted you to identify this NEED for structure for yourself, without having it imposed on you from the get-go.  I still think, however, he would be pleased to hear you discuss with him how you have identified this need for structure.  Or, more acutely, you have identified the need to feel the tightening of his ownership.  I think you are second guessing him when you decide it would annoy him.  Unless he actually said that prior.  I may be misinterpreting your statement above, as your perception, only.  Personally, I hate for my slaves to second guess my reaction to something that hasn't been set as an absolute.  But, that's just me.
If he didn't actually state to you that a discussion up the road regarding your needs would annoy him, take the risk.  And if he doesn't want to hear it, he will let you know.  However, if he dismisses your conversation, don't think for a minute he hasn't heard you...*chuckle*

Good luck and I would be interested in knowing how it all turns out.

And, your very welcome regarding previous comments.


_____________________________

In the ties that bind,
Mistress Venus
http://www.mistressvenus.com

"I'm not IN the lifestyle. The lifestyle is in Me!"

(in reply to daddyncherry)
Profile   Post #: 69
RE: Lessening the ego - 1/16/2008 10:16:12 AM   
Mercnbeth


Posts: 11766
Status: offline
quote:

So does anyone have any methods in which they dull down their own ego? (i think that the reason behind that who 3rd person speech thing is along these lines)

 
cherry,
 
here's a great thread that touches on what you brought here to discuss: 
the lessening of the ego, or the losing of the "self" to an identity that embodies and expresses only the owner's desires/needs/wants, is very difficult and non-desirous for many...on both sides of the slash.
 
the 3rd person speech restriction this slave uses is most helpful.
 
striving to remove "I", "me", "mine" and "my", from this slave's speech, writing AND focus of attention has helped tremendously and was something she had never considered before Master demanded it.
 
Master is not referrred to as "my" Master, because He isn't owned, and since we didn't do the boyfriend/girlfriend or otherwise vanilla relationship thing, there is no conflict in this slave's mind.
 
good luck!!!

(in reply to daddyncherry)
Profile   Post #: 70
RE: Lessening the ego - 1/16/2008 10:17:26 AM   
Justme696


Posts: 3236
Joined: 1/7/2008
From: Royal kingdom of the Netherlands
Status: offline
quote:

And if he doesn't want to hear it, he will let you know.  However, if he dismisses your conversation, don't think for a minute he hasn't heard you...*chuckle*


I know from experience, it will stay in his head even longer  ;)


ps. nice quote block


_____________________________

~Been there, done that, got the t-shirt

(in reply to MistressVnus)
Profile   Post #: 71
RE: Lessening the ego - 1/16/2008 10:22:44 AM   
TallDarkAndWitty


Posts: 1893
Joined: 6/12/2004
From: Rochester, NY
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressVnus
Personally, I hate for my slaves to second guess my reaction to something that hasn't been set as an absolute.  But, that's just me.


For what it's worth, I am the same way.   This is one of two things my slave does that drives me up a wall.  The other is when she does what she thinks I want instead of what I tell her to do.    I don't expect those to serve me to read my mind...I do expect them to ask me if they have questions and to do what I tell them to do.  Is that so hard???

Taggard


_____________________________

A most rewarding compliment is an insult from the ill-informed.


My slave: Kat (RainaVerene on the other side) and her website: RainaVerene.com

(in reply to MistressVnus)
Profile   Post #: 72
RE: Lessening the ego - 1/16/2008 10:23:22 AM   
MistressVnus


Posts: 1036
Joined: 1/4/2008
From: Central Florida
Status: offline 		Ain't that the truth....

Hey, and I got the quote block right!!  LOL  Again, thanks.


_____________________________

In the ties that bind,
Mistress Venus
http://www.mistressvenus.com

"I'm not IN the lifestyle. The lifestyle is in Me!"

(in reply to Justme696)
Profile   Post #: 73
RE: Lessening the ego - 1/16/2008 10:24:13 AM   
TallDarkAndWitty


Posts: 1893
Joined: 6/12/2004
From: Rochester, NY
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Mercnbeth
Master is not referrred to as "my" Master, because He isn't owned


I love this!!!  That is really awesome, beth!

Taggard


_____________________________

A most rewarding compliment is an insult from the ill-informed.


My slave: Kat (RainaVerene on the other side) and her website: RainaVerene.com

(in reply to Mercnbeth)
Profile   Post #: 74
RE: Lessening the ego - 1/16/2008 10:33:28 AM   
daddyncherry


Posts: 656
Joined: 10/9/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressVnus

I still think, however, he would be pleased to hear you discuss with him how you have identified this need for structure.  Or, more acutely, you have identified the need to feel the tightening of his ownership.  I think you are second guessing him when you decide it would annoy him.  Unless he actually said that prior. 


He doesn't like to repeat anything and he doesn't need me to mention things to him, i do know that it is annoying to him...He throws the ball to me and i either catch it immediately or i have to go chase it down and figure out how to bring it back on my own...without discussion...and my actions will speak louder and be less annoying that any words that i could attempt to speak.

quote:


Personally, I hate for my slaves to second guess my reaction to something that hasn't been set as an absolute.



Yes, he doesn't like me to "think for him"...but i have learned by "stepping in it" waaay to many times, that i should keep my mouth shut and just do and be.

< Message edited by daddyncherry -- 1/16/2008 10:34:07 AM >

_____________________________

Hugs,
cherry

Walking through life, and fear with a smile on my face.
Walking directly through the eye of the hurricane...and through to the other side..without fear....realizing everything will be okay. :)

being obedient 1day at a time

(in reply to MistressVnus)
Profile   Post #: 75
RE: Lessening the ego - 1/16/2008 10:37:02 AM   
charlotte12


Posts: 471
Joined: 5/9/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: TallDarkAndWitty

quote:

ORIGINAL: Mercnbeth
Master is not referrred to as "my" Master, because He isn't owned


I love this!!!  That is really awesome, beth!

Taggard



I always feel wierd when i say "my" Master too and try to just say Master instead. But i hadn't realized why i felt weird about it. The worst is when i can't think of any better way to refer to him in front of Vanilla friends than "my boyfriend."

charlotte (who is sometimes so slow.....)


_____________________________

Stephan's slaveling

"I'm not superior, I'm just more important." Master (Stephann)

"When you are your freest self, who are you?" Jack Rinella

(in reply to TallDarkAndWitty)
Profile   Post #: 76
RE: Lessening the ego - 1/16/2008 10:40:23 AM   
daddyncherry


Posts: 656
Joined: 10/9/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Mercnbeth


Master is not referrred to as "my" Master, because He isn't owned, and since we didn't do the boyfriend/girlfriend or otherwise vanilla relationship thing, there is no conflict in this slave's mind.
 
good luck!!!


beth,

Thank you for your post and the link, i will definitely go check that out....i thought the idea of 3rd person speech might be helpful, though i know i wouldn't be allowed to do it around my Daddy..he would not approve of it by any means...

As for the quote above, i do refer to him as my Daddy and he will tell me that he is my Daddy...but he did tell me at the onset that this was a one-way ownership...soooo basically what you said. :)  We didn't do the actual boyfriend/girlfriend thing either, but he did tell me that the first year he was just going to let me be Daddy's little(slave)girl....i didn't quite understand that then, only thinking it refered to whether he would share me or not, but maybe now that we are approaching our 2nd "collarversary" i am now being a slave in a different sense.

edited to add: After reading charlotte's post....

i know it is odd to refer to him as my boyfriend...but i think that is part of the problem too...the fact that i do and it gets muddled....

i do refer to him as Mr. Man sometimes which is a bit different without calling too much attention...my family and friends all get what we are into so i can just refer to him by name with them.

He refers to me as his girlfriend, his chick, the chick or "my girl"


< Message edited by daddyncherry -- 1/16/2008 10:47:44 AM >

_____________________________

Hugs,
cherry

Walking through life, and fear with a smile on my face.
Walking directly through the eye of the hurricane...and through to the other side..without fear....realizing everything will be okay. :)

being obedient 1day at a time

(in reply to Mercnbeth)
Profile   Post #: 77
RE: Lessening the ego - 1/16/2008 10:40:40 AM   
MistressVnus


Posts: 1036
Joined: 1/4/2008
From: Central Florida
Status: offline 		Yes, it is one of my biggest pet-peeves.  First of all, it usually prevents communication I WANT to hear.  Second, their perceptions need to be challenged and if they never take the risk of bringing something up, then the mis-perceptions can't be identified.  Hence, we come to a stuck-point in training.
Sometimes a slave is their own worst enemy and can create a self-inflicted misery of their own.
The need to "please, or should I say, the "fear" of displeasing, often prevents them from communicating things that are essential.
As you said, you don't expect them to read your mind.  Likewise, I'm not a mindreader. 
However, I'm working on that!! *chuckle*



_____________________________

In the ties that bind,
Mistress Venus
http://www.mistressvenus.com

"I'm not IN the lifestyle. The lifestyle is in Me!"

(in reply to TallDarkAndWitty)
Profile   Post #: 78
RE: Lessening the ego - 1/16/2008 10:43:29 AM   
Justme696


Posts: 3236
Joined: 1/7/2008
From: Royal kingdom of the Netherlands
Status: offline
quote:

The worst is when i can't think of any better way to refer to him in front of Vanilla friends than "my boyfriend."


Does he mind that? I always loved that when my girl called me that.


_____________________________

~Been there, done that, got the t-shirt

(in reply to charlotte12)
Profile   Post #: 79
RE: Lessening the ego - 1/16/2008 10:44:08 AM   
charlotte12


Posts: 471
Joined: 5/9/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressVnus

Sometimes a slave is their own worst enemy and can create a self-inflicted misery of their own.
The need to "please, or should I say, the "fear" of displeasing, often prevents them from communicating things that are essential.





Contemplates printing this out and repeating it to herself every day. I do this all the time and Master is working to change it in me.

Ok, i really really need to stop posting so much and go do some other stuff.

Thanks cherry for starting this thread. It has gotten me thinking a lot. :)

charlotte


_____________________________

Stephan's slaveling

"I'm not superior, I'm just more important." Master (Stephann)

"When you are your freest self, who are you?" Jack Rinella

(in reply to MistressVnus)
Profile   Post #: 80
Page:   <<   < prev  2 3 [4] 5 6   next >   >>
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: Lessening the ego Page: <<   < prev  2 3 [4] 5 6   next >   >>
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.109