Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

RE: Lessening the ego


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: Lessening the ego Page: <<   < prev  2 3 4 [5] 6   next >   >>
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
RE: Lessening the ego - 1/16/2008 10:45:23 AM   
charlotte12


Posts: 471
Joined: 5/9/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Justme696

quote:

The worst is when i can't think of any better way to refer to him in front of Vanilla friends than "my boyfriend."


Does he mind that? I always loved that when my girl called me that.



He doesn't mind because he knows that in certain situations it's hard to avoid. But he is not my boyfriend and i am not his girlfriend so it just feel so wrong.


_____________________________

Stephan's slaveling

"I'm not superior, I'm just more important." Master (Stephann)

"When you are your freest self, who are you?" Jack Rinella

(in reply to Justme696)
Profile   Post #: 81
RE: Lessening the ego - 1/16/2008 10:58:48 AM   
CalifChick


Posts: 10717
Joined: 10/28/2007
From: California
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: charlotte12

The worst is when i can't think of any better way to refer to him in front of Vanilla friends than "my boyfriend."


Have you asked him how he wants you to refer to him?  I am partial to "my One", but I'm kinda quirky like that.  And it, uh, differentiates my One from my Two.   

Cali


< Message edited by CalifChick -- 1/16/2008 11:02:23 AM >

_____________________________

AKA "The Undisputed Goddess of Sarcasm", "Big Bad Cali" and "Yum Bum". Advisor to the Subbie Mafia, founding member of the W.A.C. and the Judgmental Bitches Brigade, member of the Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair-a's and Team Troll

(in reply to charlotte12)
Profile   Post #: 82
RE: Lessening the ego - 1/16/2008 11:00:32 AM   
Justme696


Posts: 3236
Joined: 1/7/2008
From: Royal kingdom of the Netherlands
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: charlotte12

quote:

ORIGINAL: Justme696

quote:

The worst is when i can't think of any better way to refer to him in front of Vanilla friends than "my boyfriend."


Does he mind that? I always loved that when my girl called me that.



He doesn't mind because he knows that in certain situations it's hard to avoid. But he is not my boyfriend and i am not his girlfriend so it just feel so wrong.



I understand, yes weird then. They don't know about your relation, the friends? The kind of relation I mean of course.


_____________________________

~Been there, done that, got the t-shirt

(in reply to charlotte12)
Profile   Post #: 83
RE: Lessening the ego - 1/16/2008 11:02:35 AM   
Mercnbeth


Posts: 11766
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: charlotte12

quote:

ORIGINAL: TallDarkAndWitty

quote:

ORIGINAL: Mercnbeth
Master is not referrred to as "my" Master, because He isn't owned


I love this!!!  That is really awesome, beth!

Taggard



I always feel wierd when i say "my" Master too and try to just say Master instead. But i hadn't realized why i felt weird about it. The worst is when i can't think of any better way to refer to him in front of Vanilla friends than "my boyfriend."

charlotte (who is sometimes so slow.....)



charlotte,
 
when this slave is talking to His parents about Him, she calls Him "Your son"
with His offspring ---"Your father"
with this slave's mother ---"the most wonderful man currently walking this earth"
with Vanilla's --- this slave uses His first name with no possesive pronoun required
 
hope that helps!!!
 
 
ps....thanks, Taggard!!!

(in reply to charlotte12)
Profile   Post #: 84
RE: Lessening the ego - 1/16/2008 11:08:16 AM   
Justme696


Posts: 3236
Joined: 1/7/2008
From: Royal kingdom of the Netherlands
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Mercnbeth

quote:

ORIGINAL: charlotte12

quote:

ORIGINAL: TallDarkAndWitty

quote:

ORIGINAL: Mercnbeth
Master is not referrred to as "my" Master, because He isn't owned


I love this!!!  That is really awesome, beth!

Taggard



I always feel wierd when i say "my" Master too and try to just say Master instead. But i hadn't realized why i felt weird about it. The worst is when i can't think of any better way to refer to him in front of Vanilla friends than "my boyfriend."

charlotte (who is sometimes so slow.....)



charlotte,
 
when this slave is talking to His parents about Him, she calls Him "Your son"
with His offspring ---"Your father"
with this slave's mother ---"the most wonderful man currently walking this earth"
with Vanilla's --- this slave uses His first name with no possesive pronoun required
 
hope that helps!!!
 
 
ps....thanks, Taggard!!!



that is both natural aswell brilliant


_____________________________

~Been there, done that, got the t-shirt

(in reply to Mercnbeth)
Profile   Post #: 85
RE: Lessening the ego - 1/16/2008 11:14:51 AM   
daddyncherry


Posts: 656
Joined: 10/9/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Mercnbeth


charlotte,
 
when this slave is talking to His parents about Him, she calls Him "Your son"
with His offspring ---"Your father"
with this slave's mother ---"the most wonderful man currently walking this earth"
with Vanilla's --- this slave uses His first name with no possesive pronoun required
 
hope that helps!!!
 
 
ps....thanks, Taggard!!!



beth,

That is excellent! i love it


_____________________________

Hugs,
cherry

Walking through life, and fear with a smile on my face.
Walking directly through the eye of the hurricane...and through to the other side..without fear....realizing everything will be okay. :)

being obedient 1day at a time

(in reply to Mercnbeth)
Profile   Post #: 86
RE: Lessening the ego - 1/16/2008 11:57:45 AM   
Prinsexx


Posts: 4584
Joined: 8/27/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: daddyncherry

Hi all, thanks in advance for your responses on this.

i am going through some internal struggles as of late, i generaly will do that and then come out on the other end with alot of clarity and happiness, though while i'm in the thralls of it, it is like a rollercoaster (and i just don't like those things)

What i am curious about is lessening my ego....NOT meaning my self-esteem...but my ego. The part of me that sometimes forgets that i am a slave and confuses myself with a girlfriend.....the part of me that gets all twisted up trying to figure out my motivation for things and if they are truly for him or for my own benefit...the .part of me that feels entitled to XYZ rather than happily accepting all that i have.

i am also not speaking of ego in any way like i have some princess complex...i don't, the closest i get to that is wanting to snuggle in my pink princess blankets.

i also know, that according to some buddist teachings, egolessness is something that is a goal...(just trying to clarify that i don't mean self esteem or self worth ...which is where i have read other ego discussions go)

So does anyone have any methods in which they dull down their own ego? (i think that the reason behind that who 3rd person speech thing is along these lines)



The only reference i have ever read that lifted my understanding of the role of the ego is:
Tolle, E., (2002). Practicing the Power of Now New World Library
especially with regard to self and other.
And for myself there is no confusion between the role of ego and girlfriend.....or a confusion between the role of ego and slave....as it is simply the role of my ego to determine the difference and to keep stable the difference between the two.
Tolle's main thesis is that in the moment, in the now, all ego confusion is diminished.
i am a woman and therefore female and therefore 'girl' (in the non newly co-opted bdsm sense) and i come out of slavery each and everytime He allows frank and equal discussion of limits, roles, predilections, dynamics. That is not to say that i will have a role in the decisions taken over those things but simply that He allows discussion of them. For which i am grateful. i am girlfriend to many. Slave to only one.
Just because i am a slave does not mean i am stupid or unstable and i am aware (as that is also a function of my ego) that it is indeed my clarity, and or confusion, my subservience and or my servility, my stability and or my transition, my friendship and or my opposition which are some of theose aspects of me which He wants to own.
He wants my entirety not just my holes.
And it is within my entirety that my ego plays the games, defends my old, invites the new, ponders my past, imagines the future and pays for the roller coaster ride.
i am hoping he finds my ego as fascinating as my ability to squirt.
So girlfriend: I hope that helps.

Prinsexx

PS and i call Him darling, or darling Master, or sweetheart, or Paul or Mister, like a husband type signifier, (which is what i prefer as i love the wording of Mistress as Misus too) depending upon the games my ego is getting up to. To my friends he is Paul. To my best girlfiends he is oh-yes-the-same-one-you-know-the-one-who-blows-my-mind-shall-
we-have-a-good-bottle-of-wine-
amd-i-can-tell-you-more-would-you-like-to-see-the-weal-marks-
on-my-arse-one.
To the kids He is also my boyfriend.
He calls me hon or slut or whore or fuckin slut or bitch and so on through the Wipipedia of terms depending on what his ego is up to.
I have never seen one, tasted one or licked one during deep intimacy as far as i know, but i suspect i have bowed down to quite a few egos before understanding that beyond such a simple Latin word there is deep intimacy and joy.
PPS i do have a princess complex though hence the name with some sex and womanhood thrown in


< Message edited by Prinsexx -- 1/16/2008 12:14:42 PM >

(in reply to daddyncherry)
Profile   Post #: 87
RE: Lessening the ego - 1/16/2008 12:14:16 PM   
MistressVnus


Posts: 1036
Joined: 1/4/2008
From: Central Florida
Status: offline
quote:

He throws the ball to me and i either catch it immediately or i have to go chase it down and figure out how to bring it back on my own...without discussion...and my actions will speak louder and be less annoying that any words that i could attempt to speak.


This is what that statement tells me.....
Well, now wer're getting to the heart of the matter and it would seem to me the whole story has not been told.  What I just got from that was that he has given you structured things to do in the past.  You balked.  Now you are feeling the freedom from his grip and not liking it.  AND, you've not figured a way to bring the ball back.  And, perhaps you are finding that your "ego" and inability to be humble is preventing you from doing the groveling that needs to be done.  Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmm......
Hence, your thread to try and find ways to get around the whole thing.  *chuckle*

Just my mind ticking to myself.


_____________________________

In the ties that bind,
Mistress Venus
http://www.mistressvenus.com

"I'm not IN the lifestyle. The lifestyle is in Me!"

(in reply to daddyncherry)
Profile   Post #: 88
RE: Lessening the ego - 1/16/2008 12:52:36 PM   
daddyncherry


Posts: 656
Joined: 10/9/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressVnus

quote:

He throws the ball to me and i either catch it immediately or i have to go chase it down and figure out how to bring it back on my own...without discussion...and my actions will speak louder and be less annoying that any words that i could attempt to speak.


This is what that statement tells me.....
Well, now wer're getting to the heart of the matter and it would seem to me the whole story has not been told.  What I just got from that was that he has given you structured things to do in the past.  You balked.  Now you are feeling the freedom from his grip and not liking it.  AND, you've not figured a way to bring the ball back.  And, perhaps you are finding that your "ego" and inability to be humble is preventing you from doing the groveling that needs to be done.  Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmm......
Hence, your thread to try and find ways to get around the whole thing.  *chuckle*

Just my mind ticking to myself.



Wow! No no no LOL you couldn't be any further off base here with what you inferred from what i wrote....wow....funny how language is.

What i mean by him throwing me the ball ...He will give me some lesson....or some idea of a lesson and then without discussion (or without my understanding if there is discussion alot of the time) i have to figure it ALL out by myself. i am allowed to ask questions of other people to try to understand but not to ask him...He says what he says...in whatever way he says it and if i don't get it then it is on me (kinda like if i were in school....i'd have to ask classmates or whatever but the teacher said it and that is it)

So for me to catch the ball is if i understand it off the bat....Sometimes this happens but it is VERY rare.

If i don't catch the ball then i have to go chase it down.....all around....sometimes give up chasing it only to continue again trying to get it....eventually i find it....and carry it back....and only then...my ACTIONS will speak...he will see me playing with the ball but he doesn't want me to tell him that i found it....what i went through to find it....or how i ultimately got it.

As for my ego and the groveling part...i don't think he'd like that all that much...and it isn't that i have some hugemongous ego....it just kind of happens and it's like "Whoa, where did that come from?"...if anything my ego gets in the way most of all when i feel hurt....

And no, he never gave me any structure AT ALL (atleast that i am aware of )....i would defintely not balk at it.


_____________________________

Hugs,
cherry

Walking through life, and fear with a smile on my face.
Walking directly through the eye of the hurricane...and through to the other side..without fear....realizing everything will be okay. :)

being obedient 1day at a time

(in reply to MistressVnus)
Profile   Post #: 89
RE: Lessening the ego - 1/16/2008 12:58:43 PM   
ownedgirlie


Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: daddyncherry


Aww ty and i am very glad i could put something up that was helpful....i was kinda hoping when i saw that you had posted that you would have some wisdom too, as i learn alot from reading your posts and your mindset.



Thank you, cherry.  Taggard posted reminders of my own thoughts on the subject, and I don't have much to add at this time, as I am mulling over some of my own feelings.  When I truly put him first, above myself, and above everything, I feel blissful.  And yet, when he does something that causes me pain or angst, I struggle with remembering the things I already know.  This thread has been a great reminder.  I wouldn't feel pain if I were putting him first, right?  Since I am still processing some issues, it's good to remember those lessons which I thought I had nailed down already.

(in reply to daddyncherry)
Profile   Post #: 90
RE: Lessening the ego - 1/16/2008 12:59:54 PM   
ownedgirlie


Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: daddyncherry
...if anything my ego gets in the way most of all when i feel hurt....


Wow, you were reading my mind when I was posting, lol.

(in reply to daddyncherry)
Profile   Post #: 91
RE: Lessening the ego - 1/16/2008 1:04:22 PM   
ownedgirlie


Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: charlotte12

I always feel wierd when i say "my" Master too and try to just say Master instead. But i hadn't realized why i felt weird about it. The worst is when i can't think of any better way to refer to him in front of Vanilla friends than "my boyfriend."

charlotte (who is sometimes so slow.....)



That's why I typically refer to him as Mr. Wonderful or Master.  But when I do say "my Master" it's not in a form of ownership any more than referring to him as "my Love" or "my Darling".  It's just an endearing term.  I am referring to the one who Masters me and owns me.  When I refer to "my parents" I'm not saying I own them, same as "my brothers and sister" or "my friends".  I believe the word "my" does not always represent ownership; it's simply what something is or represents to me, or the manner in which they fill my world.

(in reply to charlotte12)
Profile   Post #: 92
RE: Lessening the ego - 1/16/2008 1:09:28 PM   
Prinsexx


Posts: 4584
Joined: 8/27/2007
Status: offline 		I've enjoyed this thread as it seems to have highlighted for me at least the differentiation between behavioural mastery and submission and psychological mastery and submission.
For me submission is possibly 70% psychological as that is where my struggles lie.
Physically I can take a great deal more and then it is as if my ego tries to catch up with what happened. I assume it is because as a child constant, ever present physical deprivation predominated and i just absorbed it physically in the way a child does without any sense of relativity.
I have a huge capacity for physical humiliation and pain and if i my ego was really able to see the whole of me, as someone else might, as perhaps a therapist might, if i had one lol, then it might be a hard job for them to piece together how a 'me' was constructed, wherein most struggle is psychologial and not physical. Look: i am tough, work hard and physically play even harder. My sister once wrote a poem abut me and about how my face doesn;t show a trace.......of the past torments of my body mopr indeed the torments of my soul......but behind my eyes maybe if you can get close enough...........
yes 'i 'understand how 'i' have to 'go figure' as well, as 'i' always had to and probably always will......the only time the 'i' melts is when 'i' kind of turn on that empathy switch.......

(in reply to daddyncherry)
Profile   Post #: 93
RE: Lessening the ego - 1/16/2008 1:12:01 PM   
daddyncherry


Posts: 656
Joined: 10/9/2007
Status: offline 		Prinsexx,

Not that i am ignoring your post...but i am a bit dense sometimes so i don't quite get it.

i do sort of understand the NOW thoughts....i perused the book "Living with the Power of Now" last year....

i'm not sure if your thoughts on ego are the same ones that i am trying to get at (tho they may be, and i may just be thick)..

When i refer to ego, in this thread specifically....i am talking about the motivations behind my actions....what makes me do what i do, which is for him and which is for myself.....and trying to lessen my ego so that it doesn't get in the way of the realtionship and so that i am not as sensitive to aspects that may not be slights to me, but they hurt, because my ego is involved saying "But, but, hey you, you are entitled to X"




_____________________________

Hugs,
cherry

Walking through life, and fear with a smile on my face.
Walking directly through the eye of the hurricane...and through to the other side..without fear....realizing everything will be okay. :)

being obedient 1day at a time

(in reply to Prinsexx)
Profile   Post #: 94
RE: Lessening the ego - 1/16/2008 1:12:29 PM   
TallDarkAndWitty


Posts: 1893
Joined: 6/12/2004
From: Rochester, NY
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ownedgirlie
I wouldn't feel pain if I were putting him first, right?  Since I am still processing some issues, it's good to remember those lessons which I thought I had nailed down already.


The proper state of mind is not something that is acheived and then forever maintained.  It must be worked on each and every day, and even then there will be days where that mindset will be unachievable.

Pain is not a bad thing or a good thing...it is simply a sign of change.  If you are hurting, check what has changed in your life...are you no longer putting his wants before your wants?  Or has something else changed.  Use the pain as a "check engine" light and investigate the root cause.  Too many times we strike out in anger or frustration when we feel hurt.  Take a moment, figure out why you are hurting and only then address the issue.

I feel like I am writing a slave self-help book! 

Taggard


_____________________________

A most rewarding compliment is an insult from the ill-informed.


My slave: Kat (RainaVerene on the other side) and her website: RainaVerene.com

(in reply to ownedgirlie)
Profile   Post #: 95
RE: Lessening the ego - 1/16/2008 1:17:31 PM   
daddyncherry


Posts: 656
Joined: 10/9/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ownedgirlie
I wouldn't feel pain if I were putting him first, right? 


There is alot said in that little question there....hmmmm points to ponder....

And Taggard? Can i  please get an autographed copy of the book when it comes out? LOL


_____________________________

Hugs,
cherry

Walking through life, and fear with a smile on my face.
Walking directly through the eye of the hurricane...and through to the other side..without fear....realizing everything will be okay. :)

being obedient 1day at a time

(in reply to ownedgirlie)
Profile   Post #: 96
RE: Lessening the ego - 1/16/2008 1:18:41 PM   
ownedgirlie


Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: TallDarkAndWitty
I feel like I am writing a slave self-help book! 

Taggard



Ha!  You are creating great karma for yourself.

I know why the pain exists.  Putting him first sometimes means working through what I believe are some emotional needs.  It is a rather big challenge, which I continue to work on dealing with.  But I don't want to hijack cherry's thread...just wanted to appreciate your words.

(in reply to TallDarkAndWitty)
Profile   Post #: 97
RE: Lessening the ego - 1/16/2008 1:55:15 PM   
daddyncherry


Posts: 656
Joined: 10/9/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ownedgirlie

quote:

ORIGINAL: TallDarkAndWitty
I feel like I am writing a slave self-help book! 

Taggard



Ha!  You are creating great karma for yourself.

I know why the pain exists.  Putting him first sometimes means working through what I believe are some emotional needs.  It is a rather big challenge, which I continue to work on dealing with.  But I don't want to hijack cherry's thread...just wanted to appreciate your words.


Nooo worries about hijacking...that is a very good point for this....getting through what "you/i" believe are emotional needs...it is a HUGE challenge and very difficult to change the perspective on when you are in the throngs of it...then sometimes all it takes is some small thing to switch your perspective and you can't understand how you didn't see if before.

Like your little question about that i quoted a couple posts back....that is important....and some of the stuff that Taggard made points of last night.


_____________________________

Hugs,
cherry

Walking through life, and fear with a smile on my face.
Walking directly through the eye of the hurricane...and through to the other side..without fear....realizing everything will be okay. :)

being obedient 1day at a time

(in reply to ownedgirlie)
Profile   Post #: 98
RE: Lessening the ego - 1/16/2008 2:00:14 PM   
Mercnbeth


Posts: 11766
Status: offline 		hope you don't mind this slave using your words, ownedgirlie, but it speaks to the crux of the issue for this slave:
 
quote:

...the manner in which they fill my world.


as someone who enthusiastically entered into a relationship where any remaining sense of ego or self would be stripped away over time and replaced with the identity of Master's slave, "my" world came to an end.
 
as soon as this slave became Master's, it was all about His world, or as He refers to it: Our world.   upon surrender of self and all posesssions to Him, accepting the speech restrictions was a part of the process of becoming His slave.
 
as a posession, removing the words "I", "me", "mine" and "my" from vocabulary because they are now inappropriate, doesn't just entail substituting "this slave's" for those particular words.
 
this slave endeavors to refer to Mom as Mom.  leaving out the posessive pronoun doesn't cause anyone confusion as to who this slave is talking about.  same goes for the offspring, siblings or friends---they aren't "mine"---they belong to themselves and have really cool names, which get used often instead of "my" daughter or "my" son.
 
it has been a long process~this slave still gets to talking too fast and "I" and "my" just pop out, even talking with Master!!!  it's easier to edit your speech in the written form, but it can be very mind wrenching to do it out loud.
 
and Master likes mind wrenching.  a lot.

(in reply to ownedgirlie)
Profile   Post #: 99
RE: Lessening the ego - 1/16/2008 2:47:25 PM   
tricia


Posts: 231
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ownedgirlie

From an onlooker to this thread, I want to say Thank you, Taggard, for imparting some of your wisdom here.  You said some things that were helpful for me to read this week. 


quote:

I'm very glad you asked the question.  At a time when I thought I had already learned what I needed to about losing the "ego" (the part of ego you are speaking of), I realized I have a bit more to go.  I watched this thread with interest and appreciate the dialogue you had.  


I've been having this issue, as well.  The worst part has been feeling so bad about it but not knowing how to stop it.  And even, at times, questioning everything I am.  Cherry, I can relate to the roller coaster ride, I often call it spiraling. In my case, it's never very pretty or productive. I managed to exasperate my Master to the point that he finally told me to get over myself.  And now I know what he meant.  Thanks again for the thread.
 
tricia

(in reply to ownedgirlie)
Profile   Post #: 100
Page:   <<   < prev  2 3 4 [5] 6   next >   >>
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: Lessening the ego Page: <<   < prev  2 3 4 [5] 6   next >   >>
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.109